hi all, this is more of a vent but i would love to hear advice from people to grow and overcome these regrets i have. I (22f) had never been in a relationship until i was about 15, to which i had been coerced into by someone (18m at the time) by means of manipulation. i had spent 3 years with him by him "officially" having asked me to go out with him, but i only ever count it as less than a year since he never made our relationship public and only ever decided to about less than a year before i broke up with him. He had told me he didn't want people to think he was a wh0r3 for dating me (i had never been in a relationship before or even "talked" with anyone, so i really don't know where this came from). he guilt tripped me into doing a lot of things i was uncomfortable with and spoke about such things to some people, bringing a bad name to me after it spread around school. A year later, broke up with him after i found out he been cheating on me for the past three years and had gone out with some girls behind my back, telling me he was going out with a male friend of his. I hold so many regrets over not standing up for myself or holding more self worth for my person after being treated like actually shit by this guy. Before breaking up with this guy, i become friends with someone (19m when i was 18f) (we'll call him guy 2) in my class who had begun to flirt with me continuously to which i always ignored him and distanced myself. After finding out that i was being cheated on, i felt so betrayed and felt like i had really just been a placeholder for three years and when i had confronted my current bf at the time about it, he said he wanted to take a break from us and think about things. you can only imagine how much more enraged this made me so i felt like being "petty" and giving him a taste of his own medicine by going out with guy 2. we only really went to the movies and watched a movie in complete silence. i can confidently say we never kissed or made any romantic gestures during the whole thing as even though i was upset, i didn't want to drop to his (current bf at the time) level. after i broke up with him, i began growing closer to guy 2 and he confessed that he really was interested in me and wanted a serious relationship with me. i'll admit i was in a vulnerable position after just having broken up with someone and wanting to feel validation and feel needed, so i allowed myself to begin falling in love with this guy. a few weeks to a month pass by and i was going through two pent up heartbreaks. i had gone through him asking me if i was japanese, to which the conversation went, me: "no, i'm Mexican" him: "oh, okay, i guess that's still hot" and him calling me and my father a racial slur (sp*c). again, i acknowledge that i was being naive at the time and should've immediately recognized these red flags. I had been told to the face that while he liked me a lot, he preferred “effing someone else” (in those exact words). i just realized for a second time that i was only being used as some sort of place holder and was only given a use for pleasing a piece of shit guy who only had one use for me. fast forward to the pandemic and i had taken those two years for myself exclusively to grow and harbor a living relationship with myself. it was going very well for me when i was contacted by one of my classmates 23m at the time) in college asking me out on a date because he thought i was really pretty and he would love to take me on a picnic. at the moment i thought this was incredibly endearing and thought that it was an incredibly sweet gesture. i, however, declined after some later conversation with him where i found out he was practically planning on using me as a rebound for his ex of three years who had cheated on him one month prior to him asking me out. my most recent relationship lasted one year and i thought that had developed a true connection with someone (19m at the time), but i had decided to break up with them after they had repeatedly disregarded my wishes for them to respect my boundaries, consistent aggressive behavior (told him i was uncomfortable with his after having endured physical abuse from first relationship), and him not respecting my wishes to lead a healthier lifestyle (i was relatively thin and fit when we began dating and he would constantly guilt me into eating food that he would bring, causing me to gain some weight). I know this is quite the read and i hope that the majority of your who read it are able to recognize from my mistakes and take care of yourselves in situations like these. please do it for yourself and no one else. I would please like to ask if anyone has gone through something similar to anything i mentioned, i want to ask how you heal from something like this. i feel so broken and haunted by my past, feeling like i’ve only ever been worthless because of the little value i’ve received from these people. not a day goes by where i don’t cry myself to sleep because of these poor decisions and letting myself be treated like such shit. peace and love.
TL;DR: i’ve had a series of unhealthy relationships, starting with a manipulative partner, followed by a remount relationship with red flags, and a recent relationship with boundary issues. i’m seeking advice on healing from these experiences and finding self-worth.
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