I've been in an open relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years Insider
* This article was originally published here
Saturday, April 15, 2023
Friday, April 14, 2023
Just a vent about jealousy
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I recently started playing a game with his friend and his girlfriend and it feels like my boyfriend is prioritizing her fun over mine.
Hi all, this post is mostly just me venting into the void that is reddit. I know that the feelings I’m having are irrational and I don’t have anyone to talk them over with. I don’t feel it’d be appropriate to talk them over with my boyfriend because in reality, he didn’t do anything wrong. No one did. My brain is just screaming at me to over analyze and to be angry.
For context my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and we’ve been living together for about a year, about to move into another apartment together. I’ve always had jealousy issues, it’s something I’m deeply ashamed of but that I cannot seem to get rid of. I will just ruminate and ruminate until I blow up over something incredibly minor. And I know, that is in no way healthy for either of us.
My boyfriend ( George ) and I recently started playing a game together with my boyfriend’s friend ( Sage ) and his girlfriend ( Lola ). My boyfriend and I have been playing this game for a while before Sage and Lola joined our group, we’re honestly kind of both sweats when playing but we made it into a routine where we’d both play together every night and it’s been a lot of fun.
Just a few days ago Sage asked to join our team and Lola tagged along. Of course we said yes because we’ve been wanting to have a four man team for a while and it’d be lots of fun. Well since they started playing with us, I honestly haven’t had any fun. This is because my boyfriend has been fixating on making sure Lola is having fun. We’ve played close to 20 games together and I survived maybe 2 of them. I was constantly dying at the beginning of the game, and it became pretty clear that it was due to Lola’s mistakes.
For more context, the game is called Dead by Daylight and consists of 4 survivors having to escape a killer. Lola was constantly alerting the killer to her location when I was near, saying that she was in chase with the killer when I was, and bringing the killer to me when I was hidden. But while I’m dead or dying on the hook, my boyfriends constantly telling Lola where the killer is so she isn’t found, healing her immediately, taking hits and chases over for her and just overall making sure that Lola always survived. Overall he was choosing to help Lola, even in situations when she didn’t need any help, over me.
This combined with the fact that he wasn’t talking to me and when I would talk, he wasn’t listening. Like straight up, was not listening to anything I said. I know he wasn’t because I called out multiple things I noticed about a particular killer ( perks, add-ons ) and then when we got to the end game chat ( where it shows you all of the killers perks and add-ons ) he started listing them and started talking about how he didn’t know he had any of those perks or add-ons and how it would have been useful to know.
She also was dying laughing at everything my boyfriend would say. I swear to god my boyfriend said “Beep beep boop” and this girl was lmaoing in real life. It got to the point where Sage even made a joke that my boyfriend was trying to steal his girl. And my boyfriend didn’t deny it, he just said something along the lines of “you should try to be funnier sometime.”
So something that used to be my bonding time with my boyfriend is now something I barley get to enjoy. Aside from the jealousy, it’s not fun to play a game where I’m always dead at the start. Anyways, I know none of this really matters but I just needed to talk it out. If you read all of this thank you, it means a lot just to be listened to for a minute.
Names have been changed to protect privacy.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, April 13, 2023
My(20M) parents make me feel so useless, branding me as "lazy" and "never helping without being asked", they threaten to kick me out if I don't put in the same work as them, I feel so angry and lost.
I 18 (M) have been living at home as of October 2022 and was expecting to attend uni at the start of march of 2023, up until that point my parents were cordial with me, but do to my residency status causing me to halt my attendance, at the same time I attended a 2 week to attain a security license, but since march I have not been able to land a job since, I believe it was around the time where I finished my security license is when their snide comments and nagging began.
idk how to get it through to them that these comments are incredibly damaging to me, its like for 18 years I did not even know these people, for example when I say that I still have ADHD they just say "oh you've gotten over that", like they were not there when my behavioral specialist did not tell them that I my focus and attention will not be the same as if i had Adderall, which I had to give due to financial reasons. following this they say that i always say that i say I'm tired as an excuse to dodge work.
but i don't think I'm lazy like they say, ever since immigrating i had to do my own immigration paper work at the age 15 (bcs she said that i can read and write so i should be able to do it) and worked in their corner shop/bodega ever since the age of 8 (I was that stereotypical Asian kid studying in the corner) where at that point we've just been in the country for 2 years and she did not speak a lick of English , and my father was working from 2 am to 4pm, and for what time he was there mom did not trust him with the til as he would charge 50 cent for a something that costed 50 dollars, as he would be more involved with conversing with the customer then making the sale, this made me the sole cashier, order taker for when catering order came in and the milk boy, having to wake up at 6:30am to balance 5 2L milk bottle on a razor scooter as i barreled down a hill and made my way back up. during this time my only free time was school from 9am to 3pm. after 4 years of this my mother said that the work was too tiring at the time i stupidly begged her for us to stay because i began to actually make close friends by grade 10 which up until that point i didn't have a life where most of the kids in my school knew me as the corner shop kid, but she would put me down saying that i never helped her enough.
the boiling point which drove me to make this post began last Friday (6 days prior to this post) where we began work on our backyard work the house which includes shoveling hardened clay from a prior dig site that they buried asbestos panels under and wheel barrowing that to pack the retainer wall with the wheel barrow being about 200L , as they didn't want to spend money to buy dirt, i did not mind this work for first 6 days, and did my work diligently from 8.30am to 4pm(this would later be a point of contention), when i was working they did not say much to me but would always make comments to "pick up the pace" when i was eating or having a break. come today i was going to start work earlier at 10am she agreed for me to start then i missed this time and start at 11 and began digging at which point i sat down and stopped as i was light headed and could not continue so i head inside, and an say to her that ill dig for her tomorrow at which point she blew up at me saying that "if i don't work nothing gets done" and "you're always tired", where in a mix of lightheadedness and built up resentment i blew up at her initiating a 2hr screaming match between me and her where i told her i did nothing over the long weekend and that i have not been lazy and have been forgoing party with friends, to which she responds (idk how to translate this ) "are you daring me? if you go , go for a month", "if you are not sick then you can work", "im a woman and your 18 Man you should be able to do 3x my work" and "if you don't work tomorrow, don't eat", idk what her problem are i think she have bi-polar disorder but she refuse therapy for it as she site it costing too much and and mental illness not being real.
idk what to do i really have no option to move out, plus when i get back to school my degree will take 3 years and i might have to repeat a year if i fail the medical test, idk what she is doing but she said she wont pay the mortgage anymore in 5 years and give 50% of the asset to me (the other half belonging to my step-father) as well as the debt in a trust, but i don't trust (sorry for the pun) her word, as this has not been spoken to my stepfather yet. and he does not have a trustworthy record with money as he withdrew around 100k from his 401k/ superannuation and a personal loan at the same time which he claimed to gambled away but i believe that he actually gave it to his 3 kids from his past marriage, at the end of the financial year that year he was taxed and asked to return the principal which amounted to 180k making us sell our apartment in my home country.
sorry if this had been posted before but i need a place to vent, some opinions from the internet would be greatly appreciated
tl;dr parents expectation of being not lazy is matching their work hour for hour, i want to move out but rent, school and work do not align.
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* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, April 12, 2023
i (25f) need advice on how to make up for missing my boyfriend's (28m) birthday trip due to COVID last moment?
My bf (28m) and I (25f) have been planning a trip for his birthday this weekend for a while. We've invited all his close friends along and they're flying in today so all of us could travel together from here tomorrow.
Unfortunately, I was feeling sick and feverish for the past 2 days and got a COVID test, and received my positive results today. I feel crushed, because i wouldn't be able to join in on the trip now. My boyfriend is really sad and says the trip doesn't make any sense without me, but I'm still encouraging him to go because all the bookings have been made and all his friends will be here soon. If he stays back, i anyway would still be in isolation on the day of his birthday. I want him to enjoy himself, but he keeps saying it won't be fun, but i know he'll end up going as right now there's not really any alternative.
I want to make it up to him by giving him a nice surprise. I most probably would recover by the time he's back from the trip, so i could meet him at the station when he comes back, or surprise him in a different way. I really need suggestions for what i could do so that he feels special.
For background information, we've been dating for just over a year. I'll be leaving for my Master's abroad in a few months, so this was supposed to be a special trip. I feel really upset and i would love to make him feel better in some way. Any suggestions are welcome
Tl;dr - have to cancel bf's bday trip due to COVID, want advice on how to do something special for him to make up for it.
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, April 11, 2023
Monday, April 10, 2023
Why Would A Woman (18F) Be Shy Around Me (19M) and Me Specifically?
I (M19) have been friends with this one girl (F18) for since we were young kids and I think I'd be interested in pursuing something romantic with her. Problem is, she's become much more shy and reserved around me. This wasn't really a sudden thing, it's been the case for the last few years. I'm not a particularly big or intimidating man, and it's not like we've had any kind of falling out or negative interactions. And Ive been very close with her family for practically as long as Ive known her. And she's still bubbly and talkative around her girl friends and even her other male friends. Should I be concerned about this?
TLDR: A girl I'd like to pursue something with is shy around me even though we've been friends for a long time. Should I be concerned?
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, April 9, 2023
I 24(M) am falling in love with 34(F) who is unattainable, help
TLDR; we met through my work which strictly does not permit friendships nor anything more with clients. Also we have 10 year age gap. We’ve already broken the rules by spending lots of time together outside work. The feelings seem mostly reciprocated but then she seems to feel bad about the nature of it all and I do too. I need help :(
I (24M) am personality wise much closer to someone 30+ and get along better with this age group than my own. This person (34F) I met through work which strictly forbids any relationship outside work so I’ve already fucked up because we’ve already gone to dinner a ton, been clubbing, etc. together and every second I spend with her further grows my attraction. It’s not even sexual attraction (yet) I am just in love with her personality and her beautiful smile and everything about her as a person. I can tell she likes me to a good degree but she gets messed up when she thinks about our age gap because she flirts with me and then brings up the age gap verbally and it’s obvious. I want to tell her it means nothing to me. But it does because she wants kids and l’ve barely thought about that. Also the premise of how we met is an issue. We both have similar trauma in our pasts which furthers the emotional connection. She stopped altogether bringing her on/off bf up and I’m too afraid to ask about him, she seems to be inviting me to things instead. Everytime together (nothing inappropriate or sexual has happened) feels so right, more than with anyone else I’ve dated or even met. What tf do I do? I cannot get her out of my head. She’s beautiful. I don’t hunk of her sexually (yet) and I feel so awful but I cannot make progress dating others since my last relationship because they wrent her. I want her so badly. I just want to lay with her and be with her with our dogs. It’s not sexual. She’s my perfect life partner tbh. I’ve tried to get the crush gone but is not working. Any advice? Thanks
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* This article was originally published here
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