I (35F) met my partner (33M) in January last year. In May 2022, I left to travel for about ten months, returning in February 2023. At the time, we’d said we’d see where we landed when I returned. To my surprise we kept in daily contact while I was away.
Since I’ve been back he’s been busy and stressed with work, and with transitioning to a new role. I’ve tried to be a supportive partner - I’ve been available to help with his resume, set up contacts to help him and have made meals for him.
A recurring issue is time management. I’m trying to be understanding of his work schedule particularly during September and October. I saw him once very briefly for about 50 mins in September and then I left for a two week period to see friends. We had agreed to meet during the last weekend of September but about six days before, he cancelled on me citing work. I was annoyed but accepted this - I was mainly annoyed that I found out about the cancellation via an off the cuff comment.
I’m mostly upset because despite cancelling on me (this is not the first time he’s either cancelled on or rescheduled me at short notice) he told me he’d caught up with other friends - one friend three times (and various others on other occasions). He claims this is because she needs support. I wasn’t particularly well with my mental health in August either so I asked to spend a Friday night with him. He agreed, but then proceeded to reshuffle me to the Saturday and when I arrived at his place, he said he should have cancelled on me because he had chores to do. I guess I feel upset that he says he’s very busy but continues to see friends.
I’ve brought this up with him and he’s promised to prioritise me and show me he can work on our relationship. He’s now promised he will organise something for my upcoming birthday despite being rather reluctant before (I cooked a fairly elaborate dinner for his birthday.)
During the past weekend he told me he doesn’t love me and isn’t ready to say that to me, and that he’ll say it when he’s ready. He says the hesitation is borne out of a past relationship of his in which love was dangled like a carrot. He says he wants to be sure when he says it. He says he cares for me and he likes me.
I asked if he could see himself loving me in the future and he said yes.
I asked if this is the reason why I’ve only met two of his friends. He says no, the reason for that is how tied up he is with work. He says his friends and his mum know I exist.
Friends have been telling me for a while that it seems like he’s angling for an out but can’t for whatever reason bring himself to do it.
How should I proceed? I do feel like I’ve turned into an insecure psycho and I feel guilty and stupid for wanting a partner who wants to be with me.
Should I be taking the hint? Am I being painfully naive and lacking in self respect?
TLDR - partner of nearly a year always cancels or is late, prioritises others above me and told me he doesn’t love me (yet).
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* This article was originally published here
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