Hey guys, any advice or insight would be appreciated. This will be long so apologies in advance. I've been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, we both love each other and don't want to be apart but are currently on a two week break to clear our heads and decide how to proceed. This is my first serious relationship where he's had at least one before, for context.
About 4 months in to our relationship I had my first doubts of how different our life values are. Nothing crazy like I want kids and he doesn't (we both want kids, marriage etc) but he disclosed to me he doesn't feel its important for me to meet his family or friends, and he doesn't feel it important to meet mine either, that it would probably happen eventually but its just not important to him. Growing up he did not have a close or bonded family and they live 4 hours away, so me meeting then was never important to me, where I'm extremely close with my family so that seemed extremely alien and hurtful to me - I wanted him to want to be part of my family.
I put it down to a quirk of his and we continued on even though I felt hurt. He met my family a little while later because he knew it was important to me but that's it. I met his parents after almost a year because we went to an event in his part of the country where they are. I also met his friends (he has a large group of friends that frequently go out and do things together, I have a few close friends but not a group) when they were holding events on weekends and I was with him.
He has his own place a 40 minute drive from where I live with my parents and when we met he didn't drive, so it made sense for me to go over there for ease and privacy. He soon learned to drive and got a car, but that just kinda continued. In 1.5 years he's never once offered to come to mine for the weekend to save me driving or spend time with my family, he thinks being around my family is awkward and he doesn't want to. He now hasn't seen my family in 8 months, and has still only met one of my friends because simply we're always at his place.
My first real upset was in October when I was meant to be driving 4 hours to meet him and go to previously mentioned event, he was already there for something else. I had just recovered from glandular fever, and was apprehensive about doing such a long drive in a horrible city I'd never been. I called him a few days before, said this and asked if I could go on the train there and then he drives us both back. He was then upset because he'd have to leave a day earlier than he planned and miss out on an extra day with his mates. This upset me as I had just been very ill, was run down and nervous of such a long horrible drive and he was more bothered about an extra day with his friends. He did it but wasn't happy about it.
Then in November a close friend of mine died. I was distraught. I found out when I was at work and messaged him, he never offered to come see me, I had to ask him to. That also hurt. I wanted him to want to come and make sure I was alright. Then, not long ago, we were at his friends for a party and it got to midnight and I was tired and fairly tipsy, said I wanted to go home and wanted to order an uber. He said fine but he isn't going home yet, so he let me go home in an uber by myself drunk at midnight so he could spend an extra hour with his mates. Again, this really hurt.
A few times in our relationship I'll say I want to visit X place or do X thing, more often than not he'll say he's already been or done something similar, so he doesn't want to. Or, a few times we've organised something, like I said I wanted to go to the beach, looked forward to it all week, the day before came and he says he can't be bothered, its due to rain and he doesn't want to. I end up upset so we go, but again I know he isn't happy about it.
Another thing to consider is that I work in the veterinary field, I live breathe and adore animals. He's not an animal person, never has been, and is slightly allergic to dogs (my pet of choice). I can't love without a dog, he doesn't know if he can live with one.
It's been a known fact its likely he'll have to move to a large city 4 hours away for his niche type of work this time next year. I've always known and been apprehensive, but it came to a head after a small argument about something silly a few weeks ago. I knew in my heart I didn't want to leave my whole life and move from my family, job I love, and all my friends to a huge city (I'm a country gal) and the thought scared me. We nearly ended it, but agreed to wait it out and he'll do his best to get a close job so it doesn't happen.
After this, things still just felt weird. I'd see my friends partners surprising them with a day trip somewhere for their birthday, or writing them sweet words in their birthday cards (none of which my bf has ever done for me, I get 'to (me), happy birthday! love from (him)'. I started thinking more about all the previously mentioned occurrences. I was upset and worrying that I'm not getting the effort I need and deserve from him and started a conversation. It was tense and I was upset and crying, I looked over and he had fallen asleep. As I was crying over our relationship. A little later he woke up, we spoke about him never wanting to do the things I suggest and he said 'why should I bore myself to entertain you'. That was my final straw that day, it seemed to encapsulate all the little worried I had about him only doing things that serve him and me just being convenient. I gathered my things and left his place. We agreed we needed space and set a time to speak again, as I was leaving things were calm but sad, we were both teary, hugged and kissed and told each other we love each other but we need time.
All my friends and family I have told this to are shocked at what he said, says he doesn't put enough effort in and I deserve better. A large part of me agrees. But a large part of me loves him and the great parts of our relationship because there's plenty. Ge gets me thoughtful gifts, he's loyal, he's kind, he's physically effectionate that I love, we have great bedroom chemistry, we laugh all the time and he does make me very happy most of the time. But it does often come back to examples of me not feeling like his priority, not feeling like he'd go out of his way for me - he loves our relationship as long as its convenient for him.
I'm torn. I don't know what decision to make. I love and miss him dearly and he said he misses me too and didnt want me to leave, but I want to feel like I'm someone's priority, and don't right now and haven't for a while. Any insight is massively appreciated.
TLDR, my boyfriend and I are on a two week break from 1.5 years of relationship, our relationship has wonderful parts and we love and miss each other but I often feel like he doesn't prioritise me, and will only actively be in our relationship so long as its convenient for him.
