My wife (21f) got angry at me (24m) because I told her I would have had more to drink if I were not driving.

A couple days ago, my coworkers and I were invited to go to a baseball game in a private suite. For reference, this was the first time I had gone out without my wife since we got married. There were drinks for etc… initially my wife was going to pick me up from the game and I was planning on having a couple drinks.

My wife texts me before the game that she’s extremely tired and that she will come pick me up but that she wanted me to drive back. I said of course no problem.

I had a drink when the game began with all my coworkers and haven’t had more since then. They tried to get me to drink more but I told them I was driving and they laid off.

Anyways my wife picks me up and immediately says she didn’t do this because she didn’t want me drinking and that she was extremely tired. I said I know it’s not a big deal I had a great time. She then asked me if I were not driving if I would have had more to drink.

I said yes I probably would have had 3-4 drinks. The mood instantly changes, she is now angry with me. I ask her what’s wrong and she says that she doesn’t understand why I need more than one drink.

I said she was acting controlling and that 3-4 drinks is perfectly normal in the context I was in… she gets angrier and starts saying why can’t I just respect her wishes and she’s giving me the silent treatment all the way till the next morning.

For reference: her mother has had issues with alcoholism and I haven’t struggled with that but I have had too much to drink on one occasion earlier in our relationship. I understand it’s coming from a place of care and love, but it’s stifling.

I just don’t know what the correct next step is here. I don’t know if maybe I am the one in the wrong and I just need other peoples thoughts here.

Before people start asking, nearly every other aspect of our relationship is extremely positive.

TL;DR: wife is being very controlling over alcohol.

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* This article was originally published here

Date turned friend acting weird after rejection

I’d (31F) friendzoned a person (36M) I went on one blind date with and he was still pursuing me from the friendzone. I had a conversation with him about how some of his comments/behavior felt like things people would say/do in a relationship rather than friendship and how I didn’t see us being anything more than friends. I told him I did feel a connection with him but given some differences couldn’t picture a future together. He expressed some disappointment and said he’d be more mindful of what he says/does. Since then he’s been acting quite cold and distant, which is understandable. But I feel like he’s being immature by just leaving my messages at read especially when they are about his dog that I’m dog sitting for a bit while he’s traveling. He’s traveling at the moment so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but he has time to post stories, be online etc all except respond or react to the texts. He used to text me daily and be quite responsive and now he ignores messages that aren’t even for my benefit (I’m doing him a favor with the dog sitting). The more he behaves this way, the more I start thinking that perhaps my gut feeling about him being immature at 36 was true. This makes me feel like none of the things he said or did as my “friend” was genuine and he was just pursuing me and is now showing his true colors. Is his behavior justified or should he be handling it more maturely? Should I bother telling him how I feel?

TLDR: Date turned friend being distant and unresponsive after I told him I only saw us as friends. Is behavior justified or should I speak to him

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* This article was originally published here

What does everyone think about this conversation? Am I trying too hard? Shall I just give up altogether?

Person of interest (POI): I just need some time to think about this. I didn’t realize that you were subject to more long term deployment internationally within the next 13 months until our call, and at the time I didn’t quite wrap my brain around it 😅

Me: This is the last and only deployment I'll be a part of until I finally get out around about July, possibly earlier. That is truth, but yes, it's also an attempt to get your interest back. If not, and you've ultimately decided not to go at this altogether, I'd understand and fully respect that decision.

POI: Ok, not gonna lie to you that definitely helps the situation.

Me: I'm putting all my chips at the table for that outcome... (After 4 days) I'm writing this only because I've got enough strength and courage in me, thanks to alcohol. This is, though, by no means, not a desperate attempt. This is no more than a mere confession about how I feel about everything.

I understand and respect how you feel about the distance and frequency. I don't blame you on that and, honestly, it's not the first time I'm exposed to it. I'm not going to say anything that would otherwise convince you to try and stick things out with me.

What I'm going to do instead is to let you know of how much I'd like to be in a relationship with you. I've already told you that I'm really interested in you, but I also won't force myself to you if you've made up your mind about the whole thing in general.

I also want to communicate through my willingness to become friends even if we don't end up in a relationship because I really do want to get to know you and I don't really have much friends at all. If I'd be so bold as I can, I'd be willing to wait until my time here is done. Whenever than happens and you're still single, I'd like to come back and see if there's still interest in your end about us potentially dating. If there is, brilliant. If not, then I'd simply chalk this up as a wrong time, wrong place scenario yet again. Regardless, I'd wait for your answer about everything. The only thing I'd ask is that you'd be honest for both our sakes. You're a very desirable man, [POI].

POI: Thank you for your candor [ME]. With the stage I’m at in my life, I’d really like to be engaged in something that doesn’t demand distance. Even with you back in ___ you’re still pretty far away and seeing each other regularly feels like it would be challenging.

That said, I’d still like to go on a date and see if there’s something here. Naturally I can’t promise anything, but a date at least feels like it would provide the missing chemistry component I’m still looking to evaluate.

Me: I'd take that or any other chance I can get at hanging out with you. I'll let you know as soon as we're bound to come back. Let's go on a date by then. If there's nothing after that, I'd gladly accept whatever comes out of it, friendship or not or whatever the outcome may be. If we do end up being back to complete strangers after that one date, I'd like to express my desire to come back and see if you're still single after I get out, given the chance that you'd still be interested in me by then. If not and there's really no interest and no chance at all for us, I'd very much respect that as well. I'm not going to give up on you easily until you actually tell me to stop. I won't push myself on you especially if I'm made known of the fact that there's no place for me there, but I also don't give up easily, hence the things I just said.

POI: Understood 😊

TL;DR- I'm trying to date someone who seemingly doesn't want to proceed because I'm often away on missions and we live about 2 hours from each other. Shall I still pursue a possible relationship or just give up altogether?

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* This article was originally published here

Is it bad to want to exclusively celebrate your boyfriend's birthday?

Context: we've been dating for 4 years, we're both adults (24f and 26m), but we haven't moved in together yet. He doesn't care whether or not he does anything for his birthday, but I always like to celebrate his birthdays. Usually, I have plans to go out for the day/have dinner, prepare/bake a cake, and buy gifts. I do this without thinking that his family would want to do anything for him too (cause I never get any birthday celebrations, esp as an adult). But I realise that his family literally buys a cake and has a mini celebration for him every year. I don't want to judge, but I do think it's a bit weird to still do that for an adult. Anyway, it's not that I don't want him to celebrate with his family, but most of the time, I want to treat him with these kind of things, and vice versa... My family already doesn't celebrate my birthdays lol, but even if they did, of course I would appreciate it. But it's a different feeling when it's your family and your significant other. I would want to celebrate my birthday with him too. Like I no longer expect anything from my family, but with a significant other, you kindaa expect it you know. Cause family will always be your backbone, but your significant other (esp a serious one), is your future... Lol cringe statement, but it's true. Anyway, what do you guys think? And yes, I could literally just celebrate with his family too. But like I said, it's a different feeling... Like I have plans to be romantic and stuff. Can't really do that with family around... But anyway, let me know what you guys think...

TL;DR: Bf's family still buys him a cake, and has a mini celebration for him every year, even though he's an adult... but I also want to make plans with him too, and do romantic stuff with him... Is it bad that I want to celebrate his birthday exclusively?

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* This article was originally published here

I feel like I was only a second option from the start

I 16M met a girl online 15F. She lives 6 hours away by Train. Started talking a lot. Phone calls almost everyday. Even talked about meeting which at the time I thought wouldn't be possible. We met in the middle which was a 4 hour drive for both of us. We met at 11 in the morning. It was a nice long day. Made out a lot, talked a lot just fun overall. The after we met she was on a biking trip for a week so she really sacrificed rest and preparation just to see me which kinda shocked me. She invited me over to her place. I asked my parents and they let me. When I was there she started saying things like I'm the first guy over at her place and tbh I didn't really know if I should believe her. Anyways the first three days were really nice. On the 4th day I actually vented and cried about what happened to me (went through a lot of shit) which I've never done in my life and she listened and comforted me. It felt good in the moment but now I really regret having told her. That was also the day I noticed her constantly texting with a guy. She says she knows him since kindergarden. He plays football and is about to go to Spain this summer to play for a club there. Anyway it was really annoying cuz we would just be chilling cuddling whatever but whenever he messaged her she replied instantly. WHILE WE LAID IN Bed! I couldn't return the favor because my phone was broken so I just laid there. Usually sometimes she would leave me on read for hours and act like nothing happened so I got suspicious.

She left the room with her phone unlocked and when I saw the messages I got more suspicious. He would say stuff like "I'm only thinking about you rn" and they'd always use heart emojis which we rarely did. Apart from that the messages seemed pretty normal except that the said that she went jogging in the morning or that she's about to go do sports in the evening which she didn't do cuz I was there and were together the entire time. She also said that she's at a bday party which also wasn't true.

Damn I just realized while writing this. Maybe she didn't want him to know that I was at her place. Today's her birthday and I've been thinking about how we're gonna proceed because obviously she lives to far away to see each regularly and I also feel like she might got someone else or I'm not that important to her because when I left the goodbye I got was pretty dry and quick and she didn't even see the train leave.

Ever since then which is now a little more than a week ago we haven't been talking as much, she replies after hours and It just isn't the same. I don't know if I've committed myself to something now because she seems like she didn't. And I don't want to commit myself to something while the other person is already looking for their next options.

TLDR: Met a girl online. Started talking a lot. Drove to her place. Turns out I might not be the only one in her view.

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* This article was originally published here

What should I do ? What would you do if u was in the same position

Idk what to do

I’m (21 F) and ex (21M) let’s call him boi. Boi was the sweetest guy I ever met and we used to go to the same hs. We dated for 3 years but we had some on and off gaps. I loved him so much but never told him bc I’m scared that being in relationship will hurt me or basically afraid to get left out so I prefer to not experience anything so I don’t feel the need of it . He reply to my story and my heart dropped ! He told me that I’m his girlfriend! Texted him back saying “ prove it to me “ he did . We talked a lot and eventually met again and Covid time hit . Wasn’t able to go out or be around bc of covid so we kept contact online ( we know each other in real life) . We start to be on and off bc I was afraid to give it up 🍒 . But by time I trusted him and we start to get to used to each other slowly . 1.5 y after and I decide to let him have it bc he been trying and waiting for me . Thought me giving up will stop the on and off situation and he won’t need anything else . Well that didn’t go well , we still was on and off . We kept in contact and still talked but he decide to break it off . He dated multiple girls etc but one day I decide to text him on his birthday ! I cry every year on his birthday ! I love him so much bc it’s the only person who could bring out emotions out of me .. I been numb and depressed for years … he show up in my life and I start feeling .. I start to feel again ! I was severely numb to all emotions but when he’s around I feel something ! After I texted him a meme saying happy birthday he texted me back and re added me on social media and we got back to each other again. It was from his birthday to almost the end of the year and those was the best few months with him ! No fights or anything and we see each other more often and he asked me to level up the relationship and maybe start to try for a baby ! I was happy and we start trying . One day he got so strange and deleted alot of our previous messages like the ones from two years ago .. and asked me to delete too and I fought with him and he blocked me out of blue and then a girl texted me saying I need to talk w her .. I recognize her and he told me that was his cousin so I replied to see what’s going on .. she got mad at me and crying and I’m in total confusion .. turns out to be his ex and they have a child together .. mind you …. He asked me to have his first kid with him . Things went down and she told me everything and I completely shut down and that was near the end of school year and and I couldn’t even focus and almost failed my classes …I went back to my numb state again… couldn’t talk or think I was completely dead but breathing .. did i just lost my love and the only person that brings out the live in me? Stayed quiet and then he text denying everything and demanding we should go back and yes I gave him another chance but his behavior changed drastically towards me and he wasn’t the sweet boi anymore. I spoiled him before and did everything I’m capable of and everything in my power to make him happy and it’s as far as not considering my self first and giving him all I have . He’s so different and idk why .. one day he so in love and the other accuse me of things I never did . Turns out the ex lied and told him I said things to her and i clearly didn’t even speak bc I was in shock and she was the one talking badly about him and his family but she was trying her best to make him hate me and he believed her . Every argument after he has to bring out the things she said and re accuse me again and no matter how much evidence I show him.. showed him everything and he still accuse me and he keep saying I’m a lair and I have no idea why…he know I’m bold and straightforward and he even told me before that he like that about me . He wanna stay but obviously don’t wanna change or help to not let our love go to waste and everything we did for each other. That’s the part where I walked away , I felt so unloved and he wasn’t making as much efforts at the end ,he did ask me on a date after but the two days before the date he did something that literally made me lose hope in him ,he blocked my insta and proceeded to send me a snap saying that I’m a werido for putting similar emoji in my bio and other stuff …I first stormed off and send him bunch of snaps but decide to block him before he sees it ,I felt that he don’t care anymore about my feeling so I just didn’t wanna bother him no more .i miss him a lot everyday but I can’t stay where I’m not loved properly. Ik he love me or at least he used to but he is never been good at expressing his emotions , he is the quiet kid that is also antisocial and not good at interpreting things or situations.tomorrow is his birthday and I cry every year on his birthday . Yes I love you still because you my precious boi but you need time to work on urself and realize what’s good for you one day and eventually know the truth about everything , I still find difficulties to feel any emotions that doesn’t involve you bc I was emotionless and felt like robot for years and somehow you brought it out of me , everything is empty and time going slow but I’m okay , happy birthday precious boi.

TL;DR : Lived in confusion for so long , should I even consider going back ? He is my only love but our situation wasn’t the best

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* This article was originally published here

How do I (28F) act tomorrow when Im at a wedding all day with my boyfriends long term relationship ex girlfriend?

They were together for a long time and Im the new relationship. Simply put, I feel insecure. Im dreading it. I know he loves and really cares for me, and we get along great. We really have something special.

But he was sad when it ended between them, she broke it off.

I am scared, probably irrationally but Im being honest, that seeing her will evoke feelings. I know how she was controlling and didn’t like his friends and made him feel bad a lot. I’m worried she will try to pull him away to have a one on one talk since thats what she tried to do and he refused her previously. Im just feeling so uncomfortable… and can’t wait til its over.

TL;DR : insecure about wedding tomorrow with new boyfriends ex

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* This article was originally published here