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Thursday, August 1, 2024

I (57F) told my daughter (24F) that I would not be attending her wedding due to her fiancés (29M) past. My extended family has now turned on me, advice on how to handle them?

Hello, I made a previous post on this somewhere else. I think you should be able to see it, I'm new to Reddit but I've looked around for the past few weeks

My daughter (24F) is marrying "Connor" (29M) at the end of August. Conner has a not so great history that I went into on my previous post. Two days ago I told my daughter that I would not be attending her wedding because of this history, but I still always be there for her. I wasn't a large part of the wedding party other then being family and I'm not removing any financial aid I've already given or promised them.

I genuinely only ever want my daughter and son to be happy, but I can not go to this wedding. I raised them to accept everyone and to love anyone they liked. I am aware that I am going against my own teachings but, as previously stated, I can not go.

My extended family does not know of Connor's history. I didn't until my son informed me roughly two weeks ago. My daughter was naturally upset at my refusal to go to her wedding and I do not in any way blame her for telling them that I was refusing to attend. I do wish she had said why or given a more detailed explanation as to why I wasn't.

I am now being flooded with calls and messages from my extended family, all calling me awful names. According to them I'm an awful mother, I failed and I should never have been allowed to have children. A particularly spiteful message from my cousin told me she was glad my eldest daughter passed away when she was 12 as I couldn't ruin her wedding. That was 15 years ago now, but I cried reading that message.

What I'm asking about is this, I want to tell them why I'm not going to my daughters wedding but I also feel it is not my place. Is there any middle ground here? How do I get them to back off? Did I make a mistake saying I wouldn't go to the wedding?

TLDR: I told my daughter I wouldn't go to her wedding due to her husband to bes past. She reached out to my extended family and told them of what happened and I am now being called and messaged nearly every hour with awful things being said about me. Please help me

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