I feel like I was only a second option from the start

I 16M met a girl online 15F. She lives 6 hours away by Train. Started talking a lot. Phone calls almost everyday. Even talked about meeting which at the time I thought wouldn't be possible. We met in the middle which was a 4 hour drive for both of us. We met at 11 in the morning. It was a nice long day. Made out a lot, talked a lot just fun overall. The after we met she was on a biking trip for a week so she really sacrificed rest and preparation just to see me which kinda shocked me. She invited me over to her place. I asked my parents and they let me. When I was there she started saying things like I'm the first guy over at her place and tbh I didn't really know if I should believe her. Anyways the first three days were really nice. On the 4th day I actually vented and cried about what happened to me (went through a lot of shit) which I've never done in my life and she listened and comforted me. It felt good in the moment but now I really regret having told her. That was also the day I noticed her constantly texting with a guy. She says she knows him since kindergarden. He plays football and is about to go to Spain this summer to play for a club there. Anyway it was really annoying cuz we would just be chilling cuddling whatever but whenever he messaged her she replied instantly. WHILE WE LAID IN Bed! I couldn't return the favor because my phone was broken so I just laid there. Usually sometimes she would leave me on read for hours and act like nothing happened so I got suspicious.

She left the room with her phone unlocked and when I saw the messages I got more suspicious. He would say stuff like "I'm only thinking about you rn" and they'd always use heart emojis which we rarely did. Apart from that the messages seemed pretty normal except that the said that she went jogging in the morning or that she's about to go do sports in the evening which she didn't do cuz I was there and were together the entire time. She also said that she's at a bday party which also wasn't true.

Damn I just realized while writing this. Maybe she didn't want him to know that I was at her place. Today's her birthday and I've been thinking about how we're gonna proceed because obviously she lives to far away to see each regularly and I also feel like she might got someone else or I'm not that important to her because when I left the goodbye I got was pretty dry and quick and she didn't even see the train leave.

Ever since then which is now a little more than a week ago we haven't been talking as much, she replies after hours and It just isn't the same. I don't know if I've committed myself to something now because she seems like she didn't. And I don't want to commit myself to something while the other person is already looking for their next options.

TLDR: Met a girl online. Started talking a lot. Drove to her place. Turns out I might not be the only one in her view.

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* This article was originally published here

What should I do ? What would you do if u was in the same position

Idk what to do

I’m (21 F) and ex (21M) let’s call him boi. Boi was the sweetest guy I ever met and we used to go to the same hs. We dated for 3 years but we had some on and off gaps. I loved him so much but never told him bc I’m scared that being in relationship will hurt me or basically afraid to get left out so I prefer to not experience anything so I don’t feel the need of it . He reply to my story and my heart dropped ! He told me that I’m his girlfriend! Texted him back saying “ prove it to me “ he did . We talked a lot and eventually met again and Covid time hit . Wasn’t able to go out or be around bc of covid so we kept contact online ( we know each other in real life) . We start to be on and off bc I was afraid to give it up 🍒 . But by time I trusted him and we start to get to used to each other slowly . 1.5 y after and I decide to let him have it bc he been trying and waiting for me . Thought me giving up will stop the on and off situation and he won’t need anything else . Well that didn’t go well , we still was on and off . We kept in contact and still talked but he decide to break it off . He dated multiple girls etc but one day I decide to text him on his birthday ! I cry every year on his birthday ! I love him so much bc it’s the only person who could bring out emotions out of me .. I been numb and depressed for years … he show up in my life and I start feeling .. I start to feel again ! I was severely numb to all emotions but when he’s around I feel something ! After I texted him a meme saying happy birthday he texted me back and re added me on social media and we got back to each other again. It was from his birthday to almost the end of the year and those was the best few months with him ! No fights or anything and we see each other more often and he asked me to level up the relationship and maybe start to try for a baby ! I was happy and we start trying . One day he got so strange and deleted alot of our previous messages like the ones from two years ago .. and asked me to delete too and I fought with him and he blocked me out of blue and then a girl texted me saying I need to talk w her .. I recognize her and he told me that was his cousin so I replied to see what’s going on .. she got mad at me and crying and I’m in total confusion .. turns out to be his ex and they have a child together .. mind you …. He asked me to have his first kid with him . Things went down and she told me everything and I completely shut down and that was near the end of school year and and I couldn’t even focus and almost failed my classes …I went back to my numb state again… couldn’t talk or think I was completely dead but breathing .. did i just lost my love and the only person that brings out the live in me? Stayed quiet and then he text denying everything and demanding we should go back and yes I gave him another chance but his behavior changed drastically towards me and he wasn’t the sweet boi anymore. I spoiled him before and did everything I’m capable of and everything in my power to make him happy and it’s as far as not considering my self first and giving him all I have . He’s so different and idk why .. one day he so in love and the other accuse me of things I never did . Turns out the ex lied and told him I said things to her and i clearly didn’t even speak bc I was in shock and she was the one talking badly about him and his family but she was trying her best to make him hate me and he believed her . Every argument after he has to bring out the things she said and re accuse me again and no matter how much evidence I show him.. showed him everything and he still accuse me and he keep saying I’m a lair and I have no idea why…he know I’m bold and straightforward and he even told me before that he like that about me . He wanna stay but obviously don’t wanna change or help to not let our love go to waste and everything we did for each other. That’s the part where I walked away , I felt so unloved and he wasn’t making as much efforts at the end ,he did ask me on a date after but the two days before the date he did something that literally made me lose hope in him ,he blocked my insta and proceeded to send me a snap saying that I’m a werido for putting similar emoji in my bio and other stuff …I first stormed off and send him bunch of snaps but decide to block him before he sees it ,I felt that he don’t care anymore about my feeling so I just didn’t wanna bother him no more .i miss him a lot everyday but I can’t stay where I’m not loved properly. Ik he love me or at least he used to but he is never been good at expressing his emotions , he is the quiet kid that is also antisocial and not good at interpreting things or situations.tomorrow is his birthday and I cry every year on his birthday . Yes I love you still because you my precious boi but you need time to work on urself and realize what’s good for you one day and eventually know the truth about everything , I still find difficulties to feel any emotions that doesn’t involve you bc I was emotionless and felt like robot for years and somehow you brought it out of me , everything is empty and time going slow but I’m okay , happy birthday precious boi.

TL;DR : Lived in confusion for so long , should I even consider going back ? He is my only love but our situation wasn’t the best

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* This article was originally published here

How do I (28F) act tomorrow when Im at a wedding all day with my boyfriends long term relationship ex girlfriend?

They were together for a long time and Im the new relationship. Simply put, I feel insecure. Im dreading it. I know he loves and really cares for me, and we get along great. We really have something special.

But he was sad when it ended between them, she broke it off.

I am scared, probably irrationally but Im being honest, that seeing her will evoke feelings. I know how she was controlling and didn’t like his friends and made him feel bad a lot. I’m worried she will try to pull him away to have a one on one talk since thats what she tried to do and he refused her previously. Im just feeling so uncomfortable… and can’t wait til its over.

TL;DR : insecure about wedding tomorrow with new boyfriends ex

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* This article was originally published here

My roommate (19M) doesn't let me (19F) even tiptoe outside my room at night, I don't know how to compromise

The title is a bit dramatic, it is more complicated than that sounds. So I (20F) have lived with my friend 'Dan' (20M) since the start of this year, we have been friends since university started three years ago.

Before living together, we spoke about noise at night and how Dan did not appreciate how his old roommate used to make noodles at 2am before his lectures, and I of course said that I would have no issues with not doing that. Since moving in together, Dan has had issues with me not being quiet when brushing my teeth at 2am. So I started tiptoeing and quietly opening and closing the bathroom door. We have a third roommate (21F) who is also friends with both of us, none of this is a problem for her as she is a deep-ish sleeper.

My only issue is that recently, Dan has been saying that he does not want me to leave my room for any reason at all after midnight. He has stated that due to his (very much legitimate) childhood trauma he does not get woken up by the loud noises outside (we live in the city), but will get woken up by my very quiet footsteps.

I have been trying my absolute best to brush my teeth earlier and not have any reason to leave my room after midnight, despite my usual bedtime being 2am. I would of course change my bedtime or just remember to brush my teeth earlier (and often do), but it is extremely difficult for me due to my (recently diagnosed, yet to be medicated) ADHD. The ADHD means that I often don't remember to brush my teeth earlier and I can't go to bed earlier as I can't study without the pressure of it being late at night.

I have suggested many times that he uses a white noise machine, earplugs, or sees a doctor. He hasn't looked into if a white noise machine would work, does not want to be using earplugs every night because he doesn't want to rely on them, and he claims that because it is due to trauma he needs to see a therapist instead of a doctor (but has not put the effort in to seeing a therapist).

For more context, also due to his childhood trauma, my friend has been improving but is generally not great at roommate things (ie doing dishes, cleaning things). I of course understand how this stuff can be hard (because of my ADHD), but it feels more difficult for me to try really hard to change my routines around if he can't do things like take the bins out. Dan has also recently been in the living room at 1am, has an ensuite, and has a similar bedtime to me except when he has to wake up at 7am for work.

'Dan' if you're seeing this hey whats up I want to know if random internet people have any ideas what we can do

TLDR: I don't know how to compromise with my roommate/friend who can't deal with me brushing my teeth after midnight when there isn't really any way for me to never go outside my room at night (mostly because of my ADHD).

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* This article was originally published here

How can I (30f) help my partner (27m) overcome his trust issues and potential depression ?

TW: Suicide attempts/threats

Please tell me whether this is the right place or not, as it is my first time posting on Reddit. This might be kinda long.

I met my bf at work last year, we have been together for about 7 months. We still work together. At first it was -obviously- really nice, but when he moved in with me (my fault for making things go too fast..) I started noticing that he was very jealous, and kinda controlling: checking when I am online, asking who I am talking to, thinking that I'm either cheating or that I don't love him anymore when I go out with friends - mostly girls... Because he doesn't plan anything on his side while I'm encouraging him as much as I can to do so. Anyway, going out leads to resentment because it feels I'm not as interested as I used to be. Noting that going out for me equals coffee or board games with friends... Not like I'm going to the club or anything.

Turns out he has a history of being cheated on and lied to, which explains his behavior.

This weekend, it went down again when I went to a restaurant with a friend that I hadn't seen since college. As we talked I showed her pictures on Instagram, WhatsApp... And my boyfriend thought that I was voluntarily ignoring him and not answering his messages, so he got mad, to the point of saying it was over, that he would leave...

I decided to stand my ground and enjoy my afternoon with my friend, which didn't make things better as I was only supposed to eat with her, but she offered to go for a walk in town so I told my boyfriend I would get home a bit later. He accused me of making him wait for nothing, but I told him I'd never given a specific hour of me coming home, as I had never told him either to wait for me and do nothing.

The afternoon went by, we fought a bit more and he said he didn't want to leave me or he would end his life.

I take this very seriously since I have made 2 suicide attempts in the past 12 months, the most recent being in April while I was with him. I have been under medical treatment and followed by a psychiatrist for about 2 years with Xeroquel to help with self-harm and suicidal thoughts.

So I got home and found him asleep, he slept for about 5 hours and as he woke up he told me that he had taken 2 of my pills. Which worried me even more since this is the medicine I used in both of my attempts and it can get pretty nasty even when you're just changing your daily dose. I tried to sleep on the couch as it was past midnight and I didn't want to talk, but he insisted that we should talk. I tried then to get out and go to my father's, saying we should talk about it the day after. He stayed in front of the door saying I was tired and I needed to sleep and he wouldn't let me go so late.

I was kinda angry but he reminded me that in an older argument I pretty much did the same in the living room. Guess we are both lost causes on this?

Anyway, he let me out at one point but kept following me in the hallway and the stairs, and the only time he finally let me go, he said that the only thing he had to do was kill himself. I did make a suicide attempt while I was with him but I never used this as a threat to get my way.

Once again I got back home.

Since then, I've insisted that he gets medical help which he is about to get (he has an appointment on Thursday), but he has been really sad despite my efforts to do everything "as usual" (taking care of him, doing chores, cuddling, watching TV, planning activities for the weekend).

Today I learned that what was the most painful to him was that I felt distant, because we hadn't been intimate since Saturday morning. I did try to turn him down gently on Monday because I was feeling tired, and us being all sad during the day and not knowing how to interact with each other didn't help.

I start to wonder if this isn't unconscious manipulative behavior and how I should react, knowing that I don't want to leave alone someone who needs help and who feels so down.

I believe I do also have some unhealthy behaviors, which I'm aware of and trying to change, but I don't think I go that far, or maybe I'm not being objective enough.

Tl;dr:

My bf is very jealous and possessive due to difficult past relationships, possibly depressed as he threatened suicide twice when we were talking about either breaking up or just sleeping apart for one night. He has been very sad and kept talking very negatively about himself since, especially after I turned him down for being intimate due to our current situation. He is supposed to get medical help soon, I am being followed by a psychiatrist myself.

Thanks a lot.

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* This article was originally published here

Am I (20M) too soft with my gf(21F)

We went out on a nice date, haven't been on one for a while. Everything's going well im being a bit playful with her and having a good time with my gf. I was doing some really dumb thing with my hand that my brother use to do and was showing my gf, then she goes why are you doing that, I can't wait til you grow out of this phase and mature. Idk why but I just felt so attacked and like woah, it just really killed the mood. It felt like she was having a go at me for no reason, calling me immature. I was just like trying to show her something and it seemed like she misunderstood but it was just really weird the way she reacted.

Idk couldn't stop thinking about it and letting it go so the date turned really awkward and sour, am I soft for letting a comment like that get to me? Wtf

Tdlr; gf said a weird comment, it got to me. Is it my fault that I held on to it and couldn't get over it that made the date go sour?

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* This article was originally published here

My (26F) friend (24F) didn’t clean their sick up from my bathroom, thinks i’m out of order for bringing it up

A couple of days ago, my friend came round to me and my partners house to celebrate a birthday. We had a nice evening, although our friend got very stoned and went quite pale at around 9pm, she eventually ran upstairs and me and my partner assumed they were probably being sick in our bathroom. No big deal I thought, she’ll probably feel better afterwards. after about an hour she comes back downstairs and has perked up a lot. she tells us that she missed the toilet somewhat, and that the bathroom is a mess. She starts smoking a cigarette. I had needed the toilet for a while because it is our only bathroom, so I went upstairs. there was quite a bit of visible sick all over my toilet and around the general area, even somehow on the walls? I went back downstairs and didn’t say anything at first because I am quite shy. I felt somewhat annoyed that the mess had been left. I wouldn’t have been able to use the toilet without getting sick on my socks. I waited for my partner to go upstairs and followed him up. He saw the mess and was also quite shocked at the state. This gave me the courage to say something so I asked if she could try and sort it out a bit so we could use the bathroom and brush our teeth before bed. she said she needed the mop to sort it. i was quite hesitant to give them our mop as it was brand new and I would have to chuck it out after it was used to clean sick (I am a bit weird about germs and stuff) I asked if they could try with kitchen roll and toilet roll and surface cleaning spray. They refused and essentially said they were only going to clean with the mop. I gave up and just sacrificed the mop. The bathroom was still a mess, there was still visable sick streaks on the wall, floor and toilet. There was also a plastic bag full of sicky tissues lay open on it’s side. We went to bed. i had a message in the morning asking if she could borrow one of my tops as she’d gotten sick on hers. she had already gone when I woke up however. The bathroom hadn’t been touched at all. So my partner and I had to clean it up. the shirt covered in sick was also stuffed in the corner of my bathroom behind the bag. I was quite annoyed and so sent her an image of the mess, and said I can’t help but feel annoyed by this, and that they’ve left it to me to clean up. I asked her to respect my space more in the future. I got quite an angry response, blaming me for not providing adequate cleaning supplies. They also said that they are stressed with work and have a lot going on at the moment that I know about. they finished up by saying they make a lot of adjustments for my neurotic behaviour, and that I should do the same for them. I asked what they meant by that and she said that I always cancel plans, have anxiety and am a germaphobe. I am quite upset by this. Would be interested to hear some opinions.

TL;DR: friend made and left a sicky mess in my house. Reacted badly to being confronted about it

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* This article was originally published here