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Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Relationship of 2 years, moved in with each other, sex has stopped, feel like I'm just friends with her - need thoughts and advice.

Sorry this might be long, I don't have anyone to talk to this to about. This is my first and only real relationship so everything I'm feeling is new and I have no idea how to react.

So I (M26) have been with my SO (F26) for 2 years, we started dating immediately after meeting, I had feelings of doubt around 3 months after this and I told her I wanted to break things off. However, she persuaded me to stay and try and sort things out which I agreed to and everything after that was actually really great, we saw each other all the time, sex was amazing and regular and we just generally really enjoyed spending time together.

After 1.5 years of dating we decided to move in with each other. I was excited to move in with her and everything was good at the beginning. Everything is still good in the sense that we are best friends and she is so caring and nice. But..

I feel like I've drifted from her, I no longer get super excited to spend time with her, it feels like we are friendly housemates and not a couple. I've realised now we spend all of our time together we don't really have any common interests. Another big factor in these feeling is that our sex life has disappeared, I haven't had sex with her in over 4 months. We still kiss and cuddle but it just doesn't feel special anymore - I'm getting so sexually frustrated. We snap at each other and have arguments over nothing more than we used to now too.

Lately I have been feeling really horribly anxious, stressed and just unhappy about my relationship, I feel like I can't see it getting any better and the longer things carry on like this the worse it will get. I really just miss my old life before we moved in together. What makes it worse is that inside I feel like this but she still appears happy, says how much she loves me and seems to not notice or ignores how our relationship has changed. I am scared to talk to her about it as whenever we talk about things like this she breaks down in tears and it's impossible to have a proper conversation without her being hysterical.

These feelings have been building slowly inside me for a few months and just lately it has become overpowering. I think the thing that has sparked the overpowering feelings is that recently I've had several girls show interest in me, I would never cheat but it just made me think, what am I holding out for - to back to a nice girl who doesn't want to have sex with me when I'm still only 26.

We still have 6 months left on our tenancy agreement and my head is killing me on what to do. I don't know when I should try and talk to her about how I'm feeling, now or wait and see if things improve and if not talk near the end of our tenancy.

My thoughts are maybe I wasn't ready to move in with her, and would moving back separately be an option or is there no going back from this? What I really want to avoid is trying to stick with feeling like this for another few years in the hope it improves and then breaking up when we're 30. Don't know how I approach the situation. Anyone experienced something similar to this or has any words of wisdom?

TLDR: First and only relationship - Dated girl for 1.5 years everything was great, moved in together, we still have best friend vibes but haven't had sex with for over 4 months, I feel like magic is gone and we're just housemates, I get the impression she doesn't feel like this and thinks everything is still great. Scared to talk to her about it as she will react badly, don't know how to approach the situation.

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