Elliot Page writes about relationships with Olivia Thirlby and Kate ... NationalWorld
* This article was originally published here
Wednesday, June 7, 2023
Tuesday, June 6, 2023
Advice on halted relationships
This will be a long one so strap in.
TL;DR - Me and my boyfriend (32M 32F) have been together 3 yrs, everything is otherwise affectionate (cuddles, kisses, stroking my body etc) but the sex stopped after 9 months of being together. He still avidly watches porn a few times a week, just for context (not just videos, he was paying for OF as well, but has stopped it seems).
It all started great on the relationship part until his parent died of a long term illness, around the time we stopped being phyiscal and we moved to his home town in washington to be closer to his family, as we were long distance before.
My OH struggles with his mental health and this (obviously) made it worse, of course it would. He has also gained some weight and has health issues as a result, making him not want to go and do things together because his body hurts too much. I feel broken, lonely and self conscious, i’ve cried to him more than once, told him how the no sex, but porn watching is really affecting me and i dont feel wanted and i don’t feel like we’re really together and he just says he’s not in the mood for sex, his back is painful, and he hates himself and the world. He says i love you so much, i couldn’t do life without you but i’m sorry i just can’t be intimate with you rn.
It’s been a year and a half and we have had sex a couple of times, even though it didn’t feel like he wanted too, more to to keep me happy because I initiated it, after he said i don’t initiate enough. The porn watching is what really upsets me, but he doesn’t see it as a problem and in the heat of the argument said stop being jealous of girls on a screen, which he apologised for after things had calmed down. He always sees my side when we talk about it but nothing changes.
Do you think he’s just comfortable in this relationship and doesnt feel the need to break up with me or is he genuinely struggling. I moved my whole life and left my friends and family hours away to be with him and I’m struggling to know if i’m wasting my time. I know i’m probably the closest thing to answering this but i need outside opinion. I’ve been cheated on before and struggle with trust and my own self confidence so i’m on the fence about whether it’s genuinely over between us, but he knows how to say the right things to keep me here or i’m self sabotaging. Please help
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* This article was originally published here
Monday, June 5, 2023
Should I (f19) break up with my boyfriend (m19) for mild consent issues, belittling, and seeking attention from other women, or should I give him a chance?
I (19F) love my boyfriend (19M) and he has many great qualities. We’ve been together almost 2 yrs and have lived together for 1. But there are some things that are grating on me and I’m not sure if I’m being fair to him. 1. He plays around with me physically (not sexually) like poking, wrestling, etc. Which is fine with me, but it mostly ends up that he’s doing something that hurts like pinching too hard or poking too hard etc. and it actually does hurt. So I tell him to stop but he never does and keeps going further and then the only way I can get him to listen to me is if I “over-react” and fight him off. Then he gets all sulky and distant when I tell him seriously that it hurts and I don’t like it and I want him to be more gentle. Cause he just thinks I’m overreacting. And when I bring this issue up to him he doesn’t really say anything to me and just gets all upset and distant. His excuse is that he doesn’t see how it could actually hurt cause he’s not doing anything serious. So he just doesn’t believe me??? 2. I have adhd and anxiety, which I understand can be hard for my partner to deal with. And I understand if he gets “burned out” by my constant forgetfulness or clumsiness or messiness. But he belittles me by “subtly teasing me” all the time. And although it’s said jokingly, it’s not actually a joke. And it makes me feel like a burden. We’ve talked about this, and he apologizes for belittling me so much, he says that he gets burned out by me and doesn’t express that properly. And he says he just needs to deal with the fact that I take “work” to be with. But he apparently still love me so much and thinks I’m great and doesn’t want me to feel bad about myself. But I feel like his actions and words don’t always align. 3. He doesn’t put any romantic effort into our relationship. And tbh I don’t really either, but occasionally I do try to plan dates and get him nice things. But he almost never reciprocates the romantic gestures. He is really sweet and loving in a regular setting and when we spend time together day to day he’s always doing the right things. But he doesn’t seem to try for more than that. 4. He just generally seems fed up with me sometimes. He’ll say things like “I need to remember to let you speak cause I always know what you’re going to say” or “you’re just weak, and you’re probably going to die young cause you’re just so afflicted, idk why I’m with you if you’re just going to die early” (which I’m not btw) or “you’re not much to look at, but I love you and you’re beautiful”. And whenever he says some mean shit and he senses I don’t like it he suddenly goes “we’ll wait, let me think if that’s true” and then he comes up with some more palatable bs. 5. He also has a sort of flirty personality and loves attention (from everyone but especially girls) and he goes out of his way to get attention from girls in group settings. And although he doesn’t really step over any boundaries, seeing what that attention does to him really icks me out. In every other way he’s great and he is really nice and thoughtful for the most part. But these things are getting to me and I’m not sure what to make of the situation. Please help me figure out how to view the situation and what you think I should do (break up, have a serious talk, give him a chance, etc). How much of this is normal?
TLDR: my (f19) boyfriend (m19) is great for the most part, very understanding and loving and we get along well. But I have some issues with him such as consent issues, belittling me, seeming fed up with me, and being flirty/attention seeking from other women. And I’m not sure what to do about it (should I just break up with him or give him a chance) or how much of it is normal.
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* This article was originally published here
Sunday, June 4, 2023
How do I respond to my very ‘zen’ partner?
My partner (28M) and I (22F) are engaged. He’s a nice guy, but there’s been one thing that gets on my nerves. He’s all about meditation and reading self-help books and growth mindset and watching YouTube shrink videos about how to be your best self. That’s all great, but then he started asking me why I don’t do any of those things.
It went something like, “if you don’t read self-help books, what about your personal growth?” “I want you to be the best version of yourself” “read books XYZ”
The thing is, its great that he does all that. But i just find it so boring. We’ve had different upbringings and lives, where he’s lived alone in a first world country and I’ve grown up among a big social community in a developing country. And I extract my growth and reflections from so many different sources, like my family, my relationships, going to therapy. I’ve even identified and worked on countless things through films and books, but all fiction. I’m addicted to fiction, basically, because I need that form of escapism in my life.
I just don’t know how to respond to him when he asks those things of me. Is it okay to ask him to just let it be? I’ve always been someone who’s worked on themselves by myself. I’ve told him some of these things softly and the constant ‘I want to see you be XYZ’ has stopped, but he still asks me to read self-help books and sends me videos on how to get ahead of the masses.
TLDR: partner loves to ask me to read/watch self help material to be the ‘best versions’ of myself. It annoys me.
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* This article was originally published here
Saturday, June 3, 2023
I (22F) want to make my boyfriend (25M) to dress better
Actually it's not about his style, I like his style, and I wouldn't try to change it. It's more about quality(?) of his clothes. He alone said that he should buy some new clothes because these which he has are old. I can buy something for him from time to time. He can try it, if he won't like it I can always return it I think. I bought him like 3 things of clothing and he always liked it and is wearing it daily. I don't know if it is okay to feel this way, and I maybe should mind my own bussiness?
tl;dr I want my boyfriend to dress better, it's not about style, but old clothes
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* This article was originally published here
Friday, June 2, 2023
I (f30) infantilize myself by acting ditzy, helpless and wounded. It’s ruining another relationship (bf, m30). How do I stop?
I had a very abusive childhood and my family is out of the picture. People were always fascinated by my life story and called me strong and brave for getting through it. I’ve felt validated by that attention which is why I think I’ve turned it into a part of my identity. I keep bringing my past up as soon as I feel it’s socially the right time when I meet new people, but it’s especially bad when I’m drunk as I tend to overshare too soon and sometimes I try to talk about the most terrible things to get a reaction out of people for attention. I’ve realized that I do this to come off as more interesting and to make people feel protective over me to force a closer relationship with them.
I’ve had a bf for about a year now and I’ve realized that I’m not even myself around him. I talk in a baby voice, I act ditzy and dumber than I am like a ”damsel in distress”. It’s caused a weird dynamic between us where if I do something wrong, he’ll be afraid to adress it to me because he’s afraid of hurting my feelings.
I can tell that he’s in his head while having sex with me because he’s trying to be so gentle that he’s not enjoying himself, and even though he knows I like it more rough I’m too shy to be more active and engaging in bed so I end up being passive which makes him feel weird.
Because my family is out of the picture I tend to have my whole life revolve around my boyfriend too, while he has a lot going on with his family, career and friends.
I know I need therapy, but I can’t afford it. Please tell me how to stop acting like this. I hate it. I just want to be myself and not make the people I love prisoners of my own victim mentality.
Everyone around me only see my past when they look at me… And I’ve made it that way, even though I live a safe stable life now.
Is there anything I can tell my boyfriend to backtrack this whole dynamic I’ve created and make our relationship healthy? And how do I act right moving forward? I’ve had so many previous relationships end because of this.
Tl;dr : I identify with my past traumatic events and make my bf want to protect me and feel bad for me even though I feel better now, and it’s causing him to be afraid of critizising me, having open communication and enjoying sex with me.
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* This article was originally published here
Thursday, June 1, 2023
How do I get rid of unresolved anguish?
Last year, my boyfriend of 1 year got together with my bestfriend of 8 years (he was a common friend) before breaking up with me and she went along with it. So I completely cut them off from my life
I just suffered for 6 months to get to a level of peace where I wasn't overthinking every detail. He just blamed my anxiety as his turn off ( saying giving constant reassurance wasn't his thing) and she dismissed her mistake by saying she deserves to be happy
I was very hurt by the whole ordeal as I was noticing him being distant and did ask her and him if something was going on, they both denied and called me paranoid.
I just completely got over it but certain days are still triggering. Recently I heard they are getting engaged, through a common friend and she just wanted to let me know, I really don't know how to feel, I don't want to talk to either of them but I feel like I was the only one who suffered and they got their happy ending.
Is it wrong that I don't wish them well? Is it wrong that I am not okay with common friends hanging out with him? Why do I still feel icky whenever I hear about them? My common friends just ask me to be better person, I just don't know how to view this tl;dr need a different perspective to cheating ex getting engaged
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* This article was originally published here
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