She broke off all contact suddenly and i dont know how to process it.

For anyone who cares to read. I just would like to get this off my chest, hence the subreddit.

I (19M) am a social person. I am overanalytical when it comes to people, and i pay attention to everything down to their minute detail. I believe i am good at conversation and generally having relationships. Except i can never pursue a crush.

I have battled with thoughts of cognitive dissonance about my behaviour pertaining to having romantic feelings towards people. I have a system of protection in which i have essentially convinced myself that i do not want a relationship, so whenever i meet someone i may have an interest in i think about them long enough that i get tired of them, or find something that i do not like about them by meticulously looking for it, or blame it on my hard degree or academic ambition, or just say that they are not worth the trouble... The dissonance part comes into play where i say that this approach is hurting me emotionally in a way i never felt before. For so long i told myself that i would meet such a person that would throw my complete belief system out the window, someone that would make me question my entire thought process and start from ground up.

I am a really hard person to like, nevertheless love, and i have zero expectations from life or other people that i will meet someone as such. This does not mean that i stopped looking, but i make no efforts in pursuing such a person as i do not believe they exist, or that they are practically impossible for me to find. Cut to the beginning of this summer.

After such a hard year, possibly the hardest year of my life, i had entered summer. And i met this girl, lives in a different city same country, through instagram. For so long i have been thinking of qualities that a theoretical aforementioned person would have: how they would talk, how they would react to things, what kind of beliefs they would have.. And this person checked all the boxes. I meticulously searched, and my system worked for a time yet it failed, for the first time. I was not scared, i did not have any excuses. I thought i had found my person, the person i had begun searching ever since i had become aware of myself.

This girl made it very clear to me that they did not have any interest in relationships. She mentioned that she does not care for people, except for one or two exceptions. She and i constantly talked about instances where people do not upheld an agreement at the start of a relationship and argue about which side is wrong or right, with real life examples from people we knew.

But, we talked. We talked for over 4, up to 7 hours a day straight, for over 5 months. The amount of days that this did not happen cannot exceed 4. For at minimum 150 days, everyday, we spent our nights together talking. She is not an avid sleeper and mostly stays up until 4-5 AM, and so do i, so we talked until one of us had fallen asleep every night.

Night talks then included days, and it was not long before i was spending 1/4 of my day talking to her. 100 days i spent like that.

Chatting online then did not get enough, and we hopped on Discord. We watched movies, did online tests, watched series, talked on there too... we sent and received pictures, vented. I did not share with another person this much before, maybe except for my dad. And i always loved and cared for her input and she told me the same. I felt like i could tell her everything, like there was nothing i would wantingly keep from her as i do not have a reason to.

She told me that i made her felt safe. That it did not matter who or what she was, or what she did, i was here to accept her. She said this to me, verbatim.

Around two months ago from today we also started flirting. There was a flirtatious energy going back and forth.

At this point i felt as if she had started caring about me. You talk to a person for hours on end every day, talk to them on calls, flirt, vent, share things with.. You have to care for this person, right?

As she said she had no interest in pursuing anything, i kept my feelings to myself. Out of fear of losing her. My flirting was very open though, and it was apparent that she knew i liked her. I cannot say the same for her, though. As much as she flirts she may be doing it for fun, no?

So i kept my feelings to myself. I did not openly confess. I could not contain myself from implying that i liked her, so i did, but i received no reciprocation. I received no signs or "dropping-of-hat" in front of me that said otherwise, that said she reciprocated my feelings.

I am not even joking about this part, last time i saw a nightmare where she was not in my DM's anymore. I wake up covered in sweat at around 05:50 AM, open my phone, and she does not have a profile picture. I look at her profile to see that she just deleted her profile picture and she did not block me, i was still following her. Yet she did not reply to a message i sent 20 hours ago, but had seen my story. I spent an hour doing stuff and went back to sleep.

When i woke up around 6-7 hours later, she had unfollowed me. Did not block me, just unfollow me. I had experiences with an unfollowing bug before so i messaged her that there could be a bug that happened and i told her that i sent her a follow req (Denial, the first stage of grief i suppose, but i thought it was a good excuse for sending a request). Two hours later i see that she rejected my follow request.

I know that i did not have to do anything wrong, that sometimes there is no closure, sometimes a person just does things. But i feel that this is too soon. I cant shake this feeling that says this is wrong. Our last talk was sending memes to each other, and talking about how it had been 5 months since we met. I feel as if i am owed an explanation, the tiniest bit of closure to fuel me to move on.

I am so emotionally numbed that i dont know how to feel about her suddenly breaking off contact with me. I lost the ability to cry a long time ago, so i have no way of pushing out my feelings. It is giving me a throbbing headache just thinking about it, but thats all i can do: think about it. And i dont know how i am supposed to feel about all this. I don't have any experience to fall back on.

I just need someone who can emphasize. Anyone who can share their two cents. I feel like i just need to hear an outside opinion to light the mist surrounding this.

I dont expect people to read this all but it felt good to write it out. If anyone did actually get this far i would really value their input, thank you.

​

TL;DR : I felt something i didnt feel for a long time pertaining to a girl, and she suddenly broke off all contact. I dont know how to feel about it.

submitted by /u/Fit_Message_4764
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

I (19F) run into my birth mother and she now wants us meet up. What should I do?

It happened this morning at the petrol station. I went to pay for fuel and she was there. She called my name, hugged me and started talking as if nothing wrong ever happened between us. She ghosted me over three and a half years ago and now just acted like everything is fine, she talked almost like she's my best friend and a perfect mother. In the end she suggested that we must meet as there is so much we (she not we) must talk about and how much she missed me. I never felt this before but I was scared of her, I panicked, all I was able to say was "yes mum" and agree with everything. I can't believe that I called her mum. It was all very weird, I felt angry at her and myself for being completely defenceless and scared.

Relationship with my parents was never great. When I was in my early teens I started realising that all what really mattered for them was dance and a will of my mother to fulfill her idiotic dream. I felt more like dehumanised item with a perfect body that they were showing off at diffrent dance competitions. I learned how does a healthy relationship, stable, loving and caring family looks like only when I started living at my boyfriens parents home. It took a therapy and hours of talk with my mum-in-law to realise how toxic, controling and manipulative my birth parents are, how wrong and wicked some of the things they did were and that my childhood was filled with emotional abuse, blackmail and what can be considered as physical abuse.

I was 15 when everything between me and my parents ended. I think it all started with them never approving my boyfriend, me starting to understand what was going on and becoming a bit rebelious. They kind of tolerated him as my friend only because his mum has been my ballet teacher and at the time it was very convenient for them. TBH I don't think they really knew what was going on between us and what we were doing. Eventually I got pregnant. I knew that my parents would never accept it so we decided not to tell them just yet. We didn't really knew what else to do. Somehow- I think they checked my phone- they found out about it and they went mad. They were absolutely furious. Long story short, the massive argument broke out, I refused to do what they wanted and they kicked me out. They abandoned me and completely cut me off when I needed them the most.

Since then I moved on. I am with the most amazing, loving and caring guy in the whole universe. He is me best friend and my husband. Together we have a beautiful 3 year old and we are expecting a little baby girl in just a few weeks and I just couldn't be any happier.

What happened today was like a huge emotional trigger and I just don't handle stressful and difficult situations well and another thing is now is the worst possible time for all this to happen.

I keep thinking about what should I do, what is the best way out of this. Should I meet up with her or just ignore her? My husband offered that he'll talk to her but I am not sure about it.

Tldr Parents cut me off when I was 15 and we haven't spoken since. I run into my birth mother and she was acting like nothing ever happened and wants us to meet.

PS I might be slow to reply at times, but I will do my best to reply to all messages. Thank you.

submitted by /u/Discombobulated_Bus9
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My [21F] boyfriend [20M] still has feelings for his ex

Hi! So my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months, 4 of which have been long distance. I recently saw him for a little more than a week which is when we said I love you to each other and made our relationship official.

We've have conversations in the past where he's told me he isn't completely over his ex-girlfriend. But after I saw him and we became official and everything, idk, I thought he would be over her by now. They only dated for three months and broke up January this year. Anyway, this past weekend he got drunk with some coworkers and when he came home we were texting as usual and everything was fine. Then the next day, I was on tiktok and I know it's really unhealthy but sometimes I check his ex's tiktok because she still follows him. But when I checked it, I saw that they were friends now (both following each other). All this time before, he didn't follow her, so I knew it was a recent thing. I was just surprised and felt a bit uneasy, because of things he's said before.

Today, I brought it up with him and he said he doesn't even remember it but when he was drunk he followed her and sent her "the unfunniest tiktok ever" and that he didn't know why he did it. Apparently she just said "what" and he said "idk" and that was it. I was trying my best to be have a clear head about it, but I couldn't stop thinking that drunk actions are things you want to do when you're sober but are too scared. I asked him if it was that or just something dumb he did in the moment. He said it was a bit a both. Then he said, "it was just a stupid tiktok" and I replied, "it's not about the tiktok". He asked "what's it about then?" and I said "that maybe you were hoping for a different reply". He said "it isn't that deep. I just feel lonely sometimes I guess. maybe that's why."

Then he puts himself down a lot saying things like "I suck. I hate the way I am." and saying "I just wish you were here. Everything is easier when you're here."

I don't know what to make of this. I feel upset. I want to forgive him and move on but I don't know if I even should. I know long distance is hard but I'm trying my best. I just don't know if I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should be.

TLDR: my boyfriend still has some feelings for his ex and I don't know if I'm just making a big deal out of it.

submitted by /u/ThrowRAkugon
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My (27F) husband (37M)would rather do anything but have sex with me

TLDR : husband withdrew from intimacy following birth of our son. When I told him I was unhappy he hardly tried to make things better. He thinks it’s working. It’s not.

We got married after three years of dating and the sex was great before marriage. I got pregnant almost immediately following our wedding. Our baby turned 1 years old this November. Ever since I got pregnant he withdrew intimacy almost completely. He does everything as a father. He makes sure I am not overburdened by being a SAHM. However, he won’t initiate sex. I have tried on many occasions to let him know I want to do it. He either plays dumb or denies sex.

He says it’s because his libido is lower than mine. How low does it have to be to not want to sit with your wife and talk about your day? He would rather watch YouTube videos or scroll Reddit than sit with me or cuddle with me even.

He thinks there is nothing wrong with our marriage. I have told him that I would like to have more sex and he thinks that he is trying. He also thinks that it’s working but I have just stopped getting mad at him for the lack of sex. I’ve just given up.

I do still love him but I feel abandoned in the marriage. I don’t know how to fix this because I have tried everything. Sexy lingerie, cooking for him, telling him directly. Nothing works and I have no hopes of it getting better.

submitted by /u/unhappymomma1
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

Partner of a year says he doesn’t love me yet

I (35F) met my partner (33M) in January last year. In May 2022, I left to travel for about ten months, returning in February 2023. At the time, we’d said we’d see where we landed when I returned. To my surprise we kept in daily contact while I was away.

Since I’ve been back he’s been busy and stressed with work, and with transitioning to a new role. I’ve tried to be a supportive partner - I’ve been available to help with his resume, set up contacts to help him and have made meals for him.

A recurring issue is time management. I’m trying to be understanding of his work schedule particularly during September and October. I saw him once very briefly for about 50 mins in September and then I left for a two week period to see friends. We had agreed to meet during the last weekend of September but about six days before, he cancelled on me citing work. I was annoyed but accepted this - I was mainly annoyed that I found out about the cancellation via an off the cuff comment.

I’m mostly upset because despite cancelling on me (this is not the first time he’s either cancelled on or rescheduled me at short notice) he told me he’d caught up with other friends - one friend three times (and various others on other occasions). He claims this is because she needs support. I wasn’t particularly well with my mental health in August either so I asked to spend a Friday night with him. He agreed, but then proceeded to reshuffle me to the Saturday and when I arrived at his place, he said he should have cancelled on me because he had chores to do. I guess I feel upset that he says he’s very busy but continues to see friends.

I’ve brought this up with him and he’s promised to prioritise me and show me he can work on our relationship. He’s now promised he will organise something for my upcoming birthday despite being rather reluctant before (I cooked a fairly elaborate dinner for his birthday.)

During the past weekend he told me he doesn’t love me and isn’t ready to say that to me, and that he’ll say it when he’s ready. He says the hesitation is borne out of a past relationship of his in which love was dangled like a carrot. He says he wants to be sure when he says it. He says he cares for me and he likes me.

I asked if he could see himself loving me in the future and he said yes.

I asked if this is the reason why I’ve only met two of his friends. He says no, the reason for that is how tied up he is with work. He says his friends and his mum know I exist.

Friends have been telling me for a while that it seems like he’s angling for an out but can’t for whatever reason bring himself to do it.

How should I proceed? I do feel like I’ve turned into an insecure psycho and I feel guilty and stupid for wanting a partner who wants to be with me.

Should I be taking the hint? Am I being painfully naive and lacking in self respect?

TLDR - partner of nearly a year always cancels or is late, prioritises others above me and told me he doesn’t love me (yet).

submitted by /u/ThrowRAOneGarbage
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

What should I do?

I 26f have a guy friend 27m who liked me in the past, I'm not interested in him. I only see him as a friend. He always asked to hang out with me, and I would mention I'm busy We did finally get to hangout about 2 weeks ago. He mentioned to me today, he has a ticket to Disney Land, and wants me to go. So we can hangout. I don't want to lead him on, what should I say?

tl;dr I have a guy friend who liked me in the past, I'm not interested in him. I only see him as a friend. He always asked to hang out with me, and I would mention I'm busy We did finally get to hangout about 2 weeks ago. He mentioned to me today, he has a ticket to Disney Land, and wants me to go. So we can hangout. I don't want to lead him on, what should I say?

submitted by /u/findtinderlove
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here

My bf (26M) almsot broke up with me (23F) while drunk

Hey everyone, so last night my bf (26M) and me (23F) went out since we haven’t seen each other in so long. Everything is going fine between and it’s pretty much stable, nothing to complain about.

After he dropped me off, he went to drink alone (I have a curfew and I don’t drink). He told me he’s afraid we won’t be able to live together and that I should leave him because I deserve better.

I didn’t take him seriously at the beginning because I know that everything between us is okay, and just earlier the same day we were checking some furniture together, and he explicitly said that he can’t wait to live with me.

He said he feels he’s not good enough for me and will leave me so that I can find someone better and that I shouldn’t wait. I never complained about any of this.

After he said so, I knew he was intoxicated yet I couldn’t help but legit panic and cry. He disappeared and shut his phone off and didn’t pick up my calls.

Eventually he said that he loves me and won’t leave me, and he slept ever since.

Should I take what he said seriously? Or was that like just some random drunk thoughts that will be brushed off? Everything he said while drunk contradicts everything he says and does for me.

Tldr; my bf almost broke up with me while he was drunk because he thinks I deserve better while i never complained about it, then he said he won’t leave me. Is what he said just be brushed off?

submitted by /u/MitsukaiSan
[link] [comments]

* This article was originally published here