My (21 F) bf (22 M) of 2yrs’ friend made a comment looking at a pic of us, where he called me fat. I don’t know what specifically was said, maybe smth like ‘oh you’re with that fatty/big girl’ type thing. My bf told me after it happened. He said it upset him and he said something to him about it.
But since them, it affects our relationship and when at the gym together he will try to get me to do cardio at the end of the workout, or say I used to be thinner but have ‘let myself go’ (I have not), and also straight up calling me fat but attempting to be gentle about it. I have voiced countless times that it bothers me and makes me feel terrible and unattractive to him, but he’s continued for at least a year. He says the only reason he keeps saying it is so if I have an amazing thin/fit body it will ‘shut them down’ - them being his friend and anyone who would think that about me. He says it’s for that reason but also for my own benefit for health/I would benefit from the nicer body too
I feel like a normal response would be to feel angry at that friend and defensive of me, but feeling the need to then prove everyone else wrong by encouraging me to look better, makes it seem like he’s only concerned about how it looks to others for him to be with me. And that he isn’t proud to be with me how I am. I thought the normal thing would be to feel angry at the friend but then also think ‘this is the person I love and choose to be with, and she is perfect the way she is and doesn’t need to change’.
Is his explanation unreasonable for his actions? Is he TA or NTA?
Has anyone else had a friend say something bad about your s/o and how did you react. What would be your reaction in my situation.
For context, I do struggle with body image issues from being a bit heavier in the past, but I objectively am not fat. Size 10, work out regularly in the week. I have a curvy figure , naturally broad shoulders and hips, and might be what some see as chubby in areas, but very much within the average female population build. Bmi also objectively not overweight, not that that matters or is the best measurement anyways
TLDR; my bf’s friend made a comment about my appearance and now he’s trying to get me to improve my body to ‘show everyone’ and prove them wrong. Is his reasoning completely off- is he TA or NTA?
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