my boyfriend has completely changed and I don't know how to bring it up

There will be mentions of sex in this post, I just did not know if it was enough to need a NSFW post.

I (F17) have been with my boyfriend (M18) for coming up on three years. We met on one of those weird snapchat apps that is basically a kid dating site.

For the very first few months everything was amazing. He was my first boyfriend and he gave me so much attention and had said I love you before we had even met up in person. We kissed on the first date and he asked me out, I felt like I couldn't say no because I have a huuge problem with feeling like people hate me if I don't do whatever they want. This lasted three months, then things started to come to light.

First, I found a whole collection of nudes in his phone of his exs, that was password protected with my name. Next I found out he had been dating a 13/14 year old at the same time he was dating me. I found out because she dm me calling me names and how she was better for him. He blocked her, only for me to find out they actually kept talking for a few months just under different names.

Then he started the constant messaging of over girls, making new accounts and hiding them, and then eeverytime I confronted him he would deny, deny, deny. He even denied the time I caught him in front of me planning to meet up with a girl and smoke.

I know the simple answer is leave, and I should've left when it very started. At the beginning when I would say I can't be with someone who do this, he'd start crying and begging and promising he'd change. That he wouldn't be able to live without me and probably wouldn't go on. I have that in text somewhere. Because of this, I even told him if he didn't get help we were truly done. He had been blaming the cheating and the rudeness completely on his mental illness. So he started taking his meds and going to therapy again, for about two months and then he gave up.

Well now we're here. He hasn't cheated on me, unless he's gotten super good at hiding. But he's not like he used to be. I don't get the nice paragraphs I used to get, or just the nice words in general. If we are not physically hanging out it's like a switch flips completely. He'll yell and snap on me for easy things, most often if I interrupt his 8+ hours video game time with his friends, he calls me names like b**** and dumb c***.

Also, a bit tmi given my age, but at the start of the relationship I was very hypersexual. I have trauma from childhood and when I found a guy I thought was so in love with me and nice, something happened. Since discovering all this, among other things that have happened, I've become pretty much completely put off with sex. If I don't say yes anymore though, he keeps asking and asking. Says he'll be quick and make food after, says I'm only refusing to punish him and he's already been punished enough. Sometimes I wake up at night to him trying to start, he had just waited till he thought I was passed out.

Leaving isn't something I can do, at least not now. I don't know how to describe it because I understand people will think I'm just weak or pathetic. But it physically hurts so much when I think about it, or even when I try to break up with him. Like he's the one constant in my life, even if it's a bad one.

This weekend he went out with his friends, they're the type to always be cheating and getting into legal trouble. I asked him to please update me one an hour or so, and set a timer. -I said to set a timer because his reasoning for not updating me and even his reasoning for not "remembering" cheating is because he has ADHD that he refuses to take medication for. I know that the medication can have bad side effects, and so I understood when he didn't want to take those.- he agreed. So far, that has not happened.

When I brought up how he didn't follow through with what he agreed, after asking him nicely to remember to text twice yesterday, he blew up over text. He told me that he was sorry he fucked up all the time and that I had to find every single flaw in his brain. And then went on to say this, exactly, which is why I'm posting. I know it may seem like a small thing, but i think I'm just at a breaking point, and I mean mentally.

"I'm done talking now, im too pissed off and stuff. I'm trying, ya see I haven't called you any names because you said it 'hurts your feelings' so, You're Welcome."

I guess I'm asking for advice on ways to try and make him see my point of view, because I feel like I've tried every way, but I know that I could be handling it wrong because this is my first actual relationship. I try and compare and ask him how'd he feel if I did xyz, but he just says that's a different situation. I gave up on not crying in front of him, maybe hoping he can see what he did, but when we're on the phone he does nothing, and when we're in person he hugs me and says all these nice things and swear he loves me and he's sorry and feels bad. I also know this will sound odd, but I swear half the time when I cry in his arms he ends up smiling until I look up.

I know this is long, I started typing and I just couldn't stop really, I haven't told anyone about all of this before, although there is a lot more. I can't talked to my siblings or parents, because then they wouldn't let us stay or me hang out. I used to talk to my best friend but I don't want her to have to deal with hearing about a situation I guess I put myself in.

I understand if I am the one in the wrong here, and need to change. But please don't say anything insulting regarding the fact that I don't/can't leave. I already know I'm a push over and kind of or really pathetic.

TL;DR: my boyfriend completely changed from the guy he used to be. He went from sweet paragraphs every day, saying he loved me all the time and always complimenting me, to cheating and calling me names. I want advice on how to make him see my point of view, or how to set up a conversation with him about this, because my ways are always getting shot down.

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* This article was originally published here

Best way to ask where things are going?

So I've (m24) been seeing this girl (f26) for the last 3 months (at least once a week for 2 months) and its been going well imo but I'm a bit confused on how she feels about it, she is super keen in person and is always the one to ask when we can next meet up and comes up with plans as well but she is terrible at talking when we aren't together and can not reply to texts for hours or a day.

She says she doesn't like texting which is fair enough but it just feels a bit weird to me because everyone else I've been with I talk to everyday so I'm not used to not talking to someone I'm seeing for days and it's confusing me on if she is really that interested

It says she wants a relationship on her dating profile but we haven't had the what are you looking for conversation so I'm wondering how to best have the conversation so I have a rough idea on where things are going and maybe ask for exclusivity.

Any help would be much appreciated

TLDR - Girl (26) is super keen on me (24) when in person but is bad a texting so I want to find the best way to ask how she sees thing going?

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* This article was originally published here

My friends won't meet for the last time before college ends.

As the title states, our college has finally ended only the finals pending and I am going back home unti then. I've been friends with these people for the past 3 years. I'll admit that we haven't been the closest of friends because of the pandemic and shit, we weren't able to meet and get acquainted as much as we would have been if the colleges were open. Still we were are cordial. There are a total of 5 P(20,F), S(21,M), K(21,M), U(21,M), M(20,F).of us.

P, S and U bonded over the lockdown. So there's always have been a thin line diving these 3 P, S and U of them from the rest of us since the lockdown was lifted. P has been a good friend of mine. I won't say the bestest of friend but I always help her, telling her about the assignments we were given, the meetings that happened, in short all necessary details.

And I hadn't expected this from her. I proposed to meet one last time but they denied for the mere fact that they didn't want to get out of their comfortable A.C units in the scorching heat. It's not like we would be sitting under the sun, they'd only have to deal with the heat for the commute.

I would have proposed an evening get together but I really cannot as I have a curfew at home.

Should I compromise here for the sake of meeting them?

What should I do?

I'm just so perplexed.

Tl;dr- my friends won't meet me oy because it's uncomfortable for them to get out of the house in the sun even when the college is ending and this would be our last meetu

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* This article was originally published here

Oooo he (26M) is really getting on my nerves

I (22F) and my boyfriend live together in an apartment in a big city. I have expressed since he moved in last summer that I wanted to move out of the city because I hate it here. I have major sensory issues and it’s been wearing me down. I barely get any sleep because of people shouting and laughing and screaming. If I do sleep I get woken up at 5am sharp every morning to the howling of the dogs in the apartment. And we sweat. During all seasons our apartment is in the 90s because we are on the 4th floor. We have no ac unit so we have our own portable unit that does nothing for us. I work from home which means I’m here almost 24/7 and it makes me angry like the type of angry where you start to cry. And I get rageful at night when people start coming home because of all the noise. The only room in the apartment that isn’t as hot or as loud (still is) is the bedroom because it has a fan but I can’t sit back there because our wifi won’t work in the bedroom (of course). It has really put a strain on our relationship since we moved here.

Well my boyfriend works as an assistant manager and part of applying to become the actual manager is picking what area you want to work. Which I thought he had been picking out since he became eligible in November. But no. He waited until this month with under a month to find a place. Even though I have been sending him potential apartments around us and asking for where he’s going to work almost on the daily since then. And now we can’t find a place. All the places I had saved are all occupied now.

So we just had to sign the lease to live here for another year with a $300 increase in rent to an already expensive apartment that I can’t even get sleep in. And now we will be stuck here in the city because who moves stores after a year of working there. It makes me want to go mad. I love him but it almost makes me want to break up with him so I can get an apartment that would allow me to sleep.

TL;DR!: boyfriend waited until the last second to find housing for us and now we are getting trapped into another year in an apartment that is hot, loud, and expensive.

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* This article was originally published here

Trying hard not to give up

I (23F) reconnected with a guy I met in 2020 last summer and ended up going on dates for a while. I typically take a lighthearted approach to things. A few months in I suggested we should see each other more and he (24M) gave me the run around about being busy that guys give when they don’t want to see you. He told me he cared about me but wasn’t emotionally available because busy with work. That was in the Fall, fast forward three months when I invite him over to have sex (at this point I’d figured if he’s not available for something serious that doesn’t mean we can’t have sex with each other which we both enjoy). Basically he has a mental breakdown the week following the sex, tells me he can’t handle just sex with me and that he always wanted something serious but thought I didn’t so he suppressed his emotions. then we agreed to stop talking, his idea.

This was a major blow on my everything. My heart, my perception of people, my perception of myself. Since that happened earlier this year it feels like I encountered a couple of misfortunate, short lived dating situations after. I’m trying to keep hope of healthy, intimate love but sometimes I look at the world we live in and at my experiences and what we’ve normalized and the chances seem so… idk. I refuse to say impossible but I don’t know. I was seeing another guy and he was so kind, then all of a sudden became super unresponsive and not so kind. And I know it has nothing to do with anything I did, because I didn’t do anything. Stuff like that just hurts

I hate that as a woman (or maybe it happens to everyone) you’re not even allowed to say you feel lonely/want intimacy. I feel like people treat you like you’re weak for wanting these things or assume you must not “love yourself enough”. I truly love myself and I show this by making the best decisions for myself that I can/am capable of, like actually letting myself walk away from toxic dating situations. I just really miss the intimacy shared in romance, the physical touch, the companionship. I haven’t had a boyfriend in about 4 years now. I feel really lonely sometimes, and I never used to feel this way but I think having been so close to it with the last guy I took seriously and having him walk out of my life makes me feel even lonelier.

I don’t know what to do guys. And I don’t want to give up. I don’t even think it’s a choice. But jeesh I’m exhausted. I just want to be held and roll over and kiss someone sometimes. And share my feelings and vice versa. And most important of all I want it to be healthy.

Has anyone been in a similar position & can offer any relevant advice?

TL;DR woman has had disappointing prospects in last 6 months & feels pretty lonely. seeking insight from people who have been in similar situations or observed them

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* This article was originally published here

What do I do if my boyfriend gets jealous that my best friend is still friends with my ex?

Hi everyone!

Been with this guy (31) me (26) for about 6-7 months now. We met online on hinge.

Anyway, he is a great person, we are so in love but my relationship is falling apart. My best friend is still friends with my ex boyfriend who I was with for about 8 years. He formed a bond with most of my friends and after we broke up, I do not think it was fair for anyone to end a friendship with him. My best friend him and I all met together and were friends around high school time.

My now boyfriend thinks that my best friend shouldn’t be friends with him. He thinks that my ex is gonna come around. (My best friend had her graduation a few days ago, my ex was invited by my actual boyfriend wasn’t, so that offended my BF) other than that, we don’t talk about my ex or anything

Anyway, I don’t know what to do bc my actual BF says this is something that he does not want to deal with. I mean, if he cannot deal with my reality then there is nothing I can do sadly. MY bc is not going to end a friendship nor should she for me.

TLDR: my current boyfriend gets upset that my best friend is still in contact with my ex.

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* This article was originally published here

Mom [60F] has mentally deteriorated a lot in past 2 years and refuses to admit a problem

Hello. This is long, I’m sorry. Thanks if you read it all.

I’m [30sF] and don’t live in the same state as my mom. My parents separated about 5 years ago (amicable separation at the time, still technically married so she can be on his insurance) so she currently still lives in the house I grew up in with my brother [22M] who just graduated college and still lives at home. My other parent lives nearby but separately.

She does not work and has not since I was born 30+ years ago.

Due to Covid, I had only been home for a visit once in the past 2 years, and it was only for 1 night when I had to be in town for a funeral. It was so short that I didn’t notice THAT much wrong. The house was messier than in the past and she seemed a bit more quirky/loopy than usual, i tried to talk to her about it and expressed concern after that trip and she FREAKED out at me, swearing and telling me to mind my own business. I dropped it because out of sight out of mind…

Recently however I went home for a full week. And I was horrified and disturbed by how much the state of things has escalated.

The first huge red flag is when she picked me up from the airport she proceeded to drive like a MANIAC. 60 mph on residential back streets. She even tried to run 3 separate red lights “because no one is coming” and then laughed (???) when I was like MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP?? She used to be the slowest, most annoyingly (to teenage me) careful driver ever. I finally had to yell at her to pull over and drive the rest of the way home myself.

Then, the house… the house is overrun with hoarding. She has always had an issue getting rid of items but this has escalated. Every room has stacks of boxes and random shit. She also now prints out every news story she comes across online and files away paper copies of them (???)

There is an entire room that we can’t even go into because it’s so packed with shit. This room was my brothers room before he originally left for college. When he first had to move back home from college during Covid he was sleeping on the couch because she refused to clear the room out. But after he graduated in December he got his first job and it’s a WFH job involving lots of Zoom so he needed a private space (he is saving to move out ASAP). Rather than let him make space in this extra room, she gave him her bedroom. This was an argument at the time bc my brother didn’t want to take it but my mom just stopped going into that room and moved her stuff out so eventually he moved into it.

I wish I could say she sleeps on the couch or something now but no. Over the past few months she has apparently begun sleeping on the floor in random places around the house. No blankets or pillows. She just lays on the floor. I thought my brother was exaggerating but when I was home a few times I was startled to walk into a random part of the house and see her literally laying as though dead on the floor.

Then, the food situation. Hoarding has extended into food. We don’t have enough room in the pantry for all the food she buys so there’s just piles of food on the floor in the kitchen. 10+ unopened bags of chips, 3 giant unopened bags of flour, etc. The fridge smells like garbage when you open it. Nearly everything in it is expired and visibly moldy. My brother said she yells at him when he tries to clear out old food, and that he has thrown away stuff in secret before and then find it in the fridge again the next morning… meaning my mom picks it out of the trash in the night. While I was home I made enchiladas for the family and before going to bed asked her where the Tupperware was so I could save leftovers. She said no worries she will do it. THREE days later I noticed they were in Tupperware but just tucked away out on the counter… I went to throw them away and she yelled at me that they were still good and snatched them back… no, they’re meat and cheese enchiladas that have sat at room temperature for over 72 hours now!!! When I tried to calmly bring up food safety she scoffed and then when I pressed it she got extremely defensive.

THEN, there’s her additional visible mental deterioration… she has started slurring her speech quite a bit more than in the past and repeats stories multiple times. Like, she will tell the same story 4-5x in one day. And get mad if you tell her she already told you. She will also be extremely mean to my brother when she never was when we were kids. She will tell him to fuck off (I overheard one such incident when he asked her if she could please stop sleeping on the floor in front of the only bathroom in the house) with so much vitriol in her voice. She is NOT the same person. She was a great mom who practiced gentle parenting. It’s insane to me how she has changed.

She used to drink when we were younger ( I remember her making a cocktail for herself at bedtime my entire life) but told all of us that she stopped several years ago. When I was home I did snoop and it’s true that her normal liquor cabinet just had juice and coffee in it. But my brother told me he sees her with the mini bottles (like from gas stations, the $2 ones) in her pockets all the time. I’m worried that she may actually never be 100% sober which would explain a lot of her bizarre behavior. It also is heartwrenching to think that she’d be okay driving me/my brother anywhere if she’d been drinking.

I know this is super long but I just don’t know what our options are. She refuses to admit she has a problem. She brushes off my suggestions to see a therapist or talk to her doctor about anything. And last time I tried to gently bring up my concerns framing them as coming from a place of love, when things weren’t even nearly as bad, she blew up at me.

Is there anything I can do?? It’s heartbreaking to see her deteriorate like this but I feel very powerless, especially living so far away. What do you guys think it is?? Alcoholism?? Some sort of dementia or something?? I have googled so much about how to help and every site just says to be patient and give the loved one space until they are ready to accept help. But I don’t see that ever happening…

TL;DR recently visited mother for first time in 2 years and found she has mentally deteriorated significantly. Not sure how to help her.

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* This article was originally published here