So there's a lot of context to this situation:
I've always been a pretty lonely person despite trying to best to fix that. I've never had a girlfriend despite already being 22, and I've never really had much in terms of friends. In fact, I only really had two people I actually thought of as friends for my entire life, these two sisters that don't even live in the same country as me, but we've been this closely-knitted trio pretty much since we were toddlers, when our parents first introduced us to one another. So they were my best friends for pretty much all my life, but in the recent years I ended up really preferring to talk and hang out with one of them: the older sister. She was a lot more mature, very smart, charming, and she was always just a great person to hang out with. And we were still extremely close even though we just messaged each other from time to time and just met in-person a few times a year.
Eventually I grew to full-on love her and really wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. She was just the perfect person, we had so much in common, it just seemed natural. I tried to build up confidence over a few years to actually do it. Seeing how I only attempted to ask someone out before, and I wouldn't even class it as an attempt it was so terrible. And because I'm just so clueless when talking to people, and I wanted this to go and well as possible, I wanted to take my time. She also has never been in a relationship though, so I hoped that that will also at least make her standards a bit lower for these sorts of proposals.
Eventually, one time when I went over to them, I feel like I made a good-enough script on what to say to her and I just built up enough confidence after so many years to ask her out. So with the excuse of going up to her room to check up on her and see how I was feeling, I was finally alone with her and ready to tell her that. I started out presenting her a gift I bought for her, this metal rose with a little plaque that said her name and "A rose for you". Roses are her favourite flower, and she even wants to give any future daughter the name Rose. After that I sat on the side of her bed and just went with my script. I pretty much said this:
"The truth is I never met a more beautiful, smart, and amazing woman in my life. And seeing how we are already so close, we have so much in common, I thought that maybe we should, you know, be together? And yes, I know that we don't see each other that often, but we can't do much about that, and I feel like it's better to just be together and then make those moments we are together that much more special. And if you want, after I'm done with university, I can even move back here with you. That's how much you mean to me. Because I've really never met another girl like you and it would be an honour to be your boyfriend. And I really don't know what I'd do without you. So what do you think of all of this?"
I thought it was a pretty good way to do it myself that covered all the major bases. And she seemed pretty into it. I thought it was going well. I've never seen her smile as much and as wide as while I was saying all of that. She looked really taken in by what I was saying. After that she just went "wow, I really didn't expect that" as she continued to smile but clearly being stuck as to what to say. She eventually said my words were all very kind, and that it's just a lot to think about, and that she just has to think about it first.
Two days later when I visited their house again, I once again made an excuse to go up to her room and check up on her. We talked for a while about how she felt, before awkwardly getting back on topic. It was clear that none of us wanted to start that topic but I did. She just gave out a small chuckle as I went into it, reaffirming to her that's she's truly the best person I've ever met and how it would be an honour to be her boyfriend. However, she then began saying how it's all very sweet of me to say it and all, but she just won't be able to have the same feelings towards me, and she sees me more like a brother than anything. I tried to rescue the situation but to no avail. We just ended the conversation hugging it out, and me jokingly saying "well if you ever change your mind you know where to find me", and leaving her room. Just like that I felt my life shatter. It was supposed to all work out, I thought we would be happy together, but apparently not. And I was driving myself crazy thinking how I could've done it any better. I became even more of a wreck than before, unable to do anything, paralysed by the depressing thought that we'll most likely never be together, despite me thinking that so many things were telling me that it would work out. I just was frozen by grief and didn't know how to move on. And I also became anxious about how it would impact our friendship.
A few days later, at another visit at their house, when we had another moment alone as her sister went off to do something, she said she just wants to go back to that conversation and ask me something. For a minute there I was hopeful that she changed her mind, but what she said was worse than anything I could imagine. She legit asked me if because of this, do I feel like distancing myself from her a bit, and if I will be fine still being close friends with her. I naturally said that of course not, I want things to stay as they are and I just want things to return to status quo between us. But for some reason she wasn't convinced I was telling her the truth.
A few more days pass, and in the middle of the night, I receive a message from her, saying that she basically never wants to see me or talk to me ever again. You can probably imagine how poorly I took that. I was so confused as to why she was reacting like that, and why someone so smart and reasonable was now so eager to destroy a life-long friendship. So I asked if she's really sure about it, trying to remind her of all the good memories we have, and telling her how we really shouldn't sacrifice all of that just because of this. But what she said next truly broke me, and she did some awful stuff I'd never expect from someone so kind to the core, innocent and friendly. Firstly she tried to downplay our friendship to try and justify her breaking off contact with me. She literally said that we were never much more than "mates", and was talking a lot about how we were never really that close. Even though just days ago she said I was like a "brother" to her, and I still have messages from her from not so long ago, when she says that she considers me her best friend, and how she loves how much we have in common and how close we are. So that already was very fishy. For someone so kind, someone who hates causing a fuss, and someone so rational, it all just fell off. In that moment she felt like a completely different person. Granted I always seen that she did have some trouble with her emotions sometimes. Plus similar to me she's just kind of a shy person. That's one of the reasons I didn't think she would say no, I just didn't think she'd want make things awkward. So much less did I think she had the guts to then try and destroy a life-long friendship.
A few days later, after my return home, she messaged me again, saying how she really doesn't care for this friendship, saying not to talk to her, before blocking me on Facebook, the only means we had of messaging each other. I can't even see her profile or anything now.
One part of me feels like this is all too inane for a person of her caliber. Just so unlike her that it could be caused by the massive amount of stress she's been under recently. She had to plan out a trip, has a lot of important uni work, and also of course me asking her out. So I feel like she's just overreacting and she may just mature out of this anyway. Though seeing how she's already pretty mature at 22, and an extremely mature and serious 22 year old at that, I just never expected that kind of behaviour from someone like her that I knew so well, and who I know is better than this.
It got worse when I messaged her sister, asking her to help fix my friendship with the girl. I didn't think she even knew what was going on between us as I didn't tell her before and I thought that the girl I asked out would be too awkward to say what was going on either. So I just texted her saying that I need her help fixing our friendship, and that our trio was at risk of falling apart. I didn't tell her the reason for it all yet, the fact I asked out her sister, just wanted to make sure that's she's interested first. I was hoping to get a response saying that's she ready to help in whatever this is. but instead she sent me a short novel-worth of text, saying I'm somehow being childish and playing dumb games, how she supports her sister's decision, and that my behaviour crossed all lines. I was really confused and depressed by this, I never expected to all of a sudden see both of the closest people in my life to be so hostile towards me. But what was also off was the fact that none of the "accusations" made any sense in context of what was going on, and I didn't do anything of what she accused me of. This lead me to maybe believe that that sister I asked out could be even feeding her the wrong information, or for some reason interpreted me simply not wanting to end such a good friendship, as something much worse. I tried to explain that to the sister, but she wouldn't listen. What I also just don't understand is why she outright refused to acknowledge when I said I will survive still being friends with her, it won't drive me to depression or anything. It's something I also asked the sister about, if the two genuinely think I'm so weak mentally or something that this will drive me insane or something, but again, she just refused to answer and just ignored that question.
As our parents were still friends, and at least mine knew nothing about the situation (don't know about theirs), we still would visit their house to hang out. The next time we visited was extremely stressful, as I just didn't know where we stand at all, and I haven't spoken to either sister since the argument. I didn't speak much as is always the case, but the younger one was fairly fine with some small talk with me. The one I asked out, while she didn't speak to me at all, did at least smile and shake my hand and said goodbye when we were leaving (though she was very quick to stick out her hand for a handshake vs a hug which we usually did). That night, looking at her, I realised I couldn't let things end the way they did. After the visit, I messaged the younger sister to congratulate her on her recent engagement, something I didn't do at the visit (yes, she got engaged despite being just a month older than me, which certainly didn't make me feel better about myself, and just somehow made me sadder). I also realised I needed to do something about the the other sister as well.
As she blocked me, I decided to get in touch with her a different way, a letter. She loves things such as literature, letters, and anything classical, soft, and sentimental like that. I spent the next few months writing a letter to her, trying to put together something cohesive of the mess of thoughts in my mind over the situation. It was less of a love letter, wasn't even a "let's start anew" one really, just a rather non-committal "you made me such a better person, things were so great when we spoke, let's just maybe keep in touch". I was scared of pushing anything, so I wanted to leave the intent pretty open-ended. I even included some photos from the time they visited me for a few days. However, I just included photos of just the two sisters together, as I didn't want to push my luck and make it seem like I'm including them to go "oh look how happy the three of us were together".
I knew I'd eventually meet her at the wedding. We sat in the same pew, and I generally drifted around her, though we didn't speak, the only person I spoke to was one of their friends which I met before that also mostly stood around her or the sister, or their other friends.
At the wedding party, I was looking for any excuse to talk to her, but being my awkward self, I knew I wouldn't be able to just walk up to her. Instead, I decided to use an ace up my sleeve. My cousin happened to be the host/DJ of the party, so when the various games started, I wanted to ask him for a favour, and to orchestrate a scenario where I would get to chat or dance with her or something. However, before I had a chance to do that, the game began. The guys in one circle outside, and all the girls in another circle inside. Each circle would spin, the music would stop, girls would turn around, and the guys would have to do something (compliment, kiss on the hand, etc). And on the very final one, just as thought the game was over, my cousin announced the finale. The girls would have to turn around and dance with the guy. And guess who I just stopped in front of me. I could've never imaged more luck than that.
When she turned around, she did a small a awkward laugh, and I still didn't know where we stood, to be kind I just leaned in and told her that if she doesn't want to dance with me, it's fine and I get. However, she said it's fine, and my very first dance of my life was with her of all people. She said she got the letter, and that she wanted to talk to me about it. That made me pretty confident in the whole situation, however, as she was always away dancing or something, and I was mostly sat at my table just on my phone, we didn't have a chance to talk, though I couldn't tell if she was just trying to delay it on purpose. We did chat a bit more, about life in general, uni, and stuff, and she seemed like the old days again, the way she interacted with me. When I was saying goodbye to her when we were leaving, she told me she'd either message me, or if not we'd probably see each other at their house soon anyway.
After a few agonising days of no response, I went to their house to hang out with them. The newlywed wasn't there, but her sister, their brother, and his girlfriend were. The four of us went on a walk, and as the other two lagged behind a bit at one point, it was the perfect moment to walk up to her and start the talk. She told me she liked my letter, but she still wants me to essentially forget about her and just end all contact with her. Saying that she changed a lot, etc. That hurt a lot, especially as things seemed so strong at the wedding. I tried to get her to share her reasoning, or change her mind, but I was so confused I barely knew what to say, so I tried to keep things friendly, while still trying to understand why.
When we returned, I went into the garden to collect my thoughts about what just happened. When I came back, the other two left somewhere and it was just me and her left in the living room, so we made ourselves some tea together. We got talking again, and again, things seemed fine, so I said "I guess we still know how to talk to each other" as a joke. I also added "if I don't get to speak to you again, congrats on your PHD". Then, things started changing. She said that we'll most likely talk again at some point or another, and she said she'll even unblock me on Facebook. She even told me that it wasn't her that blocked me really, rather, some undisclosed friend pressured her into doing it. And overall the visit ended on a very positive note, compared to how it started.
And that's where we stand. Haven't spoken to either sister yet, though will most likely meet them again soon, so I wanted to know, what is even going on?! As someone with no experience in social situations like this, I have no idea how to read it or what to do next. So any advice on next steps to rebuilding friendships with both of them. I also gotta admit that the odds of us being in a relationship are fairly non-existent now, so any ideas on how to begin looking elsewhere, would also be welcome.
TL;DR is that I asked out my best friend, I thought it went well, but apparently now she wants to destroy our life-long friendship over this and never wants to see me again. I managed to at least reconnect with her somewhat, and want to know what to do next, or how to begin looking for friends/relationship elsewhere.
