Known each other for 3 years, when we first met I thought I liked him romantically but I think that boiled down to general loneliness I had around that time.
Since then, we’ve grown to be best friends. We tell each other we’re each other’s best friends, we say I love you, we talk almost all the time.
But lately small things have been confusing and scaring me. He went on a couple of dates with someone and when he told me they slept together, that made me so nauseous and feeling like I’d throw up.
I’ve been noticing his features more, his green eyes, the little lines around his mouth when he’s smiling, the color of his lips. When we watch a movie I wish he’d get closer to me. Every time we’re out drinking I’m hoping he’d kiss me.
We spend a lot of time together (2 days a week maybe, texting for hours a day other days), and on the days one of us is busy I find myself just waiting for being able to talk to him again. Every day I’m just waiting for the next time I see him, waiting to tell him about my day and hear about his.
Physically, he’s not really my type, and I’m not his. But still, I can picture myself being physical with him. We aren’t really physical as friends, don’t hug often, but I’ve been having an urge to grab and hold his hand for months now.
It’s all confusing. Are these not normal feelings to have for a friend? Maybe I’m just a little possessive of him? I haven’t dated anyone in years, maybe it’s just missing those feelings?
If they’re not platonic, I’m confident he wouldn’t feel the same way about me, and it would then destroy both of us if I speak up about them, the friendship is really important to us. But even though I know he loves me as a friend and we’re closer to each other than anyone else, I can’t help but feel the dissatisfied, hoping for more.
TL;DR; : Afraid I'd be in love with best friend. He wouldn't feel the same and I'm dissatisfied.
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* This article was originally published here
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