I [M28] love my fiancé [M28], or at least I think I still do. We've been together 2 1/2 years. He was never perfect, but he made me feel comfortable. I never felt worried that he might leave me because he always said how much he loves me and how committed he is to making this relationship work, no matter what. That's not because of some special bond that we have unlike any he's ever had; that's just the kind of person he is. There are a few things that I really appreciate about him, but there's probably equally as many that strain our relationship. The biggest is probably just how particular he is. It inhibits every facet of our life. The foods he's willing to eat are limited. The things he enjoys doing are far different from me. He suffers from migraines and difficulty sleeping, meaning we often abandon plans or leave events early because his head hurts or he's tired. Or maybe he's just be bored. Or maybe he doesn't like any of the food there. I wouldn't consider myself the most extroverted, but I like going out to do things. But going out is hard not just because of the various reasons I laid out, but because I am usually the only one paying. He makes significantly less than me and, in the time we've been together, he's left every job because it either burns him out or doesn't make enough to cover more than his personal expenses. On top of that, anything I want him to do I have to ask for explicitly. Paying for things, helping around the house, and even sharing driving duty. I hate doing this because I'm a very independent person and I hate asking people to do things for me. I know he makes less than me. I know doing chores is more annoying for him. Everything just feels easier for me than for him, so I find asking him to do anything is like putting an unnecessary burden on him.
Even with all of that, I'd probably still be staying with him, but our recent move to Europe has left me with a pretty stark choice. He advocated for our move here, even though I was pretty sure he would hate it. His expectation, which I did kind of set, was that we would go back to the US as long as at least one of us didn't like it here. The thing is, I don't just like it here; I love it so far. Everything I love about it, he hates. He essentially can't function here because he hates the food and the air is messing with his allergies in a way that no amount of Allegra will solve. He's given me an ultimatum: we start making plans to go back to the US together or he will go back by himself. The thing is, he doesn't really want to go back by himself, not just because he loves me and would miss me but because he can't necessarily support the lifestyle he wants without my income. I'm pretty sure I could get him to stick it out here for at least another year, if not indefinitely, if I really wanted to, but I don't want to do that to him. Also, as much as I would miss him, having him back in the US would free me up so much, and not just financially. But every fiber of my being doesn't want to tell him that it's over. If he decides it, then sure, but I don't think he will. He'll keep trying to convince me to come back with him, keep asking me if I love this country more than him. I don't want to say "yes" because its more complicated than that, but I honestly dont know what to say. I don't necessarily expect not to hurt his feelings, but I'm not always gentle with my words and I don't want whatever I have to say to come across as being mean, at least from an outside perspective. How do I communicate these feelings I have in a way that doesn't just come across as me attacking him for being who he is?
TL;DR I want to break up with my fiancé because of various issues in our relationship, but I don't know how to communicate this in a kind way.
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