I (28F) think I've hit rock bottom. I've been best friends with K (27F) for 14 years now, and have been in love with her for 11 of them. We have a long history, she's gotten me through a lot, and I truly owe her everything I am today. We actually went to the same college, but there was never really a good time for me to confess. She's aggressively workaholic, and has always been laser focused on her work, so telling her that her best friend who, at the time had a minor drug problem, is in love with her wasn't fair.
I always thought when we graduate I'll tell her and she'd at least give me a chance. Everything happened way too fast next, this guy J (28M now, 24M then) asked her out, fuck knows why but she said yes. He was her exact opposite, didn't work, always drunk, can't hold down a job, gets into fights, and is extremely controlling. At the time she believed and I quote "he's always mad because he has been treated poorly by everyone". At the time K and I lived together, but J moved in with her after 6 months so I left, and then he stopped working altogether. She'd still been adamant that he's misunderstood and "needs someone to believe in him".
He got emotionally abusive first, would break things and shout when she's late, if she got mad he'd apologize like his life depends on it and she'd forgive him. At the time K didn't share any of this, and why would she I hated the guy. She wasn't allowed any "friends" because if she loves him she doesn't need "anyone else". Nonetheless, K told him he has to get used to me, but other than that, she slowly withdrew from everyone. Things got bad in an year, he forced himself on her and ultimately begged her to forgive him. That's the first time I was told about the behind-the-scenes of this relationship. I told her to leave him, but she's stupidly fucking kind, so she forgave him. Fast forward to two years ago, he got physical, she got scared, left him and came to my apartment. When she explained what happened I got livid and went to tell him to pack his bags, it was stupid and irrational but at the time, I was completely done with this. I went there and he threw some shit at me which became the formal end of their relationship as I got (a little) hurt. Everything in her apartment is monitored (his idea, fuck knows why), so it was decided that he'd never show us his face again given that we let this go. She then moved in with me, and she's been in therapy ever-since.
There are things that I don't know about their relationship, but slowly, she's shutting down. Nothing has happened since then. She was great the first few months, but it's been a year and she's shut down. We have the best living arrangements, nobody comes to our place as she gets anxious, I don't ask her to go out or anything, she goes to work and comes back, I do all the grocery runs, I keep things exactly the way she wants (she's extremely neat), I even learned to cook because she's not a take-out kind of person. I don't know what I've done wrong, she doesn't even talk to me. I don't ask her anything about the past, I don't even flirt or joke around with her anymore, I don't touch her because I don't want her to feel like someone else is intruding her space, fuck I even sit away from her. Sometimes when I get home, I see her talking to her younger sister S (23F), that's the only time she seems like her old self. Most nights I hear her cry in her room, but she never talks to me. We're both in the tech sector and she's fucking brilliant, so we used to discuss work a lot. Now? absolutely nothing. I feel like I'm more in love with her now, and she doesn't even want me as a friend anymore. A month ago, K, out of absolutely nowhere, got me a date with her colleague (L) because I should "live my life". She's well aware I don't date, and she knows I hate being set up. But I was desperate to talk to her, so I went on this stupid date, and told L I'm in love with someone else. We had a great dinner, and that was it. When I got back home, I was about to tell her how it went but she "isn't interested". I feel done, I'm thinking of telling her everything and then just going our separate ways. I've always been content with just being her friend, but this resentment of hers towards me is killing me. What should I do? What can be done?
TLDR:
I'm in love with my best friend of 14 years and she's acting resentful towards me for no reason. I don't know what to do.
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