Hi Gentlemen & Ladies,
I(28M) got married to my wife(33F) last year who is 5 years elder to me.I I am gradually loosing my self esteem and suffering from low confidence & inadequecy. I am somewhat introvert and secretly resent her for her actions. I am confused about her action if it is normal or abnormal. She says it is normal in every relationship.
Following actions (Is these normal in marraige?):-
- She complain about me to one of her close friend and speak loudly so that I can hear as well. E.g How I don't give her enough money to shop etc. When I ask her she says her friend also complain about her husband and is normal among girls to do.
- She complains to her mother and brothers during conference about me unnecessarily like how I don't give her this & that.
- She starts telling my insecurities during the fight which I have shared with her earlier. She only initiate fight and always have reason to fight and blames me that due to my some action/inactions she did that.
- She is not earning and I have been paying for house maid and washerwomen since last 2 years but when I ask if she will pay if I stop earning (hypothetical ), she says she will take care of her and her child(Don't have one yet) and not me.
- We stay in other town and when I ask her to visit to my parents my home only one time in a year, she strart highlighting how my parents are poor and not cultured and she can't tolerate them. Mind it she stayed for only 2 days at my ancestral home after marraige and then we left.
- She highlights that I am useless and not worthy, how I lack this & that during the fight even though I am paying for everything her clother, study, food, travel etc but in normal days she act normal.
- She used to compare me to her brother , how they treat their wife with gifts and jwellery while I don't? How her brother is so smart & capable.(Her brother is of my age).
- She complain about my mother & sister even though they have never said anything bad about her behind her back. She has not met my sister after marraige and does not talk to my sister but she keep telling me how they(mom&sis) must be plotting against her.
- I don't have any say over her and when I try to stop her from doing something which is making me uncomfortable, she starts spewing hate against me & my family.
- She become cold whenever someone visit from her extended family and priortise them. She try to avoid me. (e.g during dinner food serve she asked everyone(3-4 guest member) but not me about my requirment)
- I tries to tell about my discomfort but she laughs on it and says I am taking things seriously and suggest me to grow up.
- After the first night of marraige, she shared to me that she want to control me. (It's our love marraige)
- She discard my opinion and claims how she knows the better way.
- She even complain about me to my mother and when I ask why you are doing? She says to act cute before my mother. (I have already told my mother how she lies)
So couple who fights, please tell me is this normal in fight. How do you people fight, like conversation and contents in fight?
P.S - Asked by my married friend.
tl;dr - I(28M) male, my wife(34F) female , has been married since one year and was in live-in relationship since 1 year. She becomes personal during fight and mocks me, also highlights my flaws and insecurities. She disprepsect me and my family during fight. Is this normal among couples fight? When I tell to avoid saying these, she tell me its normal amoung couple and I am being emotional. Please suggest is this normal? How you people fight and do you all hurt and disrespect your spouse?. Thanks!!
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