Alice Merton reflects on personal & professional relationships with new album, 'SIDES' – 105.7 The Point - 105.7 The Point

Alice Merton reflects on personal & professional relationships with new album, 'SIDES' – 105.7 The Point  105.7 The Point

* This article was originally published here

My (27f) boyfriend (30m) thinks I should tell him everytime someone flirts with me

I posted a video swimming underwater, in my swimsuit obviously! And he replied to the story: "Would you tell me if one of your exes replies to this in a flirty way"?

This was a Whatsapp status so I told him I didn't have any exes in my contacts but in any case, I would not tell him every time someone hits on me, I would not be unfaithful of course and that would not add any value. I understand this comes from an insecure space (I was unfaithful before, he was as well) BUT I don't think its healthy to "report" on these things, specially when you're not engaging with them.

Am I crazy to be firm about this and to think this is toxic?

He says he doesn't understand why is unhealthy, and asked me to send an article or something. I dont think I need an article because its about the principle and what I expect from the relationship, but want to double-check, I feel crazy

TL;DR: my boyfriend wants us to tell each other each time someone is flirty, is this really healthy?

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* This article was originally published here

I come onto Reddit to speak platonically when I feel isolated or lonely

I suffer with depression and I am very codependent possibly borderline personality disorder. I have been in a relationship for 5 years. We have been living together all this time. We are very close, we are best best best friends and do a lot together. I am also a loner and I love just doing my individual things that calm me and helps my mental health and made it important to also have my own set of shows and games to play. I have become a lot better mentally when I started doing my own set of hobbies. I am very very very content. And absolutely love my boyfriend with all my heart.

However I am so bad with change. I had been unemployed for a year. And now I started work and because of this I feel lonelier because I have been with other people and I have withdrawn from my relationship and feel all weird like the relationship has changed and get paranoid and so scared that's we are drifting. And I have so much social anxiety at my new job that I feel alienated and I come home and withdraw and now I have started coming on here to talk to people platonically. I am being very selfish and I don't wanna come on here for an outlet. I'm creating this problem and I don't really understand it.

Tl;Dr I keep seeking communication with people on here when I feel lonely in my relationship.

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* This article was originally published here

i (24f) feel like i’m turning my family against me because of my toxic mom (43f)

my mom and i have had a really rocky relationship since i can remember. we’ve definitely not been the best version of ourselves, but my really awful days were in my teen years and it stemmed from a lot of her emotional abuse and neglect. our constant fighting and inability to get along made it virtually impossible to have any sort of relationship, so i sought independence at 17 and didn’t talk to my family for nearly 4 years. that was a painful time in my life and i missed them the whole way, as i have siblings (21m, 15f, 13m) and i felt like a horrible sister for leaving them in the dust. my mom and i tried to reconcile a few times in those 4 years and it never worked out, i was still upset at her and she could never forgive me or recognize her own wrong doings.

flash forward to a few years ago, things start becoming more amicable and we start to talk again. i became a pretty present daughter as i tried to be there in any way i could for her and my siblings. this was by spending long hours on the phone, traveling down to see them often, paying for plane tickets and traveling during COVID (not ideal, but i felt it was necessary for me to keep this relationship). i helped pack for their move then, spent most my christmas break there, i stayed an entire summer more or less to help my siblings adjust to a new state, i took my siblings in during my first week at uni while my stepdad and her were fighting, the list goes on. essentially, it feels like there’s always been a crisis of some manner or them needing me to be a “responsible” daughter and come aid them. this wouldn’t typically be an issue, as i really do WANT to help.

the bigger issue lies in the fact that its never reciprocated and my life is never taken into consideration. i live 6 hours away, i am working two jobs and going to school, i have pets and responsibilities here, my own home. i have a lot of life to juggle here that depends on me being a very reliable person. i make a lot of time for others and would absolutely do that for my family, as i have many times in the past. but over the past year (and honestly for a lot of my life) she has made me run around to prove i care and that i’d drop anything. she also doesn’t show up for things or communicate with me for big things in my life, like birthdays, holidays, important events, etc. i would never call myself flaky, but i do try to set boundaries for when i really need to do things.

i let her know 4 weeks ago that i would have time off in the upcoming week, and would love to come see her and my siblings, but i had a new job and needed to plan things accordingly. she never responded for two weeks. then she was in the hospital, concerning head and stomach pains, which other people were around to take care of and i asked to be updated throughout. during this time she never responded to me, never reached out. then this morning i receive a text that i i should travel 4 hours away with a less than 10 hour notice for an event that’s important for my sibling (which i asked to be given a heads up on, they know his schedule far in advance, and he will likely have more of these events this year), and was told that she doesn’t ask a lot of me and i could cancel plans to be there during these stressful times for family.

i’m honestly just hurt. i want to go to support my sibling but i can’t let her keep disrespecting my time and life for it. i could maybe make it happen, but 1) it’d be a really tight fit into my weekend of plans i made far in advance, 2) gas prices are atrocious and i make $12/hr, and 3) i feel like i’m being guilted into something that i would have absolutely made time for and saved up for given even just a few days notice.

i don’t know what to do. how should i address this and should i continue to set boundaries?

tldr; my toxic mom is putting me in a last minute position to attend an event 4 hours away and i am not sure whether to go or set boundaries.

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* This article was originally published here

I want to end my relationship with emotionally distant boyfriend. He's been struggling with depression.

I began dating my boyfriend in 2019. At this point, I no longer see the future in our relationship. We are both worlds apart. Since March, we have only seen each other twice. He responds to my text messages only every few days, stating he’s been busy with work. We live in separate cities. I can’t tell his family has not been receptive to me in his life, considering our age difference. He never talks about our future or mentions any plans to move in together. Our bedroom is dead. Don’t remember when was the last time we had sex. Probably in 2020.

I don’t want to break up with him over the phone. He deserves a lot better than this. But I am scared He’s openly struggling with depression problems. I am afraid he might attempt and do something to himself. He was once married. His former wife cheated on him. He told me it is quite difficult for him to commit and he’s been fearful since then. It even took him a considerable amount of time to tell me he loves me. I bring up therapy as an option to him once in a while, but he tells me he doesn’t need it. He has also been struggling with substance issues. We once broke up over this when he put an edible into my food.

TL:DR: I fell out of love with my boyfriend. It doesn’t help that he’s been emotionally distancing himself from me for a while. I want to break up with him, but he struggles with severe depression. I don’t want his entire family coming after me.

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* This article was originally published here

Mismatched sex drive

I have been dating my [M23] gf [F24] for about 3 years. When I met her, she appeared to be a freaky gal. We would talk about sex all the time, even about other girls. Now, knowing her better, she was just trying to win me over... being "that" girl, one of the boys. We don't live together and we're both students. We see each other approximately 2-4 times a week, 1 time ALWAYS being at each other's house where we have sex every time. However, to me once a week is too little. To be worse, she NEVER initiates sex, I'm always the one who starts warming her up. She never casually touches me in a sexual manner. She never masturbates (literally never, not even once a month, that leading to her not knowing her body or her fetishes/fantasies). When we do have sex, it is great, I make her finish and she makes me finish. It's just, like a barrier. For her there's never a spontaneous start. It's always predetermined, on the weekends she'll come over and I will initiate it. Then we finish and it's over until next weekend. Never a round two, never anything else even that day. If something does happen between the weekends, she does it for me only, making me feel bad. I expressed my feelings to her numerous times. She never does anything about it. I just want to feel wanted. I suggested things such as: sexting (she didn't want to do it until recently just because I pushed it too much. It always ends up like those memes, her cooking doing all the chores multitasking, and I end up invested in it which ends up with me feeling like a pathetic sex freak), meet ups in the car (always happens in the evenings with her pulling the "im tired" card, or "do you REALLY want it right now", or if it's closer to our once a week weekend meet up "just wait until tomorrow"), getting off birth control (she still didn't try, she says it helps with her acne, sometimes she says she will do it but it's been 2 years already). I really love this girl. She's got it all and we're taking this relationship serious. I don't know how should I feel, should I drop my expectations and just adapt to her libido with the risk of it being even worse later on in life, or should I break up with her potentially losing a perfect partner over sex (which could be just a phase and maybe my libido drops down as I get busier in life?). I personally think sex for her is irrelevant part of a relationship, even her life generally. On the other hand, I'm very sexual and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I hope someone had a similar problem and could tell me what they did and how did it end up. Are you happier now? Do you regret it? Any advice is welcome.

TLDR; My girlfriend and I aren't compatible sexually. Advice on improving her sex drive? Is it a dealbreaker? anyone with similar experience?

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* This article was originally published here

Feelings when you’re the one to end LTRs

People who were in very long term marriages/relationships, like 15+ years, was it just as painful to end it, even though it was your doing? Did you grieve at all? We’re you broken for a bit? Did you feel guilt?

My (f46)ex (48)of 21 years left me last summer. Said he just slowly fell out of love with me. No cheating, I know that. He said he also really struggled starting his life over. He said he had to do it, but it was incredibly difficult/painful. We have 2 kids 11, 14.

I’m just wondering what people in these situations feel. It was a wonderful marriage, no hostility, fighting, very caring, respectful. I know if the marriage is shit anyway, the person ending it wouldn’t likey feel bad. I want to hear more from people in a situation more similar to mine.

TLDR: people who had to end relationships because they fell out of love with their partner, was it still painful even though it was your doing?

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* This article was originally published here