While it might have been a friendship in the beginning, it has turned into tolerating her existence for the sake of entertainment.
I [30F] met this girl [27F] a few years ago and we quickly formed a connection. We shared a common interest and she seemed friendly and approachable, always with a big smile on her face. Not gonna lie, we have had some good memories together.
Time has shown that there was nothing but vapidity behind that Hollywood smile. She's the laziest, most entitled person I've ever met, but I have never even insinuated that in front of her. Found her first real job at 27 (saying real because she did some light manual labor for around a week before that) and was spending her parent's money while cosplaying as a student. She has officially been a student for a long, long time, with no diploma in sight. And her failure has never been her fault. Either the exams were extremely hard or the professor hated her. She would try to convince me that she had actually been studying hard for the exam, just to give up and not show up. Apparently taking accountability wasn't one of the classes. I know she's full of shit because I graduated from the same Uni in my early twenties while maintaining a few part-time jobs and having a beyond messed up situation at home. Meanwhile, she did absolutely nothing with her life, aside from watching anime and mooching off her parents and friends. Just to make it perfectly clear, she didn't have trouble finding a job; she didn't even try.
My husband and I always paid for her food and drinks, without complaining. Her way of showing gratitude was very peculiar. So, we are not doing very well financially right now and she started working a few months ago. One of the first things she said upon arriving to our house party the other day was: "Look at this poverty! You're rolling your own cigarettes!" I'm not anyone's doormat, but I pick my battles because confrontation exhausts me. Basically, if I value you, you will know how I feel. If I don't really respect you, I will let it slide because your opinion is irrelevant. This doesn't apply to random strangers being rude to me or my loved ones, then I have no problem arguing or even getting in a physical altercation. My stance is that making fun of someone's poverty or looks is hitting the rock bottom and an undeniable proof of moral destitution.
It became obvious to me that this girl was deeply unsatisfied with her life and therefore tried to boost her self-esteem by putting others down and sabotaging them. I like bragging about my little sister because she is a prodigy in her field and my friend responded very condescendingly: "Well, at least you have a bachelor's degree." The same bachelor's degree she's been "trying" to obtain for the past 8 years. When I was trying to quit smoking, she kept convincing me that I wouldn't be able to do it. I did continue smoking, but what is more important: you getting some weird, borderline sadistic satisfaction from predicting the future or supporting your friend in making a positive change? When I decided to pursue a Master's degree because I wanted to have another purpose in life aside from work, she said the stupidest thing I've ever heard: "There are much better ways to spend your time". When I informed her I started dating someone online, while revealing nothing or very little, she violently expressed her view that it was delusional and doomed to fail. That man became my husband.
I believe there are more failures than successes in an average person's life. Sometimes there is only one way to succeed and a million ways to fail. If you randomly guess "fail", that will most likely be the correct answer, but statistics doesn't make you wise. She is one of those people who proudly say "I told you so", even when she hasn't backed up her opinion with a coherent explanation.
I think she finds great joy in her more successful friends being degraded. Petty stuff, but here it is. We were out and I was dressed pretty gym-y because I was in the middle of moving and had almost no clothes at my current place. She gave me a t-shirt, that was nice. Two older men approached us and the one I had the pleasure to talk to had some nasty remarks about my looks, commenting on the way I was dressed and touching my stomach. I removed myself from the situation asap. She said nothing, but continued to flirt with the other grandpa she clearly wasn't interested in. Once we were on Omegle and the random stranger we were talking to told me something like: "Shut up, I wanna talk to your pretty friend". She took that as a compliment and laughed. Yet, when another random Omegler insulted her (possibly something about her looking way older), I lost my shit and yelled at the guy.
She is also an incredibly terrible listener, but can talk your ear off. Once I was sharing a secret I'd kept from her for years because it was kind of a touchy subject, when she cut me off and started talking about something random. I would say her emotional and social intelligence are extremely low. She also doesn't know how to choose her audience and introduce the other person to her passion (anime). I don't watch it, but she talks about it like I'm an expert, going into specific details, quoting characters in Japanese, which I don't understand. Even my other friend, who also loves anime, was confused and uncomfortable talking to her. The other friend was also telling me about anime, but in a very mature way, letting me actually relate to some topics and compare them to shows I watch. I was able to have a conversation and develop some curiosity, instead of listening to a half an hour podcast.
It's almost impossible to have a deep conversation with her due to her superficiality and lack of understanding. She's very quick to dismiss someone's feelings and even quicker to give unsolicited advice, which is kinda funny because she hasn't struggled a day in her life and has a very limited experience with relationships. I don't think she's intellectually disabled, but definitely emotionally stunted, as if she hasn't aged a day past high school. Add some maliciousness stemming from insecurities to the mix and you get the whole picture.
tl;dr A grown friend is acting disrespectful and immature
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* This article was originally published here
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