Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay towards a car that I won't be able to drive?

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we live together in the UK and neither of us have a car. I work from home and my gf has been fine with public transport to get to work. She is starting a new job next month and was talking about getting a car to make it easier to get to work. My gf is planning to pay monthly for the car since she can't afford to pay for one upfront.

We agreed that I would go on the insurance policy with her so I can also drive the car when needed and that I would pay the extra insurance cost that comes from having me on the policy. We worked out this would be between £50-£100 a month depending on provider. My gf sat sown to talk with me last night and said she wants her first can to be just her own so she doesn't want me on her insurance policy.

She said she would still like me to pay towards the car since she won't be able to afford it otherwise. She asked if I would pay between £100-£150 a month towards the car since the costs are higher than she thought. I refused since I'm not going to pay towards a car I cannot drive, especially since I have no need for a car. She asked again and said it should be fine for me since my employer gave all staff a £120 a month pay rise so it's affordable for me.

I refused again and told her if she wants her first car to be completely her own then she should pay for it herself then. She said the car would make it much easier for her to get to her new job instead of relying on public transport but I just told her again I'm not paying towards it.

She said I was being unfair since I can afford it and that she's not asking for a lot and that I should want to help her. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?

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tl;dr my gf is wanting a car to get to work. Initially we were going to put me on the insurance policy and I was going to pay the extra costs of the policy but my gf said she no longer wants me on the policy since she wants the car to be just hers. She still wants me to pay towards it and got annoyed when I refused. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?

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I (22 F) broke up with my boyfriend (28 M) who made jokes about inflicting domestic/physical abuse and beating me up

Hello,

I am new to posting on reddit and I just installed the app also. I just wanted to let this whole situation off my chest. I kept crying the entire time last night and I have no one else to talk to, the situation feels very fresh for me and I don't know what is the next step to take. I wanted to go visit a guidance counselor in my school to have someone to talk to, and also maybe tell my family members, but I don't have the courage yet. So anyway, here is my story:

I(22 F) met someone on a dating app through switching my location. I'm living somewhere in the Asia and my boyfriend (28 M) is living somewhere in Europe. We've never met yet, LDR, though we have been dating online for almost a year now. (Turning 1 year next month). My dating experience has been very difficult to navigate due to our cultural differences. We're planning to meet on October but we've been breaking up then getting back together then breaking up again then getting back together. That's the cycle of our relationship.

We recently got back together after I gave him a second chance. We had this major argument and I didn't know he reactivated his account on the dating apps behind my back. When I found out about it, my friends told me this is cheating already but he kept convincing me that he only opened it and did nothing on it. So we talked and I forgave him thinking our relationship might be different the second time around.

So things are going well between the two of us, but for the past few days, I noticed he kept on making jokes about physical abuse/domestic abuse/ everything on that spectrum.

He told me,but in a joking way, when we're having a video call that

"I'll domestic abuse you" "I'll beat you up so bad" "Ill only stop making jokes about physical abuse when it stops being funny"

Things like that. I know it's a joke and I'm trying my best to not make it a big deal, but physical abuse/domestic abuse shouldn't be used as a joke. It's immature and dark. It shouldn't be normalized either. I don't know why but I'm super disgusted of his behavior. Everything was going on so well between us but it didn't really last long when he started making those kinds of jokes to me I just kinda lost my interest/will to continue the relationship also.

My bf was never the type to do that. This is the first time he did it to me. I tried calling him and asking him to apologize to me and not make those kinds of jokes again,I bombarded him with text and calls because he never responds/tells me he's busy and when he finally answered he yelled at me for being so crazy psycho gf and dramatic over that thing. He shut me down completely, avoided all my texts and calls, and told me I should feel bad for what I did.

The last thing he told me was " I don't wanna deal with you rn, ring one more time and I'll block you. I don't fucking care I can do whatever I want"

He didn't talk to me and kept ignoring me. So I broke it off because I felt like I was being punished for expressing how I feel. I didn't receive any kind of reassurance or a simple sorry if the joke had an impact on me. It was a joke I know but idk it made me very uncomfortable and terrified. I broke it off but idk if I did the right thing. I still love him very much.

Am I being too sensitive if the joke made me uncomfortable and literally what I did was ask him to say sorry to me but he got angry?

TL;DR

I broke up with my boyfriend because he has been making jokes about domestic/ abuse and beating me up and everything under that spectrum. I got uncomfortable and terrified but he got angry and annoyed when I tried to confront him about it by calling and texting him multiple times and all he did was ignore/shut me down telling me I'm crazy and psychotic.

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* This article was originally published here

Global research compares regional relationships with Big Pharma - Medical Xpress

Global research compares regional relationships with Big Pharma  Medical Xpress

* This article was originally published here

Advice for break up

Hello! Hope you are doing fine!

I had a terrible break almost 3 months ago. Meaning my girlfriend was physically violent to me. So I had to end the relationship.

At first, she had a good behavior towards me. After 3 months the behavior changed a bit. I told her that I want an exclusive relationship with her and she told me that she wanted an open relationship. Well, this kind of... "relationship" lasted 4,5 years. We lived for 10 months at the same place (different houses) and the rest from distance. During this period, she broke up with me via a phone call telling me that: I don't want to talk to you anymore. Then after 6 months she texted me asking how am I doing. Long story short we got "back together". Oh, btw, she was telling me that I am a liar, I am fearful, I am a chameleon, I do not have my own opinion, I don't have dynamism. Despite all these, she said that she stayed with me because I have other good features of character. She was often angry and I was feeling like I was walking next to eggshells, afraid of breaking them. She told me that she could love me, but not fall in love with me and even that we do not match romantically. She told me I am a narcissist.

Last time we met she told me that she wanted to be with me but I am not acting right towards her. We had a terrible fight because she thought to I was seeing other girls (I did not). She left from my home, and I went to find her. I was trying to tell her to come home to sleep, because it was cold and rainy outside. She refused and then I left after 20 minutes. Then she phone called me and said that she'd tell everyone that I abandoned her. I went back and picked her with my car. Then, in my home as I was trying to sleep she was turning the lights on and off and when I told her I will lock my bedroom door, she hit me. She told me that I should be embarrassed that a woman hit me. After she hit me with her fist, she turned around the script saying that she'd call the police and tell I hit her. Afterwards she said: Did I hurt you? Because, I do not want to feel guilty. She did not even apologize after the event. She did not regret it (she told me)

After all these she told me that she want no contact and that shed would delete me from all social media. But she didn't. Also, she phone called me once and texted me twice to see how am I doing.

Fact is, I still care about her. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks

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**TL;DR;**: Terrible break up with my ex. How should I move?

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* This article was originally published here

Feel as though boyfriend (26) is getting complacent already

I have recently begun a relationship with a man; it is not even 3 months old. He is wonderful—intelligent, loving, funny, understanding, and helpful—but I feel as though the romance has gone a bit already. He doesn’t compliment me as much as he used to, and he doesn’t plan or initiate outdoor dates unless I ask him to. In the short time we’ve been dating, I have planned maybe 80-90% of our outdoor dates. He has only ever taken me out on a romantic date completely initiated by him once, our fourth date, and it was the best date of my life. So it’s not that he can’t, and it was one activity followed by a restaurant. But it meant so much because it was the knowing that he thought about me, and I felt wanted and romanced.

My love language is words of affirmation, and when we got together he was full of compliments, and I for him, but it’s nowhere near the same now. I often find myself reading back our old messages to feel that verbal affection and romance from him again. It concerns me because we’re far from being in a “settled”, long-term relationship; we’re meant to still be in the honeymoon phase, trying to impress each other. I still put in effort to look good for him, to make him feel special, to plan dates, and to surprise him. For instance, I once surprised him by writing him a letter and placing it next to cupcakes which spelled out, ‘I appreciate you.’ I’m not asking to be whisked away to Paris for a romantic weekend; I just want to feel special, and for him to care enough to put some effort in while this relationship is still young.

That being said, he is very introverted (so am I but I like going out as long as strangers don’t talk to me). He has cooked nice meals for me many times, often brought me my favourite coffee while I was still in bed, and been there for me without fail every time I’ve been sad or stressed. He has been incredibly supportive, and he understands me more than I give him credit for sometimes. It’s not that I want to break up with him at all, far from it. I can see myself with this person for the long-term (I wouldn’t be in this otherwise), potentially forever, and we have spoken about our future multiple times. We have met each other’s families and friends, and I have seen how genuinely good he is. I have improved as a human being since knowing him... I just don’t want to be settled and domestic so soon.

The solution to this isn’t even to talk to him about it, because I have. I have communicated to him at least five times that I would appreciate it if he initiated things more, and every time he seems to listen but then nothing much changes. I have even expressed that sometimes when I’m in a more depressed, illogical state it can make me insecure and doubt his feelings for me; still, not much of a change. I am beginning to wonder if maybe he’s not as good a listener as I initially thought he was, as when I bring something to him, there is acknowledgement but little to no changed behaviour. I have tried leading by example.

It doesn’t seem like there is anything else to do; perhaps this is something I just put up with. Inevitably though, it disappoints me, and it has made me hold back more now myself, as I don’t want to keep putting as much effort in if my partner isn’t, especially after I’ve told him. I honestly just wish we had taken everything slower.

tl;dr Believe boyfriend of about 2.5 months is getting complacent in our relationship already and not planning dates without by asked. Have tried explaining how this makes me feel but to no avail. However, in every other way he is incredible

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* This article was originally published here

I know it's a bad idea. But it's exciting.

I'm no spring chicken (38f) and I just got off a breakup. No rush to meet someone, enjoying my single life, etc.

But I just started dating a guy I met at a spa. There's a common area for men and women to hang out and relax after their massages. Guy starts talking to me out of the blue and I talk back, we go to dinner, I find out he's 19.

In the back of my mind, I told myself "no", but he's nice and respectful. And he didn't flinch when I told him I'm twice his age. He's shorter than me (he's like 5'5, and I'm 5'10), thin as a rail, and wears dorky glasses.

But he makes me laugh and knows a lot of stuff. Like he can carry conversations like a man with twice the years of experience he currently has. That's really the thing that gets me. I love talking about history, culture, and all that other boring stuff. But somehow he stays on the level. And what really gets me is he acts like a lord from the 1850s (opening doors for me, standing up from the table when I stand up, holding my chair for me, that kind of shit). I'm not into that, but it's fascinating.

We've gone on 4 dates. No kissing or any type of fooling around yet (neither of us broached the subject). I didn't know society built 19 year olds this way? Or maybe I'm being scammed or something. I don't know.

Whatever it is, he makes me feel younger and excited. Perhaps I'm just in the rebound phase? I also don't want to upset him if we take this too far. I'm not stupid. Relax. I know It's a bad idea to keep going and I can already sense the comments telling me to stop it. Maybe someone can knock some sense into me. :)

TL;DR - dating a guy half my age and he's nice, respectful, and knowledgeable beyond his years. Bad idea, maybe someone can make me realize it.

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Boyfriend shamed me for getting drunk

I went out with a group of friends (and my boyfriend) for an event, afterwards we went to hang out more and get drinks. I had multiple events to go to and didn’t have dinner because they were hosted from 6-10 and none of them had food.

As a result, I was on a pretty empty stomach but felt comfortable because I was with my boyfriend and my friends. I didn’t realize I’d had as much to drink as I did, as we were moving around from place to place, and I got a bit drunk (as did most of my friends). My boyfriend got upset that I said I could drive home, so he stormed off and left me in the parking garage, so I had no choice but to drive myself home anyway.

I called him four times to let him know I was home and he ignored all of my calls. The next morning he still hadn’t reached out to even check on me, so I called him and he berated me, shamed me, scolded me and completely made me feel like a terrible human for getting drunk and driving myself home after he left me. He said he shouldn’t have to be responsible for me if I get drunk.

I felt confused, not because of his statement about drunk driving, but about the fact that he was scolding me for getting drunk while actively doing nothing to help me get home safe. He talked about how he has a friend who was seriously impacted by drunk driving, and I was acting like a child.

Yes, I was drunk, but not black out drunk to the point of having zero recollection of the night, he had also been drinking too and so had my friends. We were all a bit drunk by the end of the night.

I’m not upset about him pointing out drinking and driving, I’m not arguing that and I made a mistake. But I AM concerned about the fact that while he shamed me for driving drunk, he did nothing to ensure that I didn’t have to drive or that I even got home safe. He has since said that he doesn’t believe in me feeling comfortable enough with him to get drunk because it means that he is “expected” to make sure I’m okay, which is an unfair expectation of him.

I know that I am responsible for myself, but truly, I work so hard, rarely go out with friends (this was the first time I’d seen them in months), I’m not drinking everyday nor do I even get drunk every time I DO go out. He said he has had a problem with my drinking for a while and that I disrespected him by not accepting his offer to drive me home the first time and that he should not have to spend five minutes convincing a drunk person to accept a ride home and that other drunk people would have just said “okay, thank you for driving me.”

Though I can hear where he’s coming from, I feel that I am being punished for not immediately accepting his ride. If I was as drunk as he says I was, why was he expecting me to have sober decision making capabilities and WHY did he leave me alone in the middle of downtown and force me to get myself home and then not even check to make sure I was okay. I don’t need a babysitter, but I had one night of fun and felt comfortable to do so and part of that is because I thought my boyfriend would care about me enough to just make sure I was good, should anything happen, I would expect that if I were sober as well. Am I overthinking?

And side note, I am not making excuses for getting drunk and I do understand the severity of drunk driving. And if the roles were reversed, I don’t care if he said “no” to a ride home, I would have taken his keys and drove him home or gotten an Uber if I really felt like he was too inebriated to drive. I’m shocked that he doesn’t believe he should be expected to do that for me and also shocked that he has now completely bashed my character for issues that he has also never taken the time to communicate he even had with me. He said this was the third strike, but I was never updated on the first two strikes! I’m shocked and unsure of if I can actually depend on my boyfriend.

TL: dr my boyfriend left me downtown while I was drunk, after a night of hanging out with friends. He said I was stupid to drive home and should have accepted his ride and that it is not his responsibility to make sure I’m okay just because I had too much to drink

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* This article was originally published here