Losing interest or just circumstances?

I [22F] have been seeing this guy [22M] for three months now. The first month we went on a date every week and it was lovely. It was going great until one day he asked me to meet up for and he told me about his ex he broke up with a few months back before we met. I knew about the fact that they broke up because she was too posessive and things were super toxic before. Apparently she found out he was seeing someone new and went ballistic, giving threats of su*cide and how she was going to ruin his life. Their families also are involved in a business together so the whole thing is quite complicated. He was really nervous while telling me all of this and said he was sorry that he got me involved in this and that I was free to move on if I wanted to. He said that he's having to talk to her out of responsibility but still that feels wrong when he's seeing someone he really likes.

He also said he really likes me and is really confused about how to handle all of this but knows that from his side, he wants to make it official between us when he can. He also told me he's not playing games and doesn't know how to and doesnt want to either. For my response, I thought about it and told him that since we both really like each other, I was willing to give him time to sort things through.

Its been two months since then and we have been texting everyday and meeting up irl when we can but we havent really discussed the issue w his ex. He's in my workplace so we do see each other often but we haven't been on a long date. The reason for that is that he's been having really bad stomach issues and since dates usually involve food, we've not been able to go and he told me last week that if things get worse, he might have to undergo surgery. But, he's been hanging out and going on trips with his friends!

Right now, he and I have been super busy with university and exams as well. He's been texting less frequently, with one word responses and he has shown me his schedule and it is pretty hectic, same for me and I communicated that as well. I guess the circumstances aren't really the best for the both of us since I'm going through some personal issues as well. But I cant differentiate if its him losing interest or if I'm just overthinking because he's been a little distant? The situation with his ex and the fact that he might be in some sort of communication with her does make me feel insecure sometimes since they're added om social media as well (he did tell me this though, without hiding). I think my main issue is that this is very new to me and I dont know how much back and forth is normal, in terms of going on dates and texting, especially in a complicated situation like this. Him going out with his friends but not me could be bcs of the fact that even if he's a bit unwell, its easier to handle when hes with his friends and less uncomfortable as it would be with a date?

Also since its been two months since I told him I'd give him time, I'm not sure how much of a decent time frame that is. I've kept myself busy as well but sometimes I tend to overthink. Maybe he's gonna communicate something once we're done with our exams and deadlines? Also, he's one of the top students in his class so when he says he's studying, its for sure that he's focused because it really does show in his grades lol.

Im just scared of being strung along because he's been less and less communicative and I'd really like it if he told me how he wants to take things forward. I could approach him but I'm not sure how to bring up the topic. I'm not sure if two months is a decent time frame as well? All in all, since this is new to me I'm super confused. Any perspective or clarity would be appreciated! I'm pretty sure I'm overthinking too much and I am finding ways to tackle that but I'm mostly confused about timing and how much communication is decent.

TL;DR? Pretty complicated situations for both of us and I'm not sure if its because of that or he's genuinely losing interest. My overthinking plays a part in it as well to be honest.

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My (f36) boyfriend ( M38) is accusing me of breaking my promise of buying him a new car and ruining his birthday

TLDR: My (f36) boyfriend Quinn ( M38) and I got into a heated argument because I won't buy him a new car with money I will get from a client. He's accusing me of financially lurching him and I'm upset over this. He says he's doubting my views on our romantic commitment.

I have finally pulled my business into the space I'd been trying to achieve for years. To be very honest, I'm rich "on paper". I live very simply and had very limited ability to splurge until a few months ago. Business is soaring for me in terms of contracts. I'm getting some payments but I need to be careful with this money. I'm not crazy about talking about money with love partners unless they are a fiance or husband, or a live in SO. My boyfriend isn't any of this, although I love him. He found out that my company got a contract about three months ago (via searching in Google), and he doesn't believe me that this money is only available once the client company launches its program. It's a smaller project, my bigger projects have not been made public. His behavior changed after this. We've had our problems, but this is hurting me. He joked that he needed a new car and I also laughed. I picked him up for his birthday and took him to his favorite restaurant. He seemed to be having a good time but acted cold and weird the next day. Because he criticizes me a lot, I got emotional and he lost his patience. He called me manipulative and selfish. This caused an argument in which he dropped the bombshell that I led him on about buying him a car. I was astonished when he said I'm letting him eat crap because he's still driving a 2008 Ford while I can afford to help him buy a new vehicle. I said I can't get into that type of transaction and he said I'm acting like I don't care about our commitment and that I can just get the car and we can share it. I left his place feeling drenched and demoralized. Part of our issues came from his fear of commitment, so his accusations have taken me by surprise. His car works okay. I feel pressured and anxious and would like good advice about talking to him about financial boundaries without making things worse. Whenever I try to reason with him, he immediately brings up that I was paid a lump sum just recently. Whenever he starts this conversation, I tend to zone out because it doesn't make any sense and because he won't hear me out when I say the money isn't available yet and I won't use it that way. Help??!!

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Stoped talking after a petty argument

Hi, this is my first ever Reddit post, so please bear with me. I am just looking for an outside look to see what others think, sorry if it’s all over the place, but I’m just trying to summarise everything that happened.

I was talking with this girl (f20), and I am (m20), and we instantly clicked, and our personalities and views matched. The only thing is that she came out of two toxic relationships, the most recent one being two months ago. She likes to go out, and I'm more of a stay-at-home person, but I even went out of my way to go out to places I’ve never been to make her happy because I thought I had a future with her and wanted to see her happy and try change for her.

She told me I brought out her "inner child" and she felt so happy with me and how I treated her, she felt so "loved", I never yelled at her, put her down, or did anything of the sort that I think she experienced in her last relationships.

To start things off, we didn’t have any issues at the start; we were peaceful and civil, and we established our dos and don’ts and how we both view relationships, we both agreed communication was the most important thing, and we stuck to it.

Firstly on of the main issue is that she kissed her best friend at her party (f) and hid it from me because she was scared of how I’d react, and I acted like it was fine when it wasn’t because I really did love her, saw a future with her, and was willing to put it aside and forgive her.

Secondly, she wouldn’t listen to me to remove guys off her social media (snap) who were trying to get her to come over and obviously do things with her(apparently she had a phase). She eventually did, but it took a bit for her to even acknowledge and see what I was talking about. I’m not sure if they ever did things, but the things they were asking for pointed towards it.

I then told her I didn’t want her to go clubbing because 90% of times people go clubbing for a quick hookup with no strings attached, and she was going with all her single friends. She’s not going to sit there while they are hooking up and talking to guys. She even agreed to the points I was making. We then talked about it, and we came to the conclusion that it was fine because I really did trust her (I didn't want to go because the nightlife isn't for me and I don't drink, which I did say before we started getting deeper into our relationship).

Now coming to Sunday, we had an argument that I thought we could resolve, but nope, she didn’t even want to call me to try sorting it out, she just said she was feeling tied down and didn’t want to even talk to me anymore or want to continue building a relationship with me. She also said she met my family too fast when she wanted to come over, and I even told her they would be here, and she said it was okay and she even wanted to add my sister on snap.

I just feel like I was used for comfort and fed lies to keep me from losing interest. I had to always hear about everything her exs did, and she would always mention them no matter what even if we where having a moment to ourselves. I just feel so used and dumb for falling for it because I really did like her.

If anyone reads this or responds I’ll try my best to reply to any questions. TL;DR we stoped talking over a petty argument and now looking back at everything I feel used to help her fill in the “partner” role

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Girlfriend decided fo dump me on my birthday because of alleged cheating on my side

True that from the posts that you read from reddit, a cheater should not be let go off easily but to not trust you or believing others even before looking for facts and making assumptions on their own is a never an acceptable one.

Long story short, I(23M) was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend (23F) for 2 years and to be honest it was a good relationship as far as i can see. We did not have much fights but we would always sit and talk through whenever we have issues and resolve them. I even get along with her family and she is also the same with my family. This is what makes this post even more hurtful as I post this. I would like an unbiased opinion on this matter.

I was having my birthday two months ago and my ex-girlfriend was planning on a party for me in surprise, which makes this all even more blindsiding when it occured. I was supposed to be at my place around 7.30 in the evening as per discussions with her prior to this to have a small silent party with only me and her. When I reached home, I opened the doors to a massive number of my friends and family including her friend, her parents and my parents. I was welcomed in to the celebration and i was taken aback but rather was happy for the surprise i got. I thanked all for coming to celebrate it. When going to cake cutting celebration, my girlfriends friend opened the cake box, it took me a second for what was written on the cake. It stated "Happy Birthday Cheater" i was shocked to see it and thought this might be an elaborate prank from them. What i didn't know is that my girlfriend telling me that she knows all about my affair and that she hates me and threw the cake in my face in front of everyone. Followed by which her friend (23F) said not to contact or disturb her anymore and they left leaving me with my friends and my parents. It was such a shock that it took me a while to come back to my senses to even contemplate what had just happened.

My parents told me that they were disappointed in me for doing such a thing and said to not contact them anymore as I had embarrassed them in front of everyone. My friends who i thought would believe me also sided with her leaving me alone at my house on my birthday. I sat the whole night thinking on what happened and I kept awake till late night not knowing what to do and i eventually dozed off.

To give some context ... No, i did not cheat and I work late everyday due to my work schedule and stress from around 9 to 9 or sometimes 10 in the night.

Anyway this happened two months ago and post which i tried reching out to my girlfriend numerous times with each time she disconnecting my calls and eventually blocking me altogether. Even her parents and friends blocked me leaving me with no way to reach to her. I went to her house hoping she would listen to me and I could explain things to her and also know what happened but she threated to call the cops if I don't leave her alone. I am an egotistical person and never for one to accept things if I did not do them. I left her and did not disturb her from then on. My parents too went no contact with me after this as my parents and her parents are close friends and do not want to break their relationship because my 'stupidity'.

Anyway, coming to last week, I got a call from my ex-girlfriend saying that she wants to talk with me. I was hesitant at first but wanted to know what this was about and hopefully understand what happened before my birthday. I told her that we can meet at a coffee shop not so far from my place and hers (we live in the same city and work in same area). I was hoping to get my closure and move on from her, as this was the worst two months of my entire life and I want it to end quicker.

I met her on the said day at the coffee shop, when I went in I saw that she was there with my parents and her parents and they left me alone with her to talk. I asked her what she wants to talk about, as I said this she started crying her eyes out, saying sorry profusely and apologizing for hurting me. I was taken aback, as I thought this was another chance for her to humiliate me. I asked her what she was sorry for and why was she apologizing to me. She told me everything that culminated to my birthday. She told me that it was her friend who told her that I was having an affair and I was lying to her about working late hours when I was going out with another girl. I asked her what made her believe that i could do this. She started crying again and said that she did not believe in the beginning but started to questioning to herself that I might be having an affair and that is when, 3 months back I promised her that I would take her to a fancy dinner and at the last moment I had to bail out due to work emergency. I promised her that I would make up for it but she thought I was having an affair with one of my co-workers and who was a good friend of mine at work, whom she always thought was attractive.

I was starting to get irate at this point and asked what made her realize now after all this time, she said that she happened to run across the said coworker and when she started arguing about her being a relationship breaker made the coworker get her to understand that nothing was going between them and that I was just a good friend and even showed all the conversations between her and me right then and there. This made her realize that she was just a friend and nothing more. I asked her what she wants to do now. She said that she wants to get back with me and is sorry for everything that happened between us in the last few months. Note that my parents and hers were sitting at a table not far from us and were eagerly awaiting my response.

I looked at her and the family disappointed and told her that there is no chance for us to reconcile as this was the most hurtful thing that someone has ever done to me. As said previously, I'm a person to put all my effort into something but when someone hurts me for something i did not do in the first place, I am a person to have the worst of egos. I left the place telling her not to contact me ever again. When I was leaving my parents and hers stopped me to rethink my decision as I was being full of emotions and taking blind decisions. I spat back their words at them that they and my ex-girlfriend took blind decision not to give me a chance to explain my side of the story but decided to go NC with me without hesitation. I told them to look in the mirror before calling out on someone else on their stupidity and left the place. Now, I've been getting calls from my exgf, families, her friends and my friends that I'm being an ahole for not giving her another chance, the friends and family who did not even hesitate to cut contact with me couple of months ago. I've decided to block them all and move on.

tl;dr My girlfriend embarassed and dumped me on my birthday because she believed that I was cheating on her with a coworker.

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Is my (19F) boyfriend (21M) inexperienced or just disinterested?

Hi Reddit, This is a bit of an extended case, so I'll try as best I can to summarise. I started dating T about four months ago, whereupon he said he admired etc etc. We've had some real ups and downs in the relationship, but I do fundamentally like him a lot, due to his intelligence and humour. Note: he has quite severe social anxiety. The issue is, is that everything we based a good relationship on is crumbling. Our metric used to be; 1)Intellectual conversation, 2)Sexual stuff and 3) Affection.

Now, we are long distance (a few hours) and so the sexual stuff was conducted over phone; pictures and words, not to be too descriptive. He was always pleasured by the descriptions and I enjoyed them well enough as well. However, it was ALWAYS me who initiated them. We met up the other night on one of our meetings and things got a little heated. I basically climbed on top of him (asking the full way, of course) and things went from there. We didn't do the act, but I serviced him. He partook a little bit.

He's been distant these past few days and I checked in with him, to make sure he felt okay about it. His reply made me a little depressed. He said he "enjoyed it in the moment " but that he was "whoah" about it afterwards. He claims he just isn't a sexual person- a low libido. This is upsetting, as I was under the assumption it was something he wanted to do, ESPECIALLY from the descriptions, where he always took a very dominant role. So to hear it was just eh to him was upsetting.

He is sexually inexperienced though and admitted porn wrecked him a lot. I offered solutions for the next time, but honestly he doesn't seem that keen to want to do it. I feel I was sold a false premise to be honest. I'm not not hugely sexual person, but you need to understand the level of lewd humour/fixations this man has. He said he'll tell me when he's ready to escalate it again- but it won't happen, I know it won't. I wouldn't have minded the low libido, if I had known beforehand. Also, in addition to the sexual side being eroded, he is a LOT less affectionate than he used to be. Most of our conversations are just discussions on world events or banter now. I don't mind those things, but I really miss the affection. He used to send me these lovely voicenotes and give me these most warm compliments. Now if I want one, I literally have to prompt.

I think I am a little insecure as a person, but honestly the lack of being 'wanted' is driving me mad. I'm an intelligent and not bad looking person, yet I have to dig for this man to take heed of me. I want to bring it up, but we keep having these conversations and he always says he's just 'inexperienced'. He has some emotional issues for sure.

Honestly, I just have to wonder; is it worth it to wait around for a man who doesn't even want to hold your hand? Who will describe a future together, but can't even bring himself to kiss me. Who won't even be kind to me now, even in the absence of the sexual component. College begins soon, and I wonder if it's worth trying to start afresh and find someone who isn't afraid to show how much they care- who always iniates contact. Any advice is appreciated. Tdlr; Boyfriend has issues with expressing physical intimacy, but he has also stopped general affection as well.

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My boyfriend (25M) of 3 months never wants to see me (19F)

The beginning of the relationship was great we worked together, we see each other often, like i’d stay over and we’d go on dates i loved it. He even said or joked a few times about moving in (I know it’s quick) so i moved more clothes and bits in that i would use often. Then after some time, the job we worked at kinda screwed him over so he hasn’t been making money for 2, 3 months and has been quite down with himself and everything. So i decided to work my ass off so I can help him out and we can still enjoy things which he appreciates, but we also started arguing a lot like out of nowhere. It’s like these insecurities all just come out, it’s like everything was a problem from both sides. So he started asking me to go home more frequently and for longer, like before i’d decide to go home for a bit to see my mom so on, but then he started asking for a longer amount of time, but he’d ask like the day before i’m supposed to come back and as a person who doesn’t deal with change well it constantly caused arguments. After questioning it all he tells me he needs his alone time cause we’re limited to one room which i totally understand. But what threw me off was how he acted in the beginning he acted as if he was clingy and always wanted to be around me so on, but half the time when i’m never i never get a reply to messages because “he’s never on his phone”. He never calls because his “phone heats up”. I’ve asked him endless times to at least message when you’re walking the dog or going the gym because he’s been attacked many times and like to know he’s safe. Anyway we had this big argument that leaded to over a week of not seeing each other after telling me it would never be that long on the day i left. After that I came back for like 2 nights maybe 3 and went home, then when i was home after work one night he decided to tell me that now he might be getting somewhere with a job (He hasn’t got one still) that i only stay once a week and we go on a date and see each other another day. This threw me right off because it’s a big change from what it was. I recall him telling me that when he got back on his feet and got a job i wouldn’t have to go as much because we wouldn’t see each other much but then when he thought he had one he wanted to see me less. He gets angry and annoyed at me when i start to overthinking that he’s not interested or something but idk what else to think. I deal with overthinking badly as it is so this is really bad for it. Anytime i want to talk in person he doesn’t want to he’ll try end the conversation and do something else and if i try to talk over message he’ll assume i’m arguing and say “i’ll talk later” and doesn’t message for three hours. He also changes his mind often and acts like he never said it in the beginning, example when i was with him last i asked when i could next see him he asked when i was off I said Saturday he said probably Saturday then. I said i had work early Sunday morning and he also has an interview Sunday morning so he said that’s good because that help him get up (me getting up) so he said yeah Saturday then. So I thought oh he thought i was asking about staying over which i only meant seeing him but i was still happy with staying Saturday, but i didn’t want it to seem like i was pushing to stay again so soon (it was Tuesday). So I said i meant only seeing you and he said “definitely see me Saturday” so I was like cool and probably end up staying like he asked. Friday night comes i ask about staying he says no and then tells me he never said i could and that he said maybe. Which i hate to argue but he didn’t he was keen on me staying so I’d help him get up. Anyway today’s Saturday and we’re going to watch a movie, he doesn’t like to see me that long when we go out especially if it’s a movie he’ll see me like half an hour before it and then go straight after. I don’t know what to do, I feel like he’s losing interest in me or maybe seeing someone else? Any ideas? Any questions i’ll answer

TL;DR : My boyfriend never wants to see me anymore, I feel like he’s losing interest or seeing someone. He says he just needs to get back on his feet?

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Improving myself after a breakup. First girlfriend, first everything.[20M][20F]

Hello,

Recently my girlfriend decided to break up with me, after I had threatened with a breakup for countless times, and she said that I'm the sweetest person ever, and that if we both go to therapy and work on ourselves that she'd be willing to reconnect.

I've started journaling and I took my time and wrote all of the bad things (HABITS) I have had - this was repeated behavior, not something I had done once, and I think that I were to do that if we continued dating, thus I want to learn how to fix those things in order to continue dating, or reconnect (which I'd love, but seems very unlikely).

My main takeaways:

-Whenever I felt ignored, I'd start a fight, threaten with a breakup, or try to ruin her day - because she ruined mine

-I found out that I have anxious attachment style. I had a hard time being separated from her and I was constantly overthinking everything. Leading to me being very needy, and not giving her breathing room ; I was bothering her while she was out with her friends, family, when she was on vacation etc.

-Excessive Jealousy - Whenever she'd go out with male friends, even though they were gay, I had suspicion and I disliked them for being the opposite gender.

-Hard time trusting her ; She never did something to upset my trust, but I just had a hard time because I know she's very attractive and assume she gets hit on when she goes out.

- I was lying so I could get more attention - whenever she didn't feel like going out I'd lie about being sick or feeling unwell so she would come and caress me.

-I wanted to be visibly upset so she could give me attention whenever she did something I disliked.

-Took her for granted after some time. We dated for a little more than a year and after some time, I took her for granted. I stopped making her bouquets, stopped writing her little notes, stopped giving her my origami flowers and in general, stopped surprising her.

How do I treat all of this? I want to become a decent human being and I don't want to hurt my partners. I sincerely want to work on myself and I hope you take this with little judgement as I have a hard time admitting this.

Note: I have started going to therapy recently. I go there every two weeks as it's free and I only have sessions that last about 30 minutes. Although it helps, I'd love to speed up the process. I'd love to hear advice from you guys. Thanks in advance.

tl;dr : After over a year of dating, my girlfriend and I split. I made many mistakes, formed bad habits, and need advice on how to get rid of them. I want to become a better person.

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