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Friday, June 24, 2022

My(f21) boyfriend(m21) has really strict parents. How do I help him feel less stressed?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 8 months and met at our university. I'm not sure if this is relevant info but I'm latina and he's asian. I have strict parents too, but they're just not as strict as his imo. I feel sort of bad for him because his parents expect him to do everything. he said it's always been that way since he can remember, but he has a younger sister who's 19 and his parents expect my boyfriend to do everything for her and for them. like he always has to drive her around everywhere just because she doesn't feel like driving. and his parents only expect him to clean the house and do the cooking and chores. his sister does help out sometimes, but the majority of times he does everything. I get it might be because he's the oldest...he said his parents always do everything his sister wants. they don't allow him to really hang out with me. and we only get to see each other once a week and for a few hours on that chosen day. because his mom says why does he need to see me more than once a week. but yet they let his sister go out whenever she wants, and as many times as she wants a week. and he's told me how when he graduates his parents still expect him to send money to them and help with his sisters education because it's "his responsibility". now don't get me wrong, of course I think it's good that he helps out his parents and sister when he can, he's a great guy. but I feel like so much responsibility is put on him, that shouldn't be. I do understand about his parents needing help with certain things, because I also have immigrant parents. there's a lot more, but I'm not going to go into too much detail. I'm not sure how to help him. he has trouble talking about his feelings with me because he said it's not something he's ever learned to do. and I really love him and care for him. I just want him to open up more and know that im there for him. please help it would mean everything <3.

TL;DR! - my boyfriend has really strict parents who expect him to do everything for them and I need help on how to be there for him and make him feel less stressed.

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* This article was originally published here

Thursday, June 23, 2022

Boyfriend doesn’t seem to be attracted to me anymore and it’s very hurtful

Hello everybody! I apologize if I make any mistakes while trying to communicate in English, since it’s not my native language.

I (f28) am in a long term relationship (6 years) with my boyfriend (m26). We are living together and he is supportive to me. Marriage and children are in the plans. Or they were in the plans, since our relationship have been changing lately.

There’s a lack of intimacy between us. He seems to be losing interest in sex, although I often try to initiate it. It’s very hurtful to think that he isn’t attracted to me anymore. Other guys try to flirt with me though but I’m not interested in any of them.

We’ve gotten into a routine, like we’re just best friends. After work at the end of the day he spends his free time playing online games. There’s a girl in his game group he meets online often. He is always talking to her, sharing confidences, or even talking about our relationship (even personal things about me which I would like to be private). He is open to me about it.

I feel lonely and like I'm not a priority. I don't want to misjudge or to be toxic to him or the girl, but I can’t stop think he is having an emotional affair. Should I be concerned about it? How to deal with it?

I always had trouble connecting with other people, it takes me a lot of time and efforf to strengthen love and friendship bonds. And I value my time with him, we’ve been through so much together. That’s why it’s so difficult to know what should I do in this situation .

Thanks to everyone who can read and help.

tl;dr: Boyfriend doesn't seem to be attracted to me anymore. He is losing interest in sex. I think he is becoming attached to someone else. I don’t know how to deal with this situation.

submitted by /u/Chemical-Cost-6670
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* This article was originally published here

Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Question that I shouldn’t be asking.

Me (22) and my gf (20) broke up due to multiple red flags on her part. I really liked this girl, but knew I had to move on. However, I want her to realize what she’s done and try to change.

Since talking it through did not work, what is the best way to make her truly feel my absence from her life and hopefully make her make a change and come back into my life as a healthier and better potential girlfriend?

Tldr: broke up with my gf because of a few issues. I want her to change and come back to me, what’s the best way to make her feel she has messed up?

submitted by /u/Theicemachine01
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* This article was originally published here

Monday, June 20, 2022

My (27f) boyfriend (30m) thinks I should tell him everytime someone flirts with me

I posted a video swimming underwater, in my swimsuit obviously! And he replied to the story: "Would you tell me if one of your exes replies to this in a flirty way"?

This was a Whatsapp status so I told him I didn't have any exes in my contacts but in any case, I would not tell him every time someone hits on me, I would not be unfaithful of course and that would not add any value. I understand this comes from an insecure space (I was unfaithful before, he was as well) BUT I don't think its healthy to "report" on these things, specially when you're not engaging with them.

Am I crazy to be firm about this and to think this is toxic?

He says he doesn't understand why is unhealthy, and asked me to send an article or something. I dont think I need an article because its about the principle and what I expect from the relationship, but want to double-check, I feel crazy

TL;DR: my boyfriend wants us to tell each other each time someone is flirty, is this really healthy?

submitted by /u/scarranzam
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* This article was originally published here

Sunday, June 19, 2022

I come onto Reddit to speak platonically when I feel isolated or lonely

I suffer with depression and I am very codependent possibly borderline personality disorder. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. We have been living together all this time. We are very close, we are best best best friends and do a lot together. I am also a loner and I love just doing my individual things that calm me and helps my mental health and made it important to also have my own set of shows and games to play. I have become a lot better mentally when I started doing my own set of hobbies. I am very very very content. And absolutely love my boyfriend with all my heart.

However I am so bad with change. I had been unemployed for a year. And now I started work and because of this I feel lonelier because I have been with other people and I have withdrawn from my relationship and feel all weird like the relationship has changed and get paranoid and so scared that's we are drifting. And I have so much social anxiety at my new job that I feel alienated and I come home and withdraw and now I have started coming on here to talk to people platonically. I am being very selfish and I don't wanna come on here for an outlet. I'm creating this problem and I don't really understand it.

Tl;Dr I keep seeking communication with people on here when I feel lonely in my relationship.

submitted by /u/udonkeybreather
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* This article was originally published here

Saturday, June 18, 2022

i (24f) feel like i’m turning my family against me because of my toxic mom (43f)

my mom and i have had a really rocky relationship since i can remember. we’ve definitely not been the best version of ourselves, but my really awful days were in my teen years and it stemmed from a lot of her emotional abuse and neglect. our constant fighting and inability to get along made it virtually impossible to have any sort of relationship, so i sought independence at 17 and didn’t talk to my family for nearly 4 years. that was a painful time in my life and i missed them the whole way, as i have siblings (21m, 15f, 13m) and i felt like a horrible sister for leaving them in the dust. my mom and i tried to reconcile a few times in those 4 years and it never worked out, i was still upset at her and she could never forgive me or recognize her own wrong doings.

flash forward to a few years ago, things start becoming more amicable and we start to talk again. i became a pretty present daughter as i tried to be there in any way i could for her and my siblings. this was by spending long hours on the phone, traveling down to see them often, paying for plane tickets and traveling during COVID (not ideal, but i felt it was necessary for me to keep this relationship). i helped pack for their move then, spent most my christmas break there, i stayed an entire summer more or less to help my siblings adjust to a new state, i took my siblings in during my first week at uni while my stepdad and her were fighting, the list goes on. essentially, it feels like there’s always been a crisis of some manner or them needing me to be a “responsible” daughter and come aid them. this wouldn’t typically be an issue, as i really do WANT to help.

the bigger issue lies in the fact that its never reciprocated and my life is never taken into consideration. i live 6 hours away, i am working two jobs and going to school, i have pets and responsibilities here, my own home. i have a lot of life to juggle here that depends on me being a very reliable person. i make a lot of time for others and would absolutely do that for my family, as i have many times in the past. but over the past year (and honestly for a lot of my life) she has made me run around to prove i care and that i’d drop anything. she also doesn’t show up for things or communicate with me for big things in my life, like birthdays, holidays, important events, etc. i would never call myself flaky, but i do try to set boundaries for when i really need to do things.

i let her know 4 weeks ago that i would have time off in the upcoming week, and would love to come see her and my siblings, but i had a new job and needed to plan things accordingly. she never responded for two weeks. then she was in the hospital, concerning head and stomach pains, which other people were around to take care of and i asked to be updated throughout. during this time she never responded to me, never reached out. then this morning i receive a text that i i should travel 4 hours away with a less than 10 hour notice for an event that’s important for my sibling (which i asked to be given a heads up on, they know his schedule far in advance, and he will likely have more of these events this year), and was told that she doesn’t ask a lot of me and i could cancel plans to be there during these stressful times for family.

i’m honestly just hurt. i want to go to support my sibling but i can’t let her keep disrespecting my time and life for it. i could maybe make it happen, but 1) it’d be a really tight fit into my weekend of plans i made far in advance, 2) gas prices are atrocious and i make $12/hr, and 3) i feel like i’m being guilted into something that i would have absolutely made time for and saved up for given even just a few days notice.

i don’t know what to do. how should i address this and should i continue to set boundaries?

tldr; my toxic mom is putting me in a last minute position to attend an event 4 hours away and i am not sure whether to go or set boundaries.

submitted by /u/forstudentstuff
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* This article was originally published here