My Boyfriend (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 7 years. We met in college and were friends before we got together. Before he met me, he was very into clubbing, drinking and meeting new people. I have always been a homebody and simpleton. I enjoyed spending time with my family and having a close network of friends along with spending time in nature. I have always lived in Big cities while he only moved there due to College and was from a smaller town.
When we got together, he somewhat adopted my lifestyle, going on hikes, seeing and enjoying nature, but not once and I made it very clear to him did he have to give up going on night outs and clubbing.
We’ve experienced everything. I am his first relationship and he is my first adult relationship. We lost our virginities to each other, I taught him how to drive, we lived all our 20’s together.
During the pandemic in 2020, we were long distance as financially it was better for him to move back to his hometown as he could work from home. He was renting an apartment with his brother in the city at the time and I was still living with my parents. I had advised him and his brother to move back. During that time one of my grandparents who I am super close with passed away and I became very depressed. I made some bad decisions and ended up losing a lot of money putting me in debt.
End of 2021, Boyfriend (28M) got an offer for a new job in a new city. I (27F) was also having issues with my employer and decided that this was the world giving me a sign to get a new job and move with my boyfriend to the new city. For the first time in my life I moved out of my parents house and moved in with my boyfriend to a brand new city. The accommodation we got was a bit out in the countryside that there was no pedestrian path outside our door or public transport closeby and to do or go anywhere we first had to drive.
A few months into living together, my boyfriend ended up not enjoying his new job and I ended up getting diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) so we were both experiencing our own struggles. At that same time, I had also decided to further my studies and pursue a Masters Degree.
We both work as Engineers so we are working long hours too and both come home very tired. I tend to do most of the cooking and food preparation part though he is capable and sometimes do it on the weekends. The Laundry and Cleaning is split between us while the Dishes is his task. We got a dishwasher to make it more convenient for us too.
After 6-8 months of living in our new home and visiting my parents back in the city every few months, I had realised that I hated our new home. I felt imprisoned as I couldn’t just get up and leave without having to get into the car. Our landlord does have dogs so that has helped with my mental health. I have suffered with anxiety all my life and get severe seasonal depression in the winter as all of my deceased grandparents' death anniversaries fall in the winter and so do 2 of their birthdays too. My depression got so bad that i wouldn’t shower for weeks or brush my teeth for days too. Unfortunately I am high functioning, so I would still get up everyday against my will to go to work and do my chores. The house was becoming a mess as I would get home and not do any laundry or cleaning as I would be so tired so all I did was cook and then work on my college work. At the start of this year, my sister and her longtime partner got married and so everyone was looking at us next. One week ago, our close college friends who were a couple got married too. Exactly one week from the wedding while my Boyfriend (28M) was on Tiktok, he casually mentioned single life and so I said do you want to be single and he went silent. The conversation all just came down on that day. I asked him what he wanted and he said that for him to be ready to move onto the next stage in life, he felt like he wanted to explore life. I asked him if he wanted to separate then and he said no he wanted to be with me. I said the only solution here for least resentment towards each other is for us to separate. He then asked if I was willing to open the relationship and I immediately said no. It’s monogamy for me or nothing else. So we have decided to separate. I will be moving back to my hometown while he continues to live in our current accommodation. Unfortunately, due to my finances, I am still living with him. I am in the process of finding a new job in my hometown so that I can move back in with my parents.
I just want to add that my boyfriend (28M) enjoys porn on a daily basis which was no problem to me until he told me at the start of this year that it is fantasy for us to be in a threesome with another girl. I started to get self conscious too at the start of this year as he also likes to look at blonde thicc young women on Tiktok and that is not me. I am busty but my weight has exploded recently due to my PCOS and insulin resistance from my PCOS.
I just want to know that I made the right decision. I really do love him and he is my best friend so it hurts to know that this is all ending. I dunno if there is another solution so if you think there is, please do help.
TLDR: Boyfriend (28M) of 7 years wants to experience being single before moving on to the next stage after moving in together. Boyfriend enjoys watching porn daily and has asked if I was willing to open a relationship and I said no. We have decided to separate but I just want to make sure it’s the right choice.
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* This article was originally published here
