Anyone found happiness after being with a toxic avoidant partner ?

So I am [M33] and have been involved in a long term relationship with a avoidant [F35] who was very damaging to my overall mental health and physical wellbeing. That said from being with her for 7 years I cannot think how I will love anyone as much as I loved her. I am aware of the trauma bond which exists but it is so hard to let go of her. I feel we were each others person and she told me I was her person. It feels like we got caught up in all the drama we created in each others lives and that was addictive it was even fun at times. But very painful also. There could be a sado masochistic element to this but who knows. Anyway I want to here from people who have got into new relationships after feeling like they lost the person they always thought would be there for them and they loved and adored with every fibre of themselves.

TL:DR looking to hear from others who have been in toxic relationships and how they found there new person who they loved and adored.

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Is this okay?

My boyfriend (28M) and I (21F) are in the same friend group and I learned that when we were still flirting, he told our friends about us. The problem is I am a very private person and when we started dating, we decided to keep it from our friends for a little bit and we told them after a month. It turns out they knew it already. I know this for 2 months and we’re dating for 10 months now. Now I feel like they treated me like an idiot. It hurts me and my bf doesn’t think this is a problem. Is it a problem? I feel like I’m way more sensitive than I should. What do you guys think? Also, I lost trust for my friends and I started to think that if we break up, they would cut me off from the group. I feel not connected to them as I was before.

TL;DR! My bf (28M) told our friends about us and I (21F) tried to keep it a secret like an idiot

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My strict family is ruining my life

not really sure where to start.. age (25f) with (28m) length - 1.5 years please be kind

been with my loving and supportive partner for the past 1.5 years i am muslim therefore we have to be engaged / married to live together etc

he tried to ask for my hand a few months ago but my parents were very rude & straight up rejected him so we kept it quiet and carried on as normal.

now, we are trying to make our rship more formal and serious but my strict family is being incredibly difficult on the grounds ‘i deserve better’ -family have spoken horrible to me and i got told to choose whether i want him or my family

feeling so lost, confused, heartbroken and just overwhelmed - can anyone please advise me on what to do? - i don’t want to lose either side

tldr: family are saying i have to choose between my partner or my family - how do i handle this situation?

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* This article was originally published here

Outcasted by Boyfriend’s Friends (BF 23M / Me 25F for 1 - 1/2 Y)

Disclaimer: This is a re-upload, but I'm modifying a few things. Please refrain from personally attacking my character, as you do not know the entire story. I'm simply seeking some different perspectives. If the story offends or upsets you, please refrain from commenting at all.

I will begin with our ages: I am a 25 year old woman, and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for almost 2 years.

As for some relevant backstory, I’ve had a few relationships in the past, but I am my boyfriend’s first proper girlfriend. I prefer not to discuss personal issues publicly, so this post will be taken down shortly after I receive my answers.

My boyfriend and I got together under unique circumstances, as I was initially dating his friend for over a year. To keep it brief, I ended things with his friend to be with him. The breakup with his friend wasn’t excessively messy, and I even remained on speaking terms with my ex for a little while, until recent events unfolded.

For about a year, my ex and his group of friends, with whom we used to hang out, stopped talking to my boyfriend completely. However, a significant argument occurred between my boyfriend, which led to the group reestablishing contact with him while completely cutting off communication with me. It’s important to note that this argument had nothing to do with the group itself.

For over 6 months now, my boyfriend has been spending time with this friend group, including my ex, while I have been completely excluded and isolated from any events they have. This has personally affected me, as it’s hurtful to feel cast aside by my boyfriend and his friends due to personal grudges.

I have repeatedly asked my boyfriend to initiate a conversation with these people, in hopes that I could be reintroduced into the friend group, but unfortunately, this has not progressed at all.

I even attempted to privately message my ex and another member of the group, hoping to open a dialogue, but they completely ignored me.

The best way to describe the situation is akin to living in a room that is flawless with its amazing decor, fancy furniture, and rare paintings. However, right in the middle of the floor, there’s a bag of steaming crap that my partner is refusing to clean up. It may be a significantly small parcel, but it still stinks up the room!

I feel like this group has designated me to be the scapegoat for past arguments, probably because they are still subconsciously angry at my boyfriend for choosing to be with me. It’s quite perplexing, and I don’t know how to handle this situation. I love my boyfriend, and our relationship is perfect except for this clear barrier between me and his friends.

My question is, what would you do in my situation?

TLDR: What should I do about my boyfriend's friends isolating me from everything, because of an old grudge?

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* This article was originally published here

My ex(25f) make me feel bad even if i(28m) do the same

Hello everyone!

As note, we have decided to keep the contact.

As my title said, my ex-gf makes me feel bad while she is telling me about her sex life, but i am getting upset even if i did the same things with other women, but i don’t share with her my sex life, because i don’t find uselful.

I know it’s not my business but i want to understand my feeling regarding this.

I think i am projecting on her what i do and still feeling bad about it.

I don’t understand this feeling and i want you guys to help me with what i am doing bad here.

Tl;dr: My gf makes me feel bad even if i am doing the same things, but she shares them with me

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* This article was originally published here

What do green flags in relationships look like? - OTV News

What do green flags in relationships look like?  OTV News

* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend [24M] and I [21F] just moved. How do we get through it?

I [21F] and my bf [24M] have been dating for almost 4 years and moved into a new apartment about 2 weeks ago and it's been a mix of emotions. We've both been studying the whole time we've been dating, and now that we've both graduated we got an opportunity to rent an apartment that my boyfriend's aunt and uncle owns. This apartment is bigger than our last one and it fits us both really well; I get my own gaming and drawing corner, and he gets a big room to record music in.

Now to the problem: We've always had a bit of an issue with keeping our home tidy. It's not on a serious hoarder-like level, but you can almost always find used dishes here and there, empty fastfood bags in the kitchen, dust and dust bunnies everywhere, overflowing trash bin, (and my biggest pet-peeve) empty containers of "microwaveable food" on the counter, not in the trash bin.

In our defense, I want to mention that during our time dating and living together I've worked weekend and night-shifts in retail while my boyfriend studied full time and took student loans instead to be able to afford everything. During the last year I think both of us have gotten a bit depressed and burnt out from various stuff. I graduated last fall and kept working at my then job in retail which wasn't a good place for me. I also god diagnosed with ADD when I was 17 and haven't gotten to it with trying out medication for it, which boosts the depression quite a bit. I now have a new job which I like a lot better but I think I still haven't had time to rest up from my previous job which has resulted in severe depression and anxiety the last couple of weeks.

My boyfriend also worked really hard all winter to finish his degree and thesis. This also took a toll on him, but he at least has now found a job that he will be starting in a few weeks which I hope he will like.

During the last year and a half I've been going down a spiral of "laziness" and just general emptiness. I don't have any energy to cook or eat a decent meal, if I eat anything decent it's often a plate of plain pasta and maybe some meatballs or chicken which my boyfriend makes for me. Other than that it's often fast food and snacks. This results in the fast food bags in the kitchen. My boyfriend also often just buys "micro-pizzas", throws them in the microwave, and often leaves the packaging from them laying beside the microwave. Since I'm also too tired I also often leave used dishes on the kitchen table and in the sink instead of the dishwasher. This is probably what started it all.

Now back to the move; we moved the last boxes and furniture 2 weeks ago and a lot of it still hasn't found a place. All of our clothes are in a huge pile on the floor in our bedroom because we haven't gotten around to fixing shelves for the wardrobes. I have to step over boxes in the kitchen and living room because none of us have gotten around to unpacking, but everytime I look at all the boxes and bags I just feel a big lump in my stomach and can't find myself to getting started, I feel exhausted before I've even begun. My boyfriend is also repainting a couple of windows (the work is taken off of the rent) which is taking a long time because of the many layers of paint that they require, so the unpacking is sort of my job now.

Always seeing all of the boxes and being in a new place has made me easily irritated and feeling down all the time. I know nothing justifies it, but it makes me snap at my boyfriend, like really snap. We've never fought as much as we've done the last month. I get so annoyed when he leaves trash everywhere, and when I point it out, he starts nagging about the used dishes, the moving boxes, the windows and that he's also tired. Even the smallest things like dropping something on the floor or accidentally hitting my knee or finger or something can ruin the rest of the day.

Today was the first day that I felt like taking on a bit of stuff, but after cleaning out a bit of trash, emptying the bin, and failing to move a spare heavy mattress I just lost all interest.

I love my boyfriend, but I wish I could just snap my fingers and make everything go in its right place. I'm so scared that he'll get sick of all my arguing and yelling, but I can't help it. I really don't know what to do. Any input?

TD;LR: Boyfriend and I are both depressed and sorth of burnt out and have just moved into a new apartment. Can't find myself to unpack everything and we both get irritated and argue all the time.

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* This article was originally published here