First year of being married and already in the brink of divorce

My husband (30M) and I (25F) recently got married after 5 years of LDR. We’re an interracial couple. He’s from Europe and I’m from Asia. Things were already pretty rocky before we even got married but it just seemed like the best decision at the time. We didn’t live together for more than 2 months prior to getting married. I love him still, don’t get me wrong. The problems in our relationship just seem to stack on top of each other. This will be a long retelling of our issues so get ready.

First, he’s been suffering from a plethora of illnesses since the start of the pandemic. He has photosensitivity (extremely eye sensitivity to light of any sort), misophonia (sound sensitivity) and just recently, he started having excruciating back pains. So you can already tell how much suffering he has endured for years now. I love him dearly, but he can’t control his reaction to everything. He gets heated up and critical about things. We can’t watch tv or even look at phone screens cause it’s too bright for him. I can’t make sudden noises cause it startles him and makes his ear painful. We don’t even have dinners at home because chewing sounds and cutleries hitting the plates trigger his misophonia. On top of that, he barely does the weight lifting in the house, literally. He can’t carry heavy stuff cause his back hurts so bad afterwards. Mind you, we live in a block of flats and we’re on the 5th floor so carrying stuff up and down the stairs can be a real struggle for him. These are all real pain and we’ve visited the doctors so many times. We don’t know why he has all these illnesses. It just came out of nowhere.

Second, I want to go home. I miss my family so much that it hurts. I moved from Asia to Europe to be with him and meet his family for the first time. This is my dream to be here and boy was I wrong. I didn’t know I would miss my mum so much. We’re really close and I miss our bond so much. I told him I wanted to settle down in my country, and he hated the idea. We got into this huge fight just last night. He told me I should just go home and be with my “mommy” as he sarcastically said it. He said that apparently being with my family for 24 years had not been enough for me and I should just be with my mum forever. He doesn’t understand the concept of being Asian and having really tight knit relationship with their families. Of course, I feel that it’s a bit selfish to ask that from him. He travelled 3 times to my country just to be with me when we were still LDR. He has sacrificed a lot – his job, his money, his life. And he said that he’s not dropping this flat that he loves so much and his life once again to appease me. It hurts a lot when he said that but I understand. He feels that he’s a failure for bringing me to Europe and I’m not even happy here. He said a lot of hurtful things and I did too. He wanted me to come back to my country to be with my mum but took it back when I finally gathered up the courage to call my family in the middle of the night. I seriously thought that was it. I thought we're done for.

Right now, I’m in shambles. I love this man a lot but this is not how I imagined it would be. I’m finally here in Europe where I dreamed I would be a few years ago. He said I don’t appreciate it enough and many people would want to be in my position. My heart is torn cause I just want to be with him and with my mum nearby. I want to have his love and comfort and my mum’s presence in my life. I surely sound like a mama’s girl right now but I can’t help but feel this way.

Another thing is that I wanna spend more time with him. We’re both introverts and work from home. I realized that me needing his company so much is my way of coping with the fact that I miss my family. I’ve lived with my mum and my sister all my life and I miss that feeling. I miss that there are people walking around the house but now it’s just the two of us, working in separate rooms. I told him that he doesn’t spend that much time with me, he doesn’t watch movies with me, he doesn’t have dinners with me and he took it as an offense. Telling me how insufficient I make him feel.

I know he tries. He’s sick and he can’t do all of that. I’m just tired of overthinking our relationship. I’m tired that I have to ask these things. Something in me silently wishes that the guy I dated in the first 3 years of our relationship would just come back, without all his illnesses. He was the kindest, most wonderful man, almost like a dream. Somewhere along the way, that guy disappeared, and I miss him so much.

I guess I also just wanted to rant here. I don’t tell anyone about our relationship problems. I also don’t have any friends that I can hang out with in this city. I don’t speak their language and I just feel like an alien here… I just want some clarity in all of this. Maybe some words of encouragement, maybe a way to fix this, or maybe just someone to tell me that I have to end it.

Tl/dr: Constantly fighting and marriage is slowly collapsing. I want to settle down in my home country but he wants to stay.

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The 3 Zodiac Signs Who Want An Exclusive Relationship During The Moon Conjunct Venus On October 25, 2022 - YourTango

The 3 Zodiac Signs Who Want An Exclusive Relationship During The Moon Conjunct Venus On October 25, 2022  YourTango

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My (18, NB) friends (varying ages and genders, 17-18) are still friends with my ex (M, 18) and it bothers me.

I know you can’t control people, obviously. They can be friends with whoever they want but it doesn’t change the fact that i’m still hurt and confused.

For context, my ex was a cheating, abusive, and narcissistic jerk. These friends even agree to this and often call him a jerk too, saying what he did to me was awful and unforgivable and they’ll “protect” me if he ever tries anything.

The problem is… for the amount of shit talking they do they STILL hang out with him. They’ll literally tell me to my face “Ugh he was such a jerk today, so sorry you had to go through that” or “He threw up at the party we went to without you, he’s so stupid.” THEN WHY ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH HIM?? Literally WHY are you agreeing and telling me these things along with my complaints and still hang out w him. It comes off as so fake and disrespectful to me.

These people are my only friends but it’s so aggravating to come out of a vent session about my feelings and codependency on him for them to go “I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that. Just know we fully support and seen everything he did to you if he tries to do anything” and then two hours later see them playing together on overwatch.

(If you want an example of how shitty my ex was, overwatch is a perfect example. When me and my ex were dating I begged him to play overwatch w me, I even offered to buy it. He said it was completely stupid and I’m stupid for liking it. Now that we’re broken up, hes now playing it because he saw his favorite twitch streamer play it.)

I asked one of them, let’s call David, why they still talk after he explained how pathetic my ex was. He said he “felt bad” and “didn’t want to be mean.” But what I don’t understand is they have the nerve to say all they want behind is back and then acting all buddy buddy with me. Who knows if they’re doing the same to me.

I feel so hurt yet numb at the same time. I just want to start over with new friends and a new environment but it’s impossible.

It’s so frustrating that the only thing I can do is sit through it. I’m currently in online community college right now and it is so lonely and I’d be even more lonely without them. I have no way of making more friends for at least two years till I’m able to transfer. My best bet is dealing with it but I don’t know if I can take it anymore. What do I even do?

TL:DR! My friends still talk to my ex despite constantly dogging on him and agreeing he was horrible to me and his horrible to them. I have no idea why they would do this. I’m also confused and left wondering if I’m better off being lonely, or if there’s any other options?

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My bf doesn't do anything all day. He has no job and doesn't go to school. Idk how much longer I can put up with this.

(Throwaway because he follows my main)

So my bf and I are both 18, which makes us technically adults but really we're both basically teenagers, since I am still in high school, he should be, and we both still live with our parents. We've been dating for a little over a year, and we're long distance. (Only have seen each other irl a couple times.)

I love my bf so much and he's perfect to me in almost every way. He's a huge support system to me and I don't think I can handle losing him. But at the same time this has been going on way too long and idk how much longer I'll put up with it.

He has no job. He doesn't go to school. He's not even really working on a GED, and overall he seems to have basically no motivation.

His parents pulled him out of school in mid-9th grade because of COVID then just never sent him back. (His parents SUCK and do absolutely nothing to help motivate him.) He did an online school program for one school year, but after that summer just never went back to it and he hasn't been in school the entire time we've been dating. He keeps saying he's going to get a GED but he hasn't even studied for it and he doesn't have any way to pay for one, so who knows if that will ever even happen.

He doesn't work and never has. He claims he's looking for a job but I don't know how much effort he's * actually * putting into it.

So, between dropping out of school, having no job, and not actually working towards a GED, he does nothing. He sits around and plays video games and talks to me, that's it.

I go to school, work, and have a lot more responsibilities/chores at home. I'm actually putting in effort every day and it sucks to do all that then call him and realize he has zero responsibility. Im just so tired of him doing literally nothing at all, it doesn't feel fair to me since I'm actually putting in effort.

And now at this point I'm worried about him holding me back. I'm ready to start my adult life in less than a year. I have money saved up, I'm about to graduate high school (I'm graduating half a year early), and I have plans for a career. But him? He probably won't even have a high school diploma or GED by the end of the year, and he has zero money at all and no job in sight.

I'm certainly not paying for everything. So I'd have to put living with him off until he saves enough money which at this point will take forever. And I'm not about to be 18/19 with him still not at the very least graduated from high school. We. Need. Money. And he needs to help make some of it. It isn't realistic to be able to move on with my life like this.

Also, it just bothers me. He talks about my job and school like they're so easy, and he doesn't value the hard work I'm putting in at all. I'm tired of him acting like he has any ground to stand on even remotely, because he has literally zero clue what responsibility is.

I know that if it gets to the point where I am graduated and moving onto trade school and he still hasn't even gotten the job, I'm gonna have to leave him. It'll suck and probably be the worst Day of my entire life but I really can't stand to be with someone like that.

But the way he talks it seems like he's actively looking for a job and he'll get his GED as soon as he has money for it. That's what he says, and the way he talks about it makes me want to believe him. And if he just got a job and started saving money, everything will be okay. Our relationship would be basically perfect.

But it's been a year now and still nothing has changed. I don't know what the right thing to do is, should I wait around to see if he does it or just go now? I don't know.

It's such a hard thing to deal with because I love him so much, but this is causing me a ton of stress and realistically I can't keep going on for much longer.

Yes, I have talked to him about this. I bring it up all the time, at least a couple times a week. But he always just tells me he's trying and no one will hire him.

PLEASE HELP ME. What do I do??

TLDR; my bf has no job and doesn't go to school because he dropped out. He claims to be trying but after a year there's no change and I can't wait around for much longer.

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I didn’t tell him how I feel when he opened up and I regret it.

I was seeing someone years ago briefly, but I developed very strong feelings. He was a friend before this and was at the end of a separation , moved out and almost divorced. He ended up reconciling and went back for his kids. He apologized profusely and I was hurt but kept it cordial at work.

He tried to be friends with me, but I couldn’t because there were too many feelings still there. He accepted that. I got back with an ex who had showed me at the time that he was willing to make the changes to be better. Things got a lot better with him and we got engaged. The other guy heard about this and was obviously upset. I had no idea he still had feelings for me. One night, he approached me and asked me if there was a chance in the future , told me he wants to grow from this and that his marriage was really ending. I, of course said I’m happy where I’m at and I’m sorry. He accepted that but looked pretty hurt by it.

I left the job and got married , my husband started drinking again, lying, staying out all night and just disrespectful behavior. I talked to him over and over and it didn’t change. I’m getting divorced now because of it.

I always thought about this other person. I really fell for him and we just always clicked. I saw the other guy out a few months ago when I wasn’t in a very good place emotionally. I was sure I was divorcing just needed to make the move. I was already sleeping in the spare room. I told the other guy what was going on with my marriage and just vented. He listened and then told me that we have a connection that he can’t find with anyone else, it was always bad timing with us and never stopped feeling the same way. I was shocked and didn’t know he felt this way. I was so emotionally unavailable and a shell of myself that I didn’t believe anyone could. I kind of pushed him away and kept it very friendly. He talked about the past and how it was his fault everything that went down before. All my feelings came back. Not sure if they ever went away. I didn’t show him this though and now I regret it. I kept it very casual because I was trying to do the right thing and I was still married even though I was leaving. He is divorced now.

We didn’t speak until a few months later when my dad passed away. Then after that I saw him out again. I was separated at this point with no chance of reconciliation. He was being cordial and I got a little tipsy. I don’t really drink, but went a little overboard and hung all over him. He was receptive and he kissed at the end of the night. I didn’t hear from him after this. I texted him the next week to say thanks for looking out for me (he got me home safe). He said no problem always good to see you and left it at that. These feelings were really sitting in with me. I then texted him 2 weeks later and asked him to call me. I just needed to tell him. He called and I told him I’m sorry for those times I pushed you away and acted like I didn’t have feelings for you because you always meant the world to me. He said don’t ever worry about that and that we always had a good friendship. Then he offered to be there for me when ever I need him. I didn’t say anything else about the way I felt because he said the friends thing. It’s been a few weeks and I haven’t contacted him. I think about him all the time. He is someone I just click with in so many ways. I don’t know what to do !!

TL;DR: guy I fell for years ago reconciled with his wife and I was hurt because I fell for him. He apologized and we were friends before. I got engaged and he asked if there was a chance in the future and that he was leaving this time and wants to change and grow. I told him no. I’m getting divorced now due to alcoholism and still have feelings for this guy. He opened up to me a few months ago and I pushed him away because of my situation. Told me he never got Over me etc. Now, months later , I am separated and filed for divorce and he is keeping it friendly after I told him my feelings.

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I (35F) destroyed my boyfriend’s (35M) confidence. What more can I do to restore it? Or should I leave him be?

Tl;Dr: I drunkly and falsely called my boyfriend small and he is now struggling with his mental health.

Throwaway, obviously. Apologies in advance for the long post. My now probably ex-BF and I have been together on and off for 5 years. We were good friends before but over the course of our relationship became each other’s best friend. We hang out all the time, are always in contact and are pretty much joined at the hip. The off part of our relationship was my first mistake. Some years ago, I went into a terrible depression and withdrew from society, including him. I just felt pressurised by the need to be ‘fun’ and instead of talking to him about it, I just disappeared. When I started bouncing back, I reached out and he was angry but accepting. I credit him with actually pulling me out of it and while we restarted as friends, we inevitably ended up in relationship again. Our communication(read mine, as his was always good) seemed better. Except this time around he started off with doing things like apologising every time we had sex for not being good enough. This then escalated to him saying he never really liked sex anyway and he expressed a worry that his dick was somehow not big enough. I, selfishly, only focused on the first part. I had never had a problem with his size and he was in fact bigger than most of my exes; so I didn’t really take this seriously. I started to try and ‘make’ him enjoy sex more but he even went as far as to ask whether we could still be together but remove sex from the equation. I admit I was frustrated with the situation. A year ago, while extremely drunk and discussing the same thing again, I said something I’ll regret forever. I was too drunk to remember saying this which makes it worse, but in his words I said, “I don’t care if you’re the smallest I’ve been with, you still turn me on the most!” It wasn’t even true about the size, but he immediately believed because I was the one who said it and he believes the truth comes out with alcohol. We almost broke up then, but couldn’t stay away from each other. The past year has been hell, more for him than me. We have fought constantly but he refuses to believe I would lie to him then, but also refuses to believe anything I say now. He lives on small dick subs, he dreams of me with bigger men. Paradoxically , our sex life has become brilliant, mainly because he has become excellent at it. But each time we have sex he spirals into a deep low. I tried reassuring him, ignoring his constant venting about it (huge mistake in retrospect), talking about it with him all the time, being extremely positive and complimentary. Nothing worked, he said I was letting him down and now he has broken up with me saying i trigger his spirals and he needs me to be the bad guy. I’m devastated and heartbroken. I fully accept my responsibility in this. I don’t want him to deal alone, but would it be selfish to not let him go? I can’t imagine our lives without each other.

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Relationship of 2 years, moved in with each other, sex has stopped, feel like I'm just friends with her - need thoughts and advice.

Sorry this might be long, I don't have anyone to talk to this to about. This is my first and only real relationship so everything I'm feeling is new and I have no idea how to react.

So I (M26) have been with my SO (F26) for 2 years, we started dating immediately after meeting, I had feelings of doubt around 3 months after this and I told her I wanted to break things off. However, she persuaded me to stay and try and sort things out which I agreed to and everything after that was actually really great, we saw each other all the time, sex was amazing and regular and we just generally really enjoyed spending time together.

After 1.5 years of dating we decided to move in with each other. I was excited to move in with her and everything was good at the beginning. Everything is still good in the sense that we are best friends and she is so caring and nice. But..

I feel like I've drifted from her, I no longer get super excited to spend time with her, it feels like we are friendly housemates and not a couple. I've realised now we spend all of our time together we don't really have any common interests. Another big factor in these feeling is that our sex life has disappeared, I haven't had sex with her in over 4 months. We still kiss and cuddle but it just doesn't feel special anymore - I'm getting so sexually frustrated. We snap at each other and have arguments over nothing more than we used to now too.

Lately I have been feeling really horribly anxious, stressed and just unhappy about my relationship, I feel like I can't see it getting any better and the longer things carry on like this the worse it will get. I really just miss my old life before we moved in together. What makes it worse is that inside I feel like this but she still appears happy, says how much she loves me and seems to not notice or ignores how our relationship has changed. I am scared to talk to her about it as whenever we talk about things like this she breaks down in tears and it's impossible to have a proper conversation without her being hysterical.

These feelings have been building slowly inside me for a few months and just lately it has become overpowering. I think the thing that has sparked the overpowering feelings is that recently I've had several girls show interest in me, I would never cheat but it just made me think, what am I holding out for - to back to a nice girl who doesn't want to have sex with me when I'm still only 26.

We still have 6 months left on our tenancy agreement and my head is killing me on what to do. I don't know when I should try and talk to her about how I'm feeling, now or wait and see if things improve and if not talk near the end of our tenancy.

My thoughts are maybe I wasn't ready to move in with her, and would moving back separately be an option or is there no going back from this? What I really want to avoid is trying to stick with feeling like this for another few years in the hope it improves and then breaking up when we're 30. Don't know how I approach the situation. Anyone experienced something similar to this or has any words of wisdom?

TLDR: First and only relationship - Dated girl for 1.5 years everything was great, moved in together, we still have best friend vibes but haven't had sex with for over 4 months, I feel like magic is gone and we're just housemates, I get the impression she doesn't feel like this and thinks everything is still great. Scared to talk to her about it as she will react badly, don't know how to approach the situation.

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