My girlfriend of 4 months is very insecure and was slightly sheltered in the past. Before her and I met, she had a passionate and very toxic fling with an emotionally abusive narcissist. Well he’s popped back up (more than likely out of boredom or not being able to make a victim out of someone else) harassing her, threatening to show up places and get her fired from her job ect.
Last night she kind of blew up on me over a very small issue and i could tell it was coming from somewhere else. So after some work and talking, i pulled it out of her that she still has feelings for this guy because “the sex was really good” and ect ect. She goes to the same gym and when she saw him recently (after all of this harassment) he told her to give him $500 or go home and “make love to him”. She said she stormed off telling him she’s in a relationship and isn’t interested ect. But white talking last night, she said after leaving, it brought her back to thinking about the sex they had and got her excited. And that she doesn’t trust her thoughts or actions and decided to block his number ect.
It took awhile to open her up and feel safe to tell me these things, so I didn’t react when she was talking about them, just listening. But her and I haven’t had sex (mutual decision to wait), so obviously these things are heart wrenching to hear. Her and i have a really good relationship (communication, chemistry, similarity in values, same interests). I treat her like a queen, better than she’s ever been treated in the healthiest relationship she’s ever had, she says. But she seems to be drawn away by this extremely toxic narcissist that has called her names, made her develop tons of insecurities, and even inspired her to get tattoos that cover parts of her body that he criticized. The obvious answer is “just drop her and move on”, but I really want this to work out with her. Any suggestions?
TL;DR: gf’s narcissist ex fling popped back up harassing her and tried blackmailing her into having sex with him. And although ex is taking action to remove his presence from her life, she’s still attracted and drawn to him, and I don’t know what to do
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