My friends think he’s taking advantage of me

My (22f) boyfriend (23m) broke up with me due to going through a really really really hard time with his physical and mental health. He decided that it was best for us to break up, cause he said I deserved someone who could give me the world as he couldn’t because of his physical and mental health. He is fatigued and works fulltime to distract himself from the pain and the reality of being chronically ill.

I was heartbroken cause I was and am still willing to stay by his side and love him unconditionally. I have never loved and cared for a man as much as I have with him. He is the most hardworking, sweetest, funniest, smartest and resilient man I know. He was my first healthy relationship and taught me what it meant to be genuinely loved.

Despite being sad, I respected and accepted his decision and we have decided to stay friends. We talk on the phone every day and we’re very vocal about our love and appreciation towards one another and even went out on a little date the other day.

My friends (21f, 22f) think it’s bullshit, they think that any time a man breaks up with you but still continues to act like you’re in a relationship, that means he just wants the advantages of being in a relationship without having to commit. They frequently use the saying “if he wanted to, he would” meaning that if he genuinely loved me, he would fight for me and still try to make our relationship work.

I think that what they’re saying is not true, inconsiderate and heartless given his circumstances. He’s tired, extremely ill and in constant pain. It’s not fair to expect so much from someone who’s dealing with so much in their life.

What’s your opinion on this?

TLDR; boyfriend broke up with me due to his really bad physical and mental health. we decided to stay friends and stay in contact regularly, even went on a little date. friends think it’s bullshit and don’t get why he would breakup with me if he genuinely loves me so much.

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Am I wrong for thinking about ending friendship

Been friends for 10 years. Friend left her husband for a guy she works with (he left his wife). She has 3 kids and he has two. Imploded their families, got together within two months. Moved in together, all kids thrust together basically. Slapped her ex with a DVO. Coparenting relationships are not civil. She has now fallen out with her sister and Mom due to them not being supportive of their new family unit.

I have supported her this whole time until I just couldn’t do it anymore. It started giving me major ick. Believe they are the victims in the situation; can’t believe their exes hate them. Total mental gymnastics and they act so hard done by. I texted her explaining how I felt (I know text isn’t great but I articulate myself better in writing). Shes obviously not happy with what Ive said. Believes friends support each other even when they don’t always agree, which yes, of course. However, when it comes to questions of character and morals, where do you draw the line. Unsure where to go from here? I think our values just don’t align anymore. Am I wrong for ‘ambushing’ my friend with my concerns/feelings?

TLDR; friend making questionable choices, unsure if I can/want to continue friendship. Am I wrong?

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* This article was originally published here

If someone does these 13 things while dating, they're trying to avoid ... - Hack Spirit

If someone does these 13 things while dating, they're trying to avoid ...  Hack Spirit

* This article was originally published here

No emotional support from bf since my Bff's su*c*de

I need advice. I'm in the grips of grief and struggling with feeling a total lack of support. I'm about ready to give up.

TW: su•c•de

Since my (26 F) best friend's (27 F) sudden suicide my boyfriend (23 M) has been really absent and not prioritized making any time for me. He and I have been together going in two years on February 13th. She was my best friend for years before he and I met. He knew her and I had a somewhat romantic but non-sexual relationship.

On D-day he talked to me for around an hour then went to sleep mid convo. Thanksgiving, of course he was busy, going to his best friends thanksgiving. The next day/ the night before the funeral he had plans to help his best friend with fixing a fence, then after was busy cleaning his desk, so still absent. He finally video chatted me for a few but again fell asleep during. Then the day of the funeral, he slept in late then had to work a party at his job, the Birthday of the brewery he works at, so again too busy to talk to me. Photos of him grinning surrounded by female coworkers getting posted to his fb... Made me feel even worse...The day after the funeral I hardly received anything at all then he was just busy working at the brewery again. Again the next day, he's just too busy all day to talk to me, then had to go work at the brewery. The next day he's sick and sleeping, I have to convince him to take care of himself, so he takes a covid test and its positive. I get him to take medicine. Naturally he was pretty much asleep for days, but when he started feeling better again, he immediately went back to filling all of his time and being absent. He immediately went back to the brewery the night if. Then next day went to his best friends brother's birthday party, Then went to okay video games together. The past two nights he told me he would call me after he was done playing video games with his friends so I waited up. He never came back either night. Both nights he said he was going to finish something in a game with his friends and call me after. I wait up till midnight before accepting he is not going to be calling.

Since I lost her, he hardly talks to me. If/When he does he just goes to sleep on the call. Last night when he said he would call after video games I even replied I didn't want to wait around all night for him to maybe call. He didn't acknowledge I said that and then he just literally did the same thing again.

I keep clearly communicating my needs and feelings and explaining how much it hurts me he's been so absent in my time of need, and that his poor communication skills are hurting me but he's just "sorry" and nothing is different. This is the hardest time of my life and I feel so abandoned.

We're already living long distance to each other bc when I recognized our apartment was raising our rent too much, I insisted we move and was told he was making moves to make that happen. I sent countless links to other apartments and housing continuously trying to work on it. He wasn't actually doing anything, not even what he said he was doing (saving account for the move, looking at the places I was showing, claiming he'll reach out to the new places). He just planned for us to remain where we were without ever verbalizing it. He didn't communicate to me that this decision was then dragging us under and didn't communicate about what was going on. I even asked him to write everything out for me so I could start doing the budgeting but got the minimum info. So when he finally told me what was happening...it was bc he suddenly realized we couldnt afford the apartment we were in anymore, he broke up with me and told me he's sending me cross country to my parents. They didn't know of this at the time. He dropped it all on me suddenly and had his best friend and brother ready to come over and start grabbing his stuff. He wouldn't send them away either but insisted they were the ones insisting on moving all his stuff out immediately. He said they didn't even know what was going on, just that he was leaving me and refused to back down. Finally after they leave with his stuff and the apartment looks ransacked, I try to talk to him and he ends up going to sleep holding me. I wake up all night anxious but in the morning I wake up and talk to him, he comes down off wanting us to break up and says he just panicked. The next couple weeks were full of abandonment anxiety and getting proposed to, but with a ring another man once proposed to me with... Then I flew across country and a day later found my best friend ended her life.

This is all a lot harder because initially when I found out I felt unsafe with myself, and it lasted for days. My best friend and I emotionally supported each other a lot because we struggled with similar trauma, depression, and Neuro-divergent issues, in addition to a lack of emotional support. I thought I was closer to losing the battle than she was tbh. I thought she was stronger than me. She kept me going when I wanted to give up. I kept telling my partner how bad the grief was effecting me and he's just absent. I started deluding myself, thinking I could find her in another realm if I ended my life. When I took the 6 hour trip to her funeral I hardly planned to return. I was really not doing well and maybe I made it through it but I didn't have emotional support when I needed it most. Again, I do communicate that I'm feeling unsafe with myself and needing support. But it hurts very badly that someone who "loves me" has emotionally neglected me during the hardest time of my life.

Anyway what am I to do? I know I need to get into therapy but I'm still trying to get insurance in this state. All of my belongings are still with my bf across the country and I am advised not to make large life changing decisions while in mourning but I feel so uncared for that just being in this relationship is starting to make me feel even more hopeless. I feel I have lost everything. I believe he does love me but it's like a literal golden retriever, theyre not gonna text or call but will be happy and cute when you're in the same room as them.

TL;DR My boyfriend hasn't been there for me since my best friend killed herself, apparently oblivious to my need of support though I keep clearly communicating what I need.

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* This article was originally published here

Really struggling after he [33M] suddenly ended things with me [31F] before a trip

This is long!! I apologize! Thank you so much to anyone who takes the time to read it.

Background

• met on an app and had our first date end of June. I had a feeling even before I met him that this connection would be special, but tried to manage my expectations by going on other dates too.
• at the beginning he kept deferring sex with me - but he also mentioned he mentioned wanting to "explore" the dating scene so I figured he was getting it from somewhere else. I found out later he is actually a bit inexperienced with the actual of sex (but not with other things like oral). I'm the second girl he has slept with. One important thing to note - he can't always "perform" but insisted it was based on external factors (ie. not liking when a girl is on top, having a variable refractory period that can last up to 2 days, not putting it inside me quick enough, etc). He claims his inexperience with sex is due to "morals" but I suspect this "difficulty" plays a part too.
• probably also important to note, his family is +++influential/wealthy in our city which I turned a blind eye to while we were dating because I didn't want it to change our dynamic. I knew he was well off but didn't really know the extent. I'm a healthcare worker and stuff about the business world goes over my head.
• we had an amazing summer, no talks about where it's going but since we both had other relationships end in the spring I was fine with this pace.
• but by September, we had the exclusivity conversation but didn't label things yet. During this conversation, he mentioned that I was the only girl he had been physical with since we first got together. This or any other expectations about this had not been communicated with me before. So, I was transparent and told him I slept with another guy twice early on (somewhere around date 5) because my assumption was that he wanted things to be casual. He was pretty bothered by this despite me explaining that he never communicated with me that he prefers being physical with only one person at a time, that I wasn't sure where he stood. I told him I don't know the exact dates of when the overlap happened at that point but gave him a ballpark week.
• I said that we didn't know each other's boundaries because they were not communicated but now that we do, and we can move forward with a shared set of expectations. I found out later he was actually still going on first dates at this time anyway, but he claims it was never physical. He brings the fact that I was physical with someone after him up twice, because he has trouble wrapping his head around it - but says he doesn't want to stop seeing me over it. Eventually we move past it.

Relationship progression

• September and October were literally the happiest months of my life. I truly thought I had found my person. A lot of my friends commented they had never seen me this way before (ie. talking openly to them about my feelings and trying to be vulnerable with him). I'm a pretty guarded person but I tried so hard to be open and vulnerable with him.
• I met all his friends and immediate/extended family who loved me. He planned a weekend trip (international flight) for Nov 24, which gave me the impression things were moving in the right direction.
• He started calling me pet names like babe, beautiful; started sending me lovey emojis which again I thought was a signal for progression.
• I'm at his place 3-5x/week and we text all day.
• we started exploring more sexually - there were certain things he wanted to try and I was more than happy to oblige.
  Weirdness
• I noticed he kept saying things like "you say no to me too much", "why are you saying no, you need to say yes more" whenever I would say I didn't have time to have sex (sometimes he would push for 2-3 times a day despite not being...physically able to anyway).
• the night before his birthday party, he said something along the lines of "I'll just do stuff to you in your sleep" when I told him I was so tired and would fall asleep midway. This made me uncomfortable because I have actually been in this situation before, so I said verbatim "can we maybe change the language being used in situations like this... it reminds me of a non consensual, bad experience I've had and I don't want to cross associate that with you because I like you and what we're doing". He pushes me to expand on my experience and eventually I cave and tell him about it."
• morning after, things were fine, but by afternoon he was weirdly distant. At the party, he wasn't really interacting with me. To the day, he stopped calling me those pet names, stopped sending me lovey emojis, stopped saying he was excited to see me. I asked him about this multiple times and even asked if it had anything to do with what I shared with him. He said no. The little lovey behaviours never come back but he's still overall normal so I didn't push it.
• but then, he also started insisting that he knew "my secrets" and "what I was hiding from him" - other than childhood baggage I had no idea what he was referring to and he refused to discuss it with me, but held it over my head for weeks which felt manipulative and caused me anxiety.
  Sexual escalation
• despite pulling away emotionally at this time, he started escalating things we would do sexually. For example, he tied me up which I have never experienced before. We had a big night out planned around this. Then he wanted me to tie him up, which I was intimidated by so I told him I would do it but I needed some time to wrap my head around it and plan how I'd execute it etc. Finally he just set a date for me to do it because he wanted it sooner rather than later - Nov 18
• In the meantime, he kept bringing up anal which I had previously said (before we were even exclusive) I didn't feel comfortable doing without a relationship label. First he said he was very patient and would do things at whatever pace I wanted. After two weeks, he told me he was "eager" and wanted to do it "before the trip". Alarm bells started going off - what was the rush to do all these things before the trip?
• Meanwhile, for Nov 18, I planned a very elaborate date just as he did for me - I made him a fake little dinner invitation with instructions on what to do and where to meet me; took him to a Michelin star restaurant (his request) and an orchestra; bought lingerie that he had picked out. The works.
• that day, he asked me for an explicit picture which I stupidly gave. The date went pretty good. The next morning, he asked me to blow him which I obliged to; then he asked me to do two other things I had previously said I'm shy about but would definitely explore with him. However, I had to go to work so I told him we could do it when we had more time.
  Dumped
• I went to work and he didn't text me for 9 hours.
• after work, I asked if everything was okay. Long story short, he said over the last 2 weeks he had been thinking about future/direction and what we both want, and that he realized "today" he was nervous about our trip to Nashville.
• I had him call me and he basically said there was no potential for this to be more serious than it has already gotten.
• I was angry because he had asked for explicit pictures and sexual acts that I wasn't overly comfy with literally within 24 hours of breaking up with me, as well as escalating our sex life while having doubts. It just seemed so out of character. I was also upset that he passed so much judgment on decisions I made when we weren't even exclusive on the basis of "morals" but then did this to me. I didn't mention this to him but he also watched me drop 1k+ on him during this date night - which is probably is pennies to him, but I work hard for my money. I tell him I feel used and taken advantage of sexually.
• the next day he insists on talking in person. I relent. First he tried to villainize me for getting angry on the phone ("you say you almost never get angry, and yet you got angry on the phone"). I told him I'm entitled to my emotions and it's not like I raised my voice, swore, or did anything like that. So he pivots to trying to get me to refute my feelings. It's clear he doesn't like that I'm saying I feel used and taken advantage of and keeps trying to change my mind by adding more retroactive context the story (ie. saying he actually didn't have doubts for 2 weeks, that it was an epiphany instead; saying that he didn't actually plan to break up, just wanted to sort out his thoughts, but because I asked to talk about it he thought the most fair thing to do would be to dump me; asking me how I could possibly think this was planned when he was literally making reservations for our trip, buying me Christmas gifts and planning surprise dates for me the day before).
• he also tried making out with me twice.
• what bugs me the most is he again kept bringing up me "hiding" something from him but refused to elaborate on what it was.
• I asked "why is this ending again?" and still just got a vague "it just doesn't have enough leg to be serious".
  Guys, I'm really struggling - I really thought I had found my person and feel it ended so abruptly and vaguely. I feel so broken while he is living life and posting constantly on social media. All of my friends agree that the trajectory of the end of the relationship, as well as the reasoning for its end, is really confusing and some of them are encouraging me to reach out to get more closure but I think it's a bad idea. Anyone have any insight? What should I do?

Tl;dr: dated a guy for 5 months for it to suddenly end right before a trip, left feeling confused, so depressed, and unsure how to move forward.

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I feel like I can't stand my relatives anymore

I (20f) live about over 200 miles away from my mom. She lives at the countryside and the people there are just odd to me. Very religious and just weird to me. I visit my mom usually once in two months because of the distance and often while visiting I have to see my stepfather's relatives as well. My mom's in laws are those types of people who don't understand most of the situations and speak up their minds and comment things without thinking first. Their comments usually make the room feel awkward and sometimes makes me feel rage of their stupidity. I have tried to be nice to them even though their comments sometimes makes me want to speak back at them. But now that their stupid comments are going under my skin because they don't see anything wrong with commenting about someone's health just like that, without even knowing how the other person really feels. I want to keep the peace with them since I see them as well when I visit my mom but I'm tired of playing pretend anymore and I want to put them on their place at least as nice as I can without starting a big argue.

TL;DR: my mom's in laws are driving me crazy with their awkward and rude comments and I can't keep it in me anymore. I want to put them in their place and make them understand that they just can't blurt out everything they are thinking at the moment without knowing the seriousness of the situations. How can I do this without causing a big scene?

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* This article was originally published here

Me [40M] with my wife [40F] 10 Years, Redemption from Online Indiscretion, Seeking Guidance/Wisdom from Kind, Married Women on Reddit

I'm generally happy in my marriage, except for constantly getting denied for intimacy in bed (successful only once a month).

Recently, I started communicating with a divorced woman on Reddit. Our conversation began casually like getting to know each other, but eventually, we discussed my marital frustrations related to sex, and the conversation took a NSFW turn a few days ago.

She expressed strong attraction toward me, and she said she hadn't felt like this since her divorce seven years ago.

I believe that I just cheated on my wife even if it's online, and I recognize that this is harmful to my wife, me, and the woman. I've decided to stop.

I'm now asking myself whether to confess to my wife and seek her forgiveness. If I do, I'm not sure how to go about it. Or, considering the risks, is it better to keep this a secret and ensure that it never happens again?

I know I'm a terrible person, but I'm hoping some kind women on Reddit could provide some guidance and wisdom.

Thank you for any insights you can provide.

---

tl;dr: I cheated online. Should I disclose to my wife? If so how?

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* This article was originally published here