Girlfriend meeting a guy friend that likes her?

So I've (29m) been with my girlfriend (23f) for 4 months and she met a guy friend who liked her (just for a day when he visited the country we are in, he lives abroad) and they used to be close (but she said she 'friendzoned' him) and often ignores his calls and has even spoke a bit mockingly about him. This was in the evening for a few hours after she met me. She said when they met for a coffee a female friend (who I know) eventually called her and she went home.

Is it worth brushing this off or should I discuss a boundary - e.g. meeting people who like us could be disrespectful to our relationship, especially as I wouldn't entertain hanging out with a girl who likes me while I'm in a relationship.

I haven't discussed any boundaries about meeting opposite sex friends before, I remember once she got drunk with about 5 guys (who she says known for 7 years) alone (in the first week of our relationship) but that's all. She is otherwise a very trustworthy and respectful person.

TL;DR: Girlfriend met a guy friend who she friendzoned; should I discuss a boundary or ignore it?

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* This article was originally published here

After 10 years together my partner (wife 29F) says she doesn't know if she has ever loved me (30M)

But I don't really know what to do. I (30 M) guess I'll start at the beginning.

Growing up my wife (29F) had a lot of trauma. Abusive parents. Undiagnosed ADHD. Alopecia. Chronic UTI's. And a lot more.

I have been with my partner for around 10 years, married for about 4. We have always had our ups and downs. She was intensely jealous. Over time I became less connected to my friends, because she was an intense introvert with bad social anxiety.

Things became bad around 6 months ago.

- 6 months ago, a few things happened. The first thing is I started a business. It was something we spoke about for a while. She was against it initially because for her financial security is extremely important to her. But in the end we decided to do it.

- With me running a business, I spent a lot of time making it work. Honestly I've always been a hard worker. I worked and worked and worked. But when we signed up for it we knew that this was what it was going to be like. This was the expectation. But as a result I'm drained. I don't have the energy to listen to everything she says at work (and there is a lot going on at work, a lot of names and acronyms I have to remember).

- Her boss in her corporate organisation resigned. She cried for weeks. Heartbroken. The best way to describe is that her boss was like a father figure and with her abusive past she needed that connection.

- She moved to a new team. And in this team, the boss took away the work she wanted to do and in a general sense bullied her.

Last week she attempted suicide. In front of me and my mum. She hid a fistful of pills in her hand and tried to down them. Because of her work. We called an ambulance and they took her away to the hospital. She was furious. So angry. She was calling until 4AM not letting me sleep. Because she wanted me to suffer "like she was right now".

Later she apologised and said that she had PTSD flashbacks of when she was younger and had to go to hospital. After one night apart I came back.

A couple of days ago (out of the blue) she told me that though she loved me, she has never "been in love with me". For 10 years. She was with me because of the trauma she went through and because I made her feel safe and loved. She didn't say it out of anger or indifference. She was heartbroken. She was crying and apologizing. Which made it worse.

In subsequent conversations she said that though we have a physical and emotional connection we are lacking a mental one.

She has felt stronger connections with other men and that's what made her realise she might have a better connection elsewhere.

To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. There were some signs earlier sure, we argued about how much I wasn't at home or not able to listen to her. But at no point did she say that she was never in love with me.

I don't really understand what I want. I'm not sure whether I should stay or go. I'm not coping well.

Honestly I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this. Or something similar. Is there a reason why? How can a person just flip a switch and destroy something over 10 years. Without any warning

tl;dr:

My partner (29F) of 10 years has told me (30M) that she has never been in love with me and needs time to think. How have other people coped with this? (General advice/input welcome)

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* This article was originally published here

How long to introduce kids to new partner?

TL;DR- How long do you wait to introduce kids to a new partner? How do you know you know someone well enough?

We’ve been dating for 9 months f(34) m (36) everything’s going well so far but how do you know when the right time is? He’s got two kids and I’d like to meet them at some point now but I’m not sure if he is unsure or just being cautious? I’m starting to worry that we’re not really moving forward ..I fully understand and support that it needs to be well thought out but I feel like our lives are separate at the moment I’m feeling closer to him that I’m wanting to start thinking about bringing us together more!

Am I wrong for feeling like this?

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* This article was originally published here

I (24M) need help understanding my girlfriend (21F) and if she needs space or break up

Hey there so my girlfriend and I have been together for a year and six months. It’s been great for the most part. For those who wanna know I’m a cancer and she is a Scorpio. We were also friends for 3 years before dating.

Back in December her and I took a two week break. It was initiated by me. At the time she was pressuring me to let her move in and wouldn’t stop so it stressed me out. She already had my house key cause she would house sit when I was out of town.

Starting in February she started talking about how much her parents were making her stressed about her life. She deals with depression and anxiety by the way. Ever since February she’s been trying to find a place to live on her own. Over that time the stress from family and work started getting into the relationship. We would bicker more as time went on to the point that in early May we got in a fight and decided to give each other space for the weekend. After that weekend I realized she’s the one and I want to live with her. She then said she still needed time to decide if she wanted to live together because her family was making her question her direction in life.

So after a week, my out of town family came in to town and she wanted to meet them. Over that time things were amazing and we were happy. I then left for vacation four days later and we were still great. Three days later she left for her own vacation and things were still good.

The next day she gets home to her family and all of sudden she’s being distant and short. Still saying she loves me though. (This was a week ago) Then we see each other the next day and I asked her about the distance all of sudden. She then started talking about her family, her job, and not knowing her living situation were all stressing her out to the point where she now needs space. I asked if she wanted to break up and she said no because she still loves me and didn’t want to break up and me not go back to her when she was ready. In that conversation she also stated that she could see herself marrying me but it scares her and that if we were to live together she could see herself being happy as well.

Since that conversation we have barely talked. Only things she has mentioned is that she needs space and that I have been giving her none to the point where she feels more pushed away. I also told her if we were broken up then she needs to get her stuff from my house and give my house key back. She stated that she didn’t need anything from my house. That’s the last thing she said to me 3 days ago and I haven’t heard from her since. I still have her things at my house and she has my house key.

My question to everyone is do you guys think she’s ready to move on or is she truly so stressed out in life she just needs a break from the relationship?

TLDR: Girlfriend of a year and a half wants space because stress from family, not knowing what to do with her career, and feeling like she doesn’t have enough money to move out. Once I invited her to live with me which is something that she wanted to do 6 months ago. She asks for space and time because her life is already too much.

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My husband refuses to let me cool down and it resulted in a huge fight.

My husband refuses to let me cool off and it resulted in a huge fight.

Pretty much what it says above. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s and have a generally very good relationship. Every once in a while though we have huge blowout fights.

This almost always happens because I realize I’m not in a mental place to able to have a conversation about whatever he is upset about in that very moment. I know that I need to cool down first.

I try to communicate this to him and he refuses to stop or leave me alone. It usually results in him getting louder and more physically intimidating. He would never hurt me but he is a big guy and looms over me and refuses to give me the physical space to feel safe. I just keep telling or often even yelling at him to stop and leave me alone over and over again and he gets more and more frustrated and in my face.

I’m so genuinely deeply upset after this fight. I feel so powerless. If he refuses to give me space and let me cool down, what can I do?

TL;DR: My husband refuses to let me cool down and it resulted in a huge fight. I feel powerless. What can I do?

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* This article was originally published here

Working on feelings of jealousy

TLDR: Felt some boundaries were crossed between GF and male best friend. Talked to her about it, drew some boundaries, agreed on them. Still uneasy. Need help.

​

My GF of 1 year has a male best friend who Im friends with as well though not nearly as close. They hung out a lot and would do things that I felt strangely about ( they would go for dinner, a walk and then go get ice-cream and he would pay for it). Was a bit uncomfortable that I was never invited to a single of their meetups and always got the feeling that at some points he was interested in my GF especially before we got together (I have known them both about 5 years now). Either way, I was confident about our relationship so I never really questioned it and just thought maybe thats just their dynamic.

Then she invited him (just him) to her place so she could cook him dinner during a weekend (during a time when we were both incredibly busy so weekends were kind of sacred as we set them aside for each other) on top of that, I was having a absolute shitfest of a week (grandma diagnosed with terminal illness, almost failing out a class at college etc.) so I felt that crossed a line. Set her aside, talked to her about it and it went well and she said she never knew I felt that way and would make sure to invite me next time.

This was all a few months back and things have been perfect since but I still find myself struggling with (jealousy?) / general uneasiness when i chance upon the hopelessly long chains of text they send each other. The "problem" has already been solved so how do I get over myself?

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* This article was originally published here

I’m pulled of both sides and I don’t know what to do

I (17M) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (18F) since almost 2 years now, but I am loosing the love that I used to have for her, the thing is that I clearly know it’s still the case for her.

I noticed that my feelings for her (and a lot of things, almost everything actually) were going down, so I want to tell her what’s happening. One of the big issues is that I know that when I will tell her, it will completely break her, she have some mental health problems and already tried to take out her life a lot of times before we knew each other.

My plan is to tell her family and her closest friend that I plan to leave her and I will explain why I’ll tell them.

Two of the major keys of this story are :

1 : we are passing the equivalent of the exam for the High School Diploma soon, and this cause a lot of stress to my girlfriend. If I tell her my feelings before, she will completely fail and wont get the Diploma, which is necessary for her studies next year.

2 : this is also the period where we see in which school we’re accepted. She have an osteopath school near where we live, and I have a landscaper school that accepted me far away. She wants to do some paperwork so she can go at the same city as I, but if I leave her, she will be completely lost and alone in a place where she have no other attachments except me. Even though I don’t really love her anymore, I still like her a lot and wish her the best.

If I just wait until the end of the exams, it will probably be too late and she will get the paperwork done. If I do it now she will fail her exams and it will probably create a vicious circle where she won’t get over it, and I am afraid that, if it’s the case, she will end her days one way or another.

Tldr : I (17M) want to leave my girlfriend (18F) because I don’t really love her anymore but if I do it now, she will be completely broke mentally, and if I don’t do it now, there’s a big probability that I’ll have to stay with her for at least a year.

My question is : how do I handle this situation ?

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* This article was originally published here