TL;DR Wife caught sending nudes, I don't think I want a divorce. I'm asking for advise on how to proceed.
Throwaway of course.
Don't think I can speak to anyone I know about this (yet). So here goes internet;
Married 5 years, together 11, no kids. I thought we had no martial problems..
Yesterday I (36M) went on to my wifes (32F) phone and was looking through her photos. I found one took the day before of her nude.. I was super surprised as I hadn't seen it before so checked her messages. She had sent it to a customer from her work (she works in a gym), the pic preceded a text from him asking her to "cheer me up". There were more messages too but I didn't read them, except for seeing they all ended with lots of 'xxxx' kisses. I confronted her straight away, throwing her phone on the bed. She picked it up, deleted the conversation and was super apologetic telling me she loves me, etc and that she made a dumb mistake.
She said she has been texting him for around 1 month, and just got caught up with the attention. Apparently he has a girlfriend, has never sent my wife a nude, and this was the first one she had sent him. She told me that she hadn't met up with him outside of work, never physically cheated.
She's currently at work and is due back in a bit, where I plan to ask her to give me her phone, because I googled recovering iPhone messages and it says it can be done within 30 days. If she refuses this I think I will seriously consider divorce. Part of me doesn't want to read the messages between the two of them but I feel like I need to see exactly what was said before deciding what to do. I don't think I believe her that it was the first nude she sent.
Afaik she hasn't done anything like this before, except for around 1.5 years ago when I got jealous because she was sending messages on instagram to a gym training partner in the early hours in the morning whilst drinking with her sister. The conversation was deleted by the time I saw it but the pic I did see and was innocent. I just didn't like the fact that she was conversing/messaging a guy in the early hours of the morning, but we moved on from this.
I know its easy to say just get a divorce etc but life is complicated. I don't want to just end my marriage and myself behaved a bit shitty when I had a crush on her sister, around 2.5 years ago. I got quite close to her sending messages/snaps but never did or said anything inappropriate, and neither did her sister. My wife eventually got sick of how much we were messaging and blew up at me. I now keep a distance between myself and her sister.
I would like to move on from this but not sure how. I think I want a clear understanding of an open phone policy. I want to know who he is, because I currently have no idea. He has no social media (..shock). I train at my wife's gym and if I saw him my blood would boil but I think if he was talking to me and I didn't know it was him that would be worse. Not sure what else I can suggest. Maybe relationship counselling? I have actually mentioned this in the past and she didn't want to do it. Is there any coming back from this? Does anyone have advise who has been in similar situation, and if/what they did and changed to make it work?
Feeling sad. :(
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