A couple days ago me (23F) and my boyfriend (25M) just ended our long distance relationship. Just to give a background information we met on a dating app back at 2020, we had communication on a daily basis, and we began meeting each other in person in early 2022. Since then, we met each other a couple times, mostly him visiting me to my country, until December 2022 (our last trip).
Along the way we had a lot of arguments. I caught him once talking too over-friendly with a girl friend back from his uni - he denies it at first, telling me that he was just saying happy birthday to her, but long story short the chat was more than that. He got a bit nostalgic, used a lot of emojis on his chat - which made me jealous and disappointed. A couple weeks before coming over to my country to see me for the first time, he was also traveling to several countries as well and this is where the other problems start to arise. He also met a girl during this trip - in which he exchanged IG and phone number, but when I confronted him about it about this girl, he proceeded to block me from all of his social medias. I was reluctant to meet him at this point, but he apologized and convinced me to 'meet for the weekend to see where things go', since we've been together for almost 2 years. Even a couple days before meeting me, and even after I finally bought my tickets, after unblocking me there's another girl on his IG (which he said she was the one wanting to take pictures with him since he's a tourist), in which I was feeling extremely devastated. Months after, during our trip at his home country, and also after meeting his family too, I also found out that he's been talking to an ex coworker that he had, and he's been maintaining the chat, intensely and on a personal level, with her for over 6 months. They were exchanging photos with each other, even on the point after meeting me for the first time. He said he was sorry. In the last couple months, he'd also mention a specific female work colleague at his current place a lot of times, even meeting 1-on-1 for drinks, cycling trips etc, and he'd tell me to be okay with this new boundary of his.
I hold on to all these issues all along, since there's always a new girl everywhere he goes, until to a certain point I can't take it anymore and I became explosive. I'd throw temper tantrums, cry, and it shatters both of us. I, myself, has never felt this much "rage" and I kept being permissive since he kept giving me reassurance that none of these events will ever going to happen again. At times of angry, sometimes I'd also sometimes become shut myself down - I won't respond to anything that he'd say/ask, sometimes I'd walk out. Sometimes he'd walk out too, leaving me.
After these events I began to realize I became more interrogative, overthink, having more trust issues especially when he's out, and I do bring up these past events in arguments, which I know must've hurt him too in the process.
Weeks later after our last trip, which was a couple days ago, he finally came to a conclusion that we should break up because I'm still the same person and how I also cannot take his new boundaries that he wants to feel free in the relationship. Hours later after we broke up, he removed me from all social medias I know, except for WhatsApp. Which is justifiable due to breaking up, but then I realized there's a girl that he follows right after removing all the traces of us. It broke me to pieces.
Need advice(s).. What I should do?
TL;DR! What should I do after LDR breakup
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