I didn’t tell him how I feel when he opened up and I regret it.

I was seeing someone years ago briefly, but I developed very strong feelings. He was a friend before this and was at the end of a separation , moved out and almost divorced. He ended up reconciling and went back for his kids. He apologized profusely and I was hurt but kept it cordial at work.

He tried to be friends with me, but I couldn’t because there were too many feelings still there. He accepted that. I got back with an ex who had showed me at the time that he was willing to make the changes to be better. Things got a lot better with him and we got engaged. The other guy heard about this and was obviously upset. I had no idea he still had feelings for me. One night, he approached me and asked me if there was a chance in the future , told me he wants to grow from this and that his marriage was really ending. I, of course said I’m happy where I’m at and I’m sorry. He accepted that but looked pretty hurt by it.

I left the job and got married , my husband started drinking again, lying, staying out all night and just disrespectful behavior. I talked to him over and over and it didn’t change. I’m getting divorced now because of it.

I always thought about this other person. I really fell for him and we just always clicked. I saw the other guy out a few months ago when I wasn’t in a very good place emotionally. I was sure I was divorcing just needed to make the move. I was already sleeping in the spare room. I told the other guy what was going on with my marriage and just vented. He listened and then told me that we have a connection that he can’t find with anyone else, it was always bad timing with us and never stopped feeling the same way. I was shocked and didn’t know he felt this way. I was so emotionally unavailable and a shell of myself that I didn’t believe anyone could. I kind of pushed him away and kept it very friendly. He talked about the past and how it was his fault everything that went down before. All my feelings came back. Not sure if they ever went away. I didn’t show him this though and now I regret it. I kept it very casual because I was trying to do the right thing and I was still married even though I was leaving. He is divorced now.

We didn’t speak until a few months later when my dad passed away. Then after that I saw him out again. I was separated at this point with no chance of reconciliation. He was being cordial and I got a little tipsy. I don’t really drink, but went a little overboard and hung all over him. He was receptive and he kissed at the end of the night. I didn’t hear from him after this. I texted him the next week to say thanks for looking out for me (he got me home safe). He said no problem always good to see you and left it at that. These feelings were really sitting in with me. I then texted him 2 weeks later and asked him to call me. I just needed to tell him. He called and I told him I’m sorry for those times I pushed you away and acted like I didn’t have feelings for you because you always meant the world to me. He said don’t ever worry about that and that we always had a good friendship. Then he offered to be there for me when ever I need him. I didn’t say anything else about the way I felt because he said the friends thing. It’s been a few weeks and I haven’t contacted him. I think about him all the time. He is someone I just click with in so many ways. I don’t know what to do !!

TL;DR: guy I fell for years ago reconciled with his wife and I was hurt because I fell for him. He apologized and we were friends before. I got engaged and he asked if there was a chance in the future and that he was leaving this time and wants to change and grow. I told him no. I’m getting divorced now due to alcoholism and still have feelings for this guy. He opened up to me a few months ago and I pushed him away because of my situation. Told me he never got Over me etc. Now, months later , I am separated and filed for divorce and he is keeping it friendly after I told him my feelings.

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* This article was originally published here

I (35F) destroyed my boyfriend’s (35M) confidence. What more can I do to restore it? Or should I leave him be?

Tl;Dr: I drunkly and falsely called my boyfriend small and he is now struggling with his mental health.

Throwaway, obviously. Apologies in advance for the long post. My now probably ex-BF and I have been together on and off for 5 years. We were good friends before but over the course of our relationship became each other’s best friend. We hang out all the time, are always in contact and are pretty much joined at the hip. The off part of our relationship was my first mistake. Some years ago, I went into a terrible depression and withdrew from society, including him. I just felt pressurised by the need to be ‘fun’ and instead of talking to him about it, I just disappeared. When I started bouncing back, I reached out and he was angry but accepting. I credit him with actually pulling me out of it and while we restarted as friends, we inevitably ended up in relationship again. Our communication(read mine, as his was always good) seemed better. Except this time around he started off with doing things like apologising every time we had sex for not being good enough. This then escalated to him saying he never really liked sex anyway and he expressed a worry that his dick was somehow not big enough. I, selfishly, only focused on the first part. I had never had a problem with his size and he was in fact bigger than most of my exes; so I didn’t really take this seriously. I started to try and ‘make’ him enjoy sex more but he even went as far as to ask whether we could still be together but remove sex from the equation. I admit I was frustrated with the situation. A year ago, while extremely drunk and discussing the same thing again, I said something I’ll regret forever. I was too drunk to remember saying this which makes it worse, but in his words I said, “I don’t care if you’re the smallest I’ve been with, you still turn me on the most!” It wasn’t even true about the size, but he immediately believed because I was the one who said it and he believes the truth comes out with alcohol. We almost broke up then, but couldn’t stay away from each other. The past year has been hell, more for him than me. We have fought constantly but he refuses to believe I would lie to him then, but also refuses to believe anything I say now. He lives on small dick subs, he dreams of me with bigger men. Paradoxically , our sex life has become brilliant, mainly because he has become excellent at it. But each time we have sex he spirals into a deep low. I tried reassuring him, ignoring his constant venting about it (huge mistake in retrospect), talking about it with him all the time, being extremely positive and complimentary. Nothing worked, he said I was letting him down and now he has broken up with me saying i trigger his spirals and he needs me to be the bad guy. I’m devastated and heartbroken. I fully accept my responsibility in this. I don’t want him to deal alone, but would it be selfish to not let him go? I can’t imagine our lives without each other.

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* This article was originally published here

Relationship of 2 years, moved in with each other, sex has stopped, feel like I'm just friends with her - need thoughts and advice.

Sorry this might be long, I don't have anyone to talk to this to about. This is my first and only real relationship so everything I'm feeling is new and I have no idea how to react.

So I (M26) have been with my SO (F26) for 2 years, we started dating immediately after meeting, I had feelings of doubt around 3 months after this and I told her I wanted to break things off. However, she persuaded me to stay and try and sort things out which I agreed to and everything after that was actually really great, we saw each other all the time, sex was amazing and regular and we just generally really enjoyed spending time together.

After 1.5 years of dating we decided to move in with each other. I was excited to move in with her and everything was good at the beginning. Everything is still good in the sense that we are best friends and she is so caring and nice. But..

I feel like I've drifted from her, I no longer get super excited to spend time with her, it feels like we are friendly housemates and not a couple. I've realised now we spend all of our time together we don't really have any common interests. Another big factor in these feeling is that our sex life has disappeared, I haven't had sex with her in over 4 months. We still kiss and cuddle but it just doesn't feel special anymore - I'm getting so sexually frustrated. We snap at each other and have arguments over nothing more than we used to now too.

Lately I have been feeling really horribly anxious, stressed and just unhappy about my relationship, I feel like I can't see it getting any better and the longer things carry on like this the worse it will get. I really just miss my old life before we moved in together. What makes it worse is that inside I feel like this but she still appears happy, says how much she loves me and seems to not notice or ignores how our relationship has changed. I am scared to talk to her about it as whenever we talk about things like this she breaks down in tears and it's impossible to have a proper conversation without her being hysterical.

These feelings have been building slowly inside me for a few months and just lately it has become overpowering. I think the thing that has sparked the overpowering feelings is that recently I've had several girls show interest in me, I would never cheat but it just made me think, what am I holding out for - to back to a nice girl who doesn't want to have sex with me when I'm still only 26.

We still have 6 months left on our tenancy agreement and my head is killing me on what to do. I don't know when I should try and talk to her about how I'm feeling, now or wait and see if things improve and if not talk near the end of our tenancy.

My thoughts are maybe I wasn't ready to move in with her, and would moving back separately be an option or is there no going back from this? What I really want to avoid is trying to stick with feeling like this for another few years in the hope it improves and then breaking up when we're 30. Don't know how I approach the situation. Anyone experienced something similar to this or has any words of wisdom?

TLDR: First and only relationship - Dated girl for 1.5 years everything was great, moved in together, we still have best friend vibes but haven't had sex with for over 4 months, I feel like magic is gone and we're just housemates, I get the impression she doesn't feel like this and thinks everything is still great. Scared to talk to her about it as she will react badly, don't know how to approach the situation.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (18F) too attached to my lover (18F)?

We met when we were 14 and she was everything I have ever wanted and craved, everything I had ever appreciated, in a human. Before her, I used to feel like a lost child and she is the only one to see me for who I am and love me for it. She not only accepts my faults but loves them because they are her faults too. She appreciates my virtues because they're her virtues too. My parents and sisters love me but they don't understand me. She does. We share the same soul.

I feel like the happiest woman on earth when I am with her, like nothing could ever go wrong. With her, life is poetry. I would happily burn to death as long as she is happy and with me. The problems start when we are away. This year she had to be away for a few months and we had no contact except on phone. I was so depressed nothing would make happy. Every single second without her was pure agony. I was so bad I even bought poison because I couldn't stand to live without her, but couldn't take it because how would I love her if I died? Yes, I live to love her. There is no purpose in my life except for loving her and this makes me scared of what would happen if I lost her. She is human, she could die any day. I wouldn't be able to live without her. I cannot imagine life without her. I sometimes get nightmares and intrusive thoughts of bad things happening to her and it makes me shriek and shake and cry in agony. If someone actually harmed her or if something bad happened to her, I wouldn't be able to live with it. I would gladly feed myself to rats to save her, but I cannot always be there to save her. If she died before me I'm sure I would just kill myself and put myself out of the agony of being without her. I can't be happy without her. I am in tears even as I write this post.

TLDR: I am so attached to my lover that if we ever got apart I won't be able to live. I've already come close to killing myself because she was away for a while.

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* This article was originally published here

I need help in figuring out wether she likes me or not

Right so I’ve known this girl for a few months now. We do work together. So she had a boyfriend up until 4 weeks ago who she’s now split up with. She did confide in me when she split up with him as he wasn’t the best bf to her. We get along really well. Before she split up with him she only really text me a few times in the month she had my number for. Since then we’ve been texting quite a lot she told me a while back that she was a really bad texter and she normally replies after a few hours but in the last month we’ve been texting she replies really quickly each time no longer than a few mins normally. I first want to see her outside of work and establish a relationship that’s not just texting outside of work. We are very similar people and just jel really well. I see and feel some chemistry there but I’m not sure if I’m looking too much into it. Does this seem promising or should I look somewhere else?

TLDR: there’s a girl I like not sure if she feels the same should I go for it?

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* This article was originally published here

Was it wrong of me (20M) to tell my best friend (18F) that I want to stop talking?

TLDR: We were very close friends that hung out a lot. But once school started she's been very distant and acting weird around me so I ended our friendship.

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For some context we are both in college. I met her in the spring and we got along really well because we are both math majors. After we met we started hanging out nearly every week for a few hours. And this continued into the summer. We planned to take a math class together. And she seemed very excited about this. She kept saying she would love to take a class with me. She also asked me to take econ with her to make it less boring.

Before school started I did try asking her to take a 3rd class with me. It is very easy and doesn't require attendance and has very little work. It's a free A. At first she said she would take it if she couldn't get into a singing class. But then she kept making excuses and she started getting awkward when I brought it up. I think this was the start of her weird behavior.

The first week we hung out for 3 hours normally. But then she told me she scheduled a art class right after our math class. I tried asking her when she'd be free to study. But she basically said she's too busy and scheduled poorly. I stopped asking and decided to let her ask me instead.

I would also walk with her after class but she started being very awkward and not talking talking at all. So I stopped walking with her after class and leave right away. She wouldn't message me at all and barely talked to me in class.

We had a math test coming up so I ended up sending her a message asking if we were going to study at all during this class. she didn't respond till the following day before class. And she was very awkward and seemed reluctant. But she told me a day she was free and planned to study the following week. The way she acted her and has been acting bothered me a lot. After class I ended up sending her a message saying I think we should stop talking. She asked why and I just said I didn't want to talk about it and she said okay. I moved seats and didn't say anything after that. I think she did try waiting for me after class but she didn't say anything to me.

a few weeks later I decided to message her to talk about it. I wanted to know why she was avoiding me and barely talking to me. She told me she hasn't noticed and that she's been stressed with school and said maybe that's why she was being awkward. She refused to explain further and said she didn't want to talk to me after I threw away our friendship so easily. I tried explaining to her how I felt but she kept putting the blame on me. Saying she wasn't avoiding me and that I should have talked to her instead of throwing away our friendship. This ended by her saying she doesn't want to be friends after this and thanked me for the closure.

I would like someones else thoughts on this. There is some more stuff but this is already really long. So let me know what you think.

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* This article was originally published here

Ex friend/romantic partner blocked me and ceased contact, but called me today, 2 months later

I was in a “relationship” with this girl and we were very close. So close we would talk constantly every day for a year and a half, travel, go out to eat, open up to each other and have passionate moments together. We got romantic right away and everything was going great. After 1.5 years we started to argue about spending time with each other and gaining the others appreciation. One day she was tired of the arguing and decided to block me and disappeared. 2 months later she texts me and asks if we can talk about why I thought she was worth it and that she wants to take this really slow and get to know me on a deeper level. Later today she texts me: “You wanted to talk about it? Did you think? Why it’s worth it? I’m going to take a shower and then you can call.” Then several minutes later she texts me again saying: “what’s wrong? Is everything okay?”. I reply and say: “what do you mean?” And her response is: “I’m almost done.” I say “no worries take your time” and I call her a few minutes later. When she answers the phone I hear her crying and sniffling as she says: “So what do you want to talk about?” I’m a perplexed because she initiated this whole interaction, so I say: “Oh, the text from earlier? Well, your worth it to me because you were always there for me and genuinely wanted to spend time with me, expecting nothing but my company in return. We got really close and attached. I appreciated how you stayed close and present in our relationship.” Shortly after, while crying, she says: “I’m stupid and too nice..” When I asked why she thinks this of herself she responds saying: “I’m stupid because I’m too nice. When asked why she thinks that, she said she’s too nice and goofy to people.” I inquire: “Who are you treating too nice?” She vaguely replies, “Everyone.” When asked if it’s having to do with work, she says: “no.” Then when asked if it’s at school, she says “idk, and I don’t care.” She also said that she’s crying because she’s upset and sad. When asked if I am making her upset and sad, she says: “no.” When asked what is making her feel sad and upset, she replies: “I don’t know. I’m upset and sad about everything; I’m just stupid.”

The rest of the conversation is me reassuring her and attempting to bring her self image back to reality. I also let her know that I’m here if she ever wants to talk and that I want to know her what she is going through to try and support her as well as getting to know her on a deeper level (reiterating her initial text). I also let her know she doesn’t have to be alone because I’m here for her no matter what what happens or what she goes through.

I thought it was very strange that she was okay with crying to me on the phone but did not want to get into specifics on why she is feeling this way. We were very close a couple months ago, but now it seems she wants to start over and take things very slow.

What are your thoughts on her calling me seemingly out of the blue?

tl;dr

Friends with benefits blocked me after being close for 1.5 years. She called me 2 months later crying saying she is stupid, upset, and sad, but she said I am not the one making her feel this way.

Thoughts?

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* This article was originally published here