Trying hard not to give up

I (23F) reconnected with a guy I met in 2020 last summer and ended up going on dates for a while. I typically take a lighthearted approach to things. A few months in I suggested we should see each other more and he (24M) gave me the run around about being busy that guys give when they don’t want to see you. He told me he cared about me but wasn’t emotionally available because busy with work. That was in the Fall, fast forward three months when I invite him over to have sex (at this point I’d figured if he’s not available for something serious that doesn’t mean we can’t have sex with each other which we both enjoy). Basically he has a mental breakdown the week following the sex, tells me he can’t handle just sex with me and that he always wanted something serious but thought I didn’t so he suppressed his emotions. then we agreed to stop talking, his idea.

This was a major blow on my everything. My heart, my perception of people, my perception of myself. Since that happened earlier this year it feels like I encountered a couple of misfortunate, short lived dating situations after. I’m trying to keep hope of healthy, intimate love but sometimes I look at the world we live in and at my experiences and what we’ve normalized and the chances seem so… idk. I refuse to say impossible but I don’t know. I was seeing another guy and he was so kind, then all of a sudden became super unresponsive and not so kind. And I know it has nothing to do with anything I did, because I didn’t do anything. Stuff like that just hurts

I hate that as a woman (or maybe it happens to everyone) you’re not even allowed to say you feel lonely/want intimacy. I feel like people treat you like you’re weak for wanting these things or assume you must not “love yourself enough”. I truly love myself and I show this by making the best decisions for myself that I can/am capable of, like actually letting myself walk away from toxic dating situations. I just really miss the intimacy shared in romance, the physical touch, the companionship. I haven’t had a boyfriend in about 4 years now. I feel really lonely sometimes, and I never used to feel this way but I think having been so close to it with the last guy I took seriously and having him walk out of my life makes me feel even lonelier.

I don’t know what to do guys. And I don’t want to give up. I don’t even think it’s a choice. But jeesh I’m exhausted. I just want to be held and roll over and kiss someone sometimes. And share my feelings and vice versa. And most important of all I want it to be healthy.

Has anyone been in a similar position & can offer any relevant advice?

TL;DR woman has had disappointing prospects in last 6 months & feels pretty lonely. seeking insight from people who have been in similar situations or observed them

submitted by /u/PotentialNo3647
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

What do I do if my boyfriend gets jealous that my best friend is still friends with my ex?

Hi everyone!

Been with this guy (31) me (26) for about 6-7 months now. We met online on hinge.

Anyway, he is a great person, we are so in love but my relationship is falling apart. My best friend is still friends with my ex boyfriend who I was with for about 8 years. He formed a bond with most of my friends and after we broke up, I do not think it was fair for anyone to end a friendship with him. My best friend him and I all met together and were friends around high school time.

My now boyfriend thinks that my best friend shouldn’t be friends with him. He thinks that my ex is gonna come around. (My best friend had her graduation a few days ago, my ex was invited by my actual boyfriend wasn’t, so that offended my BF) other than that, we don’t talk about my ex or anything

Anyway, I don’t know what to do bc my actual BF says this is something that he does not want to deal with. I mean, if he cannot deal with my reality then there is nothing I can do sadly. MY bc is not going to end a friendship nor should she for me.

TLDR: my current boyfriend gets upset that my best friend is still in contact with my ex.

submitted by /u/Friendly_Sea8570
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Mom [60F] has mentally deteriorated a lot in past 2 years and refuses to admit a problem

Hello. This is long, I’m sorry. Thanks if you read it all.

I’m [30sF] and don’t live in the same state as my mom. My parents separated about 5 years ago (amicable separation at the time, still technically married so she can be on his insurance) so she currently still lives in the house I grew up in with my brother [22M] who just graduated college and still lives at home. My other parent lives nearby but separately.

She does not work and has not since I was born 30+ years ago.

Due to Covid, I had only been home for a visit once in the past 2 years, and it was only for 1 night when I had to be in town for a funeral. It was so short that I didn’t notice THAT much wrong. The house was messier than in the past and she seemed a bit more quirky/loopy than usual, i tried to talk to her about it and expressed concern after that trip and she FREAKED out at me, swearing and telling me to mind my own business. I dropped it because out of sight out of mind…

Recently however I went home for a full week. And I was horrified and disturbed by how much the state of things has escalated.

The first huge red flag is when she picked me up from the airport she proceeded to drive like a MANIAC. 60 mph on residential back streets. She even tried to run 3 separate red lights “because no one is coming” and then laughed (???) when I was like MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP?? She used to be the slowest, most annoyingly (to teenage me) careful driver ever. I finally had to yell at her to pull over and drive the rest of the way home myself.

Then, the house… the house is overrun with hoarding. She has always had an issue getting rid of items but this has escalated. Every room has stacks of boxes and random shit. She also now prints out every news story she comes across online and files away paper copies of them (???)

There is an entire room that we can’t even go into because it’s so packed with shit. This room was my brothers room before he originally left for college. When he first had to move back home from college during Covid he was sleeping on the couch because she refused to clear the room out. But after he graduated in December he got his first job and it’s a WFH job involving lots of Zoom so he needed a private space (he is saving to move out ASAP). Rather than let him make space in this extra room, she gave him her bedroom. This was an argument at the time bc my brother didn’t want to take it but my mom just stopped going into that room and moved her stuff out so eventually he moved into it.

I wish I could say she sleeps on the couch or something now but no. Over the past few months she has apparently begun sleeping on the floor in random places around the house. No blankets or pillows. She just lays on the floor. I thought my brother was exaggerating but when I was home a few times I was startled to walk into a random part of the house and see her literally laying as though dead on the floor.

Then, the food situation. Hoarding has extended into food. We don’t have enough room in the pantry for all the food she buys so there’s just piles of food on the floor in the kitchen. 10+ unopened bags of chips, 3 giant unopened bags of flour, etc. The fridge smells like garbage when you open it. Nearly everything in it is expired and visibly moldy. My brother said she yells at him when he tries to clear out old food, and that he has thrown away stuff in secret before and then find it in the fridge again the next morning… meaning my mom picks it out of the trash in the night. While I was home I made enchiladas for the family and before going to bed asked her where the Tupperware was so I could save leftovers. She said no worries she will do it. THREE days later I noticed they were in Tupperware but just tucked away out on the counter… I went to throw them away and she yelled at me that they were still good and snatched them back… no, they’re meat and cheese enchiladas that have sat at room temperature for over 72 hours now!!! When I tried to calmly bring up food safety she scoffed and then when I pressed it she got extremely defensive.

THEN, there’s her additional visible mental deterioration… she has started slurring her speech quite a bit more than in the past and repeats stories multiple times. Like, she will tell the same story 4-5x in one day. And get mad if you tell her she already told you. She will also be extremely mean to my brother when she never was when we were kids. She will tell him to fuck off (I overheard one such incident when he asked her if she could please stop sleeping on the floor in front of the only bathroom in the house) with so much vitriol in her voice. She is NOT the same person. She was a great mom who practiced gentle parenting. It’s insane to me how she has changed.

She used to drink when we were younger ( I remember her making a cocktail for herself at bedtime my entire life) but told all of us that she stopped several years ago. When I was home I did snoop and it’s true that her normal liquor cabinet just had juice and coffee in it. But my brother told me he sees her with the mini bottles (like from gas stations, the $2 ones) in her pockets all the time. I’m worried that she may actually never be 100% sober which would explain a lot of her bizarre behavior. It also is heartwrenching to think that she’d be okay driving me/my brother anywhere if she’d been drinking.

I know this is super long but I just don’t know what our options are. She refuses to admit she has a problem. She brushes off my suggestions to see a therapist or talk to her doctor about anything. And last time I tried to gently bring up my concerns framing them as coming from a place of love, when things weren’t even nearly as bad, she blew up at me.

Is there anything I can do?? It’s heartbreaking to see her deteriorate like this but I feel very powerless, especially living so far away. What do you guys think it is?? Alcoholism?? Some sort of dementia or something?? I have googled so much about how to help and every site just says to be patient and give the loved one space until they are ready to accept help. But I don’t see that ever happening…

TL;DR recently visited mother for first time in 2 years and found she has mentally deteriorated significantly. Not sure how to help her.

submitted by /u/lost_teachr
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Taken for granted and need advice to fix it

I (F20) and (M20) started out as fwb around 13 months ago. We got along really well but never talked about anything more as he was supposed to move a way for good in 2 months. He moved away, and then we began texting a lot everyday and began having feelings for each other. This lasted around 4 months. Then he came back for a month as vacation, and everything between us was great. Feelings got stronger, and we’d spend almost every waking hour together. It was perfect, but we avoided any and all talk about a relationship due to neither of us wanting long distance. He leaves again, but ends up coming back after a month and stays here for good. So we decide to get into a relationship. He had a lot of trust issues, but we worked on them a lot. This led to having my own trust issues neglected. We have a mutual female friend who he has a history with, he was avoiding hanging out with her the first few months for several reasons, he told me this (not liking her as a person anymore, out of respect for me, out of respect for her boyfriend who is also his bestfriend). This began to change, and whenever everyone is busy he would hang out with her alone. He already knew i didn’t feel comfortable with them hanging out alone especially with alcohol, given the history. I told him i feel hurt whenever they hang out alone, and that i don’t want it to happen. He agreed it wont happen again, but the next day he made plans with her to hang out. I felt like i was being cheated on. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, but the hanging out itself felt like cheating especially because i asked him not to and he agreed. I was angry but he kept telling me i have nothing to worry about whatsoever. A few days later, he breaks up with me saying he doesn’t love me anymore but still has a lot of feelings for me. Says we’re always arguing and i’m always angry, even tho that only happens when he hangs out with her. I go no contact for a few days, he texts me saying that he misses me and doesn’t want to throw our friendship away (we had become bestfriends) i say i can’t be his friend, we fight some more then agree to simply take the label off. We would be just like we were prior to making the relationship official (no sleeping with other people, treat each other as if we’re together, etc) the label was a lot of pressure for him, and it was for me too. When we took away the label, things between us got a lot better. Last night, he jokingly starts telling me how he can sleep with whoever he wants and i have no say over him, then he starts playfully wrestling me ( which we always do, but only for a few minutes) but this time it goes too long and i keep telling him to stop it but hes just laughing and continuing. This goes on for hours, and i get really angry, yell at him, then decide i want to leave. He quickly begins apologizing and asking me not to leave, he tears up (first time that happens in our relationship) i tell him hes taking me for granted and needs to know when to stop when joking and to stop overdoing and crossing my boundaries. I tell him if anything similar happens again i will leave and he will never see me again. This is when hes really affected and tearing up, tries to hug me and asks me to go back inside. I haven’t brought this up to him, but a feel taken for granted in many areas not just the boundary crossing thing. I like to go out once in a while, he likes to stay in 24/7. He won’t go out with me at all. He used to before, now he just doesn’t bother. Nothings ever about what i want, it’s all about him. I don’t know if threatening to leave him will fix this issue, but i feel like theres nothing else i can do. I don’t want to leave him, but i’m very confused i don’t understand what he wants and i don’t know what to do to fix it. I’m exhausted but i know i’d feel worse if he isn’t in my life. I know we can work it out if i manage to get to him but i don’t know how to approach the issue without him shutting down. Does anyone have any tips? How can i work it out? Should i just give him a taste of his own medicine or try to deal with it nicely? Please any advice would help. I know he cares about me a lot, but i don’t know how to fix this sudden behavioral change. I feel under-appreciated but it’s early on in the issue do i think it could be fixed i just don’t know how. He’s not abusive nor manipulative, he’s a very genuine person but lashes out sometimes.

TL;DR we removed the label from our relationship and now he’s taking me for granted and i threatened to leave him completely. I need advice on how to make him appreciate me and how to approach this

submitted by /u/nnubuvtcc
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My girlfriend [22F] is extremely depressed and I [M22] don't know how to handle it anymore.

We've been together for around 2 years. 1.5 years have been long distance. She lives in a rural area.

It has been around a year since she has become extremely depressed. She refuses to take meds, as well as online therapy (as face-to-face would be too far for her).

Talking to her feels like a chore. Every 2 days she mentions how she will finally start changing and gives me spiritual quotes but ends up doing nothing. She never has anything to talk about. I ask how her day went and she says she did nothing/lay in bed/was thinking. I have tried supporting her. Talking to her for hours daily about her thoughts, researching, and how to overcome etc. I tried having us doing something together, like learning a language on duolingo together, making workout goals, watching a series together, studying together (she has university entrance exams in a month). But it all ends in doing nothing. I'm genuinely exhausted of hearing her spiritual talks that motivate her for an hour and end up in absolutely nothing. I legit don't mind having any kind of conversation with her but she doesnt have anything to say at all and I end up making the conversation.

I tried asking for a break but she went batshit crazy and ended up crying heavily, blocking me and unblocking me repeatedly and spamming my phone with 1000+ messages.

I want to be with her, I'm not physically close to her and I don't know if we will be able to meet (as she doesn't seem to have any worked out goals and motives outside of laying in bed). My mood goes completely down when I talk to her and it makes me feel stuck as I can't fully feel content with the person I want to be with.

I know this whole post makes me sound like an asshole, but I also want to focus on my career, family and myself. And I don't want breakup to be an option here.

TLDR: Girlfriend has been depressed for over a year. I tried supporting her, but end up feeling stuck myself. Meds and therapy have been refused and breakup isn't an option

submitted by /u/anabeluga19
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

I'm (32M) and my girlfriend (29F) of 6 months lied to me twice about the same thing

My girlfriend shared about her past without me asking for it. Initially I appreciated her upfront effort and found it respectable. I would have asked about it anyway at some-point, but not with the depth that she ended up sharing. About her past relationships, she jumbled up the outline of the story like timeline and how she met the people, but was clear about the main events. I caught her first-time doing this and I asked her why does is story a bit different? And she promised it was the real story this time. But then, I had some suspicion, and after a while I ended up asking again indirectly and she again cooked up another outline, similar to what she said first time. I was worried why is she doing this. She broke into tears saying she does not want to lose me and I am too precious for her. She explained why she did it, and it still did not make sense because one of the event was tragic and didn't want me to make sense that all of those events led to the tragic event (interestingly, she isn't very sure about whether tragic event really happened or not because she claims she has no memory of it). This is a person who is intelligent (very bright academically), treats me with sweetness, is good with words has a job that values her work, has claimed that she can easily cook up a lie, calls herself extremely flawed, claims to have a saviour-complex, one single argument with a close one makes her feel she is about to be abandoned and starts thinking in extremes, she has once described herself volatile, was addicted to alcohol for 2 years (stopped drinking every since meeting me), has anger issues (although she is always calm with me). And whenever I ask her why does she call herself certain things like "volatile", she brushes it off saying I am not the same anymore. I am really having difficulty understanding who she really is, it's like my perception of her in my mind is distorted and confusing. I had asked her old-roommate once if I should know something about her that's important. She described her as a nice person at heart, but can get very aggressive and advised me to not believe everything she says because she is very insecure.

tl;dr Ever since she has conveniently lied to me twice about the same thing, randomly letting me know about her flaws with heavy words like "volatile" and not clearly explaining why she calls herself those things, I feel something is really off and I can't tell what it is. How do I make sense of this situation?

submitted by /u/Frequent_Bunch7279
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My(31f) helpful mum (68f) Invades my Privacy and moves stuff around, causing important possessions to be lost and put through the washing machine.

I've just this week moved into a flat and my mum has been helping a lot. She drove my furniture to the new flat and bought me a table and chairs. In grateful for this but she is a very nosey person and I've always had to hide any personal things for when she visits, as she looks through all my drawers and also moves stuff around all the time causing me to lose important things.

I was having a delivery that couldn't be rescheduled but I was at work, so she offered to wait for it in the flat. I made sure to hide my important stuff in a zipped up bag, wrapped in clothes in the wardrobe, covered by a duvet. Felt okay about it all as I took precautions, but stupidly underestimated her nosey-ness.

I had keys to my old flat that need to be handed in before the weekend, which were in a tiny pouch hidden in some jean pockets. My DS games and jewellery were locked in a small safe also in wardrobe, the key to which was hidden inside a sock in the inside pocket of a tiny suitcase under the bed. There was also a 3DS in the same suit case and feminine care items. I pushed it right to the back under the double bed so it was very hard to reach and put a cushion in front to hide it.

When I got back, she had 'done multiple clothes washes' which included all clothes in said bag, the sock in the suitcase, and literally everything in every drawer. Stuff id washed at hers and not even worn yet. This meant that my old flat keys, the key to my safe, and all the other stuff had been through the wash. Of course I couldn't find barely any of them. My 3DS, headphones, the keys, and other items are still missing.

Not only that, but I've had a gum infection and am on antibiotics which were in a drawer in the kitchen. She rearranged all my drawers and now I can't find them anywhere. I've found the painkillers I was taking to help with it in the cupboard in the bathroom. But they were both together in the kitchen.

I've been texting her asking where things are, and she gets mad each time and calls me ungrateful, saying she was trying to help. She can't remember where she moved anything. But this is a huge invasion of privacy. Also I'm in trouble now as I can't find the flat keys, cant get to a Dr to get more antibiotics, and I love my 3DS.

How can I talk to her about this? She wants to come over again soon, but even when I'm there I can't let her out of my sight.

TL:Dr: my mum came to my flat and moved everything around, put stuff through the wash that was valuable. I don't know how to talk to her about it without her getting angry.

submitted by /u/PurplePopsicles33
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here