Confronting a mate about selfish behaviour

Tl;dr: long standing mate has selfish behaviour traits. How do I call him out?

I’ve been mates with one of my friends for over 10 years. He’s my best friend and we get on great, he’s suffered from deep depression throughout this time and he has limited friends so I guess at times I’ve been really accommodating towards him to support and give him a social life (he doesn’t like to venture out of his town, so when I go back to my hometown I always have to travel to visit him, always being the one to suggest doing things outside of his comfort zone (although we rarely do these things), listening and being there for him when he feels down etc.). He has been told by others that he is quite selfish, and I guess it does feel like I’m always the one driving the friendship and more recently it’s certainly felt that way.

I guess I suffer from my own mental health issues and sometimes this can make me withdraw from texting people unless it’s specifically to make plans to meet them. It’s bad as I end up feeling lonely and isolated, and it feels like a tough mental barrier to overcome. I last text my best mate almost 4 months ago, but I feel like I need to text him soon as I miss his presence in my life. What does annoy me is that I know it’s bad I just didn’t reply one day (although our last conversation had fizzled out rather than me just dropping it), but he hasn’t checked in on me at all in that period, despite knowing I can at times go missing when it all gets too much. There have been loads of times that he’s maybe been slow at replying over a couple of weeks, but I’ve always checked in on him to make sure he’s ok.

I plan on texting him today, but at some point I do want to raise with him the fact that as much as I will apologise for ‘ignoring’ him, it’s annoyed me that he has equally decided not to message. Is this a rational approach to take?

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is my (28f) boyfriend (28m) ready for a serious commitment?

hi reddit- i've been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 months now. things are going great- we have so much fun together, have great sexual chemistry, and we love each other. he's there for me when i'm sick or not feeling well, and we've been talking casually about moving in together a year or so from now when my lease is up.

my only concern is this: he's really independent, and i want to see him more than he wants to see me- and it makes me concerned he's not ready for a real, serious commitment. he says he loves me and loves spending time with me, but his ideal amount of time to see me is about 2x a week. my ideal is 4x a week, maybe even 5. he says he needs his alone time to work in the garage, play video games with his friends who live far away, play dnd, and play volleyball. i appreciate that he has his own hobbies- i do too- and i don't want to be his whole world. but i worry that he isn't ready for a serious commitment- living together, possible marriage- if he needs so much alone time and regularly prioritizes things like playing video games with his friends over me. we've talked about it and it feels like there's a path forward, but we also know from past experience that if either of us compromises too much we'll just end up resentful and the situation won't be sustainable. what do you think reddit?

TL;DR my boyfriend only wants to see me 2x a week, but i want to see him 4-5x a week.

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* This article was originally published here

I stress to much when I’m cuddling with a girl

I’m (m23) stressing too much when I’m cuddling with my girl, my heart start beating so fast and I don’t enjoy the moment as much, the first time I’ve experience it was 2 years ago and was the first time I cuddled with a girl, this affects my partner as-well, and stresses me on its self.

When it first happened I didn’t understand why, and my girl thought that I was having feelings to an other girl, but she was my first girlfriend and my first intimate experience, at that moment I thought maybe it’s just the first time, but it didn’t stop each time I’m with her my heart beats so fast and I stress too much.

Now I’m with another girl and still the same problem.

This is starting to effect me so much that I don’t wanna be with someone anymore.

Tldr: is it normal just because I’m not used to be intimate with someone else or is it something else.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (22M) being ghosted (20F)?

I just started seeing this girl for about a week a half. We've seen each other 3 times and we share a lot of the same interests and get along really well. However, she hasn't responded in 2 days. Our last conversation was 3 nights ago talking about hanging out that night, but then she had something come up and wasn't able to. Since then I got one text early the next morning but radio silence since. I sent her a text later in the day asking how her thing went (since she had something important happening that day that we talked about) but no response either. We follow eachother on instagram and she's (re)posted three stories in that period, so I know that she's at least on her phone a little bit. Am I getting ghosted or is she genuinely just busy/has other stuff on her mind? 2 days isn't a long time but to not have even gotten an acknowledgement that she's seen my text(s) seems a bit much, especially since both of us don't normally have much going on right now.

Also, she accidentally left her makeup at my place which makes me think she wouldn't ghost me (at the very least ask me to return the makeup), but you never know.

Am I just getting anxious over nothing or should I just move on already? Should I send her another message? I still have her makeup as said above and even if she isn't interested anymore I still want to return her makeup. Any help is appreciated!

TLDR: 3 successful dates and randomly no responses for 2 days and I still have her makeup at my place.

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* This article was originally published here

Ex came back after reading the book I wrote

I (25F) met a guy (27M) almost 2 years ago. We were FWB. I fell in love. He met another girl and broke up. Then he came back last summer and left again. On Saturday night I received a text from him after a few months without talking to each other. He told me he had bought my book, that he read it and realized how he messed up with me. He wants to see me because he has questions. I told him I was busy with work until the first week of February but that I’ll answer his questions. I went through “complicated” things with men when I was younger. He knows it because he was my first relationship since what happened. There’s a mention of that in the book. I’m afraid he wants to talk about it. But I don’t get why he’d want to see me again just to talk about that. Oh and I’m still in love with him. What am I supposed to do with that? I’m so lost and confused.

tldr ; my ex who ghosted me wants to see me after reading my book

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* This article was originally published here

I'm worried about our future together, am I right to be concerned? - RE Money

I've been with my girlfriend for around 6 years now, but at this point I'm struggling mentally as I really don't know if I'm overthinking things, especially as I was diagnosed with Autism and OCD during my late adult life. Here's the thing... Every weekend I drive 25 miles to pick her up, 25 miles to bring her back to mine to spend time with me, 25 miles back again for her work beginning of the week and 25 miles back to mine. She does drive as both her and her mum use the same car, but at no point as she ever come down to see me. ( I do what I do to spend time with her as much as possible ).

When my Car broke down I asked if she would come down to me, she was less than forthcoming and it was put off to the point my car was fixed and it went back to me picking her up again. But something has happened recently which has really hit home. A friend of her family recently passed away and for someone living at home with her parent, does a small job and gets benefits *at the time* she was given around £150,000.

Visiting her again this time in the week, she promptly asked me if I could "DRIVE" her to a town down her way which was around 20 miles, so she could sell something. I said no I couldn't, as that would mean I'd have to drive a total of over 100 miles in one day and why she couldn't use her car. I asked if she would pay for petrol and I'd happily do it, and all she said was I'd buy you lunch. Even her mum was a little put off by her driving the car. I mean seriously what does it take for her to drive? And what's wrong with helping with petrol, is £150,000 not enough?

She ended up driving because she had to sell something and I put it to her why doesn't she get her own car! She'd have the freedom to drive anywhere she wouldn't have to quibble over who was using the car at the time and she'd be able to visit me on occasions of a weekend ( We'd take it in turns ). The result was a resounding "NO" because she's put all money into other accounts ( to make interest off within the year ) and ONLY has £12,000 in the bank.

I'm really struggling myself financially, every time I have savings it's gone on bills and repairs, I pay all those miles of driving because I care about her and want to see her, I drive around my area too when I pick her up, 90% of the time I pay for dinner. Even though she has on occasions in the past asked if I wanted money towards something ( never petrol ) I'd say NO. Yet if I said the same to her, say she bought lunch or dinner she'd say oh just give me such and such money. Anything she does buy I'm always waiting for the just give me some money.

In fact there was one point she saw something really nice on Ebay and said would you like this? I said yes that looks cool, she said ok you can pay me back the £3 later. I've even been told I should GET another job if I'm struggling. While she was doing a small job, living with her parent(s), making money off commissions at times and on benefits ( medical reasons ).

I have around £1000 in the bank, get around £500- £700 a month and that's to go on such things as council tax, electric bills, food, water bills, internet, mobile phone, car bills and petrol. I spend around £30-40 a week on petrol. And can only afford to have the heating on at the weekends ( it costs around £11 a day by 7am in the morning ( 70's storage heaters ). While she lives with her parent(s), pays a little towards upkeep(?), has £150,000 or was it £12,000 now and is worried about spending any of it.

Her dad was a **** I overheard him saying be careful of that "bloke of yours" when you get the Money, yet I've NEVER asked for any of it, In fact even in the past before all this you'd hear me say I'll buy this I don't want your money. How can someone with £1000 in the bank be struggling as much as someone with £150,000 who lives at home with her parent, I don't understand it :(. I'm really worried about our future together, I love her so so much. But being Autistic this is pushing me to the brink!

**TL;DR; : Girlfriend has come into a lot of Money, but is it wrong to expect more financial input into the relationship especially when she acts as if she is struggling?**.

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* This article was originally published here

My (23F) LDR Boyfriend (25M) Breaks Up With Me and It's a Lot More Than Just a Breakup, I don't know what to do

A couple days ago me (23F) and my boyfriend (25M) just ended our long distance relationship. Just to give a background information we met on a dating app back at 2020, we had communication on a daily basis, and we began meeting each other in person in early 2022. Since then, we met each other a couple times, mostly him visiting me to my country, until December 2022 (our last trip).

Along the way we had a lot of arguments. I caught him once talking too over-friendly with a girl friend back from his uni - he denies it at first, telling me that he was just saying happy birthday to her, but long story short the chat was more than that. He got a bit nostalgic, used a lot of emojis on his chat - which made me jealous and disappointed. A couple weeks before coming over to my country to see me for the first time, he was also traveling to several countries as well and this is where the other problems start to arise. He also met a girl during this trip - in which he exchanged IG and phone number, but when I confronted him about it about this girl, he proceeded to block me from all of his social medias. I was reluctant to meet him at this point, but he apologized and convinced me to 'meet for the weekend to see where things go', since we've been together for almost 2 years. Even a couple days before meeting me, and even after I finally bought my tickets, after unblocking me there's another girl on his IG (which he said she was the one wanting to take pictures with him since he's a tourist), in which I was feeling extremely devastated. Months after, during our trip at his home country, and also after meeting his family too, I also found out that he's been talking to an ex coworker that he had, and he's been maintaining the chat, intensely and on a personal level, with her for over 6 months. They were exchanging photos with each other, even on the point after meeting me for the first time. He said he was sorry. In the last couple months, he'd also mention a specific female work colleague at his current place a lot of times, even meeting 1-on-1 for drinks, cycling trips etc, and he'd tell me to be okay with this new boundary of his.

I hold on to all these issues all along, since there's always a new girl everywhere he goes, until to a certain point I can't take it anymore and I became explosive. I'd throw temper tantrums, cry, and it shatters both of us. I, myself, has never felt this much "rage" and I kept being permissive since he kept giving me reassurance that none of these events will ever going to happen again. At times of angry, sometimes I'd also sometimes become shut myself down - I won't respond to anything that he'd say/ask, sometimes I'd walk out. Sometimes he'd walk out too, leaving me.

After these events I began to realize I became more interrogative, overthink, having more trust issues especially when he's out, and I do bring up these past events in arguments, which I know must've hurt him too in the process.

Weeks later after our last trip, which was a couple days ago, he finally came to a conclusion that we should break up because I'm still the same person and how I also cannot take his new boundaries that he wants to feel free in the relationship. Hours later after we broke up, he removed me from all social medias I know, except for WhatsApp. Which is justifiable due to breaking up, but then I realized there's a girl that he follows right after removing all the traces of us. It broke me to pieces.

Need advice(s).. What I should do?

TL;DR! What should I do after LDR breakup

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* This article was originally published here