Am I (25F) overreacting by asking my boyfriend (28M) to delete Reddit?

TL;DR; Am I overreacting or should he respect my boundaries?

Context: Last month my boyfriend and I broke up, because I accidentally found his Reddit open and saw a number of posts he had written about me on various forums. (Just to note, I had to download Reddit to post this because I’ve never used the app before and didn’t really understand it.) The posts were quite hurtful and related to me putting on weight and losing my hair. Last year I had a big health scare, lost my hair and put on weight from the steroids, I went from a UK 8 to UK12. Something which he said never mattered and he still loved me to my face, but said I was unattractive online which broke my heart really. What hurt more was that he over exaggerated the reality of the situation online and made me feel worse. He had also written some pretty wild posts about his ex flings from before we were together. I’m an ignorance is bliss kind of person, so I never wanted to find or read these things about myself or go hunting for issues.

We broke up, he begged for us to reconcile, I was really really apprehensive at first because my confidence and self image were destroyed, but he never betrayed my trust before, he was a good boyfriend, he told me it was hard watching me go through everything and that what he did was a massive mistake and that was difficult to see me change even if it wasn’t my fault. I decided to give him a second chance and start again and work on things with open communication about issues. My one stipulation was Reddit, I asked him if he could delete the app until I could trust him again because I didn’t really understand it and I felt like I didn’t know the person he was reading his old posts. He agreed, deleted it in front of me and that was the end of it, so I thought.

Cut to last night, we were going to sleep, I usually sleep with my eye mask on. He asked me why I hadn’t put it on yet, which I thought was strange. I put it on half over my eyes and pretended to be asleep, I could see him on Reddit again! I haven’t confronted him yet, but it really bothers me. More that he is acting shady about it and trying to hide it from me, and with previous issues I’m weary of his intentions. Since he doesn’t want to communicate with me, I thought I would use his method!

TL;RL; Am I overreacting or should he respect my boundaries?

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* This article was originally published here

How can I 18M move on from things my 18F girlfriend had done?

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year. It’s been long distane but now we’re in the same city. Since the beginning of our relationship, I’ve never laid eyes on another girl, texted or showed interest in any other female. But 4months into our relationship, we went through a tough phase of daily arguments where she always ends up crying. But I always fixed things even when i was in wasnt wrong just so we can go back to normal. She had a bestfriend (of 10 years) that i never trusted and that i was sure hated me. After over a month of arguments, she and her bestfriend got into a fight and i ended up getting texts from the bestfriend showing me how my girl has been talking to my ex behind my back and telling him about our problems and im sure a lot went behind my back while i was trying to be the best man for her and avoiding physical interactions with other girls even when she was away from me. I confronted her and she told me they recently met and she said she told him about us and that she wants nothing to do with him but she was feeling bad since she broke his heart. She also said that her friend used to meet him and she was manipulating her and telling her how he’s heartbroken and missing her everyday. But what i saw was the complete opposite. I couldnt believe a lot of things she said and i was aware that a lot went behind my back so i stopped talking to her. Meanwhile, she was begging for us to be back and crying because i didnt answer her calls, didnt go to school and she hurt herself just because of “the regret” of what she did. I still remember her losing almost 12 pounds that month since she barely ate. loved her too much to end things even though it broke me so i kept talking to her (badly) but she just kept trying and her treatment got so much better later. She posts me on her socials and gave me all her passwords (i never ask) she became the most caring, kind, supportive person in my life, and since june, she never even made a tiny mistake that would harm our relationship. She never goes out without my permission and she makes me feel like the most important person in her life. I can’t explain how but i know for sure she’s in love because its been 5 months and she’s the girl i’ve always wanted to have. So i slowly fell back in love with her and i think she deserves it more now. However, the overthinking never stops, i keep thinking of how she couldve done all that to me while i was in love with her, and if she ever cared back then. Sometimes i mention it and she immediately starts crying and tells me she doesnt want to be reminded of her past and shes a much better person now. Im trying so hard to completely move on but something keeps holding me back, i want to know how i can get over this and focus on the future. Thank you

(English isnt my first language so im sorry for the small mistakes)?

TLDR: how can i move on and focus on the future instead of feeling stuck in the past?

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* This article was originally published here

friends and family telling me i’m 30F unaware of red flags in 30M. what did i miss

I 30F Went back to a man 30M who previously chose another woman over me and now regret it

A few months ago I was on a dating site and I matched with someone. We had several phone call conversations over many weeks and they each lasted hours at a time and we agreed how rare it was to have someone you get along with so easily. We were compatible in pretty much everything. The only thing that concerned me was that he brought up the importance of physical attraction a lot more than anything. He told me he had told his friends about me and how he’d shared things he’s never shared to others before. I noticed he lied about a few lifestyle practices on his profile but otherwise nothing. As we were long distance we were scheduled to call again but then he suddenly told me he’d met someone new he was pursuing. I was disappointed but moved on

Recently I saw he was still on the site so without thinking much I swiped again on him. This time he asked me out and we talked for a few weeks before meeting up. again our talks were easy and compatible. When we met up the chemistry translated into person and he extended the date himself for a total of 7 hours. He kept saying how nervous he had been and how easy we get along and a few flirty comments. he’d told his friends again. One thing that was a bit concerning was that he mentioned women and friends in the past saying he had led them on because he was vulnerable with them. i’m not sure why he said that. After that time we left and I thought it had gone really well so I messaged him saying it’d be nice to do this again sometime. He then told me he just sees us as friends. I’m very good at gauging things normally but I really didn’t see this coming.

I need advice to move on because I didn’t see this coming. I am cordial with him and said goodbye nicely but I really regret going back to him - I felt quite insecure because it felt like I was a backup choice and his comments about attraction and looks made me quite self conscious.

TL:DR: 30F 30M What did I miss and how do I prevent situations like this happening again?

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Can I [F23] not be platonic friends with any man other than my bf [M22] ?

Basically, I’ve been talking to a guy [M28] on fb (mainly about his relationship issues lol) but at some point he told me that I despite him giving up on love I was giving him butterflies in his belly. I was a bit taken back by this but continued replying to his messages. I showed his message with the butterflies remark to my bf who didn’t say anything. I then asked him if he wanted me to stop talking to that guy since he wasn’t saying anything and he said “You can do what you want”.
Few days later I reply to his messages but he had sent me a lot of voice messages which shocked me so I showed my bf “wtf so many messages it’ll take me a lot of time to reply” and he said “don’t reply” but I already did by the time he replied to me. I didn’t think much of it but then he says “you know when I told you you could do whatever you wanted it meant stop talking to him you know I don’t like this”.

And another guy also sent me something on fb, a supportive message because he saw I wasn’t well. I told my bf about it because it was a long message and I wasn’t expecting it. My bf said “We all know why a guy in his 40s is trying to be nice to a girl in her 20s”… idk what to say or think, I thought he was… just being nice bc I’m depressed and wanted to help by offering an ear ?

I don’t care much about the second guy but I liked the first one as a friend we get along pretty well which is kinda rare for me :(

Should I stop talking to them ? Idk what to do.

TL;DR : Bf upset because I didn’t stop talking to a guy who told me I give him butterfly. I don’t like that he’s upset but I don’t want to tell the guy I have to stop talking to him

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* This article was originally published here

Toxic relationships: Battle within and outside - Gomantak Times

Toxic relationships: Battle within and outside  Gomantak Times

* This article was originally published here

Need advice on dealing with my (24m) girlfriends (24f) rich Asian controlling dad situation

Backstory: I (24M) met Sarah (24F) (fake name) around 1.5 years ago on an online dating app. Me and Sarah are both each others first relationship. We first met when I was doing an internship in the area, and then agreed to do long distance when I went back to school. Fast forward, and a few months later Sarah got laid off from her job. Sarah was very distraught by this and moved back home to her parents house. Her parents live in SoCal, and I live around ~500 mi away from her parents in a neighboring state for grad school. Sarah’s parents are extremely wealthy ($15+M houses, etc) and it is both a result of generational wealth and running successful businesses. As a result, Sarah has never had to pay for anything like rent ever, even when she was working independently and making money.

The troubles: Sarah has a very controlling dad who is not willing to accept anyone who is not both Asian and at or above their wealth/class level. Sarah has essentially been hiding me from her dad as a result. Sarah’s dad says this is because he wants someone that can be on equal footing with her and also fit into the Asian family. About me, I am about to graduate and make decent money in a STEM field (wrapping up interviews and deciding between multiple offers right now but generally on the order of 130-160k, depending on cost of living but mainly MCOL/HCOL). Decent in my eyes, but even if I worked very hard and worked my way up to 500k+ big tech senior roles, I still couldn’t come close to their wealth. I am white and grew up middle class in a LCOL Midwest area.

As a result of this, I only get to see Sarah when her dad goes on buisness trips. Sarah’s mom knows about me and is fairly cool with me too for reference. These buisness trips happen every ~4-8 weeks and usually for a week. However, these are unpredictable in nature, scheduled and rescheduled last minute. As a result, I have to plan my schedule around last minute trips to see Sarah all the time. Luckily, my grad school (and most likely future work) schedule is decently flexible and can accommodate some remote work. However, this still is very stressful and a huge annoyance in my life, and I have to drive 500 miles last minute, and sometimes leave last minute at night if dad is coming home early. Sarah currently works for her dad’s company as well, and this makes her seeing me much more difficult because all “time off” would have to obviously go through dad and would be questioned.

If word of this relationship got out to her dad, she would immediately lose all monetary and social privelages that she benefits from currently and would be kicked out of her parents house. Sarah would get fired from her job, and she does not feel confident in finding her own (although she could and is smart). Sarah’s biggest concern is probably losing access to her parents network, rather than materialistic things (although there is some of that too). She has met lots of powerful people regularly and enjoys this sort of elevated social standing.

While I am about to graduate and relocate, I am having no luck finding work by Sarah so will likely have a similar long distance thing going on. I feel like this constant last minute travel and planning around her dad’s schedule has been very tough on me. At the same time, Sarah is not ready to be independent mentally yet and leave her parents without her facing a massive QOL downgrade for the rest of her life. Sarah could probably make around 60-120k if she took a market rate job in her area and field in my opinion. She has had everything taken care of by mom and dad (including previous job), and this relationship is the only downside to living at home for her (everything else is actually decent) so it’s hard to justify leaving too. She is not used to failure, and I know her past layoff (she was living in a different city not at home) hit her very very hard.

Sarah is very sweet, smart and kind. Our relationship outside of this has been great, and I would hate to let this go. She is slowly working towards being more independent (she does want to eventually stand up for herself with this I feel), but I anticipate it’ll be a few years at best if she ends up getting the courage to get her own job and live independently, as well as give up her entire rich person network. However, all the unpredictable last minute travel avoiding dad and dealing with his unpredictable schedule has been taking a noticeable toll on me, and ends up being costly too. I’m not sure what to do as a result. How long should I give Sarah a chance to be independent while also being fair to myself with my needs and schedule? Any advice or encouragement? I am able to clarify in comments as well if there are questions.

Tl;dr - gf has had everything taken care of by dad whole life, dad would never accept me, gf not ready to live life independently

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My (34F) BF (33M) is angry because I told him I hadn't slept and missed work because he got sick in bed last night due to his own lifestyle choices. Am I wrong for this?

From time to time my partner goes out with friends and then he'll eat late, have late coffee that keeps him wide awake all night and he smokes half a pack a day. Last night he would be back by 11.30pm but it got to 1 am. I was a bit worried, so I stayed up til he was back. That night he kept turning and he said his stomach was hurting and he was hot and cold. I asked what he ate at the restaurant and he said kangoroo steak... He said he felt nauseaus. I told him to make some fresh ginger tea but he didn't want to try.

Anyway, both of us kept waking up all night. I missed work due to exhaustion. I told him in the morning that the fact that he was so late and his unhealthy choices had stopped me from getting proper sleep. It is like this at least once a month. He said that it was easy for me to blame him. I'm angry because who else am I suppose to blame? I couldn't sleep because of his poor lifestyle choices. I think he is angry because I asked him if he doesn't care about my job. Maybe I was a bit harsh. But I still feel disrespected. He said I could have gone to bed earlier if I wanted to. Doesn't seem to understand how sleep works. I called out sick from work. He felt fine. But came home for lunch all pissed off. I cried in the morning and now again because he is a avoiding me while I lay crying in the couch in the living room. Was I really wrong to say those things?

Tl;dr my bf's health choices keep him turning in bed some night. I wake up exhausted and miss work. He's pissed that I blame him. Who's in the wrong?

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* This article was originally published here