On Valentine's Day, couple married for 63 years reveal surprising secret to a long-lasting relationship Sky News
* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, February 14, 2024
Tuesday, February 13, 2024
How do I openly and honestly approach going on first dates with two different relationship prospects?
Background: I (26F) met 2 wonderful men through a religious dating app (where most people on it are looking for serious relationships). Both of these men live in different countries (Europe and the Middle East), which I don't view as an issue, since I speak both languages and my professional degree from the US is recognized in both places. Additionally, both men are also open to living in the US and have some family here.
Man #1 - Europe (30M): I began talking to this lovely man first. He stood out for his thoughtfulness and consideration for my feelings. Our values, goals, and religious beliefs align, he is kind and gentle when he speaks, and there is mutual respect. For 2 weeks, he would call me everyday and we'd occasionally text. Our communication was consistent and equally initiated/reciprocated. Then, he went a day or 2 without messaging me, so I gave him space, since he works loong hours and possibly set the bar too high at first. Then without explanation, he reached out again and we now call every few days. Since I am visiting family in the Middle East soon, we discussed I take a cheap flight over to him and spend a couple days together, which we are both excited about.
My friends told me his behavior of gradually communicating less frequently could mean he's playing the field and keeping me as an option. I am not comfortable asking him about, bc we're not dating so he can really do whatever he wants. They told me I should be doing the same because this is just how modern dating works. (Plus I don't really want to be waiting on this person's every word, in case I really am just an option.)
Man #2 - Middle East (28M): So, I replied to a message from this other wonderful man. We too have shared values and religious beliefs, he is kind too, and makes me laugh a lot. I haven't spoken to him long enough (only a few days), but he's been responsive and is really excited for me to visit.
The issue: Now I have first dates/meetings lined up with both of these men in 2 different countries. This does not feel right, but it's the only way for me to get truer impressions of them.
My questions: 1. Should I inform each of these men that I will be going on other dates? (I can't stand lying, and I'm sure it will come up in my conversation--like why I'm going to Europe and with who) 2. If so, how do I break the news to them?
TL;DR! - Met 2 great guys on an app and want to meet them, but feel disloyal having dates w 2 different people planned at once. I would not have this challenge if they both lived in town, but I am flying out so this is my one opportunity to meet both of them.
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, February 12, 2024
Why do we catch feelings for/become attracted to those we shouldn't?
This might seem like a general question, but I have had it happen to me more than once. I seem to always catch feelings for the 'dominant' types if you like (I am anything but that, introverted, caring and somewhat socially awkward, etc) and nearly always it ends the same way, with a broken heart. This time has been no different, with one small exception. She doesn't know, and all going well she's not going to.
I won't bore you with great details. But more or less I (24M) am attracted to this girl (22F) who works at my local pub. I have somewhat of a history with her so it was awkward at the start, but we're all good now and it was not long after we smoothed things over that I realised I had feelings. Or at least I think they are, but I do at very least think she is somewhat hot. Maybe it's her looks, maybe it's the way she carries herself, maybe it's just because I have a history with those types of people. I don't know.
The reason I wonder why it's actual feelings or not, is because for the first time ever apparently, the realisation did hit me at some point that we would not work. Apart from her being tied down anyway, we have very friggen little common interests, and while we do get on that's for a few hours one day a week. Every day, I feel would be a different story. That's not to even mention my actual chances with her regardless (slim to none imo).
I have 8 months (the pub's closed for renovations) to try and forget about this stuff and, jee wiz I hope I do.
But my question is, why does this stuff happen? Why is it that we can fancy people that we know we're not compatible with? We know it, I mean I had a girl who was almost exactly the same (with a few exceptions) basically gaslight me for years and it completely shattered me. To the point that I havn't felt anything for anyone, more or less until now.
Deep down though, there is that burning desire for it to work. Why?
TL;DR: Caught feelings for a girl that I have next to no chance of getting in with, and even if I did I doubt it would work. Why do we still want what we cannot have?
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, February 11, 2024
How do I (M29) get over the fact that my girlfriend (F29) isn't conventionally attractive?
Julia and I matched on an app and one of the first things I noticed were that her pictures had been very flattering. But we'd gotten along well and by the end of first date, I was hooked. We've been together for almost a year now and I never thought I could love somebody this much. For me, the more I like someone the more beautiful they become and because of her strength, her passion, her kindness and so much more I do genuinely believe that she's beautiful. Sometimes I'll just look at pictures of her and smile. It's early on but I want to give her the happiest days of her life.
I'm worried I'll ruin it by being dumb. I'm a conventionally attractive guy, and Julia's the first person I've been with that doesn't really fit the mold of a "typically attractive" person. I've introduced her to some of my friends and I've worried that they'll judge me (which is stupid, they're good people that look beyond appearances). When I see picutres of us together I sometimes think "I'm the hot one and that's okay" or "I've been with people who looked better". When we're together I call her things like beautiful and sexy and wonderful and unstoppable (all of which are true), but I don't say things like "gorgeous" because it feels like lying. I've seen pictures of celebrity couples where one is physically stunning and the other is physically "okay" and I've thought "See? We can just be one of those couples". I don't think physical appearance is important beyond the early stages of dating, and I am very attracted to her, physically and emotionally because of who she is and the way she makes me feel. But I know she'd be devastated if I told her about these thoughts. Can I get over this or should we break up?
TL;DR - I love my girlfriend but she isn't conventionally attractive. How do I get over my social conditioning?
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, February 10, 2024
Am I just stressed about the future with my boyfriend or am I unhappy
I (26f) have been dating my boyfriend (23m) for almost 5 years now. The relationship wasn’t bad all in all, we click really good. We did have many fights but we get over them quite quickly… This summer we’re planning to make some life changing decisions that really depend on us being together. So like, we won’t really have a choice to stay together after that (we will be moving to another country and we won’t be able to survive financially without each other). It’s both of ours first relationship so we have no experience or anything to compare this to. I know he loves me a lot and I do love him too but it stresses me out to have this kind of pressure and I keep wanting out of it, even though every time I imagine my life without him I get so sad. Also , if we break up before this summer, we won’t be able to be together because he will go back to his family (we met as international students in uni and he told me that his parents won’t let him leave after he comes back to his country- they are very strict). So I’m so confused right now because I really don’t know what to do, we also have different life experiences, where I had jobs since I was 16 but his family didn’t let him have any so he has no experience, he’s also not the best student or learner and I’m so afraid that it will create so many fights because as it is I feel like so much is on my shoulders… also my parents will be supporting me and my cats for as long as I need, whereas he will have no support, but he’s very good at saving money and has some savings, where I am the worst at saving… I’m also so afraid to break up because I want to believe in the first love thing but sometimes I’m really not sure I’m happy but as I said , I can’t compare it to anything else… I’m like happy 4 days out of 7 generally and then 3 days I’m miserable and overthinking everything. I’m a very strong overthinker. Is it normal for people to have these doubts 5 years in? Or is it a big red flag? How can I stop overthinking and be sure this is the right relationship for me?
TLDR: I’m not very sure I’m happy or maybe I’m just overthinking it , but also I’m very stressed about the future with my boyfriend, even though it has been 5 years that we’re together.
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, February 9, 2024
Thursday, February 8, 2024
For those of you who continued a long term relationship with someone you initially felt you were sexually incompatible with. Do you feel you made the right decision?
I (M31) have met an amazing girl (F27). We're not quite exclusive just yet but she ticks all the long term qualities I'm looking for in a SO. Except there's one problem. I don't feel we're quite "compatible" in the bedroom.. it's hard to describe but essentially it's always a very awkward experience whenever we become intimate. Without going into too much detail I struggle with her lack of "ques" as she's very quiet and not vocal at all about the things she likes when we're in the heat of moment.
She always tells after the after the fact she enjoys what we do but as someone who's a little more use to being with people who give a bit more feedback while things are happening, I'm really struggling to not feel like I'm doing a shit job which is starting to mess with me mentally. We've been trying to communicate about all this but there's been little improvement so far.
I'm worried that if things don't improve long term and I commit to this girl that I won't have a very fulfilling sex life and I'm concerned this may create some kind of resentment (which of course wouldn't be her fault. She's just being who she is).
For the record I don't look at her as just an object. I really enjoy taking care of her, taking her out, cooking her dinners etc.. I guess I'm just a little more use to a bit of a spark in the bedroom.
Has anyone here ever stuck it out with a partner long term with some doubt they might not be fully "satisfied" down the road? Do you regret your decision? Any advice is appreciated.
TLDR: Met an amazing girl. Not quite feeling things in the bedroom. Considering committing to her long term but worried I may have an unsatisfied sex life with her down the road and may regret my decision.
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* This article was originally published here
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