[LISTEN] Managing money in relationships: 'Money comes with so ... - Radio 702

[LISTEN] Managing money in relationships: 'Money comes with so ...  Radio 702

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My Ex (27F) is mad that I (30M) added a woman on social media

Context: My ex and I currently are living together and sleeping in the same bed despite being broken up. This is due to the financial cost of moving into separate places along with the benefit of keeping our son in the same place.

This morning, at 2am, I woke up to my Ex going through my phone and checking to see all my social media apps, messages, photos etc after she had seen that I had added a woman on instagram. This woman in question was part of a group of people that I had met while at a professional gathering at a brewery. The night of the gathering, the small group I was with, consisting of two men and this one woman, all added each other on instagram in an effort to network. Once I came home that night I told my ex all about it and we had a big fight because she said that I was flirting with this woman all night and now was trying to add her on social media. To avoid conflict, I ignored the follow request of the three people that I had just met and left them ignored for an entire month, despite them following me I had never followed them back.

Fast forward a month later, I wanted to post on my instagram story however something in me felt weird that these people had gone out of their way to follow me yet I was not following them. So without telling my ex I added all three of these people as friends on instagram then proceeded with my post. I never messaged any of them nor had interest in this woman in any way imaginable.

Now here we are two weeks later and my ex was up late at night looking through my followers and seen that I had added this woman on instagram. Am I in the wrong for feeling like this isn’t significant because I want nothing to do with this woman? In my perspective I had added all three of these new people together as a group and didn’t single this one woman out. I’ve never messaged her or spoken to her in any way outside of that first time meeting at the professional event. Thoughts?

TL;DR: My ex is mad that I added a woman on instagram a month after telling her i wouldn’t add her

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i (22f) can’t find peace because of past relationships

hi all, this is more of a vent but i would love to hear advice from people to grow and overcome these regrets i have. I (22f) had never been in a relationship until i was about 15, to which i had been coerced into by someone (18m at the time) by means of manipulation. i had spent 3 years with him by him "officially" having asked me to go out with him, but i only ever count it as less than a year since he never made our relationship public and only ever decided to about less than a year before i broke up with him. He had told me he didn't want people to think he was a wh0r3 for dating me (i had never been in a relationship before or even "talked" with anyone, so i really don't know where this came from). he guilt tripped me into doing a lot of things i was uncomfortable with and spoke about such things to some people, bringing a bad name to me after it spread around school. A year later, broke up with him after i found out he been cheating on me for the past three years and had gone out with some girls behind my back, telling me he was going out with a male friend of his. I hold so many regrets over not standing up for myself or holding more self worth for my person after being treated like actually shit by this guy. Before breaking up with this guy, i become friends with someone (19m when i was 18f) (we'll call him guy 2) in my class who had begun to flirt with me continuously to which i always ignored him and distanced myself. After finding out that i was being cheated on, i felt so betrayed and felt like i had really just been a placeholder for three years and when i had confronted my current bf at the time about it, he said he wanted to take a break from us and think about things. you can only imagine how much more enraged this made me so i felt like being "petty" and giving him a taste of his own medicine by going out with guy 2. we only really went to the movies and watched a movie in complete silence. i can confidently say we never kissed or made any romantic gestures during the whole thing as even though i was upset, i didn't want to drop to his (current bf at the time) level. after i broke up with him, i began growing closer to guy 2 and he confessed that he really was interested in me and wanted a serious relationship with me. i'll admit i was in a vulnerable position after just having broken up with someone and wanting to feel validation and feel needed, so i allowed myself to begin falling in love with this guy. a few weeks to a month pass by and i was going through two pent up heartbreaks. i had gone through him asking me if i was japanese, to which the conversation went, me: "no, i'm Mexican" him: "oh, okay, i guess that's still hot" and him calling me and my father a racial slur (sp*c). again, i acknowledge that i was being naive at the time and should've immediately recognized these red flags. I had been told to the face that while he liked me a lot, he preferred “effing someone else” (in those exact words). i just realized for a second time that i was only being used as some sort of place holder and was only given a use for pleasing a piece of shit guy who only had one use for me. fast forward to the pandemic and i had taken those two years for myself exclusively to grow and harbor a living relationship with myself. it was going very well for me when i was contacted by one of my classmates 23m at the time) in college asking me out on a date because he thought i was really pretty and he would love to take me on a picnic. at the moment i thought this was incredibly endearing and thought that it was an incredibly sweet gesture. i, however, declined after some later conversation with him where i found out he was practically planning on using me as a rebound for his ex of three years who had cheated on him one month prior to him asking me out. my most recent relationship lasted one year and i thought that had developed a true connection with someone (19m at the time), but i had decided to break up with them after they had repeatedly disregarded my wishes for them to respect my boundaries, consistent aggressive behavior (told him i was uncomfortable with his after having endured physical abuse from first relationship), and him not respecting my wishes to lead a healthier lifestyle (i was relatively thin and fit when we began dating and he would constantly guilt me into eating food that he would bring, causing me to gain some weight). I know this is quite the read and i hope that the majority of your who read it are able to recognize from my mistakes and take care of yourselves in situations like these. please do it for yourself and no one else. I would please like to ask if anyone has gone through something similar to anything i mentioned, i want to ask how you heal from something like this. i feel so broken and haunted by my past, feeling like i’ve only ever been worthless because of the little value i’ve received from these people. not a day goes by where i don’t cry myself to sleep because of these poor decisions and letting myself be treated like such shit. peace and love.

TL;DR: i’ve had a series of unhealthy relationships, starting with a manipulative partner, followed by a remount relationship with red flags, and a recent relationship with boundary issues. i’m seeking advice on healing from these experiences and finding self-worth.

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* This article was originally published here

The Best LGBTQ-Inclusive Relationship Books - Book Riot

The Best LGBTQ-Inclusive Relationship Books  Book Riot

* This article was originally published here

My (24F) bf (26M) has been ignoring me for 2 days, what should I do?

For some context, my bf and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we’ve lived together for about 6 months. He’s very hot headed and gets angry at the drop of a hat, and I’m a very sensitive person. When things with him are good, they’re really really good. But lately, things with him are rarely good.

His brother was in the IDF, and with everything going on in Israel/Palestine, his brother recently went back to Israel. This has (understandably) put a lot of stress on him, and he’s been very upset lately. 2 days ago, we got in a fight over something stupid, that escalated very very quickly. I told him he was yelling at me and I didn’t like when he spoke to me like that, and he said that by accusing him of yelling at me, I was gaslighting him. This type of fight happens often, where I tell him I feel like he’s yelling at me, and he tells me that I’m gaslighting him by making that accusation. However, after the most recent fight, he left immediately after work to go stay at his dads house. I texted him to see if he and I could meet up to talk about what happened, to which he said “I refuse to have a conversation with you about this. A conversation with you is not productive”. He hasn’t spoken to me since, and it’s now been days since we’ve spoken in person or seen each other.

To be honest, I’ve been thinking about breaking up with him for some time. He can be very manipulative, and since the start of our relationship, I feel like I’ve changed so much of myself to accommodate his anger that I don’t even remember who I was before the relationship started. But everytime I think about breaking up with him, things turn around and he’s the person I remember falling in love with. He’s never left and ignored me before, and I’m not sure our relationship will ever bounce back from this. What’s worse, is that he owes me about $3000 in rent he hasn’t paid (probably another product of him manipulating me) and if I break up with him, I’ll likely never be paid that money back. What do I do? Do I break up with him if/when he returns? Or do I hope that this space he’s taking is what he needs to come back a more level headed person?

TL;DR my boyfriend has been ignoring me for 2 days, and our relationship is problematic as is. Should I break up with him or hope the space he’s taking is what he needs to come back a more level headed person?

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Is he(28M) just being friendly or does he want to date?

A coworker(28M) of mine(32F) has suddenly started messaging me a lot ever since I told him I broke up with my boyfriend and I moved in his area.

Most of the time it's banter about work or organising things to do together as a group, but we'll be talking for hours and he always replies instantly.

Last time we shifted the conversation more into our dating life and how he feels awkward asking people out, asking me what type of date I like for a first date etc. (I said I like going for a coffee and a walk)

Then at one point he asked me to go for a walk, just the two of us, close to where I live. This will be on a non working day.

There are other coworkers who live in our area, he didn't mention anything about them, but I know he brought up in conversation with one of them that I moved here too now.

I don't fully understand what his intentions are. On one side he's saying he's not dating and especially wouldn't date at work, on the other he completely changed how he is with me.

TL;dr: Coworker asked me to go out for a walk just the two of us on a non working day after I told him that's what I like doing for a first date.

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I feel like a stranger in my own friend group.

I brought together a group of people (4 guys including me and 2 girls) who wouldn't have met otherwise, a year and a half ago during the start of degree college. 9 months ago, my best friend in that group and I started dating, who happens to get constant attention from me and the group. I broke up 2 months ago for reasons I do not want to mention, it got really messed up on both sides but once we stopped talking, it feels like I have become lonely, no one talks to me on their own anymore, especially when she's around. Everyone's showering attention only to her and being really touchy with her and it hurts to see it in front of my own eyes, all the time.

If I talk to her, it feels like I'm leading her on again and it could escalate but I really like these guys and I cry myself to bed because I am so quiet and no one ever seems to notice but the moment she's quiet, everyone just gives her so much attention, asks her what's up, hugs her and what not. I do not want to stay here anymore but I have no other friends in this class. My only other friend is a guy from another branch with whom I share everything with but even he is in a relationship and I always feel I'm burdening him and his gf. What do I do? I have 2 years of college left.

TLDR: I split up with my gf who was in the same group and I feel like a loner because only she gets attention while no one even has asked me what happened, maybe because I am a guy, so I have to fit into the very group I made, but I have no other friends. What do I do?

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* This article was originally published here