I (26F) got in a relationship with him (24M) in 2021. Everything was too well in the beginning because he was giving all that attention, he understood me, showering all that love and told some of his friends about me. He’s the one who proposed, he’s the one who talked about marriage, he made all the first moves and i was into him because of this as my idea of dating is to marry. I can’t date people out of boredom, if I’m in a relationship with you, i see it in long term.
We had our shares of ups and downs, but things got worse 3 months back when i got to know about his Insta account which was deactivated even before i got in a relationship with him. I was shocked because ever since I knew him, he was using some other account, and suddenly i see a new account with around 600 followers and 300 followings on insta.
So i asked him, what is this account for and why haven’t i seen it before. He said it’s his original account which is like 5-6 years old, he deactivated this few years back and just few weeks ago he activated it again BUT he’s not using this account. It’s just existing.
This was hard to digest and i saw two of my juniors being his mutual friends (let’s call them A and B) on this account. So i texted A how she knows him? She said “he had a thing with B, so through her only i followed him”.
I was devastated because this person “B” is also my junior and my boyfriend never ever mentioned anything about her before.
We made things very clear about our pasts and i thought we’re honest with each other but he just lied and hid things from me.
I asked A to dig a little more and let me know the full story. A tells me, that he’s a guy who was always after B for hookups but she never agreed with him because she liked him and wanted something serious. And the last they talked was few weeks back on this same account.
I broke down. I was devastated and my anxiety peaked! He lied to me about his past involvements, he lied to me about not using this account, and it brought back all the past trauma i went through in my past relationship. I felt betrayed once again. I got all the screenshots from A about his last conversation with B asking for hookups and sent them to him and confronted him.
His side of story is: He just met B once few years back before i came in his life, they just kissed on the first meeting and never met again because he didn’t like her. B was always desperate and would text him in every 5-6 months out of nowhere. He was tired of shooing her away so he thought of acting desperate as B wanted something serious. So he thought if he’ll act desperate, she’ll go away eventually. He made sure to provide me with all the proves, screenshots, his passwords and what not and he did everything he could to prove his innocence which I appreciate on his part.
I believed him, and i thought of giving this another chance because he was adamant that his feelings are never wrong for me and he did what he had to.
Now even after 3 months, that insta account is still active. I asked him to delete it, not deactivate but delete it. Because now it makes me insecure and he lied to me about not using it before so I don’t trust him even if he’s saying he don’t use it. I had a discussion with him and told him that for the sake of this relationship he HAVE to leave his past people behind if he sees a future with me. That’s the least he can do after the fuck up he did. He agrees to it but on one condition that i delete my insta too.
Now idc, i can happily delete my insta. If any of my social media is creating an issue with my personal life, I’m more than happy to delete it. But then he says that i gotta delete my account first, and then he’ll delete his. This is where i lost it.
First of all, you fucked up our relationship even if your intention was not to, but you did, on top of that, you are not in any position to put conditions on me that i should delete it first. This turned into an argument and i told him that I can’t pretend each day that things are fine and I can’t happily settle with this reality that you were asking for hookups while being in a relationship with me, be your intention anything!
Each and every day is so difficult for me because I’m having issues in forgetting this. He betrayed me. I felt cheated. I’ve made you the attention of my world and you’re making me feel like an option.
My whole family also knows about him, and he couldn’t even tell B that he was in a relationship to shoo her away, instead he chose to act desperate. He didn’t tell anyone in his family about me. He never even posts about us.
Now I’m getting the tag of mental instability and insecure, immature person just because i fail to mend myself according to him. He hurt me and he’s expecting me to follow his conditions.
What the hell am I supposed to do if me arguing over this is wrong. Because to him I’m the worst person ever who doesn’t understand him and don’t act my age. To me which sounds like gaslighting and manipulation at it’s best.
I’m losing my sleep and my will to live because I’m truly broken and I don’t wish such traumas even on my worst enemy. I feel like he gives more importance to other people now rather than what i think or feel. I feel like a stranger in my own relationship.
TLDR; Boyfriend messed up and i asked for something basic to fix the issue but he’s putting conditions
