I 18F need advice on stuff my boyfriend 20M does.

i have been with my boyfriend (20M) for 10 months now and hes been great, we have alot in common and hes a great guy, except for some things that he has done over the past few months.

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the first thing he ever did was like other girls pictures on instagram, and i know that doesnt sound like a big deal but i was so broken and insecure for months and i still am. i know he doesnt do that anymore but the fact that he did it just hurts me.

also he admited to getting off on another girl, he did that only once and at the begining of our relationship and i have forgiven him, but it hurts so bad.

then recently we got into a fight (the details of the fight arent important it was just me being insecure and scared hes still doing some bad stuff) after a while he started ignoring me which really hurt me alot since i hate being ignored more than anything else after he ignored me for a while i said sorry to him for starting a fight over me being insecure and he just said what do u want from me now i kept saying sorry to him because i felt so so bad but he just wont stop being mad at me.

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also sometimes i just feel like he doesnt understand me at all, like when something happened thats making me really sad, he just doesnt understand why im sad and just tells me to think more positive and thats all, i can never really communicate my feelings with him because whenever i do he gets mad at me and tells me i should just think more positive. i know it all may not sound that bad and maybe im just insecure and childish but its really hurting me, i always wanted someone that can listen to my problems and give me advice but all he ever does is tell me to think positive.

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so thats why i came here to ask for thoughts of other people. is it just me being insecure and its not that deep or is it really a problem in our relationship that we should work on. also the first things i said like liking other girls pictures, i said that so you know why i may sound so insecure. also he gets mad at me often for staring unneccesary fights about things that happened long ago, for example when i wanted to ask him something about the whole instagram liking thirst traps thing he instantly gets mad at me and says that its so unneccesary to talk about it because it was long ago and i just wanna start a fight, which isnt true most of the times i just want to know something and he instantly thinks i want to fight.

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TL;DR: my bf did questionable things like liking other girls thirst traps, getting off to another girl,ignoring me, instantly getting mad at me and thinking i want to start a fight when i just wanna ask something and i need opinons if im just being insecure or if it really is a problem and we need to fix it

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I [M33] met a girl [F22] on OKcupid, unsure whether I should go for the relationship?

Can't believe I'm actually posting this, lol.

I've met a girl on OKcupid 10 weeks ago. There is a lot of mutual attraction, we have a similiar sense of humour and get along nicely for the most part. She was looking for a serious relationship, I was open for anything, but I developed strong feelings for her and she says the same is true for her. There are a few potential and real issues, tho:

• She is 11 years younger than me, I am 33, she's 22.

• She has a daughter, 3 years old. While I can see myself being a father, I'm not sure I can do it at the stage I currently am. We've seen each other 2 times now, havent seen the daughter yet.

• She had a rough childhood/past with verbally abusive parents, toxic ex-partners. Had 2 or 3 episodes with A LOT of casual sex through partying and dating apps (as a form of self-harm, but says she doesn't regret her experiences). We've talked through most of this and I gave her a lot of emotional support. She claims to "hate men", says she feels like she might be 22 body wise but 50 in her mind.

• She wants another child or 2 in the next 6-7 years, also to prevent her daughter to be a lot older than her siblings. While I can understand having that wish and all that biological clock thing going on - I think that's the wrong order to approach this. I've always been a fan of meeting someone special and fitting first, then think about children and marriage. As she never had a safe and stable home in her past, that's her biggest wish though.

• She doesn't really wanna go out. I partied a lot when I was her age (vastly different life situation though, ofc) and while she'd like to go to the restaurant or go for a walk once in a while, she doesn't wanna stay up all night and dance and have fun (with a babysitter at home, of course). Might be a problem, cause I'd like to be able to do that occasionally.

• She suffers from Borderline. I'm quite understanding and careful with conditions like that due to having cases in my family and among my friends and she says I'm handling that well, but I don't always think she's handling it perfectly. I often feel like I'm walking on egg shells, trying to avoid triggers (like hanging up the phone too quickly, cause that triggers her fear of losing someone/me in that case). We have fights over things like this regularly, as while she claims I'm generally handling her condition well, I am not careful and considerate enough in situations like this, which is true I guess.

• She's becoming a state secretary, regular daily schedule (also bc of her daughter). I'm a student still, will be done in a year or so. I sleep longer than her, more free-time etc. Also, would be a long-distant relationship as long as I still need to be at university. She lives near my hometown though, to which I wanted to return after my studies anyway.

I developed feelings, I'm unsure whether I should really go for it for several reasons. Might sound more negative than it is, among other things the sex is great, I like her personality a lot, find her funny etc

Just writing this down already felt great, but I'd love to hear some neutral thoughts on this. Hope I didn't forget anything important.

tl;dr: girl I met and developed strong feelings for has a child and mental issues, wondering whether I can provide what she needs

Thanks for any input!

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My gf(19) thinks I (20) am not over my ex

So, my gf thinks I'm not over my ex gf and I don't know how to show her that I'm over and I don't have feelings for my ex.Every time she brought this topic I say I don't care about her(ex) and I'm over,bot she doesn't belive me because when my best friend and my ex got together a few days before I send a text to him to say my gratulations and I'm done with him too,because it's not a thing that a friend would do and my gf freaked out.

So any sugestions that a can prove to my gf that I don't care about them and I only love her?

Sorry for my english,it's my third language

tldr:my ex doesn't belive me when I say i'm over my ex

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What is the most sensitive way to have a conversation about weight loss/a lifestyle change in a relationship?

TL:DR My girlfriend’s lifestyle (no exercise, smoking) has caused her to gain weight since the beginning of our relationship and I’m concerned for her health. How do I address this in as sensitive a way as possible?

My [25M] Girlfriend [23F] and I have been going out for over 6 months now. Since we started going out, she’s put on considerably more weight than before she was in the relationship (15-20kg) and there are certain incidents that have made me quite concerned for her health.

For further context, we lead very different lifestyles. I have a full time job, do my best to exercise 3–5 times a week and prioritise it as one of a few ways to help manage my asthma. She’s studying for a Masters, does no physical exercise at all and smokes. I have asked her not to smoke around me because of my asthma and that’s a boundary she has respected up until now thankfully.

On a trip abroad recently, she had to stop and catch her breath on multiple occasions whilst walking up a gentle incline and sometimes struggles to maintain a conversation whilst out walking. In the bedroom, there’s a considerable gulf in stamina due to fitness levels which has left me feeling quite unfulfilled. Physical attraction hasn’t waned for me yet but I have to be honest and say it might if she keeps gaining weight.

I have been friends with her for 5 years (we met in college) before we started this relationship and thoroughly enjoy her company so would really like to see if there’s a way to make this work. Her mum and aunt have had blunt conversations with her about her weight gain and she’s lamented this to me, she has also been for checkups to rule out thyroid issues, etc. so as far as I can see, her weight gain purely due to her lifestyle.

During any conversations surrounding her weight gain, I have empathised with her but held back how I’m feeling on the topic as I don’t want to make her feel worse. I am also aware of how our different lifestyles and fitness levels could make anything I say seem quite patronising to me. She has also openly stated that she hates exercising so even suggesting she find some sort of physical activity she likes will be met with resistance. I have also asked her if she had considered quitting smoking too which has only caused her to smoke more.

All of the above has left me confused, upset and unsure of how to handle the situation or potential conversation. I want to voice my concerns about her health but I don’t want to do so in a way that makes me sound like a mouthpiece for her mum and aunt. I also want to highlight my unmet needs in the bedroom but want to do so in a way that’s as sensitive as possible.

I’m sure I’m not the first and won’t be the last to ask this question, if you could give me constructive advice or anecdotes on how to address this touchy subject I’d be most grateful.

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I (26M) am being emotionally blackmailed and threatened by a girl (29F) I started talking to

Started texting with a girl a little less than a month ago and we were hitting it off well but she wanted things to go way too quickly basically telling me how she loves me and cant live without me after not even a month (we have not even had a proper voice chat or seen eye to eye at this point). When I eventually tell her I cant do it because its getting too intense too quickly and I apologize for giving her the wrong expectations she essentially spends a full day threatening to kill herself because I cant return her feelings. This morning I recieved a similar goodbye message telling me I am the reason they will be gone soon before they blocked me.

Obviously it not someone I have known for super long but the whole experience has still been extremely off-putting and distressing especially for someone who struggles with social connections in general and will probably make me not try to form a relationship in the future.

tl;dr Things moved too fast and I couldnt return their feelings at which point they threaten to kill themselves before blocking me.

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Is my (34m) mother (62f) gaslighting me?

TL:DR I'm on disability and my aunt excessively shames me for it. I think my mom is gaslighting me about it.

Let me start off by saying I'm on disablity. And relative to that, Ive been having problems with my aunt for over a year now.

She has said a lot of negative things to me while I was staying with her during my fathers cancer surgery, (a rough time for sure) to try to shame me for being on disability. Screaming at me to get a job, saying I'm not a real man, and that I'm going to hell. She mockingly calls me a little boy, calls me a pervert for no reason, and trash talks to her kids about me. I've even got the impression she doesn't want me to have kids. I feel this all stems from me being on disability.

I try to explain what she's said and how I feel to my mother. Her reaction is usually "she didn't mean any of those things, you're just taking them the wrong way". Which honestly makes me feel like I have a problem. She brought up talking to my aunt about it and mentioned she shouldn't be telling me to get a job.

Am I crazy to think that of all the things I told her my aunt said about me. That I'm going to hell, that I'm not even a man, I shouldn't have children....she picked "she shouldn't be telling you to get a job" as the most important thing to confront her about? That is almost trivial to me.

What my aunt hates about me and will shame, belittle, and seemingly harass me about is being on disability. And what they don't realize is I DESERVE to be on disability.

Am I crazy or is she gaslighting me about the issue?

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Advice if I should date this guy?

I am a 28 year old girl dating an investment banker! We have been together for 1.5 years now.He is a very nice person but never really spends time. We have not taken a single trip in this whole time. We don’t go on many dates and recently we were in two different countries and he did even video call me on my birthday let alone giving me a gift. I’m unsure if I have to continue dating him? Our parents are forcing us to get married but he’s saying he is not excited about the relationship now as much and that he needs more time to be sure. He is a really nice guy so I’m unsure if I should help him understand or just get the hint and leave him ?

Tl:dr - Should I date a great guy who is well educated but who does not show love or care as much ?

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* This article was originally published here