Should I be upset that my boyfriend watches porn that doesn't resemble me?

(bf of 5 years 26M, I'm 28F). I personally don't view it as cheating, moreso as disrespectful in like a "wanting something/someone else with different body types than me to be able to get off," kinda situation, which is enough to upset me if I'm being honest. Enough to make me cry or feel like I'm not what he actually wants sometimes, even.

I realize a lot of people my age don't get upset over it, but my boyfriend and I don't watch it together, mostly just when I accidentally walk in on him watching and get sad that he'd rather fantasize about someone else than to romantasize me instead and drag me to the bedroom (I have a relatively high sex drive, but we don't have sex more than once every couple weeks).

To be honest, I watch porn frequently too, but only 1. due to our lack of sex and 2. the videos I choose actually resemble his body type, or even race. And when I do, I think of him.

I only ask because when he watches it, he watches instagram-model types of women with perfect bodies, cuter faces, aesthetics, etc. None of whom look anywhere close to me, at least in a way I could change without surgery.

I understand how common it is, but I want to understand more if it's even right for me to be upset. It makes me believe that if any women like this actually gave him the time of day, he would potentially leave me (even if that thought is unreasonable and he did nothing else for me to actually entertain that thought). And that's coming from a place of me not watching anyone that even remotely doesn't look like him, since dating him as made him "my type." Even if we broke things off and a standard "hot guy with huge muscles and nice package type for most" walked up to me now, I would turn him down 100% since he wouldn't even remotely resemble the man I'm with.

Can someone maybe explain better if it's normal to feel that way in this day and age? Am I being toxic and insecure even though I think I'm pretty in a different kind of way? Or do you think maybe he would rather date someone who looks like that and I would be better off dating someone else who prefers my looks or body as a type? We've tried watching porn together but it still made me feel weird since the videos he picked were still so different to what I have. It's not cheating, but it gives me this vibe of him potentially wanting to or him just settling for me instead and wishing for more.

Can anyone (men or women) help me try to rationalize this or maybe explain something I'm not seeing or those who are comfortable with it in monogamous relationships let me know why these factors don't hurt them with their own partner?

My parents had a messy divorce due to cheating when I was young so maybe this is why I'm this sensitive and not seeing the big picture, I'm not entirely sure.

TLDR; I'm secure with myself as a person, but my boyfriend watching porn with women that don't resemble me makes me crazily feel like I'm not enough, or his type and need advice before assuming the worst.

submitted by /u/lastnervestanding
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

How do people find partners who truly love them

I (25F) has never had a successful relationship. Every guy I date seems genuinely interested and into me at first, but then he stops trying. I often find myself being the one who's too invested in the relationship, while the other person doesn't seem to mind whether I exist or not. In other words, I always seem to be the one who loves more in the relationship, which makes me miserable and never satisfied.

I think it's worth mentioning that I'm a middle child, and my parents don't show love very well. Growing up, I developed anxious attachment, and I find it hard to leave a relationship even when it's not working for me.

Currently, I'm dating someone (26M) , and we've been together for almost six months. At first, he was so into me, and I felt so happy and secure. He’s very touchy and loves physical affection, which makes me feel loved when we're together. But when we're not together, he often forgets to text, and it makes me wonder whether he loves me or not. This triggers me deeply, bringing back all my fears and insecurities. I'm always the one initiating conversations, and making an effort to keep the connection alive. It feels like I'm the only one invested in this relationship.

To make things more challenging, I have no friends and find it hard to make any. This often leaves me feeling isolated and even more dependent on my partner for emotional support, which I know isn't healthy.

I'm reaching out because I feel lost and don't know how to break this cycle. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you find partners who truly love and care about you? How can I create a healthier, more balanced relationship where I don't feel like I'm always giving more than I'm receiving?

Any advice on how to navigate these feelings and find a fulfilling relationship would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: I have never had a successful relationship. I always end up more invested than my partner, which makes me miserable. I'm currently dating someone for 6 months who is very affectionate in person but often forgets to text when we're apart, making me doubt his love. I also have no friends and find it hard to make any.

submitted by /u/postgril
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Do you really have to choose your partner every day even when you don't feel like it?

Hi guys, I'm looking for some general insights on relationships. I (23F) am in my first serious relationship with my girlfriend (24F). We have been together for a year and a half. She is the first and only person I've ever fallen in love with. During the initial 8-9 months of our relationship, I was so madly in love with her. I even remember making a post about how I have so much love for her that I don't know what to do with it. After we hit our 1 year mark, things started to change a little. Now I know that there is something called the honeymoon phase and it doesn't last forever. This is the stage that I started to notice things about her that I don't like or annoys me. My girlfriend is amazing in general and she's a good person, but just like everyone else (including me), she's not perfect.

Lately, I feel like I've been feeling less connected to her. we still go on dates and activities together, but the general feeling of excitement and butterflies isn't there anymore. I do have fun hanging out with her, but i feel like i don't feel like I'm "crazy" for her anymore. i know I still love her and care for her and want nothing but the best for her. Sometimes I also feel like we're such different people and that maybe I'd be happier with someone more like me. To put it simply, I've begun to wonder how it would be like dating other people, or if I'm really truly happy with her.

I'm not sure about things because this is my first relationship. idk how things are supposed to be. if it's the right person, is it normal to even have doubts about the relationship? I've read about how it's normal to have days where you don't feel too much in love with your partner, and it's a conscious decision to still choose them every day. I agree with this, but sometimes I think about how young I am and this is my first relationship. I don't know if I want to settle with the first person I've ever loved. But on the other hand, I really do truly love her a lot. Part of me does want to spend the rest of my life with her.

I'm just looking for advice in general. thank you very much.

TLDR - Starting to have doubts about the relationship. Should I still continue to choose my partner everyday because I love her?

submitted by /u/ThrowRAWRdino
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My friend (19F) made me(18F) go to house party(I didn't wanted to go there) on my birthday. We've been friends for about 2 years

tl dr;We got in argument during my birthday because I didn't wanted to go where she wanted ( a house party with her friends) I ended up going there because we were at sleepover and I promised my mom to be with her all night, my friend told me if I don't want to go l have to get home.

Also I had to pay for everything (before we were at fancy restaurant also we were using uber to get everywhere). In the morning she was offended by me because I didn't give her 5 dollars.

Her present was only few packages of sweets. She promised to later gift me something special, but didn't do it. We are in one friend group so l don't want get into an argument with her.

I don't want to put a lot of effort into her gift, but I also don't want to look bad in the eyes of others. Her birthday is coming soon and she will celebrate it in a restaurant. What do I do and what present should I get her?

submitted by /u/user7656782876
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Considering Starting a Family with My Older Boyfriend: Seeking Advice

Hi everyone, I [F/27] have recently started dating a man [M/55] We've been together for 6 months now. He already has children who are adults and around my age, from a previous relationship with one woman. He was never married and still maintains a very good relationship with her. He sees his children regularly. I don‘t have children.

Recently, he expressed his desire to have another child and start a new family with me. He said he never planned to have more children because he is already happy with his and just wanted to date but when he met me his desire to build a family grew.

This raises some questions for me. How would this dynamic work when he already has an existing family? Additionally, I personally believe that marriage (not the act it self but „to commit“ is important when bringing children into the world (for example to share the same last name, legal-, financial- and parental-rights for both of us) How should I approach the topic of marriage with him? Is it concerning that he has never been married before?

I also wonder why, at his age, he still wants to have more children when he already has some. I'm feeling a bit conflicted and would appreciate some advice. How do you know when you're sure about having a child with someone? What factors should I consider before making such a big decision? Any insights or personal experiences would be incredibly helpful.

Thank you!

TL;DR I’m a 27-year-old woman dating a 55-year-old man who has adult children. He wants to start a new family with me, which raises questions about our dynamic, the importance of marriage, and his desire for more kids at his age. How should I approach these topics and know if I’m ready for a child with him?

submitted by /u/Tiny-Fee6535
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Should I (39F) pursue a long distance relationship with my friend (36M)?

TL;DR; been friends for 11 years and realized my feelings for my friend, which are reciprocated, who lives over a 1000 miles away. Should I pursue a long distance relationship with them?

My friend, let’s call him Aaron, and I first met in undergrad about 11 years ago. We started a research lab together, spending weeks together in the field collecting moths and other insects and hours in the lab sorting them. At the time I thought he was really smart, funny, but got on my dang nerves. I wasn’t interested in him in sort of way other than research colleagues mainly bc he was annoying but also because I was in a long term relationship (LTR) at the time.

Fast forward to me ending things with my LTR, Aaron move to NYC and became a teacher and I went into the private industry, but we remained in contact periodically throughout the years.

We remained friends but when covid hit, him and I became closer, texting frequently and even calling each other, talking about all the time about weirdo science things that we found fascinating.

I could tell that he was developing feelings for me, but I didn’t pay much attention bc we live 1000s of miles apart.

He came to visit 5 year ago, but nothing happened even though I was anticipating that it would. I was too nervous to make a move and come to find out so was he. We just awkwardly enjoyed each others company.

Fast forward through the years and we kept in touch. He would send me shirtless selfies as he glowed up and would tell me, “I wish I could find someone like you.” Again, I ignored it bc of the distance.

Now 5 yrs later he has come to visit again. The other day we hung out, road bikes, and had an absolute wonderful time. While we were chilling at my house, cooling down from the ride, we were sitting really close and I asked him if he would like to make out, to which he enthusiastically agreed. We ended up fooling around but not hooking up.

It was wonderful, the whole experience. He was so gentle but strong and he made me feel safe in his arms, something I haven’t felt for some time.

He told me during that interlude, “I really like you and I have liked you for sometime.”

I came to realize my feelings since that night has passed. He’s everything I want in a partner. He’s sweet, kind, altruistic, cute, funny, wicked smart, and we do all the same hobbies. He’s no longer that annoying 25 year old I met 11 years ago, he’s a full blown man.

So here I am thinking, should I pursue a long distance relationship with him?

submitted by /u/notmepleaseokay
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Cheated on early in relationship

TL;DR I was cheated for the first three months we were together and new details keep emerging about what he did with his ex, should I reach out to her to get her truth?

Boyfriend 23M cheated on me 23F from the start of our relationship through 2-3 months into our now 8 month relationship. That I know of. And I decided to stay and I thought l'd be over it by now but I can't let it go as new details always emerge.

First I had a bad feeling in my stomach at 4 months into our relationship and found the texts with his ex on his phone. So I have no idea about phone calls or anything that occurred outside of that or what was deleted. Since we got together he texted her everyday, trying to get her to respond and saying he loved or missed her.

Then I saw they made plans one night, he went to hers and swore he just set a boundary with her. I've felt really troubled by this and it bottles inside me because everytime I bring it up he freaks out over me bringing his difficult past up. So l've started to be petty and argue over little things, seeking some sort of retribution or release while everything inside me hurts. The reason I can't heal is because there's always new details emerging or new excuses that make me question it all. He told me last night that when they saw one another he "thinks" he did kiss her "hello" and thinks he did cuddle with her for 2-3 hours. Now I fear the worst happened. I've never attempted to seek her side of the story since he said she cheated on him and made his life really horrible and is fearful of her coming after him and harassing him if they have contact. Now after seeing he harassed her with no reply for weeks, initiated seeing her in secret and said he loved her at Christmas (her mom had died and she reached out) I do wonder if he doesn't want contact because she'll tell me the truth.

He's been a habitual liar, from little things like what he had for dinner to big things like drug use and talking to his ex. He blames this all on withdrawal from cocaine. It makes me sick when I think about how he voluntarily told me she was out of his life and psychotic and that I was his person. I'm moving in with him this week and starting a new job. I don't know how to handle living with him as he's really hurt me.

Can anyone confirm if withdrawal symptoms are that significant and make someone weak enough to reach out to an ex and cheat? I'm wary to believe him. Ar can anyone tell me if I should or shouldn't reach o the ex? To get her end of events?

submitted by /u/rubbersoulcd
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here