Taken for granted and need advice to fix it

I (F20) and (M20) started out as fwb around 13 months ago. We got along really well but never talked about anything more as he was supposed to move a way for good in 2 months. He moved away, and then we began texting a lot everyday and began having feelings for each other. This lasted around 4 months. Then he came back for a month as vacation, and everything between us was great. Feelings got stronger, and we’d spend almost every waking hour together. It was perfect, but we avoided any and all talk about a relationship due to neither of us wanting long distance. He leaves again, but ends up coming back after a month and stays here for good. So we decide to get into a relationship. He had a lot of trust issues, but we worked on them a lot. This led to having my own trust issues neglected. We have a mutual female friend who he has a history with, he was avoiding hanging out with her the first few months for several reasons, he told me this (not liking her as a person anymore, out of respect for me, out of respect for her boyfriend who is also his bestfriend). This began to change, and whenever everyone is busy he would hang out with her alone. He already knew i didn’t feel comfortable with them hanging out alone especially with alcohol, given the history. I told him i feel hurt whenever they hang out alone, and that i don’t want it to happen. He agreed it wont happen again, but the next day he made plans with her to hang out. I felt like i was being cheated on. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me, but the hanging out itself felt like cheating especially because i asked him not to and he agreed. I was angry but he kept telling me i have nothing to worry about whatsoever. A few days later, he breaks up with me saying he doesn’t love me anymore but still has a lot of feelings for me. Says we’re always arguing and i’m always angry, even tho that only happens when he hangs out with her. I go no contact for a few days, he texts me saying that he misses me and doesn’t want to throw our friendship away (we had become bestfriends) i say i can’t be his friend, we fight some more then agree to simply take the label off. We would be just like we were prior to making the relationship official (no sleeping with other people, treat each other as if we’re together, etc) the label was a lot of pressure for him, and it was for me too. When we took away the label, things between us got a lot better. Last night, he jokingly starts telling me how he can sleep with whoever he wants and i have no say over him, then he starts playfully wrestling me ( which we always do, but only for a few minutes) but this time it goes too long and i keep telling him to stop it but hes just laughing and continuing. This goes on for hours, and i get really angry, yell at him, then decide i want to leave. He quickly begins apologizing and asking me not to leave, he tears up (first time that happens in our relationship) i tell him hes taking me for granted and needs to know when to stop when joking and to stop overdoing and crossing my boundaries. I tell him if anything similar happens again i will leave and he will never see me again. This is when hes really affected and tearing up, tries to hug me and asks me to go back inside. I haven’t brought this up to him, but a feel taken for granted in many areas not just the boundary crossing thing. I like to go out once in a while, he likes to stay in 24/7. He won’t go out with me at all. He used to before, now he just doesn’t bother. Nothings ever about what i want, it’s all about him. I don’t know if threatening to leave him will fix this issue, but i feel like theres nothing else i can do. I don’t want to leave him, but i’m very confused i don’t understand what he wants and i don’t know what to do to fix it. I’m exhausted but i know i’d feel worse if he isn’t in my life. I know we can work it out if i manage to get to him but i don’t know how to approach the issue without him shutting down. Does anyone have any tips? How can i work it out? Should i just give him a taste of his own medicine or try to deal with it nicely? Please any advice would help. I know he cares about me a lot, but i don’t know how to fix this sudden behavioral change. I feel under-appreciated but it’s early on in the issue do i think it could be fixed i just don’t know how. He’s not abusive nor manipulative, he’s a very genuine person but lashes out sometimes.

TL;DR we removed the label from our relationship and now he’s taking me for granted and i threatened to leave him completely. I need advice on how to make him appreciate me and how to approach this

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* This article was originally published here

My girlfriend [22F] is extremely depressed and I [M22] don't know how to handle it anymore.

We've been together for around 2 years. 1.5 years have been long distance. She lives in a rural area.

It has been around a year since she has become extremely depressed. She refuses to take meds, as well as online therapy (as face-to-face would be too far for her).

Talking to her feels like a chore. Every 2 days she mentions how she will finally start changing and gives me spiritual quotes but ends up doing nothing. She never has anything to talk about. I ask how her day went and she says she did nothing/lay in bed/was thinking. I have tried supporting her. Talking to her for hours daily about her thoughts, researching, and how to overcome etc. I tried having us doing something together, like learning a language on duolingo together, making workout goals, watching a series together, studying together (she has university entrance exams in a month). But it all ends in doing nothing. I'm genuinely exhausted of hearing her spiritual talks that motivate her for an hour and end up in absolutely nothing. I legit don't mind having any kind of conversation with her but she doesnt have anything to say at all and I end up making the conversation.

I tried asking for a break but she went batshit crazy and ended up crying heavily, blocking me and unblocking me repeatedly and spamming my phone with 1000+ messages.

I want to be with her, I'm not physically close to her and I don't know if we will be able to meet (as she doesn't seem to have any worked out goals and motives outside of laying in bed). My mood goes completely down when I talk to her and it makes me feel stuck as I can't fully feel content with the person I want to be with.

I know this whole post makes me sound like an asshole, but I also want to focus on my career, family and myself. And I don't want breakup to be an option here.

TLDR: Girlfriend has been depressed for over a year. I tried supporting her, but end up feeling stuck myself. Meds and therapy have been refused and breakup isn't an option

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* This article was originally published here

I'm (32M) and my girlfriend (29F) of 6 months lied to me twice about the same thing

My girlfriend shared about her past without me asking for it. Initially I appreciated her upfront effort and found it respectable. I would have asked about it anyway at some-point, but not with the depth that she ended up sharing. About her past relationships, she jumbled up the outline of the story like timeline and how she met the people, but was clear about the main events. I caught her first-time doing this and I asked her why does is story a bit different? And she promised it was the real story this time. But then, I had some suspicion, and after a while I ended up asking again indirectly and she again cooked up another outline, similar to what she said first time. I was worried why is she doing this. She broke into tears saying she does not want to lose me and I am too precious for her. She explained why she did it, and it still did not make sense because one of the event was tragic and didn't want me to make sense that all of those events led to the tragic event (interestingly, she isn't very sure about whether tragic event really happened or not because she claims she has no memory of it). This is a person who is intelligent (very bright academically), treats me with sweetness, is good with words has a job that values her work, has claimed that she can easily cook up a lie, calls herself extremely flawed, claims to have a saviour-complex, one single argument with a close one makes her feel she is about to be abandoned and starts thinking in extremes, she has once described herself volatile, was addicted to alcohol for 2 years (stopped drinking every since meeting me), has anger issues (although she is always calm with me). And whenever I ask her why does she call herself certain things like "volatile", she brushes it off saying I am not the same anymore. I am really having difficulty understanding who she really is, it's like my perception of her in my mind is distorted and confusing. I had asked her old-roommate once if I should know something about her that's important. She described her as a nice person at heart, but can get very aggressive and advised me to not believe everything she says because she is very insecure.

tl;dr Ever since she has conveniently lied to me twice about the same thing, randomly letting me know about her flaws with heavy words like "volatile" and not clearly explaining why she calls herself those things, I feel something is really off and I can't tell what it is. How do I make sense of this situation?

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My(31f) helpful mum (68f) Invades my Privacy and moves stuff around, causing important possessions to be lost and put through the washing machine.

I've just this week moved into a flat and my mum has been helping a lot. She drove my furniture to the new flat and bought me a table and chairs. In grateful for this but she is a very nosey person and I've always had to hide any personal things for when she visits, as she looks through all my drawers and also moves stuff around all the time causing me to lose important things.

I was having a delivery that couldn't be rescheduled but I was at work, so she offered to wait for it in the flat. I made sure to hide my important stuff in a zipped up bag, wrapped in clothes in the wardrobe, covered by a duvet. Felt okay about it all as I took precautions, but stupidly underestimated her nosey-ness.

I had keys to my old flat that need to be handed in before the weekend, which were in a tiny pouch hidden in some jean pockets. My DS games and jewellery were locked in a small safe also in wardrobe, the key to which was hidden inside a sock in the inside pocket of a tiny suitcase under the bed. There was also a 3DS in the same suit case and feminine care items. I pushed it right to the back under the double bed so it was very hard to reach and put a cushion in front to hide it.

When I got back, she had 'done multiple clothes washes' which included all clothes in said bag, the sock in the suitcase, and literally everything in every drawer. Stuff id washed at hers and not even worn yet. This meant that my old flat keys, the key to my safe, and all the other stuff had been through the wash. Of course I couldn't find barely any of them. My 3DS, headphones, the keys, and other items are still missing.

Not only that, but I've had a gum infection and am on antibiotics which were in a drawer in the kitchen. She rearranged all my drawers and now I can't find them anywhere. I've found the painkillers I was taking to help with it in the cupboard in the bathroom. But they were both together in the kitchen.

I've been texting her asking where things are, and she gets mad each time and calls me ungrateful, saying she was trying to help. She can't remember where she moved anything. But this is a huge invasion of privacy. Also I'm in trouble now as I can't find the flat keys, cant get to a Dr to get more antibiotics, and I love my 3DS.

How can I talk to her about this? She wants to come over again soon, but even when I'm there I can't let her out of my sight.

TL:Dr: my mum came to my flat and moved everything around, put stuff through the wash that was valuable. I don't know how to talk to her about it without her getting angry.

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* This article was originally published here

I discovered flirtly messages that my dad (63M) exchanged with another woman, who is not my mom...

TLDR: my dad (63M) sent flirty messages to a woman who is not my mom, and they've been married for almost 30 years; who do I tell?

First of all, sorry for my English, it's not my native language. It's also my first time using reddit, I'm feeling really upset and confused at the moment and I've always seen useful advice here so I'm going to try and explain myself. 'm going to use fake names.

I've always thought my (27F) dad (63M) and mom (53F) had an amazing marriage: together for almost 30 years, loving, funny, very close to each other and to me and my brother (24M). We are currently on vacation near home, and while I was using my dad's phone to send to my brother the pictures we took, Laura (40F), a woman who my parents knows because they're in an amateur running team, sent him a message. I opened the chat because we always use each other's phone so it is not weird for me to read his messages to him, but what I saw made me almost cry.

I had the strength (and time, before he came back) to just read a few messages, but basically he was telling her that he wanted to take the dress she had yesterday evening off (they came to our house to say bye), and she replied with a laughing emoji. Then he told her that they were going to be bathing nude soon. She is known for flirting (and possibly even sleeping with) married men, but I've never for a moment thought my dad could do something so awful. He has always pretended to not like her very much.

I felt my stomach drop, and now we are together till tomorrow and I can't even look at him I just want to cry. I haven't told anyone, I don't know what to do. Do I tell my brother first? Do I talk to my aunt, my mom's sister who is a therapist and who we are very close to?

I almost wish I didn't read that message, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

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* This article was originally published here

My boyfriend is not an action taker

I (26F) wanted to ask for your advice on how I can help my (28M)partner be an action-taker. We’ve been together for 6 yrs now and I’m only now noticing how he’s a bit slackish or yet, weakhearted?

He doesn’t really work. He has a job in sales so he earns from commissions. But he has been inactive since last year so I know he’s just living on minimal allowance. He would have clients referred to him by friends and families and he would present to them, but he’ll make no follow through at all. Whenever I ask him about it he just says ‘I will’. But then after 2/3 months, no follow up still. I know timing is important in sales so I don’t really get why he’s slacking off.

He wants to put up a small business but expects me to help him start it up. It’s like he expects me to draw the road map for him even though it’s his “passion project”. He says because I’m more organized and stuff. I don’t mind helping him but I’m a very busy person and he knows that too. I love what I do and it pays me very well so I’m really focused on me.

He has all these ideas about business, his sales job, etc but he doesn’t take action at all. It’s all ideas. Sometimes I feel like he’s weak hearted. He often overthinks and doubts himself although I always reassure him otherwise. I feel like part of it is because he never had a corporate job. The usual 9-5, reporting to the boss job. In corporate, even if you don’t want to do it, you have to right? Been there.

He’s a bit sheltered and I’m worried if this doesn’t change it might affect our future. We’re already discussing about marriage and I want a partner that is sure with himself. Also if he doesn’t take action now, how can he provide for his half in our future?

Appreciate any advice. Thanks!

Tl;dr my boyfriend is not an action taker and I’m worried he’s not earning enough for our future

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* This article was originally published here

Relationship issues

My girlfriend (19F) and I (18M) are approaching our 2 year’s anniversary on June 15th. I really love her and would do anything for her, but the way she is mentally makes me exhausted.

She’s not capable to do stuff independently, she always needs guidance.

She gets easily offended/emotional by the littlest things.

She doesn’t use her common sense at times.

Whenever I am guiding her she doesn’t take it seriously, making me in need to pressure her to do it.

She can be slow; realises things very late.

At the moment I am tired of being her servant. I believe in self-improvement, which she ideally can, but is held back by her comfortable mentality. At this point I don’t know what to say to her, maybe someone here can give me guidance on how to make her more up and going.

TL:DR I want my girlfriend to be more up and going/independent, because she is being held back by her comfortable mentality

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* This article was originally published here