For background information we have been together for 3 years and every year he goes on a lads holiday with his friends. In the beginning he kept liking pictures following girls like adding people even though we were together which hurt and I felt disrespected. I communicated this to him but he still kept doing things and making comments even publicly about other people or still liking pictures two years later. His friendship group, half are in relationships but I’ve seen in group chats they just talk about other girls in a really sexual manner and personally when in a relationship I think it’s disrespectful. They also degrade girls based on their appearance and say like mid or how ugly they are when they aren’t the pick of the bunch like I generally do not have a good impression of his friends: I went through an obsessive phase of checking his account and logging into things during this time due to the whole situation making me feel paranoid and anxious but I loved him and kept forgiving him thinking he’d finally change.
But fast forward to three years later every few months I feel like I find some new disrespect but I’ve lost interest in checking all the time and decided I just needed to trust him if it was ever going to improve. We were getting to a better place I felt like so when he went on his holiday this time we had no arguments I didn’t feel anxious and I trusted him. Yeah he’s been disrespectful on social media and done things I wouldn’t do to him but I never thought like physical cheating was something he’d do.
He comes back is acting really nice and like overly lovey but again I had no suspicions, I was even going to sleep before he got back from his nights out because again I trusted him to not physically cheat on me. We sleep together and a day later I start to feel pain down there but think nothing of it. It gets worse so I google my symptoms and everything that is coming up is STDs but I’m in disbelief and brush it off like it can’t be that. So I used a mirror to look and I was swollen and had bumps and I confided in my sister who told me what it sounded like - herpes.
So I booked in to the doctors and got tests done and messaged him saying we needed to talk. He proceeds to ghost me for 2 days and acts like I don’t exist while I’m sat here confused hurt crying like conflicted about what has gone on.
He finally messaged me the truth, well half a truth but I kept pressing cos his story of just being touched at a strip club and sharing a sponge and bed with his mates does not spread an STD. So he told me apparently she just like kissed the top of his dick and he was so drunk it took a while to register what was going on and he left. If anybody knows is that enough to like give someone herpes because I’m still conflicted whether to even believe that.
His reasonings for going to the club were he would be the only one not going in and his mates were robbed in a taxi the night before so he didn’t want to leave by himself, he also thought since I am the only girl he has slept with like he’d have this dance and then it’s out of his system - disgusting. And his friends in relationships too all went with him to this club.
He’s told me how sorry he is and how much he’s fucked up and he realised what he’s done and I feel bad for him because he seems to be so insecure about the fact he lost his virginity late and doesn’t have a lot of experience with girls so I feel like he just tried to fit in with all his friends. He does genuinely seem sorry but I know for a fact no matter how drunk I was I would not do that to him.
I feel conflicted because again he left and how apologetic and guilty he seems to feel like makes me want to forgive him. But at the same time I just feel like I’ve been going through a cycle of being disrespected and hurt for 3 years now. I feel like because we were so good in the beginning and I really love him I just want to see the best in him but surely if he loved me he’s make effort to change and my feelings would be worth more than fitting in with his friends.
I just don’t know what to do and he admitted he wouldn’t have told me what happened so I’m lucky in a Wierd way that I got try is STD even tho it’s made me feel embarrassed dirty and violated. I just don’t know what to do. Does anybody have experience of trying again after somebody has cheated? What was it like? I just don’t know where to go from here.
TL:DR - boyfriend has cheated on me in a stripper club on lads holiday and gave me an STD but seems to be very remorseful and regretful about it and I’m conflicted about what to do, can a relationship still function after the trust is broken like that?
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* This article was originally published here
