Girlfriend decided fo dump me on my birthday because of alleged cheating on my side

True that from the posts that you read from reddit, a cheater should not be let go off easily but to not trust you or believing others even before looking for facts and making assumptions on their own is a never an acceptable one.

Long story short, I(23M) was in a relationship with my ex-girlfriend (23F) for 2 years and to be honest it was a good relationship as far as i can see. We did not have much fights but we would always sit and talk through whenever we have issues and resolve them. I even get along with her family and she is also the same with my family. This is what makes this post even more hurtful as I post this. I would like an unbiased opinion on this matter.

I was having my birthday two months ago and my ex-girlfriend was planning on a party for me in surprise, which makes this all even more blindsiding when it occured. I was supposed to be at my place around 7.30 in the evening as per discussions with her prior to this to have a small silent party with only me and her. When I reached home, I opened the doors to a massive number of my friends and family including her friend, her parents and my parents. I was welcomed in to the celebration and i was taken aback but rather was happy for the surprise i got. I thanked all for coming to celebrate it. When going to cake cutting celebration, my girlfriends friend opened the cake box, it took me a second for what was written on the cake. It stated "Happy Birthday Cheater" i was shocked to see it and thought this might be an elaborate prank from them. What i didn't know is that my girlfriend telling me that she knows all about my affair and that she hates me and threw the cake in my face in front of everyone. Followed by which her friend (23F) said not to contact or disturb her anymore and they left leaving me with my friends and my parents. It was such a shock that it took me a while to come back to my senses to even contemplate what had just happened.

My parents told me that they were disappointed in me for doing such a thing and said to not contact them anymore as I had embarrassed them in front of everyone. My friends who i thought would believe me also sided with her leaving me alone at my house on my birthday. I sat the whole night thinking on what happened and I kept awake till late night not knowing what to do and i eventually dozed off.

To give some context ... No, i did not cheat and I work late everyday due to my work schedule and stress from around 9 to 9 or sometimes 10 in the night.

Anyway this happened two months ago and post which i tried reching out to my girlfriend numerous times with each time she disconnecting my calls and eventually blocking me altogether. Even her parents and friends blocked me leaving me with no way to reach to her. I went to her house hoping she would listen to me and I could explain things to her and also know what happened but she threated to call the cops if I don't leave her alone. I am an egotistical person and never for one to accept things if I did not do them. I left her and did not disturb her from then on. My parents too went no contact with me after this as my parents and her parents are close friends and do not want to break their relationship because my 'stupidity'.

Anyway, coming to last week, I got a call from my ex-girlfriend saying that she wants to talk with me. I was hesitant at first but wanted to know what this was about and hopefully understand what happened before my birthday. I told her that we can meet at a coffee shop not so far from my place and hers (we live in the same city and work in same area). I was hoping to get my closure and move on from her, as this was the worst two months of my entire life and I want it to end quicker.

I met her on the said day at the coffee shop, when I went in I saw that she was there with my parents and her parents and they left me alone with her to talk. I asked her what she wants to talk about, as I said this she started crying her eyes out, saying sorry profusely and apologizing for hurting me. I was taken aback, as I thought this was another chance for her to humiliate me. I asked her what she was sorry for and why was she apologizing to me. She told me everything that culminated to my birthday. She told me that it was her friend who told her that I was having an affair and I was lying to her about working late hours when I was going out with another girl. I asked her what made her believe that i could do this. She started crying again and said that she did not believe in the beginning but started to questioning to herself that I might be having an affair and that is when, 3 months back I promised her that I would take her to a fancy dinner and at the last moment I had to bail out due to work emergency. I promised her that I would make up for it but she thought I was having an affair with one of my co-workers and who was a good friend of mine at work, whom she always thought was attractive.

I was starting to get irate at this point and asked what made her realize now after all this time, she said that she happened to run across the said coworker and when she started arguing about her being a relationship breaker made the coworker get her to understand that nothing was going between them and that I was just a good friend and even showed all the conversations between her and me right then and there. This made her realize that she was just a friend and nothing more. I asked her what she wants to do now. She said that she wants to get back with me and is sorry for everything that happened between us in the last few months. Note that my parents and hers were sitting at a table not far from us and were eagerly awaiting my response.

I looked at her and the family disappointed and told her that there is no chance for us to reconcile as this was the most hurtful thing that someone has ever done to me. As said previously, I'm a person to put all my effort into something but when someone hurts me for something i did not do in the first place, I am a person to have the worst of egos. I left the place telling her not to contact me ever again. When I was leaving my parents and hers stopped me to rethink my decision as I was being full of emotions and taking blind decisions. I spat back their words at them that they and my ex-girlfriend took blind decision not to give me a chance to explain my side of the story but decided to go NC with me without hesitation. I told them to look in the mirror before calling out on someone else on their stupidity and left the place. Now, I've been getting calls from my exgf, families, her friends and my friends that I'm being an ahole for not giving her another chance, the friends and family who did not even hesitate to cut contact with me couple of months ago. I've decided to block them all and move on.

tl;dr My girlfriend embarassed and dumped me on my birthday because she believed that I was cheating on her with a coworker.

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* This article was originally published here

Is my (19F) boyfriend (21M) inexperienced or just disinterested?

Hi Reddit, This is a bit of an extended case, so I'll try as best I can to summarise. I started dating T about four months ago, whereupon he said he admired etc etc. We've had some real ups and downs in the relationship, but I do fundamentally like him a lot, due to his intelligence and humour. Note: he has quite severe social anxiety. The issue is, is that everything we based a good relationship on is crumbling. Our metric used to be; 1)Intellectual conversation, 2)Sexual stuff and 3) Affection.

Now, we are long distance (a few hours) and so the sexual stuff was conducted over phone; pictures and words, not to be too descriptive. He was always pleasured by the descriptions and I enjoyed them well enough as well. However, it was ALWAYS me who initiated them. We met up the other night on one of our meetings and things got a little heated. I basically climbed on top of him (asking the full way, of course) and things went from there. We didn't do the act, but I serviced him. He partook a little bit.

He's been distant these past few days and I checked in with him, to make sure he felt okay about it. His reply made me a little depressed. He said he "enjoyed it in the moment " but that he was "whoah" about it afterwards. He claims he just isn't a sexual person- a low libido. This is upsetting, as I was under the assumption it was something he wanted to do, ESPECIALLY from the descriptions, where he always took a very dominant role. So to hear it was just eh to him was upsetting.

He is sexually inexperienced though and admitted porn wrecked him a lot. I offered solutions for the next time, but honestly he doesn't seem that keen to want to do it. I feel I was sold a false premise to be honest. I'm not not hugely sexual person, but you need to understand the level of lewd humour/fixations this man has. He said he'll tell me when he's ready to escalate it again- but it won't happen, I know it won't. I wouldn't have minded the low libido, if I had known beforehand. Also, in addition to the sexual side being eroded, he is a LOT less affectionate than he used to be. Most of our conversations are just discussions on world events or banter now. I don't mind those things, but I really miss the affection. He used to send me these lovely voicenotes and give me these most warm compliments. Now if I want one, I literally have to prompt.

I think I am a little insecure as a person, but honestly the lack of being 'wanted' is driving me mad. I'm an intelligent and not bad looking person, yet I have to dig for this man to take heed of me. I want to bring it up, but we keep having these conversations and he always says he's just 'inexperienced'. He has some emotional issues for sure.

Honestly, I just have to wonder; is it worth it to wait around for a man who doesn't even want to hold your hand? Who will describe a future together, but can't even bring himself to kiss me. Who won't even be kind to me now, even in the absence of the sexual component. College begins soon, and I wonder if it's worth trying to start afresh and find someone who isn't afraid to show how much they care- who always iniates contact. Any advice is appreciated. Tdlr; Boyfriend has issues with expressing physical intimacy, but he has also stopped general affection as well.

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My boyfriend (25M) of 3 months never wants to see me (19F)

The beginning of the relationship was great we worked together, we see each other often, like i’d stay over and we’d go on dates i loved it. He even said or joked a few times about moving in (I know it’s quick) so i moved more clothes and bits in that i would use often. Then after some time, the job we worked at kinda screwed him over so he hasn’t been making money for 2, 3 months and has been quite down with himself and everything. So i decided to work my ass off so I can help him out and we can still enjoy things which he appreciates, but we also started arguing a lot like out of nowhere. It’s like these insecurities all just come out, it’s like everything was a problem from both sides. So he started asking me to go home more frequently and for longer, like before i’d decide to go home for a bit to see my mom so on, but then he started asking for a longer amount of time, but he’d ask like the day before i’m supposed to come back and as a person who doesn’t deal with change well it constantly caused arguments. After questioning it all he tells me he needs his alone time cause we’re limited to one room which i totally understand. But what threw me off was how he acted in the beginning he acted as if he was clingy and always wanted to be around me so on, but half the time when i’m never i never get a reply to messages because “he’s never on his phone”. He never calls because his “phone heats up”. I’ve asked him endless times to at least message when you’re walking the dog or going the gym because he’s been attacked many times and like to know he’s safe. Anyway we had this big argument that leaded to over a week of not seeing each other after telling me it would never be that long on the day i left. After that I came back for like 2 nights maybe 3 and went home, then when i was home after work one night he decided to tell me that now he might be getting somewhere with a job (He hasn’t got one still) that i only stay once a week and we go on a date and see each other another day. This threw me right off because it’s a big change from what it was. I recall him telling me that when he got back on his feet and got a job i wouldn’t have to go as much because we wouldn’t see each other much but then when he thought he had one he wanted to see me less. He gets angry and annoyed at me when i start to overthinking that he’s not interested or something but idk what else to think. I deal with overthinking badly as it is so this is really bad for it. Anytime i want to talk in person he doesn’t want to he’ll try end the conversation and do something else and if i try to talk over message he’ll assume i’m arguing and say “i’ll talk later” and doesn’t message for three hours. He also changes his mind often and acts like he never said it in the beginning, example when i was with him last i asked when i could next see him he asked when i was off I said Saturday he said probably Saturday then. I said i had work early Sunday morning and he also has an interview Sunday morning so he said that’s good because that help him get up (me getting up) so he said yeah Saturday then. So I thought oh he thought i was asking about staying over which i only meant seeing him but i was still happy with staying Saturday, but i didn’t want it to seem like i was pushing to stay again so soon (it was Tuesday). So I said i meant only seeing you and he said “definitely see me Saturday” so I was like cool and probably end up staying like he asked. Friday night comes i ask about staying he says no and then tells me he never said i could and that he said maybe. Which i hate to argue but he didn’t he was keen on me staying so I’d help him get up. Anyway today’s Saturday and we’re going to watch a movie, he doesn’t like to see me that long when we go out especially if it’s a movie he’ll see me like half an hour before it and then go straight after. I don’t know what to do, I feel like he’s losing interest in me or maybe seeing someone else? Any ideas? Any questions i’ll answer

TL;DR : My boyfriend never wants to see me anymore, I feel like he’s losing interest or seeing someone. He says he just needs to get back on his feet?

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* This article was originally published here

Improving myself after a breakup. First girlfriend, first everything.[20M][20F]

Hello,

Recently my girlfriend decided to break up with me, after I had threatened with a breakup for countless times, and she said that I'm the sweetest person ever, and that if we both go to therapy and work on ourselves that she'd be willing to reconnect.

I've started journaling and I took my time and wrote all of the bad things (HABITS) I have had - this was repeated behavior, not something I had done once, and I think that I were to do that if we continued dating, thus I want to learn how to fix those things in order to continue dating, or reconnect (which I'd love, but seems very unlikely).

My main takeaways:

-Whenever I felt ignored, I'd start a fight, threaten with a breakup, or try to ruin her day - because she ruined mine

-I found out that I have anxious attachment style. I had a hard time being separated from her and I was constantly overthinking everything. Leading to me being very needy, and not giving her breathing room ; I was bothering her while she was out with her friends, family, when she was on vacation etc.

-Excessive Jealousy - Whenever she'd go out with male friends, even though they were gay, I had suspicion and I disliked them for being the opposite gender.

-Hard time trusting her ; She never did something to upset my trust, but I just had a hard time because I know she's very attractive and assume she gets hit on when she goes out.

- I was lying so I could get more attention - whenever she didn't feel like going out I'd lie about being sick or feeling unwell so she would come and caress me.

-I wanted to be visibly upset so she could give me attention whenever she did something I disliked.

-Took her for granted after some time. We dated for a little more than a year and after some time, I took her for granted. I stopped making her bouquets, stopped writing her little notes, stopped giving her my origami flowers and in general, stopped surprising her.

How do I treat all of this? I want to become a decent human being and I don't want to hurt my partners. I sincerely want to work on myself and I hope you take this with little judgement as I have a hard time admitting this.

Note: I have started going to therapy recently. I go there every two weeks as it's free and I only have sessions that last about 30 minutes. Although it helps, I'd love to speed up the process. I'd love to hear advice from you guys. Thanks in advance.

tl;dr : After over a year of dating, my girlfriend and I split. I made many mistakes, formed bad habits, and need advice on how to get rid of them. I want to become a better person.

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My (31M) GF (30F) accused me of having an emotional affair because I shared my passion for cooking with a friend (31M)'s fiancée (32F)

I (31M) have always had a passion for cooking. I enjoy cooking for other people or even just for myself. My parents used to say that me finding a new recipe to try is like a child finding a new favorite toy.

I started cooking when I was 11 and I never stopped. My parents suggested I studied to become a chef but I refused: I want to be able to cook freely ( and it was the good decision; I studied Computer Engineering and I love my current job).

5 years ago I started dating Kate (30F). I love her and we get along quite well, except when it comes to cooking. She is an extremely picky eater. She only eats a very small set of things and only when they are cooked in a certain way. She refuses to even try anything else and some of her restrictions are nonsensical (example: She eats burgers but only those bought at the supermarket. If I buy the same meat, mince it and make the burger myself, she will immediately refuses to eat it.)

I won't say it was easy but after few months of bantering we came to an agreement: I cook for myself the way I want and she cooks for herself. Sometimes I offer to cook for her what she wants, depending on the mood of the day.

After we reached this compromise, everything went smoothly for almost 4 years.

I have a friend, Mike. We have known each other for over 25 years. He loves tasting new foods and so in the past 20 years he was my "guinea pig" when I had to try a new recipe ( he volunteers himself, I never force him). Around 1 year ago he introduced me his fiancée, Megan (32F).

Megan share the same love for cooking so, while hanging out all together, we sometimes found ourselves talking about it and sharing recipes.

I don't remember exactly how it came to that but one day Mike suggested a cooking competition between us and we agreed. It was a fun Sunday: I enjoyed cooking, Megan enjoyed cooking and Mike enjoyed the food. We decided to repeat the experience from time to time.

We started doing this "cooking night" twice a month. I invited Kate multiple times to join us but she always refused. Two days ago she changed her mind and decided to come hangout at Mike's house while we were having our contest. Everything went as always. I knew Kate wouldn't eat what we were cooking, so I prepared another dish for her.

While driving home, though, Kate was evidently irritated and she suddenly started crying. I asked her what was wrong and she accused me of having an emotional affair with Megan. I said she was wrong and tried to say something but we were already in front of our home and she stormed off and locked herself in the bedroom. She refused to talk to me for the whole day yesterday.

TL;DR : My GF accused me of having an emotional affair because I shared my passion for cooking with a friend's GF.

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* This article was originally published here

Girlfriend (24f) expects me (27m) to pay towards a car that I won't be able to drive?

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we live together in the UK and neither of us have a car. I work from home and my gf has been fine with public transport to get to work. She is starting a new job next month and was talking about getting a car to make it easier to get to work. My gf is planning to pay monthly for the car since she can't afford to pay for one upfront.

We agreed that I would go on the insurance policy with her so I can also drive the car when needed and that I would pay the extra insurance cost that comes from having me on the policy. We worked out this would be between £50-£100 a month depending on provider. My gf sat sown to talk with me last night and said she wants her first can to be just her own so she doesn't want me on her insurance policy.

She said she would still like me to pay towards the car since she won't be able to afford it otherwise. She asked if I would pay between £100-£150 a month towards the car since the costs are higher than she thought. I refused since I'm not going to pay towards a car I cannot drive, especially since I have no need for a car. She asked again and said it should be fine for me since my employer gave all staff a £120 a month pay rise so it's affordable for me.

I refused again and told her if she wants her first car to be completely her own then she should pay for it herself then. She said the car would make it much easier for her to get to her new job instead of relying on public transport but I just told her again I'm not paying towards it.

She said I was being unfair since I can afford it and that she's not asking for a lot and that I should want to help her. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?

​

tl;dr my gf is wanting a car to get to work. Initially we were going to put me on the insurance policy and I was going to pay the extra costs of the policy but my gf said she no longer wants me on the policy since she wants the car to be just hers. She still wants me to pay towards it and got annoyed when I refused. Does anyone have any advice on how they would handle this?

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I (22 F) broke up with my boyfriend (28 M) who made jokes about inflicting domestic/physical abuse and beating me up

Hello,

I am new to posting on reddit and I just installed the app also. I just wanted to let this whole situation off my chest. I kept crying the entire time last night and I have no one else to talk to, the situation feels very fresh for me and I don't know what is the next step to take. I wanted to go visit a guidance counselor in my school to have someone to talk to, and also maybe tell my family members, but I don't have the courage yet. So anyway, here is my story:

I(22 F) met someone on a dating app through switching my location. I'm living somewhere in the Asia and my boyfriend (28 M) is living somewhere in Europe. We've never met yet, LDR, though we have been dating online for almost a year now. (Turning 1 year next month). My dating experience has been very difficult to navigate due to our cultural differences. We're planning to meet on October but we've been breaking up then getting back together then breaking up again then getting back together. That's the cycle of our relationship.

We recently got back together after I gave him a second chance. We had this major argument and I didn't know he reactivated his account on the dating apps behind my back. When I found out about it, my friends told me this is cheating already but he kept convincing me that he only opened it and did nothing on it. So we talked and I forgave him thinking our relationship might be different the second time around.

So things are going well between the two of us, but for the past few days, I noticed he kept on making jokes about physical abuse/domestic abuse/ everything on that spectrum.

He told me,but in a joking way, when we're having a video call that

"I'll domestic abuse you" "I'll beat you up so bad" "Ill only stop making jokes about physical abuse when it stops being funny"

Things like that. I know it's a joke and I'm trying my best to not make it a big deal, but physical abuse/domestic abuse shouldn't be used as a joke. It's immature and dark. It shouldn't be normalized either. I don't know why but I'm super disgusted of his behavior. Everything was going on so well between us but it didn't really last long when he started making those kinds of jokes to me I just kinda lost my interest/will to continue the relationship also.

My bf was never the type to do that. This is the first time he did it to me. I tried calling him and asking him to apologize to me and not make those kinds of jokes again,I bombarded him with text and calls because he never responds/tells me he's busy and when he finally answered he yelled at me for being so crazy psycho gf and dramatic over that thing. He shut me down completely, avoided all my texts and calls, and told me I should feel bad for what I did.

The last thing he told me was " I don't wanna deal with you rn, ring one more time and I'll block you. I don't fucking care I can do whatever I want"

He didn't talk to me and kept ignoring me. So I broke it off because I felt like I was being punished for expressing how I feel. I didn't receive any kind of reassurance or a simple sorry if the joke had an impact on me. It was a joke I know but idk it made me very uncomfortable and terrified. I broke it off but idk if I did the right thing. I still love him very much.

Am I being too sensitive if the joke made me uncomfortable and literally what I did was ask him to say sorry to me but he got angry?

TL;DR

I broke up with my boyfriend because he has been making jokes about domestic/ abuse and beating me up and everything under that spectrum. I got uncomfortable and terrified but he got angry and annoyed when I tried to confront him about it by calling and texting him multiple times and all he did was ignore/shut me down telling me I'm crazy and psychotic.

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* This article was originally published here