Long Distances Explore Complexities Of Human Relationships On ... Wild City
* This article was originally published here
Thursday, September 7, 2023
Wednesday, September 6, 2023
My 38F boyfriend 42M was publicly humiliated for being a golddigger and he's complaining that I'm denying emotional comfort
TL,DR: my boyfriend has made me feel awful at times and is overly focus on money. He was assaulted just recently and after being called a golddigger. The exoeykeft hik mentally vulnerable but I don't feel like I can offer comfort.
My ( F38) boyfriend( M42) isn't offering me emotional support. I feel empty sometimes. Good sex isn't everything.I've talked to him because there are times when he makes me feel like I'm settling. He finds it funny when I cry over these gs from my past, or dismisses my feelings when I get hurt because of his jokes ( saying things to make.ke jealous, making fun of my looks after I go to the salon).
We are very different, but that didn't affect us at the start. I come from a past where I had to work very hard to get respect from my peers and sacrificed many things to make a turn and create a startup. He's an avoidant and a laid back personality. We've had arguments because he never finishes what he starts and I'm frankly a bit tired of supporting his dreams so that he can drop them in a few weeks.
I don't know if this is valid, but I told him that he's now paying the price for not finishing college, not completing his community college education and also dropping out of a short course certificate class. He finds himself constantly starting over, and seething when his coworkers get a promotion. He got very angry, said that I'm being disrespectful and said that "he's internally powerful", whatever that means.
Because I believe work and pleasure don't mix and because we are not engaged or anything, I've been keeping my career and business progress very low key. It's not that I'm hiding it, but I don't want him to treat me different and prefer to be loved for who I am. Last year, I got a very large lump sum for my very first large contract. A few more clients poured in with similar terms. That allowed me to give my family the life of their dreams after so much sacrifice, in a huge home to hold 5 households and plenty of physical and financial security. I invested in scaling my business and saved a chunk. Locally ( I live in a different state from my family), I live a very regular life in a modest apartment and I'm very happy with it.
I've been concerned for a few weeks now. I couldn't control certain things, so a local company announced our agreement and a soft disclosure of the project value. Charles found out, like everyone who heard the news. I didn't feel good about him quizzing me. He doesn't understand that those 9 figures are destined to cover project costs and are a corporate investment. When I clarified, he jumped at the projected ROI that some accountant friend calculated. I won't deny that I've been struggling after that. My mind goes from trying to forgive his slight and thinking it's his lack of knowledge to feeling very offended.
Last weekend, his ex got into his face and confronted him about some money that he owes. I do know this. He smirked and two men whom I thiy might be her relatives manhandled him and tore his clothes "because he has no right to wear what she bought him". He ended up face up on the floor while they assaulted him. One of them yelled that he's nobody and a leech. I had to drive because he was sobbing. I'm very out off. Now I'm out of touch with him , because he's apparently using women. He wanted a hug but I couldn't bring myself to it. He says that I'm emotionally lurching him when he needs me the most. He can't sleep and he's not eating. I'm very confused as to how to proceed and just want to spend time by myself.
Should I just break up with him or should I talk it over and set boundaries? Please advise.
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* This article was originally published here
Tuesday, September 5, 2023
Monday, September 4, 2023
My Fiancé's Family Might Be Trying To Use Me and I'm Unsure of What To Do
I apologize if I go on a tangent here and there; there is a lot to know and only so much I can bring up about this.
My fiancé (M 25) and I (F 23) have been together for 3 years. We both have lived very different lives, where I grew up with plenty of money from both my separated parents and my fiancé lived with far less. We have rented an apartment together for the past year, and recently had to move out sooner than anticipated due to his type-1 diabetes being unmanageable and my depression spiraling. We've since been staying at his family's home, and to say things have been hectic would be an understatement. His family has financially struggled for a long time, with their lack of money inhibiting the ability to get back on their feet for many years. I truly do adore his family, and I want the best for them for as long as I'm here and longer, but their behavior recently has been stopping me in my tracks.
Two particular family members, his father and grandmother, were looking forward for us to leave our apartment and come live with them so we could support them with bills. The thing is I don't particularly have an issue with helping them financially, as I'm currently staying with them for free with my partner, but their comments have made me a bit uncomfortable. It's important to note that my fiancé's family are some interesting people, who have strong personalities and a strange way of going about life. They are very loud and are prone to yelling, talking over eachother, and just overall lacking awareness of things outside their own mindset.
For starters, my father-in-law and grandmother-in-law have been trying to be buddy-buddy with me, constantly trying to get on my good side, despite us having never properly had a conversation with one another. They have been been talking to me with the money sign glued to their eyes; the father has been nonstop mentioning how much money my fiancé and I will help contribute, with expectations that we will be staying with them for the long-term. The grandmother has been planning on having me tell my father to loan us money for a food truck so that the family can earn money this way; the worst thing about this? She hasn't even talked with me about it. For the past couple days, she has been randomly mentioning us getting a "truck" to make money, and I was clueless as to what she meant, until my fiancé finally told me; she has been forcing him to agree to this, trying to make this happen, and have him be the one to discuss this news with me. My biggest worry is she is getting too far ahead of this and might react poorly to me pushing this idea aside.
My father is a well-off attorney, but we have a strained relationship, and I don't feel comfortable asking him for something like this after he's already helped me so much with other financial problems. I'm very confused about my grandmother-in-law's views on this, as this is something that should be discussed with me, rather than passed along and only lightly mentioned around me. I have no idea how to go about this and convince her that my father will not be involved with this. It's also important to mention that she already has plans for other outrageous costs, such as building fancy toy-houses for my niece and nephew, and a whole kennel building for the family's 6 huskies.
My father has also not even met my fiancé and his family, as we live many states apart from eachother. I've contemplated talking with my mother-in-law about this, as she's the only sane one in this house and is aware of how they are. I want to make me being here work, but I worry that they're trying to use me and my family's money for their own benefit. They have asked my fiancé to have me give them money plenty of times, but he's always rejected them and I don't know about it until much later.
Any advice on approaching this would be greatly appreciated, as I worry I may be overreacting or looking at this the wrong way.
TL;DR: Since moving in with my fiancés family, the father and grandmother have been making financial plans on me greatly supporting them without my knowledge
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, September 3, 2023
What to do with someone had no respect for your boundaries?
I had a family friend go over the line and did something which I think is a complete breach of trust. I am practically livid and I think I should stop and think before I make a decision because the sight and thought of him is making me angry enough I just want to ghost him.
I went through a horrible car accident last year and have been going through a terrible time with physical therapy. I lost my job cause I couldn’t keep up with the hours along with the therapy I have to do 3 times a week. I have also been having a hard time in my dating life as I basically can’t “perform” the way I used to. I have been depressed since then and have locked myself away and thought I still should until I can emotionally recover from this. I haven’t been actively meeting family, friends, or former co-workers.
This friend happened to be in town for his work and I offered for him to stay at my place. Sometimes I would open up to him about how everything has been just shitty. I don’t normally talk to people about it, but since he made me feel safe and that he won’t discuss it with anyone, I trusted him.
He went behind my back and told basically our old friends from HS, his family, and basically anyone I know who I haven’t even talked to for years. Now I’ve been getting calls from people asking, not how I am, but generally just asking for more details on how exactly I am managing life. I even heard gossips, completely a different version of the things I opened up to him. He apparently even took pictures of my house on days I didn’t have the time and energy to clean and sent those to my sister. Now my sister is raiding my apartment and have been coming over to “fix things” but I clearly don’t want that right now, I am not a child.
Now somehow I’ve become an “anonymous” topic for a podcast an acquaintance is making to “teach about the pitfalls of mental health illness”, and I can’t even complain about it to have it taken down because they’ll know it’s me.
I feel so gutted and betrayed. I have never felt so used and I don’t know how to explain it but this entire situation feels like I’m not a real person, I’m just some piece of topic for everyone to talk to about.
Fuck this shit hurts like hell.
Tell me what to do, reddit. Am I allowed to feel this way, fuck man this blows. I don’t wanna walk away from this without justice.
TL;DR friend violated my trust by gossiping about what I opened up to him in confidence, what should I do to make him pay for this?
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, September 2, 2023
Is it fair to only want to make sacrifices for your partner they'd reciprocate for you? (26F, 27M)
My bf and I have been LDR for 1.5 years, dating for 2 in person before that. I'm in Amsterdam, he's in the SF Bay Area. He got into a great grad school program there paid for by work, so it made sense for me to try to move back there. Now, I love Amsterdam. It's designed practically perfectly, I love how bikeable and human-friendly it is, and being able to travel Europe is amazing. So I did feel like I was giving up a lot here, especially because I'm 99% positive I want to return here one day to raise kids and I picture myself getting old here more than in the US. He was on the same page as that and knew how important it was to me, said he wants to move to Europe too when he's done with school (he's already an EU citizen). However, we were discussing this one day and he said that if he gets a job at the end of school that can afford him the lifestyle he wants in the US, he's not sure he'd be able to resist that, and that if I happened to get a job in Europe while he didn't, he doesn't know if he'd also move there with me if he doesn't get a job at the same time. This really shocked and deeply hurt me, as I had basically planned to give up living in this city I love for him, and to hear him say that he doesn't know if he'd make the same sacrifice really upset me, as I don't know how he could think of me as a life partner yet say that. Now I feel like I shouldn't go back for him if he wouldn't do something similar for me in the future. Is that wrong and immature of me to think? Should you only sacrifice something that the other partner is willing to sacrifice too?
TLDR: I was willing to make a sacrifice for my bf, but then learned he wouldn't necessarily make the same one. His stance makes me not want to sacrifice for him either. Is that fair or am I being stupid?
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, September 1, 2023
Tired of hot and cold behavior from co-worker. What do I do next?
I met someone on a speed dating event about 6 months ago and we got along great. Unfortunately because they had to leave for work we didn’t see each other for a few months but when we did it was really nice. Coincidentally they were moving to my town and my office also. After we met I asked how things were and if he wants things to be friendly and where he stood. He said ok and we can keep things friendly but keep hanging out and take it from there and see how we feel. Since then we’ve met a few times. He’s extremely flirty in person but sometimes has cancelled plans last minute. Sometimes he’s hot and cold - if i dont message he’ll message a lot but if I do he won’t message as eagerly sometimes. At this point I do want to date and explore things but I’m not sure how to go about initiating that conversation. How do I discuss this with him?
TL;DR: 30F 30M a person I dated is now working at my office. We said we’ll see how things go but I’m developing feelings. What should i do?
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* This article was originally published here
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