Outcasted by Boyfriend’s Friends (BF 23M / Me 25F for 1 - 1/2 Y)

Disclaimer: This is a re-upload, but I'm modifying a few things. Please refrain from personally attacking my character, as you do not know the entire story. I'm simply seeking some different perspectives. If the story offends or upsets you, please refrain from commenting at all.

I will begin with our ages: I am a 25 year old woman, and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for almost 2 years.

As for some relevant backstory, I’ve had a few relationships in the past, but I am my boyfriend’s first proper girlfriend. I prefer not to discuss personal issues publicly, so this post will be taken down shortly after I receive my answers.

My boyfriend and I got together under unique circumstances, as I was initially dating his friend for over a year. To keep it brief, I ended things with his friend to be with him. The breakup with his friend wasn’t excessively messy, and I even remained on speaking terms with my ex for a little while, until recent events unfolded.

For about a year, my ex and his group of friends, with whom we used to hang out, stopped talking to my boyfriend completely. However, a significant argument occurred between my boyfriend, which led to the group reestablishing contact with him while completely cutting off communication with me. It’s important to note that this argument had nothing to do with the group itself.

For over 6 months now, my boyfriend has been spending time with this friend group, including my ex, while I have been completely excluded and isolated from any events they have. This has personally affected me, as it’s hurtful to feel cast aside by my boyfriend and his friends due to personal grudges.

I have repeatedly asked my boyfriend to initiate a conversation with these people, in hopes that I could be reintroduced into the friend group, but unfortunately, this has not progressed at all.

I even attempted to privately message my ex and another member of the group, hoping to open a dialogue, but they completely ignored me.

The best way to describe the situation is akin to living in a room that is flawless with its amazing decor, fancy furniture, and rare paintings. However, right in the middle of the floor, there’s a bag of steaming crap that my partner is refusing to clean up. It may be a significantly small parcel, but it still stinks up the room!

I feel like this group has designated me to be the scapegoat for past arguments, probably because they are still subconsciously angry at my boyfriend for choosing to be with me. It’s quite perplexing, and I don’t know how to handle this situation. I love my boyfriend, and our relationship is perfect except for this clear barrier between me and his friends.

My question is, what would you do in my situation?

TLDR: What should I do about my boyfriend's friends isolating me from everything, because of an old grudge?

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* This article was originally published here

My ex(25f) make me feel bad even if i(28m) do the same

Hello everyone!

As note, we have decided to keep the contact.

As my title said, my ex-gf makes me feel bad while she is telling me about her sex life, but i am getting upset even if i did the same things with other women, but i don’t share with her my sex life, because i don’t find uselful.

I know it’s not my business but i want to understand my feeling regarding this.

I think i am projecting on her what i do and still feeling bad about it.

I don’t understand this feeling and i want you guys to help me with what i am doing bad here.

Tl;dr: My gf makes me feel bad even if i am doing the same things, but she shares them with me

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* This article was originally published here

What do green flags in relationships look like? - OTV News

What do green flags in relationships look like?  OTV News

* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend [24M] and I [21F] just moved. How do we get through it?

I [21F] and my bf [24M] have been dating for almost 4 years and moved into a new apartment about 2 weeks ago and it's been a mix of emotions. We've both been studying the whole time we've been dating, and now that we've both graduated we got an opportunity to rent an apartment that my boyfriend's aunt and uncle owns. This apartment is bigger than our last one and it fits us both really well; I get my own gaming and drawing corner, and he gets a big room to record music in.

Now to the problem: We've always had a bit of an issue with keeping our home tidy. It's not on a serious hoarder-like level, but you can almost always find used dishes here and there, empty fastfood bags in the kitchen, dust and dust bunnies everywhere, overflowing trash bin, (and my biggest pet-peeve) empty containers of "microwaveable food" on the counter, not in the trash bin.

In our defense, I want to mention that during our time dating and living together I've worked weekend and night-shifts in retail while my boyfriend studied full time and took student loans instead to be able to afford everything. During the last year I think both of us have gotten a bit depressed and burnt out from various stuff. I graduated last fall and kept working at my then job in retail which wasn't a good place for me. I also god diagnosed with ADD when I was 17 and haven't gotten to it with trying out medication for it, which boosts the depression quite a bit. I now have a new job which I like a lot better but I think I still haven't had time to rest up from my previous job which has resulted in severe depression and anxiety the last couple of weeks.

My boyfriend also worked really hard all winter to finish his degree and thesis. This also took a toll on him, but he at least has now found a job that he will be starting in a few weeks which I hope he will like.

During the last year and a half I've been going down a spiral of "laziness" and just general emptiness. I don't have any energy to cook or eat a decent meal, if I eat anything decent it's often a plate of plain pasta and maybe some meatballs or chicken which my boyfriend makes for me. Other than that it's often fast food and snacks. This results in the fast food bags in the kitchen. My boyfriend also often just buys "micro-pizzas", throws them in the microwave, and often leaves the packaging from them laying beside the microwave. Since I'm also too tired I also often leave used dishes on the kitchen table and in the sink instead of the dishwasher. This is probably what started it all.

Now back to the move; we moved the last boxes and furniture 2 weeks ago and a lot of it still hasn't found a place. All of our clothes are in a huge pile on the floor in our bedroom because we haven't gotten around to fixing shelves for the wardrobes. I have to step over boxes in the kitchen and living room because none of us have gotten around to unpacking, but everytime I look at all the boxes and bags I just feel a big lump in my stomach and can't find myself to getting started, I feel exhausted before I've even begun. My boyfriend is also repainting a couple of windows (the work is taken off of the rent) which is taking a long time because of the many layers of paint that they require, so the unpacking is sort of my job now.

Always seeing all of the boxes and being in a new place has made me easily irritated and feeling down all the time. I know nothing justifies it, but it makes me snap at my boyfriend, like really snap. We've never fought as much as we've done the last month. I get so annoyed when he leaves trash everywhere, and when I point it out, he starts nagging about the used dishes, the moving boxes, the windows and that he's also tired. Even the smallest things like dropping something on the floor or accidentally hitting my knee or finger or something can ruin the rest of the day.

Today was the first day that I felt like taking on a bit of stuff, but after cleaning out a bit of trash, emptying the bin, and failing to move a spare heavy mattress I just lost all interest.

I love my boyfriend, but I wish I could just snap my fingers and make everything go in its right place. I'm so scared that he'll get sick of all my arguing and yelling, but I can't help it. I really don't know what to do. Any input?

TD;LR: Boyfriend and I are both depressed and sorth of burnt out and have just moved into a new apartment. Can't find myself to unpack everything and we both get irritated and argue all the time.

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* This article was originally published here

Almost Dating but in long distance. How should I approach this

Hey there,

So, there's this girl (22f) who's really good friends with my best friend and another close friend of mine (I'm 22m). My best friend keeps insisting that I should ask her out, thinking we could be a great match. Well, I finally met her at a party a few weeks ago, and we had a great conversation. Unfortunately, I had to leave early, but later I reached out to her on Instagram and asked her out. She said she's interested, but said she's going on a 3-month trip to Vietnam, and her flight is in a few days (from when I texted her). However, she made it clear to my best friend that she's genuinely interested and it's only the trip that's keeping her from going out with me. She even told my best friend she'd love to go out once she's back, if I'm still available.

Now, she's in Vietnam, and we've got this somewhat unusual Instagram connection going on. We comment on each other's stories from time to time (I don't post much, to be honest). It's a bit strange because we don't really know each other well, and I find it challenging to get to know someone purely through texts. Plus, I tend to overthink things, so I worry about coming on too strong or texting her too frequently, even though I'm probably just being overly cautious.

My question is, how should I handle this situation? I really want to maintain this connection because I hope to date her when she comes back. I don't want to accidentally mess things up through texting. Should I comment on her stories often? How should I approach this?What are your thoughts on this?

Thanks!

TL;DR: There's a girl who's friends with my best friend and another friend of mine. My best friend thinks we'd be a good match, so I asked her out after a party. She's interested, but she's currently on a 3-month trip to Vietnam. We're staying connected through Instagram, commenting on each other's stories. I want to date her when she returns but worry about texting too much or coming on too strong. Seeking advice on how to handle the situation and maintain the connection.

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* This article was originally published here

People think my(22F) bf(22M) is gay

People think my bf is gay and I'm not sure how to deal with this

I've been dating my bf for a while now and we're happy. But the issue is what the title suggests. When I first met him I thought he was gay too. He has a way of speaking and movements that resemble the way that some gay men behave. I try to not care about what others think and focus on us and only us. But it's difficult at times, when family and friends secretly think that he must be gay. Like my mom said to me "then why does he act like this if he's not gay?". Which is unreasonable but still painful to hear. Or like the other day, he went to a party with a friend (I couldn't go because I wasn't well and he wanted to go since he almost never goes out with friends). His friend was looking for girls to hook up with so my bf was pretty much not participating in the convo, so he had started talking to a group of guys and he told me that one of them asked him if he has a girlfriend or if he's gay etc. I can't really blame the other guy, since I thought he was gay when I first met him. Anyway we've talked about it and he said that he doesn't like how other people make such assumptions but at the same time he doesn't really care all that much. I love him a lot and I could see a future wirh him but it hurts people thinking that I'm dating a gay man. It's like they're questioning our whole relationship, our love, everything. And at times I feel embarrassed.

Tldr; everyone thinks my bf is gay and it hurts me.

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* This article was originally published here

My (23f) relationship with my boyfriend (28m) of 1.5 years is on the rocks and I don't know what to do about it.

Hey guys, any advice or insight would be appreciated. This will be long so apologies in advance. I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, we both love each other and don't want to be apart but are currently on a two week break to clear our heads and decide how to proceed. This is my first serious relationship where he's had at least one before, for context.

About 4 months in to our relationship I had my first doubts of how different our life values are. Nothing crazy like I want kids and he doesn't (we both want kids, marriage etc) but he disclosed to me he doesn't feel its important for me to meet his family or friends, and he doesn't feel it important to meet mine either, that it would probably happen eventually but its just not important to him. Growing up he did not have a close or bonded family and they live 4 hours away, so me meeting then was never important to me, where I'm extremely close with my family so that seemed extremely alien and hurtful to me - I wanted him to want to be part of my family.

I put it down to a quirk of his and we continued on even though I felt hurt. He met my family a little while later because he knew it was important to me but that's it. I met his parents after almost a year because we went to an event in his part of the country where they are. I also met his friends (he has a large group of friends that frequently go out and do things together, I have a few close friends but not a group) when they were holding events on weekends and I was with him.

He has his own place a 40 minute drive from where I live with my parents and when we met he didn't drive, so it made sense for me to go over there for ease and privacy. He soon learned to drive and got a car, but that just kinda continued. In 1.5 years he's never once offered to come to mine for the weekend to save me driving or spend time with my family, he thinks being around my family is awkward and he doesn't want to. He now hasn't seen my family in 8 months, and has still only met one of my friends because simply we're always at his place.

My first real upset was in October when I was meant to be driving 4 hours to meet him and go to previously mentioned event, he was already there for something else. I had just recovered from glandular fever, and was apprehensive about doing such a long drive in a horrible city I'd never been. I called him a few days before, said this and asked if I could go on the train there and then he drives us both back. He was then upset because he'd have to leave a day earlier than he planned and miss out on an extra day with his mates. This upset me as I had just been very ill, was run down and nervous of such a long horrible drive and he was more bothered about an extra day with his friends. He did it but wasn't happy about it.

Then in November a close friend of mine died. I was distraught. I found out when I was at work and messaged him, he never offered to come see me, I had to ask him to. That also hurt. I wanted him to want to come and make sure I was alright. Then, not long ago, we were at his friends for a party and it got to midnight and I was tired and fairly tipsy, said I wanted to go home and wanted to order an uber. He said fine but he isn't going home yet, so he let me go home in an uber by myself drunk at midnight so he could spend an extra hour with his mates. Again, this really hurt.

A few times in our relationship I'll say I want to visit X place or do X thing, more often than not he'll say he's already been or done something similar, so he doesn't want to. Or, a few times we've organised something, like I said I wanted to go to the beach, looked forward to it all week, the day before came and he says he can't be bothered, its due to rain and he doesn't want to. I end up upset so we go, but again I know he isn't happy about it.

Another thing to consider is that I work in the veterinary field, I live breathe and adore animals. He's not an animal person, never has been, and is slightly allergic to dogs (my pet of choice). I can't love without a dog, he doesn't know if he can live with one.

It's been a known fact its likely he'll have to move to a large city 4 hours away for his niche type of work this time next year. I've always known and been apprehensive, but it came to a head after a small argument about something silly a few weeks ago. I knew in my heart I didn't want to leave my whole life and move from my family, job I love, and all my friends to a huge city (I'm a country gal) and the thought scared me. We nearly ended it, but agreed to wait it out and he'll do his best to get a close job so it doesn't happen.

After this, things still just felt weird. I'd see my friends partners surprising them with a day trip somewhere for their birthday, or writing them sweet words in their birthday cards (none of which my bf has ever done for me, I get 'to (me), happy birthday! love from (him)'. I started thinking more about all the previously mentioned occurrences. I was upset and worrying that I'm not getting the effort I need and deserve from him and started a conversation. It was tense and I was upset and crying, I looked over and he had fallen asleep. As I was crying over our relationship. A little later he woke up, we spoke about him never wanting to do the things I suggest and he said 'why should I bore myself to entertain you'. That was my final straw that day, it seemed to encapsulate all the little worried I had about him only doing things that serve him and me just being convenient. I gathered my things and left his place. We agreed we needed space and set a time to speak again, as I was leaving things were calm but sad, we were both teary, hugged and kissed and told each other we love each other but we need time.

All my friends and family I have told this to are shocked at what he said, says he doesn't put enough effort in and I deserve better. A large part of me agrees. But a large part of me loves him and the great parts of our relationship because there's plenty. Ge gets me thoughtful gifts, he's loyal, he's kind, he's physically effectionate that I love, we have great bedroom chemistry, we laugh all the time and he does make me very happy most of the time. But it does often come back to examples of me not feeling like his priority, not feeling like he'd go out of his way for me - he loves our relationship as long as its convenient for him.

I'm torn. I don't know what decision to make. I love and miss him dearly and he said he misses me too and didnt want me to leave, but I want to feel like I'm someone's priority, and don't right now and haven't for a while. Any insight is massively appreciated.

TLDR, my boyfriend and I are on a two week break from 1.5 years of relationship, our relationship has wonderful parts and we love and miss each other but I often feel like he doesn't prioritise me, and will only actively be in our relationship so long as its convenient for him.

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* This article was originally published here