31, F, in an LDR with 30, M since a year almost. We live in India. He dropped out of college and has been trying to establish himself in the food business with limited success. I'm a doctor with 2 degrees, looking to earn my 3rd. Our qualification and career mismatch, his slight lack of refinement and imperfect command of English were reasons that made me hesitate to get into a relationship in the beginning, otherwise we had very similar minds, hearts, views and long term goals. I told him about my hang ups- he promised to work on getting a remote career and a degree or 2 before we can "get serious"- officially tell our families etc. The dating pool and open minded people are non existent where we live before you berate us for contemplating a seemingly incompatible pairing. I was hesitant the first few months- we live 3 hours apart by road, get to see each other approx once in 2 weeks and don't have many common hobbies or interests to make a lot of solid conversation besides playful stuff.
At 3 months of dating I fell sick once when he was visiting, he took a day off and stayed to look after me and that made me realize that the way he cares for me is far more valuable in a partner and cannot be easily found and I committed to him mentally. It's been a fun year with many good memories made together but I've been a bit scared to grow and pursue my goals in the fear of leaving him behind. He is my closest friend and confidante. We are each other's best friends- two sensitive introverts who've opened up to each other.
I've determined to be more disciplined this year and I already see a difference. He has again agreed to recommit to finding a remote career and achieve financial stability so that we can "go forward". I DO NOT want to end up being the sole/ major bread winner in this relationship. We both are spendthrift and enjoy good things- so without good careers we'll soon end up in the streets. The expectation to have a better career and education seem reasonable on the surface- but is it too much to ask of him or unfair to him? I'm starting to feel "reality biting" coz he hasn't been motivated to do much this past year. A deadline was set- within this year, if no progress is made, likely to break up in 2024.
Tl;dr: I suddenly feel like a bad person coz maybe my love is conditional. I don't know!!
Wise counsel please?
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