I discovered flirtly messages that my dad (63M) exchanged with another woman, who is not my mom...

TLDR: my dad (63M) sent flirty messages to a woman who is not my mom, and they've been married for almost 30 years; who do I tell?

First of all, sorry for my English, it's not my native language. It's also my first time using reddit, I'm feeling really upset and confused at the moment and I've always seen useful advice here so I'm going to try and explain myself. 'm going to use fake names.

I've always thought my (27F) dad (63M) and mom (53F) had an amazing marriage: together for almost 30 years, loving, funny, very close to each other and to me and my brother (24M). We are currently on vacation near home, and while I was using my dad's phone to send to my brother the pictures we took, Laura (40F), a woman who my parents knows because they're in an amateur running team, sent him a message. I opened the chat because we always use each other's phone so it is not weird for me to read his messages to him, but what I saw made me almost cry.

I had the strength (and time, before he came back) to just read a few messages, but basically he was telling her that he wanted to take the dress she had yesterday evening off (they came to our house to say bye), and she replied with a laughing emoji. Then he told her that they were going to be bathing nude soon. She is known for flirting (and possibly even sleeping with) married men, but I've never for a moment thought my dad could do something so awful. He has always pretended to not like her very much.

I felt my stomach drop, and now we are together till tomorrow and I can't even look at him I just want to cry. I haven't told anyone, I don't know what to do. Do I tell my brother first? Do I talk to my aunt, my mom's sister who is a therapist and who we are very close to?

I almost wish I didn't read that message, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

submitted by /u/sunheartb
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend is not an action taker

I (26F) wanted to ask for your advice on how I can help my (28M)partner be an action-taker. We’ve been together for 6 yrs now and I’m only now noticing how he’s a bit slackish or yet, weakhearted?

He doesn’t really work. He has a job in sales so he earns from commissions. But he has been inactive since last year so I know he’s just living on minimal allowance. He would have clients referred to him by friends and families and he would present to them, but he’ll make no follow through at all. Whenever I ask him about it he just says ‘I will’. But then after 2/3 months, no follow up still. I know timing is important in sales so I don’t really get why he’s slacking off.

He wants to put up a small business but expects me to help him start it up. It’s like he expects me to draw the road map for him even though it’s his “passion project”. He says because I’m more organized and stuff. I don’t mind helping him but I’m a very busy person and he knows that too. I love what I do and it pays me very well so I’m really focused on me.

He has all these ideas about business, his sales job, etc but he doesn’t take action at all. It’s all ideas. Sometimes I feel like he’s weak hearted. He often overthinks and doubts himself although I always reassure him otherwise. I feel like part of it is because he never had a corporate job. The usual 9-5, reporting to the boss job. In corporate, even if you don’t want to do it, you have to right? Been there.

He’s a bit sheltered and I’m worried if this doesn’t change it might affect our future. We’re already discussing about marriage and I want a partner that is sure with himself. Also if he doesn’t take action now, how can he provide for his half in our future?

Appreciate any advice. Thanks!

Tl;dr my boyfriend is not an action taker and I’m worried he’s not earning enough for our future

submitted by /u/burntroom
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Relationship issues

My girlfriend (19F) and I (18M) are approaching our 2 year’s anniversary on June 15th. I really love her and would do anything for her, but the way she is mentally makes me exhausted.

She’s not capable to do stuff independently, she always needs guidance.

She gets easily offended/emotional by the littlest things.

She doesn’t use her common sense at times.

Whenever I am guiding her she doesn’t take it seriously, making me in need to pressure her to do it.

She can be slow; realises things very late.

At the moment I am tired of being her servant. I believe in self-improvement, which she ideally can, but is held back by her comfortable mentality. At this point I don’t know what to say to her, maybe someone here can give me guidance on how to make her more up and going.

TL:DR I want my girlfriend to be more up and going/independent, because she is being held back by her comfortable mentality

submitted by /u/waveyykane
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

I (20f) have a crush on my manager (20's?m)

Now, I'm not sure how old he is, but I suspect he's maybe mid twenties. I have quite a few managers, two which are horrible and creepy old men, one nice lady, and finally my crush. He's assistant manager. We don't work together super often, but when we do, it makes my day. He's the kindest person there. Instead of scoffing or rolling his eyes at me like all the others, he patiently teaches me everything while throwing in some silliness. He's encouraging and so sweet.

I was passing him something one day, and our hands touched. I felt that zap of electricity you get from touching someone you like. I find myself thinking about what he's doing on my days off, wondering what he thinks of me, always looking at the schedule to see if we are put together.

But now I'm afraid he will sense my liking towards him and become uncomfortable. Or what if he thinks I'm weird for it, and he stops being so nice and friendly? I've never had a crush on a superior before. I'm embarrassed and not sure how to act with him anymore. I forgot how to be normal.

TLDR; I have a crush on my manager and I don't know what to do about it.

submitted by /u/wakeysnakeyy
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Why would this guy [35 M] want to know my [35 F] business?

This guy has a girlfriend *he and i did actually sleep together once while he's been in the relationship* five months ago when I asked if I could massage him. (I wasn't implying anything sexual I've actually gone to school for Massage Therapy) He told me he would love to but that he doesn't think it's a good idea. And that he's trying to be a good boy. I guess saying he doesn't want to cheat. So I started talking to another guy and when he saw me talking to the other guy. He was trying to get my attention. When he saw me talking to the other guy the first time. He walked by us saying he liked my scarf. The second time he saw us talking he walked over to where we were and started talking.

I don't get why he was trying to be in my business when he has a girlfriend.

​

​

​

**TL;DR;**

submitted by /u/Ok_Acanthisitta_873
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Husband (35M) refuses to budget, am I (27F) crazy?

My husband (35M) makes a very good income, very comfortably covers our private health insurance (I live in a country where that’s an extra cost you can choose above the national care), our very nice spacious house and garden and some extra things every month. Extra expenses involve gym, clothes for our small children, donations to various organisation. I (27F) also make a few extra thousand a month and use it for my dinners out with friends, sporadic holidays with friends, our cleaning lady at home and a babysitter for when I need a rest.

However, we have twice now run out of money at the end of every month. Or rather, he has. If I am spending a lot, I’ll just budget the rest of the month and eat more cheaply or wait a month for my new jacket or whatever. Husband just doesn’t understand this concept. He spends about $300 monthly on Ubers. Another $300 on fizzy drinks he likes, maybe $1000 on eating out, ordering in. If I suggest cutting down he just ignores it and continues.

He doesn’t deprive us of anything, he pays for our food and gives me extra cash if I’m ever lacking for the month. I have no problem cutting down my things when needed. The problem is, if we ever need extra money he would have to cash out shares that are not ready yet. In the Event that happens, what then? He has no contingency plan and I honestly find it fucking weird.

Help! Am I just too cautious? We do live somewhere where we cannot really get a large unexpected bill for something but regardless it makes me uneasy.

*English not my first language sorry.

TLDR: husband won’t make any kind of concessions or budget when he overspends and I am uneasy about it.

submitted by /u/howmanyapples42
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Am i being crazy or is this a normal relationship thing?

My partner (26M) and I (26F) have a long history - we have been together since early high school. I am genuinely obsessed with this guy, I love him more as the years go on. I obviously cant speak for him, but he is obviously hanging around for a reason… must love me too, haha. Weird for me to say that, given I have spent most of the time being needy for constant reassurance (have been working on this).

Anyway, we have been through, overcome, swept under the rug, fought through (basically every scenario) A LOT of different things. So my concern today isnt a “do we break up or do we not” situation, more just a plea for outside perspectives!

We have a unique dynamic, my partner is severely un-empathetic and I am extremely (often debilitating’ly) empathetic - we are a good balance when it comes to situations outside our relationship, but as you can imagine, often causes us some conflicts when it comes to communication inside our relationship, lol.

We recently had a huge, almost relationship breaking, breakdown - mainly because we were growing apart and I wasnt included in a big part of his life. I actually refer to this as death week, because I honestly have never felt that numb, empty, physically sick, broken, in my life. But death week ended up bringing us closer together - way better than we were before. We acknowledge it needed to happen.

Its been a few months now and something has just come up that I feel my kind of crazy, unstable self coming back and I dont know how to do the mind voodoo witch business (AKA just normal mental health lol) to keep it at bay… haha.

I have been getting closer with his friends and I’m now quite good friends with the only girl in the group, and I have been out with the whole group a few times now - all going well!

Tonight my partner brought up something he had been thinking about, basically just touching on the topic that sometimes there will be times where he wants to go out with his friends and that maybe I’m (me) not going to go to everything (I am butchering the delivery here, he really did say it in a healthy way.)

Basically this has my mind racing and spiralling a bit (please dont roast me about being toxic, I am working so hard on this in so many different ways).

I guess I am spiralling because to me, for him to explicitly say this means there are scenarios that he doesnt want me to be around / doesnt want to be with me.

When I express a bit of apprehension, he says “isnt it normal for couples to not do every single thing together” and I get it! I do. I mean… I understand the concept. I know this is a thing for people/couples - I am just really struggling with it because I have never thought “oh I want to go out without you”.

Thoughts? I know I will be in the wrong, I have been working excruciatingly hard on fixing a lot of the toxic characteristics that I had - I am still struggling through a lot, but the key word here is through, I’m loving and appreciating myself for every little better I do.

Additionally, a situation has just come up that I will be having to house sit for a month, but he doesnt want to come and stay with me. To me, this is huge red flags. That being said I know for a fact that he would come if I specifically said it would really hurt me if you didnt want to stay with me - but when I consider doing this, I feel controlling and manipulative.

How do you find the middle ground? Communicating your feelings but not being a toxic partner?

Anxious yet excited… here we goooo.

xx

TL;DR my partner says its normal to not want to do everything together

submitted by /u/ComprehensiveCost176
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here