I 18 (M) have been living at home as of October 2022 and was expecting to attend uni at the start of march of 2023, up until that point my parents were cordial with me, but do to my residency status causing me to halt my attendance, at the same time I attended a 2 week to attain a security license, but since march I have not been able to land a job since, I believe it was around the time where I finished my security license is when their snide comments and nagging began.
idk how to get it through to them that these comments are incredibly damaging to me, its like for 18 years I did not even know these people, for example when I say that I still have ADHD they just say "oh you've gotten over that", like they were not there when my behavioral specialist did not tell them that I my focus and attention will not be the same as if i had Adderall, which I had to give due to financial reasons. following this they say that i always say that i say I'm tired as an excuse to dodge work.
but i don't think I'm lazy like they say, ever since immigrating i had to do my own immigration paper work at the age 15 (bcs she said that i can read and write so i should be able to do it) and worked in their corner shop/bodega ever since the age of 8 (I was that stereotypical Asian kid studying in the corner) where at that point we've just been in the country for 2 years and she did not speak a lick of English , and my father was working from 2 am to 4pm, and for what time he was there mom did not trust him with the til as he would charge 50 cent for a something that costed 50 dollars, as he would be more involved with conversing with the customer then making the sale, this made me the sole cashier, order taker for when catering order came in and the milk boy, having to wake up at 6:30am to balance 5 2L milk bottle on a razor scooter as i barreled down a hill and made my way back up. during this time my only free time was school from 9am to 3pm. after 4 years of this my mother said that the work was too tiring at the time i stupidly begged her for us to stay because i began to actually make close friends by grade 10 which up until that point i didn't have a life where most of the kids in my school knew me as the corner shop kid, but she would put me down saying that i never helped her enough.
the boiling point which drove me to make this post began last Friday (6 days prior to this post) where we began work on our backyard work the house which includes shoveling hardened clay from a prior dig site that they buried asbestos panels under and wheel barrowing that to pack the retainer wall with the wheel barrow being about 200L , as they didn't want to spend money to buy dirt, i did not mind this work for first 6 days, and did my work diligently from 8.30am to 4pm(this would later be a point of contention), when i was working they did not say much to me but would always make comments to "pick up the pace" when i was eating or having a break. come today i was going to start work earlier at 10am she agreed for me to start then i missed this time and start at 11 and began digging at which point i sat down and stopped as i was light headed and could not continue so i head inside, and an say to her that ill dig for her tomorrow at which point she blew up at me saying that "if i don't work nothing gets done" and "you're always tired", where in a mix of lightheadedness and built up resentment i blew up at her initiating a 2hr screaming match between me and her where i told her i did nothing over the long weekend and that i have not been lazy and have been forgoing party with friends, to which she responds (idk how to translate this ) "are you daring me? if you go , go for a month", "if you are not sick then you can work", "im a woman and your 18 Man you should be able to do 3x my work" and "if you don't work tomorrow, don't eat", idk what her problem are i think she have bi-polar disorder but she refuse therapy for it as she site it costing too much and and mental illness not being real.
idk what to do i really have no option to move out, plus when i get back to school my degree will take 3 years and i might have to repeat a year if i fail the medical test, idk what she is doing but she said she wont pay the mortgage anymore in 5 years and give 50% of the asset to me (the other half belonging to my step-father) as well as the debt in a trust, but i don't trust (sorry for the pun) her word, as this has not been spoken to my stepfather yet. and he does not have a trustworthy record with money as he withdrew around 100k from his 401k/ superannuation and a personal loan at the same time which he claimed to gambled away but i believe that he actually gave it to his 3 kids from his past marriage, at the end of the financial year that year he was taxed and asked to return the principal which amounted to 180k making us sell our apartment in my home country.
sorry if this had been posted before but i need a place to vent, some opinions from the internet would be greatly appreciated
tl;dr parents expectation of being not lazy is matching their work hour for hour, i want to move out but rent, school and work do not align.
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* This article was originally published here
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