My roommate (19M) doesn't let me (19F) even tiptoe outside my room at night, I don't know how to compromise

The title is a bit dramatic, it is more complicated than that sounds. So I (20F) have lived with my friend 'Dan' (20M) since the start of this year, we have been friends since university started three years ago.

Before living together, we spoke about noise at night and how Dan did not appreciate how his old roommate used to make noodles at 2am before his lectures, and I of course said that I would have no issues with not doing that. Since moving in together, Dan has had issues with me not being quiet when brushing my teeth at 2am. So I started tiptoeing and quietly opening and closing the bathroom door. We have a third roommate (21F) who is also friends with both of us, none of this is a problem for her as she is a deep-ish sleeper.

My only issue is that recently, Dan has been saying that he does not want me to leave my room for any reason at all after midnight. He has stated that due to his (very much legitimate) childhood trauma he does not get woken up by the loud noises outside (we live in the city), but will get woken up by my very quiet footsteps.

I have been trying my absolute best to brush my teeth earlier and not have any reason to leave my room after midnight, despite my usual bedtime being 2am. I would of course change my bedtime or just remember to brush my teeth earlier (and often do), but it is extremely difficult for me due to my (recently diagnosed, yet to be medicated) ADHD. The ADHD means that I often don't remember to brush my teeth earlier and I can't go to bed earlier as I can't study without the pressure of it being late at night.

I have suggested many times that he uses a white noise machine, earplugs, or sees a doctor. He hasn't looked into if a white noise machine would work, does not want to be using earplugs every night because he doesn't want to rely on them, and he claims that because it is due to trauma he needs to see a therapist instead of a doctor (but has not put the effort in to seeing a therapist).

For more context, also due to his childhood trauma, my friend has been improving but is generally not great at roommate things (ie doing dishes, cleaning things). I of course understand how this stuff can be hard (because of my ADHD), but it feels more difficult for me to try really hard to change my routines around if he can't do things like take the bins out. Dan has also recently been in the living room at 1am, has an ensuite, and has a similar bedtime to me except when he has to wake up at 7am for work.

'Dan' if you're seeing this hey whats up I want to know if random internet people have any ideas what we can do

TLDR: I don't know how to compromise with my roommate/friend who can't deal with me brushing my teeth after midnight when there isn't really any way for me to never go outside my room at night (mostly because of my ADHD).

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* This article was originally published here

How can I (30f) help my partner (27m) overcome his trust issues and potential depression ?

TW: Suicide attempts/threats

Please tell me whether this is the right place or not, as it is my first time posting on Reddit. This might be kinda long.

I met my bf at work last year, we have been together for about 7 months. We still work together. At first it was -obviously- really nice, but when he moved in with me (my fault for making things go too fast..) I started noticing that he was very jealous, and kinda controlling: checking when I am online, asking who I am talking to, thinking that I'm either cheating or that I don't love him anymore when I go out with friends - mostly girls... Because he doesn't plan anything on his side while I'm encouraging him as much as I can to do so. Anyway, going out leads to resentment because it feels I'm not as interested as I used to be. Noting that going out for me equals coffee or board games with friends... Not like I'm going to the club or anything.

Turns out he has a history of being cheated on and lied to, which explains his behavior.

This weekend, it went down again when I went to a restaurant with a friend that I hadn't seen since college. As we talked I showed her pictures on Instagram, WhatsApp... And my boyfriend thought that I was voluntarily ignoring him and not answering his messages, so he got mad, to the point of saying it was over, that he would leave...

I decided to stand my ground and enjoy my afternoon with my friend, which didn't make things better as I was only supposed to eat with her, but she offered to go for a walk in town so I told my boyfriend I would get home a bit later. He accused me of making him wait for nothing, but I told him I'd never given a specific hour of me coming home, as I had never told him either to wait for me and do nothing.

The afternoon went by, we fought a bit more and he said he didn't want to leave me or he would end his life.

I take this very seriously since I have made 2 suicide attempts in the past 12 months, the most recent being in April while I was with him. I have been under medical treatment and followed by a psychiatrist for about 2 years with Xeroquel to help with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

So I got home and found him asleep, he slept for about 5 hours and as he woke up he told me that he had taken 2 of my pills. Which worried me even more since this is the medicine I used in both of my attempts and it can get pretty nasty even when you're just changing your daily dose. I tried to sleep on the couch as it was past midnight and I didn't want to talk, but he insisted that we should talk. I tried then to get out and go to my father's, saying we should talk about it the day after. He stayed in front of the door saying I was tired and I needed to sleep and he wouldn't let me go so late.

I was kinda angry but he reminded me that in an older argument I pretty much did the same in the living room. Guess we are both lost causes on this?

Anyway, he let me out at one point but kept following me in the hallway and the stairs, and the only time he finally let me go, he said that the only thing he had to do was kill himself. I did make a suicide attempt while I was with him but I never used this as a threat to get my way.

Once again I got back home.

Since then, I've insisted that he gets medical help which he is about to get (he has an appointment on Thursday), but he has been really sad despite my efforts to do everything "as usual" (taking care of him, doing chores, cuddling, watching TV, planning activities for the weekend).

Today I learned that what was the most painful to him was that I felt distant, because we hadn't been intimate since Saturday morning. I did try to turn him down gently on Monday because I was feeling tired, and us being all sad during the day and not knowing how to interact with each other didn't help.

I start to wonder if this isn't unconscious manipulative behavior and how I should react, knowing that I don't want to leave alone someone who needs help and who feels so down.

I believe I do also have some unhealthy behaviors, which I'm aware of and trying to change, but I don't think I go that far, or maybe I'm not being objective enough.

Tl;dr:

My bf is very jealous and possessive due to difficult past relationships, possibly depressed as he threatened suicide twice when we were talking about either breaking up or just sleeping apart for one night. He has been very sad and kept talking very negatively about himself since, especially after I turned him down for being intimate due to our current situation. He is supposed to get medical help soon, I am being followed by a psychiatrist myself.

Thanks a lot.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (20M) too soft with my gf(21F)

We went out on a nice date, haven't been on one for a while. Everything's going well im being a bit playful with her and having a good time with my gf. I was doing some really dumb thing with my hand that my brother use to do and was showing my gf, then she goes why are you doing that, I can't wait til you grow out of this phase and mature. Idk why but I just felt so attacked and like woah, it just really killed the mood. It felt like she was having a go at me for no reason, calling me immature. I was just like trying to show her something and it seemed like she misunderstood but it was just really weird the way she reacted.

Idk couldn't stop thinking about it and letting it go so the date turned really awkward and sour, am I soft for letting a comment like that get to me? Wtf

Tdlr; gf said a weird comment, it got to me. Is it my fault that I held on to it and couldn't get over it that made the date go sour?

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* This article was originally published here

My (26F) friend (24F) didn’t clean their sick up from my bathroom, thinks i’m out of order for bringing it up

A couple of days ago, my friend came round to me and my partners house to celebrate a birthday. We had a nice evening, although our friend got very stoned and went quite pale at around 9pm, she eventually ran upstairs and me and my partner assumed they were probably being sick in our bathroom. No big deal I thought, she’ll probably feel better afterwards. after about an hour she comes back downstairs and has perked up a lot. she tells us that she missed the toilet somewhat, and that the bathroom is a mess. She starts smoking a cigarette. I had needed the toilet for a while because it is our only bathroom, so I went upstairs. there was quite a bit of visible sick all over my toilet and around the general area, even somehow on the walls? I went back downstairs and didn’t say anything at first because I am quite shy. I felt somewhat annoyed that the mess had been left. I wouldn’t have been able to use the toilet without getting sick on my socks. I waited for my partner to go upstairs and followed him up. He saw the mess and was also quite shocked at the state. This gave me the courage to say something so I asked if she could try and sort it out a bit so we could use the bathroom and brush our teeth before bed. she said she needed the mop to sort it. i was quite hesitant to give them our mop as it was brand new and I would have to chuck it out after it was used to clean sick (I am a bit weird about germs and stuff) I asked if they could try with kitchen roll and toilet roll and surface cleaning spray. They refused and essentially said they were only going to clean with the mop. I gave up and just sacrificed the mop. The bathroom was still a mess, there was still visable sick streaks on the wall, floor and toilet. There was also a plastic bag full of sicky tissues lay open on it’s side. We went to bed. i had a message in the morning asking if she could borrow one of my tops as she’d gotten sick on hers. she had already gone when I woke up however. The bathroom hadn’t been touched at all. So my partner and I had to clean it up. the shirt covered in sick was also stuffed in the corner of my bathroom behind the bag. I was quite annoyed and so sent her an image of the mess, and said I can’t help but feel annoyed by this, and that they’ve left it to me to clean up. I asked her to respect my space more in the future. I got quite an angry response, blaming me for not providing adequate cleaning supplies. They also said that they are stressed with work and have a lot going on at the moment that I know about. they finished up by saying they make a lot of adjustments for my neurotic behaviour, and that I should do the same for them. I asked what they meant by that and she said that I always cancel plans, have anxiety and am a germaphobe. I am quite upset by this. Would be interested to hear some opinions.

TL;DR: friend made and left a sicky mess in my house. Reacted badly to being confronted about it

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* This article was originally published here

Update I (17m) don’t know how to tell my dad (42m) that my step mom (37f) hates me

Link to previous post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/widc9q/update_i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_42m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Hey I thought I would update since my psychiatrist said it was ok I could.

For all the support and advice received, I really appreciate and wholeheartedly so grateful for all who dm me to see how I was, thank you.

This will be long cause a lot has happened but many things are still not resolved. TRIGGER WARNING i will mention self harm, so please if it might trigger you pls don’t read further

I wish I was able to say I followed the advice that was provided and now everything is better but some things in life don’t play the way we want it to and we can either let it destroy us or make us better.

After writing my edit where my SM was taking my things away and assuming I was on drugs I started recording on my phone and she said a lot through the door, many things about my mom and me, and just plain hateful words that I don’t want to repeat on here. I fell asleep while I was barricading the door with my body when my dad demanded me to open the door, at this point I don’t remember much of what happened but my SM told me I had to leave the house and my dad agreed. I didn’t know who to call but I decided to call my coach and he picked me up, and I was a crying mess. He didn’t ask any question but just told me that I was safe and if I need to talk he was here for me, I stayed over one night when the next day, dad picked me up, SM was not at home when we got there. Dad told me we needed to talk.

We had breakfast and my dad spoke to me about many things my SM told him and I couldn’t believe all the lies she told him. It was a long talk but in summary it was:

• My use of drugs and alcohol
• How I disrespect her in our home
• I don’t do my responsibilities like chores at home
• I’m nasty to her when Dad is not around

He asked me why I was acting like this and if I had a problem with SM I should’ve spoke to him. I let him talk and when he was crying and asked if I had anything to say. I was so lost for word I knew whatever I said my dad was on my SM side. So I told him I wanted him to watch the recording of the incident that I can send through as an email attachment and the link to my reddit post and than we can talk more, I also said I didn’t want to be here when he was reading and watching so I’ll go for a drive and he can txt me when he’s done and ready to talk. He was hesitant at first but I told him it was important to me so he agreed and I left in my car to the beach and sent the email with the video attached and the link to my reddit post.

I don’t know how long I waited but many thoughts were going through my head, I was missing my mom so much and what if my dad still sided with my SM what can I do now? I fell asleep at the beach spot and was woken up by a police officer knocking on my car door and asking for my name, after confirming my name he advised me to get out my car and to hand over my keys to him and to follow him to his car, he handcuffed me and assured me that I wasn’t in trouble but this was a welfare check cause someone made a call that I was possibly suicidal, I didn’t talk after he told me that and all I remember was just crying. He made me sit in the back of the police car until the ambulance came and they took me to the hospital. I was asked many questions and was evaluated and was told I was depressed and may have extreme anxiety. The physician did say I might have other things but will require further testing and some sessions with a psychiatrist.

My dad came and visited me while in hospital and when I saw him he looked really tired. When he spoke it sounded like he was crying and he told me he called the police on me because the video recording I did, he heard everything my SM said but he also saw my cuts on my thighs and was scared and thought the worst. Honestly I never watched the video so I didn’t know my thighs were visible.

After our cry we spoke about a few things. I told my dad that I don’t feel comfortable living with SM after everything she said and done to me over the years, and I’m not sure I can handle being around her cause I don’t trust her. We spoke about arrangements and knowing my dad still loves my SM and I didn’t want him to choose between us, i told him that I could talk to Coach if I could stay with him, and after calling him he agreed. I’ve also been admitted to an agency that will support me cause I am mentally unwell. I have been to 1 session and waiting on another evaluation to be done on me and some testings with my GP so they can diagnose me.

I’m currently staying with my rugby coach who has been an amazing pillar. He has set out some house rules but I respect the fella and don’t mind following them. My coach even set a date next week for me and dad to catch up on. My coach is an awesome dude, I thought of him as just a coach who just wanted our rugby team to win but when he allowed me to stay over he showed so much care for me and I saw a side to him and understand how much he cares for my team, he has a lovely wife but I’m kinda anxious whenever it’s just me and her at their house.

That’s it right now, my dad lives at home with my SM and is trying to sort that out. I have many appointments to get the help I need and alot of school work to catch up on and rugby trainings to attend. I’ve taken a leave of absence from my maccas job. I’m gonna miss going to the beach for a while but I understand that it’s not a forever thing so I hope that the next time I go there I’m not crying my eyes out. Im kinda working on being ok if my dad and SM after those of you who shared your similar experiences, some day I’ll be ok.

Thank you all who advised me and encouraged me. Those who reached out through DM, thank you for the kind words and reaching out. I’m not sure if I’ll update again but maybe I’ll let you know if something happens in the future.

Take care everyone, also be kind to one another and most of all be kind to yourself cause you deserve it

TLDR i showed my dad my reddit post and recording of my SM being verbally abusive and now I’m staying at my coaches house trying to sort out my mental health

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* This article was originally published here

My wife (30) and I (32) have a crush on the same person

Not really a venting or complaining post, just a funny situation we just found ourselves in. To get it out of the way, my wife is literally my best friend in the entire world and we’ve never fought about anything in our 9 year relationship. We’d do anything for each other and could not be happier together. That being said, I also have a group of friends I’ve known for over 12 years and we are beyond close as well. We’re a group of 3 couples and when we are together we could legitimately take on the world. Everyone just becomes the best versions of themselves, full of confidence and love and you could take any combination of us 6 and everyone gets along equally. In particular though, my friend’s wife and I are essentially the same person and connect on many things that only the two of us understand. Never really any sexual attraction, but when everyone gets super drunk the two of us just go down a rabbit hole of our interests and it can get lightly flirty at times. To be completely clear to the reddit psychologists out there, this has been going on for 10+ years and any jealously between anyone that existed is long gone. Her husband is my best friend in the world and even busts our balls about it because he knows there is nothing serious about it. Now I will say I do feel bad about it at times because I never want my wife to feel that she isn’t as close with me as I am with my friends wife, but again any sense of insecurity on her end is also long gone because she knows I would do anything in the world for her and would fucking die for her without a second thought.

So with all that background out of the way, here is the real interesting part. My wife and my friends wife have started doing the same thing together! So instead me and her going down the rabbit hole, the two of them are connecting on deep stuff and are forming their own little pseudorelationship late at night. A few weeks ago it literally looked like a string was tied around those two and my wife was making little nervous smiles and laughs at times. I couldn’t help but laugh because I knew exactly how she was feeling. The next day I jokingly busted her by saying “wife…you were crushing pretty hard last night on (friend’s wife).” She immediately turned red and I burst out laughing. Like I said before, my friend’s wife and I are pretty much the same person so it would only make sense that my wife is attracted to those same qualities and another reason I am not jealous and am just enjoying her newfound romantic confusion.

So not really looking for advice or hoping for anyone to psychoanalyze the situation because there is no way anyone is going to be able to explain the relationship I have with my friends and wife to me, but thought it was a funny situation I’d share. Not sure if anyone else has had a similar situation and a story on how it turned out but would love to hear it.

TLDR: my wife now fully understands the reasons for my slight crush on my friend

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Right person, wrong time?

Right Person, Wrong Time?

I (21M) truly believe I may have found my Soulmate (21F) and yes, I know, maybe you think I’m too young to feel this way but believe me when I say I don’t use that word lightly.

She and I are so excellently matched and when I’m with her the biggest problems become the most tiny imperfections, time flies by, the last 9 months have seemed like maybe 3 at best. I think of her and a smile comes to my face.

Yet I am plagued with thoughts saying it isn’t going to last, the two of you are going to change, you will grow apart, you should break up with her now rather than breaking her heart later.

I’ll admit these thoughts are souring my feelings a bit and making me worry.

So I suppose what my question is, am I chasing a pipe dream? I know I should be happy in the moment and focus on the here and now but I suppose I’ve always been more focused on the long term.

The one thing I will say is I WANT it to work out with her.

TL;DR: I want it to work out with my GF, I suppose I worry that I’ve met her too soon.

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* This article was originally published here