Tl;dr I’m calling someone several times a week with no response and wondering if this is excessive. Friends with benefits relationship. Reasons for concern.
For the long story: I met this man at work when I started March of 2023. He had worked there as a janitor for 7 years. I started in overnight stocking. July we started snap chatting but after a few weeks he deleted his account. I no longer use mine either.
Beginning of August he didn’t show up to work. After a few weeks of overhearing another janitor worried about him, the janitor gave me his phone number. I texted and called once or twice but no response. I knew from our past conversations where he lived so I walked by sometimes late at night. One night he saw me, had me come back to his apartment. We made out. Talked. Went for a car ride. Came back to my place. Made out. He said he doesn’t really have any friends. He hasn’t made love in 11 years and was something he rushed into or something like that, sounded like a regret somewhat. He fiddled with his ring finger and I got the impression he doesn’t believe in sex outside of marriage. I don’t remember when we had the conversation about hallucinations but he has seen angels and demons and believed he was an angel. This gives me reason to think he’s schizophrenic. He has an old flip phone that doesn’t receive texts and he’s very shy and introverted like me - why we really connected. But he does have an Apple phone for pictures. I sometimes question whether he was honest, but I do know I have my imessaging on and other Apple phones have that. It never says sent or delivered when I text, it just blips into nothingness.
So another month went by, I think. Or maybe it was only a week at first. And he called me up and asked to come over and hang out. This was September. I was hoping we’d be in a relationship at some point. I don’t remember if we hung out in October. Then the holidays went by and he didn’t call me until January. I had written a couple letters by then but he never wrote back. January came and he talked quite a bit about his family and his trauma.
I forgot to mention why he quit - he had attendance issues and was sick that day and assumed he’d be fired anyway. So all this time he has been unemployed. Going into debt. I’ve wanted to help him and he doesn’t really want help. I sent a couple small gift cards in April. I bought him groceries in September.
February he came over because his apartment sewer backed up and made it seem like he wanted to move in with me. We made out for like the fifth time.
March came and he apologized for making out with me, said he wasn’t trying to make me his girlfriend so he felt bad about it. I took that pretty hard. And now I haven’t heard from him. Still in March he was unemployed, seeing a demon in his bedroom, traumatized by his family. It’s so hard to wrap my head around the situation. He doesn’t know love and acceptance and I feel like maybe I’m smothering him with it. Maybe not, I’m just self conscious because it’s hard to believe he might have the feelings for me that I do for him. Obviously he told me he didn’t want to be with me. “Not trying to make me his girlfriend.” The past ten months roughly I’ve been in love with him. Or at least I care very deeply. I think about him all the time. I’ve probably sent about 5 letters. I’m doing what I can to be there for him but I’m aware he isn’t there for me. He’s just isolated. Self isolating. He might come around again, he might not.
I call every few days, sometimes twice. I sometimes leave a voicemail. I don’t want to be excessive. I notice he turns the phone on and off so he’s still there. I’m always telling myself to move on but I can’t stop caring.
Will things change for the better, possibly? Maybe he finally gets a job. Maybe that resolves some confidence issues. Or maybe he’ll qualify for disability. Maybe he learns to trust me and gets therapy for his family trauma. All I know is I can’t just drop someone who seems to need help.
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* This article was originally published here
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