Should I (39F) pursue a long distance relationship with my friend (36M)?

TL;DR; been friends for 11 years and realized my feelings for my friend, which are reciprocated, who lives over a 1000 miles away. Should I pursue a long distance relationship with them?

My friend, let’s call him Aaron, and I first met in undergrad about 11 years ago. We started a research lab together, spending weeks together in the field collecting moths and other insects and hours in the lab sorting them. At the time I thought he was really smart, funny, but got on my dang nerves. I wasn’t interested in him in sort of way other than research colleagues mainly bc he was annoying but also because I was in a long term relationship (LTR) at the time.

Fast forward to me ending things with my LTR, Aaron move to NYC and became a teacher and I went into the private industry, but we remained in contact periodically throughout the years.

We remained friends but when covid hit, him and I became closer, texting frequently and even calling each other, talking about all the time about weirdo science things that we found fascinating.

I could tell that he was developing feelings for me, but I didn’t pay much attention bc we live 1000s of miles apart.

He came to visit 5 year ago, but nothing happened even though I was anticipating that it would. I was too nervous to make a move and come to find out so was he. We just awkwardly enjoyed each others company.

Fast forward through the years and we kept in touch. He would send me shirtless selfies as he glowed up and would tell me, “I wish I could find someone like you.” Again, I ignored it bc of the distance.

Now 5 yrs later he has come to visit again. The other day we hung out, road bikes, and had an absolute wonderful time. While we were chilling at my house, cooling down from the ride, we were sitting really close and I asked him if he would like to make out, to which he enthusiastically agreed. We ended up fooling around but not hooking up.

It was wonderful, the whole experience. He was so gentle but strong and he made me feel safe in his arms, something I haven’t felt for some time.

He told me during that interlude, “I really like you and I have liked you for sometime.”

I came to realize my feelings since that night has passed. He’s everything I want in a partner. He’s sweet, kind, altruistic, cute, funny, wicked smart, and we do all the same hobbies. He’s no longer that annoying 25 year old I met 11 years ago, he’s a full blown man.

So here I am thinking, should I pursue a long distance relationship with him?

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* This article was originally published here

Cheated on early in relationship

TL;DR I was cheated for the first three months we were together and new details keep emerging about what he did with his ex, should I reach out to her to get her truth?

Boyfriend 23M cheated on me 23F from the start of our relationship through 2-3 months into our now 8 month relationship. That I know of. And I decided to stay and I thought l'd be over it by now but I can't let it go as new details always emerge.

First I had a bad feeling in my stomach at 4 months into our relationship and found the texts with his ex on his phone. So I have no idea about phone calls or anything that occurred outside of that or what was deleted. Since we got together he texted her everyday, trying to get her to respond and saying he loved or missed her.

Then I saw they made plans one night, he went to hers and swore he just set a boundary with her. I've felt really troubled by this and it bottles inside me because everytime I bring it up he freaks out over me bringing his difficult past up. So l've started to be petty and argue over little things, seeking some sort of retribution or release while everything inside me hurts. The reason I can't heal is because there's always new details emerging or new excuses that make me question it all. He told me last night that when they saw one another he "thinks" he did kiss her "hello" and thinks he did cuddle with her for 2-3 hours. Now I fear the worst happened. I've never attempted to seek her side of the story since he said she cheated on him and made his life really horrible and is fearful of her coming after him and harassing him if they have contact. Now after seeing he harassed her with no reply for weeks, initiated seeing her in secret and said he loved her at Christmas (her mom had died and she reached out) I do wonder if he doesn't want contact because she'll tell me the truth.

He's been a habitual liar, from little things like what he had for dinner to big things like drug use and talking to his ex. He blames this all on withdrawal from cocaine. It makes me sick when I think about how he voluntarily told me she was out of his life and psychotic and that I was his person. I'm moving in with him this week and starting a new job. I don't know how to handle living with him as he's really hurt me.

Can anyone confirm if withdrawal symptoms are that significant and make someone weak enough to reach out to an ex and cheat? I'm wary to believe him. Ar can anyone tell me if I should or shouldn't reach o the ex? To get her end of events?

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* This article was originally published here

Me 26F and my boyfriend 30M have been together 1 year. He always sticks to set days when we see each other, even if there’s nights when we are both free with no plans. What could be some rationale behind this?

We were talking this week about when we would see each other, and he said Friday and Sunday which is is fine. However, we both have no plans on Saturday night so I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to spend it together if we are both not doing anything anyway? I don’t want to be clingy and ask him or tell him when he obviously doesn’t want to spend the Saturday night with me, otherwise he would have suggested then.

tl;dr Me 26F and my boyfriend 30M are both free with no plans on Saturday night, yet he doesn’t want to spend it together

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* This article was originally published here

How do I support my partner? How do we get through this?

I(F23) have spent the week gutted completely. I had my son 3 years ago and have really tried losing the weight but instead due to financial stress and poor mental health, I instead have gained weight. Me and my partner(M25) have since moved to another country where all my family are and we’ve been able to not need to pay for child care and both work. From this I’ve spent the last 8 weeks being able to afford healthier options and had lost some weight.

We were told about 3-4 weeks ago my partners grandad is terminal. He has no one else once his grandad passes and he lives back in the other country and my partners only able to go see him at the end of each month. Now for the part where it all fucked up.

He went down for 4 days to see him and whilst down he received an anonymous text I had cheated with someone I work with. This just isn’t true and god I’d never do that to him especially during this situation when me and my son are all he has now really. Given his already bad headspace he went out and cheated. Spent 12 hours with her speaking cuddling. He was planning on just leaving me but he came back and immediately regretted what happened. He said at the time he did feel heard and understood and validated by someone who wasn’t me but that now he’s told me everything he feels really guilty and regretful given I’ve not actually done anything and his really bad head frame right now.

As much as this has gut punched me, I cannot find it in me to leave. I know he’s in such a bad head space and the text he received tipped him over the edge. I’m not looking for anyone to tell me to leave either. He was honest with me and he does truly want to be with me but with the way I currently look I’m missing the one box that’s important which is sexually. I used to be a lot thinner and active in our sex and now I feel so down about my weight sex has become a struggle and I can’t be as much of a participant as I once was and it sucks so badly.

I mean I’m barely eating now because I honestly don’t know any other way for me to lose weight especially quickly. I have one small meal a day and just suck on some mints to stop the need to snack during the day and so far seems to somewhat work.

Please anyone who has been through this situation, how can I support him? How did yous get through it?

TL:DR my partner is going through a rough time and cheated.

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* This article was originally published here

Is speed dating worth it? [25F]

So, I'm 25F, I finished 2 - year relationship lately and now I feel I am ready to go back to the dating market. I thought of dating apps but I found an idea of speed dating on the internet. It is about person paying low amount of money to get to a place where she can meet some people of opposite gender and maybe try to get along with them and date them later. Does anyone have an experience with this and could tell me if it's worth it?

tl;dr i want to go back to dating and i think of trying speed dating

submitted by /u/PenLongjumping9100
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* This article was originally published here

Should i end things with my boyfriend?

Hi, this has recently been all that's on my mind and I have no clue what to do. I am 14/F and my boyfriend is 14/M. I have recently started questioning whether or not I actually want to be in this relationship. We have been together for a bit over 2 months. It has been good, and I love him, but it's just.. There's something wrong. The way we don't have that connection, it's like we are just telling ourselves that we do love each other, and that we are happy. But, I just don't feel 100% about this. I mean.. I've seen how he treats his dad, all because he doesn't wanna do school work, and how he talks to his friends, argues with them, argues with everyone. I just... I don't know what to do. I mean he is really nice, but I just don't wanna date him anymore, but I do at the same time. I don't really wanna hurt his feelings either, but uh, I just don't know. We have english together tomorrow morning, and we sit together at lunch breaks with our friends. But when it's just us, it's just awkward, to say the least. Before we started dating,andb up until a few weeks ago everything was good, but I just don't know if I want to stay in this relationship. I mean, we've talked about meeting each others parents, and about about me coming over to his, but I just don't know. So please, if anyone can help me figure what to do, that would be so so helpful.

TL;DR

Basically, I'm not sure about me and my boyfrienda relationship.Hits been good up until now (2 months), but I've started to notice the way he treats people when things don't go his way, and I'm not sureiwe actually love each other. We are both 14, but I still dowannak figure something out, because this is driving meiinsane...

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* This article was originally published here

Boyfriend went to the bar last night and still hasn’t come home at 8am

My (25f) bf (30m) went out with friends last night and it is now 8am and he still hasn’t come home.

He said he was only going to go to his friends for a couple hours, then they ended up going out to a concert. At 12am he texted me saying that he has a ride home and he will be coming home soon. I then saw on location sharing they went to the bar.

His phone is on silent. I’ve tried texting him and calling him. His location hasn’t updated for 6 hours and it shows the bar as his last location. I don’t know how to feel. We have been on very rocky grounds lately, and I honestly felt a little uncomfortable with him getting drunk in the first place because he always takes it too far.

I’m worried, I’m angry, and I don’t know what to do when he walks in the door. I don’t know if he fell asleep at a friends, is in the hospital or jail, or evened up staying with some girl.

Tldr; boyfriend went to the bar with friends last night and has now 8am and he still hasn’t come home

submitted by /u/Eastern-River-1758
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* This article was originally published here